Divorce... starting... now.

[bananatree]

Hi everyone. It looks like I am getting divorced. I have a thread going on in the marriage forum

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/478204-i-think-we-might-divorce-because-our-dogs-omg

 

But it looks like I need to be over here now.

 

You can read the above link, it gives a snapshot into some of the problems in our marriage, but, obviously, there is more (good and bad).

 

We should have gotten divorced a long time ago... but issues with the kids, with finances, etc., etc. have made it hard for me to take the plunge.

 

We will be starting mediation next week. I think that maybe we can be amicable. He's prone to horrible rages, but he also can be level-headed when it really matters. My intention is that the kids will come first and that we can remain friends (on some level) and good co-parents. I really, really hope that he will be happier after the divorce and that he can get more value out of the good things in his life.

 

Anyway, I'm starting this thread because I really want to keep myself accountable. It seems so easy for us to just stay married and defend the status quo. But it's not really good for anyone. Our marriage is horribly toxic, but hopefully as ex-spouses, we can be better to each other and our kids.

[jbelle6]

Good for you! You will finally get to have a peaceful calm life that you deserve. It feels good I'll tell you!!!

[bananatree]

Thanks so much for your kind words, here and on the other thread.

 

The reason it did take me so long to leave was exactly what you wrote. I don't have an income, I was trying to take care of two small babies (and the dogs and the cat). I applied for many, many jobs and none of them took.

 

I worked in media before my kids were born, which was an industry that everyone knows has been plagued by the changing economy and recession. When my daughter was 1, I got hired for a company that went under shortly after I started working there. I landed another job after that, but only worked there for two months until my bosses discontinued my program. After I had my second, the idea of trying to work was harrowing even if I could find a job, which I couldn't.

 

I took a job as a personal assistant, which didn't fly with my husband.

 

Finally, I am enrolled in a prestigious grad program that I hope will work out for me. I still have half a year to go, but I think now is a good time to leave (my marriage, that is). According to child support calculators, even with 50/50 custody, I should be able to survive. I can take out more student loans if I need to and, if it became dire, my family would help me.

 

I'm planning on taking the kids to my mom's for the summer (for at least part of the time). I'm hoping that by the fall, most of the ***** storm will have passed (I really have no way to know).

 

There are so many unknowns at this point. We have a wonderful group of friends (other couples with kids) who are like family to us. We celebrate almost all holidays with them. Losing that community will be hard. I can't say I will completely lose that community, but I predict it.

 

It's okay, though. Deep breaths. I can do this. It will be okay. I'm trying to stay positive that whatever happens over the next few months (and years to come) will be amazing and I just need to be open to the change that is coming.