HeartinPain Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 We usually hang out in a group. One guy A shows obvious signs of interest in me and asks me to go hike with him often which I have deflected. I'm interested in guy B. Guy A and B are casual friends and don't really know each other. In the two rare occasions guy B and I are alone and chatting, he has mentioned in sort of a joking manner "so what is up with guy A? Have you gone hiking with him? He is a nice guy!" My response has been " Yes he is a nice guy, but he is not for me." What does it mean when a guy asks about another guy? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 B is trying to find out if you are dating A. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartinPain Posted May 28, 2014 Author Share Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) B is trying to find out if you are dating A. He knows I am not dating guy A and its very clear I have no interest in Guy A. I think he knows mentioning A annoys me and makes me uncomfortable. I've been trying to gauge B's interest in me, but having trouble reading him. I don't know if he is trying to deflect my interest in B by mentioning A. Edited May 28, 2014 by HeartinPain Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 He's not trying to deflect your interest. If he wanted to deflect your interest in him, he simply would not talk to you at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Dunno about that... B sounds like he's not interested. If he was, he'd just ask her out. I feel like most the time when someone's hard to read, it's because they're not interested and you're trying to dig up any little sign of interest for you to construe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anna21 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 In my opinion guy B is childish. Such a question is really weird ;/ Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 B might be interested in A. We really don't have enough info 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 B and A probably had a romantic history, but A found god, and now B is being a good friend and trying to hook A up with a girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 i think B is trying to get you on convo about relationships. He may be expressing a bit of interest in you, albeit in an immature way perhaps or could be shy, OR likes the ego boost because he can already tell you're interested in him. Some guys like knowing that someone is interested in them as a card in their back pocket. Don't necessarily plan to play it right away. Contrary to a lot of the opinions of LS (ie if he does not directly ask you out immediately he is not interested and never will be!), I don't think that everything is super black and white. Lots of things are timing. I tend to think things are more of YES he's interested (ie he tries to make plans with you) or NOT NOW (interested but not making a move for whatever reason). As donnivan said, if he wasn't interested at all he wouldn't be talking to you. You have to decide how to handle. Guy B may also be wary of stepping on the other guys toes--even though they are not really friends. While I do think "grey zones" come up more often than we are led to believe (after all if guys were so black and white, how do we explain the mixed messages questions they post here?), I do think girls should not just hang on indefinitely. Shake it up. There are things you can do to get enough of an answer for now. And if a guy is in grey zone, do yourself a favor and keep talking to other guys. You don't have to let him know per se. There is a subtle shift that IS discernable when a guy doesn't have you in the palm of his hand. Use it to get a guy out of grey zone or line up a good guy who isn't confused Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Potz4prez Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 When I said "not interested," I meant in pursuing her romantically. Doesn't matter why, he's a waste of her time right now. "Grey zone" people are just an emotional drain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Simply sounds like he was curious. I don't think there's a hidden meaning behind it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeartinPain Posted May 28, 2014 Author Share Posted May 28, 2014 i think B is trying to get you on convo about relationships. He may be expressing a bit of interest in you, albeit in an immature way perhaps or could be shy, OR likes the ego boost because he can already tell you're interested in him. Some guys like knowing that someone is interested in them as a card in their back pocket. Don't necessarily plan to play it right away. Contrary to a lot of the opinions of LS (ie if he does not directly ask you out immediately he is not interested and never will be!), I don't think that everything is super black and white. Lots of things are timing. I tend to think things are more of YES he's interested (ie he tries to make plans with you) or NOT NOW (interested but not making a move for whatever reason). As donnivan said, if he wasn't interested at all he wouldn't be talking to you. Thanks for this! What you said about timing is what I think it may be. We are recent friends (met in March) that met through mutual friends. He just got out of a relationship 4 months ago, but still hangs out with his ex (supposedly as friends). He has discussed his exes saying