WarriorStrong Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Quick background on my story. Dating two years. Discovered text messages with OW in late December 2013. We took a 30-day break…lasted only 20-days. He confessed to making out with one woman in March 2013 and another woman in October 2013. Started EA with 3rd woman in November 2013. PA without sex began in December 2013. They slept together 4 times in late January 2014. Then he ended it with her and we've been working on reconciliation beginning in February 2014. No Contact was agreed upon and maintained until two weeks ago. She sent an email. He responded and didn't tell me until I asked him if NC was being maintained today. She also showed up to his place of employment. He did not know she did as he was not there either day. There has been no physical contact since late January. I'm just sick of the lies. I deserve better. We are not married. I'm 42. I think it's time to just make a clean break even though I would have loved to have worked things out. We were just about to begin Couples Counseling. Any thoughts or perspectives from those who have been through it and someone has broken the NC promise? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 Quick background on my story. Dating two years. Discovered text messages with OW in late December 2013. We took a 30-day break…lasted only 20-days. He confessed to making out with one woman in March 2013 and another woman in October 2013. Started EA with 3rd woman in November 2013. PA without sex began in December 2013. They slept together 4 times in late January 2014. Then he ended it with her and we've been working on reconciliation beginning in February 2014. No Contact was agreed upon and maintained until two weeks ago. She sent an email. He responded and didn't tell me until I asked him if NC was being maintained today. She also showed up to his place of employment. He did not know she did as he was not there either day. There has been no physical contact since late January. I'm just sick of the lies. I deserve better. We are not married. I'm 42. I think it's time to just make a clean break even though I would have loved to have worked things out. We were just about to begin Couples Counseling. Any thoughts or perspectives from those who have been through it and someone has broken the NC promise? Thank you! I am 47 so don't take this the wrong way.........You're too old for this garbage! You answered your own question in your post. He has cheated multiple times. My WXW did the same garbage over the course of about 9 - 12 months. Not really sure as there WERE so many lies I have had to accept I will never get the truth. I was married to her for 10 years, together 12 and we have a child together. You DO deserve better.....we all do . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WarriorStrong Posted May 28, 2014 Author Share Posted May 28, 2014 You're right. Everything you said is right. I hate that I feel weak about this, but I will say that today is the strongest I've ever felt towards making this decision. Thanks for your input. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted May 28, 2014 Share Posted May 28, 2014 I agree as well...I am 46 and I know I deserve a man who only wants me. Let him go... He had his chance! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I can tell you that one of my regrets is that I didn't call it quits the first time I caught my wife having broken NC. I think it's one thing to give a second chance but when they don't respect it, you do yourself a real disservice by staying. I also find it poignant that you mentioned being sick of the lying. That really was the ultimate dealbreaker for me. I had a hard enough time forgiving the affair but I found I couldn't reconcile with someone who was actively lying to my face. I also have to say that I don't really buy any of that "just made out" business. What are they, fifteen year olds? There are very few waywards that don't minimize and it doesn't sound like your man is an exception. This is besides the fact that you're not married and this guy has had multiple other women. Ugh. It's really hard not to tell you to run. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I think that's too much crap in too little time... why invest more into this relationship if that is how he treats it?? Time to cut bait! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChooseTruth Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 No kids, no marriage...not much at steak here. I wouldn't stick around for more of the same. You need someone who can be real with you, not what you are getting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I'm just sick of the lies. I deserve better. We are not married. I'm 42. exactamundo! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 'm just sick of the lies. I deserve better. We are not married. I'm 42. How long have you two been together? Just curious. You're not married and there are no kids involved. Why stay? You're not obligated to. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 How long have you two been together? Just curious. Original post says dating for two years. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WarriorStrong Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 Yes, I agree with you all. I just need to stick with my instincts on this. I'm exhausted by this ordeal and our agreement was broken. Not even in a place to cry anymore. Just accepting what is and need to push myself that one step further to move on. Feel free to push me a bit out the door. I could use the encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Yes, I agree with you all. I just need to stick with my instincts on this. I'm exhausted by this ordeal and our agreement was broken. Not even in a place to cry anymore. Just accepting what is and need to push myself that one step further to move on. Feel free to push me a bit out the door. I could use the encouragement. For what it's worth, it is remarkably common for a betrayed partner to try to reconcile. For married men, it's over 80% and for married women, it's over 90%. Funny how counter-intuitive it is because most everyone would say that cheating is a dealbreaker. But our actions don't typically line up with it. I guess everyone wants to have hope and no one likes just giving up on the years of investment. So, you're normal. That said, in these emotional situations, you really have to make decisions with your head rather than those emotions. If you don't, you're going to find that you're less of a victim in this scenario and more of a volunteer. I'm guessing that your ego is already at an all-time low. Don't make it worse. Start reclaiming it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Serial cheater, he'll go on like this but only if you let him. Get rid of this idiocy. Link to post Share on other sites
Trufita Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 He has cheated on you several times, there is nothing to work on, this can't be fixed. You deserve a lot better OP, don't settle for this guy who doesn't value nor respect your relationship. It's time to be strong. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Once you've lost someone's respect, there's nothing left to salvage. All these lies were completely disrespectful of you in every way imaginable. Sometimes the only way to hold on to your self-respect is to walk away and not let them take that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
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