Ex MM has contacted me out of the blue wanting to see me - I am not sure

[Dog Woman]

It's been over a month since I posted when I felt I had finally got over ex MM. Today I received a letter asking me if we can meet. Apart from very very limited contact (or on some occasions no contact at all) at some shows, there has been no other contact between us.

 

I was surprised to receive his letter, especially as he and I were both at a show on Sunday but neither of us approached the other. In his letter he apologised if he treated me badly in the past, said that he misses me badly, that his marriage is over and he wants me in his life. He said he really wanted to approach me on Sunday, even ask me to spend some time with him and his dogs on the day but didn't have the courage to (afraid I would just dismiss him).

 

He has indicated that he would like to meet up with me, somewhere public, for a coffee or a drink and a chat. He hasn't gone into any detail other than that and hasn't talked about his marriage in the letter, just that he would like to see me if I would like to do the same.

 

I am not annoyed at him contacting me, nor does it bother me, I could just not reply, but something is telling me to at least go and hear what he has to say even if I walk away in the end, whilst part of me is a little suspicious.

[C00kie]

A lot of men say their marriage is over, yet stay married. If something had changed, I'm guessing he would have told you "I am getting a divorce" or something along those lines. Most likely he misses you, he misses what you shared, but nothing has changed.

 

I understand your feeling of curiosity but I'm afraid meeting up with him would set you back. His words could keep you hanging on, or feeling some kind of hope, even if you don't want to - sometimes it's just stronger than us, it gets to us and it stays in the back of our minds...so I think it's best to leave it at that and not meet him. If something had changed...he would've told you. He would tell you.

[Owl]

If something were DIFFERENT...he would have spelled out the differences clearly.

 

He SAYS his marriage is over.

 

But he didn't say that he was divorcing. Didn't say that he'd seperated. Didn't say that he had DONE anything.

 

He just said that his marriage was over.

 

See the difference?

 

Why waste your time? This is a phishing expedition at it's most textbook.

[whichwayisup]

It's been over a month since I posted when I felt I had finally got over ex MM.

 

This is key.

 

You've worked very hard to get to a place that you're feeling better and happier. Now he contacts you... I doubt he's left his wife, I doubt his moved out or is divorced. To say "my marriage is over" means nothing. if his marriage was over he'd put in the email that he's on his own or divorced.

 

Sorry but this is him fishing to see if you'll react and cave.

 

PLEASE DO NOT GO SEE HIM. Right now you feel strong, feel confident but you may not be ready to face him, have a conversation that is emotional..What if he makes a move on you? Tells you all the stuff you want to hear? Yet he's still married, living at home but tells you his marriage really is over this time.

 

IF he truly loves you, he won't give up. He'll divorce, work on himself and then contact you again and again when he's single and available. Seem to me he just is missing you and having withdrawal but can't give you anything more than what he offered you before. An affair.

[Scorpio Chick]

I am not annoyed at him contacting me, nor does it bother me, I could just not reply, but something is telling me to at least go and hear what he has to say even if I walk away in the end, whilst part of me is a little suspicious.

 

That would be your heart that's telling you. What does your mind say? I know listening to my heart is what got me in my 'predicament', and NOT listening to my mind. Funny thing about our sweet little hearts, they're sweet, but damn if I shouldn't have listened to my mind. It may not be sweet like my heart, but it's a helluva lot smarter.

 

Saying it's "over" is NOT the same as "I'm divorced." If he were divorced, he definitely, without a doubt, would have used those exact words, "I'm divorced" and go on to say he wants you in his life. Accepting anything less than him being divorced will just mean repeating history.

[Artie Lang]

contemplating meeting with him... are you serious?

 

you know exactly what you should do.

 

 

i will never understand the allure to associate with someone who's been so toxic to your well-being.

[Mascara]

He wants to make sure you're still on the hook.

 

By engaging with him in any way, the message he'll get is "she could be"

[Dog Woman]

Thank you all for your responses. Even though ex MM apologised in his letter, I decided not to respond and not to meet up with him. However he turned up at my training classctonight with his young dogs. The venue is only a small church hall so we couldnt really avoid one another. He came to speak to me and asked if I had got his letter. I thankethanked him for it but dont want to meet up especially as he hasnt indicated that his marital status has changed. I told him Im only dating single men. He said that his matriage is over and hes going to separate from his wife. I told him I dont want to get invilved and that he needs to sort himself out. If and only when his divorce is final can he ask me out for a date.

[Waverly]

Dog Woman, I have always admired your calm strength. Well done for not giving in. If you're anything like me, it would have been very very easy to fall back into things. I hope he respects your decision.

[Dog Woman]

Dog Woman, I have always admired your calm strength. Well done for not giving in. If you're anything like me, it would have been very very easy to fall back into things. I hope he respects your decision.

 

I hope so too and if he serious about wanting a non affair relationship with me then he that is what he has to do. On the other hand if he just keeps trying his luck every now and again to see if I'm still interested, then I know never to get involved again with him. All that said I'm not waiting around to see what happens. Someone earlier has already said that if he is genuine he'll tell me he has divorced and not give up trying to contact me.