he is friends with all his exes and the recent one was just not 'the one.' I did ask if he was ready to date and he said he was. I did tell him that being friends with his most recent ex would probably be an issue. Personally, I do not think there is anything wrong with being friends with your exes when the break up was amicable. However, I think there needs to be some time to sort out your feelings. I have never done a friendship to relationship transition before so all this is very new and confusing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 He knows I am not dating guy A and its very clear I have no interest in Guy A. I think he knows mentioning A annoys me and makes me uncomfortable. I've been trying to gauge B's interest in me, but having trouble reading him. I don't know if he is trying to deflect my interest in B by mentioning A. Way too much analysis and credit given to B here and below. Guy B wants to know what's up with you and A. For what reason no one knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 When I said "not interested," I meant in pursuing her romantically. Doesn't matter why, he's a waste of her time right now. "Grey zone" people are just an emotional drain. Yeah i agree with you, I believe. Sorry if i sounded like I was dissing anyone on this thread. Others on LS are very "princess on a pedestal" about stuff and not realistic about timing and such in the answers consistently. Very much like if he's interested AT ALL, he's going to drop everything and pursue you like gangbusters. I know a huge amount of stories where things started less than smoothly. I guess what I'm trying to say to OP is rom-com, guy in pursuit of girl immediately from first moment she shows interest or never is not always how it comes about. That said, she shouldn't put her hopes on this guy without pursuing other options as well because he "not sure", "not moving on it", possibly "not interested romantically". I think we are both come to same conclusion that whether "not interested" or "not ready", for her sake she should pursue other options as well. Backburner this guy, still flirt and see if he gets ready ALL WHILE pursuing other options--that's my advice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Thanks for this! What you said about timing is what I think it may be. We are recent friends (met in March) that met through mutual friends. He just got out of a relationship 4 months ago, but still hangs out with his ex (supposedly as friends). He has discussed his exes saying he is friends with all his exes and the recent one was just not 'the one.' I did ask if he was ready to date and he said he was. I did tell him that being friends with his most recent ex would probably be an issue. Personally, I do not think there is anything wrong with being friends with your exes when the break up was amicable. However, I think there needs to be some time to sort out your feelings. I have never done a friendship to relationship transition before so all this is very new and confusing to me. Funny, your scenario you just described is exactly the sort of thing I was thinking of. Know plenty of situations like this and have been here myself with a successful outcome. Hmmm, ok well I don't know your particular situation BUT you should use caution. While I know many successful relationships that started out as some version of this, you have to use caution. Because he could just be wanting an ego boost, he really still has feelings for the ex (that is a real possibility because why does he want to still be friends, code word for I'm not over her most often). If his answer that he is ready to date was truthful and he is not shy, than i would only allow a short window of time for him to get it together for you. My guess is he may have just said that so as not to lose face or lose your potential interest in him but that he is going to be slow and cautious, maybe overly so. And real possibility that he could be slow about it all because he wants to play the field after a relationship has ended. Which is "ready to date" but not commit and that may not interest you. I agree that time to sort out feelings is really important. Otherwise the next girlfriend, ie you will get the short end of the stick. I also agree that friend to relationship transitions, especially after a breakup where you sense the other person truly isn't ready but does like you, are ABOUT as tricky as it comes. I don't know if you guys were just talking generally when you said that him being friends with the ex would be an issue for his next gf or specifically with regards to you and him. While I agree that it would be !!!!, be careful. If you two are not truly dating yet, I wouldn't put restrictions and stuff too out there. This is probably the sh*t he wanted to escape from his last relationship. Wait til he comes to you to propose that you two date or are exclusive, then you put those conditions on him--as your hesitation from giving him what he wants. See? More of a challenge to accomplish in order to get what he wants, rather than a threat. (not saying you did like that though bc I don't know). Be fun and pull back a bit. He shouldn't know that you are a sure thing for him because then he won't appreciate you and time spent with you. I think there's a good chance it's positive. But give him time and space to realize that you are special. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts