Why should "the rules" have to change to negate your fears of rejection?

[carhill]

OP, one possible area to examine is the use of the adjective 'timid' to describe a behavior in another that you would apparently not consider 'timid' in your own personality/life.

 

If women were, magically, more assertive, I doubt that would have changed any parameters of the referenced event in SoCal, since they would not have been approaching the young man due to, apparently, him being 'creepy'.

 

Looking back, I did far better coping with rejection than lies and deceit. I think it was the latter which left a more lasting bitter taste in my mouth. However, time and aging has resolved those issues. People are who they are and do what they do. Sometimes that's rejection. Sometimes it's being deceptive. It's OK! Invest less in any particular incident or outcome and they just flow one after the other.

 

That young man couldn't get the flow going; he got bound up in the emotions of prioritizing others, their rejection of him and/or general disdain for him far beyond what is healthy and it ruled him, to tragic ends. Sad day.

[jbelle6]

I have weird taste in men, at least that's what I've been told. I don't really notice guys looks to be honest. I wasn't attracted to ex but we got to talking and he became the most handsome in the world to me. Good looking people can turn ugly quickly if that's what's on the inside.

 

I think that's part of the reason I don't online date, I couldn't go off just a pic.

[hotpotato]

I think it might be the US. I was recently in the Caribbean on a cruise and I couldn't believe how nicer people were. It's also the fact that gender relations right now at least in America are at a very low point so simply smiling at a woman can be considered an act of harassment.

I've never known nor heard of a man being reported for harassment for a smile.

It would improve male-female relations with the guys who have difficulty approaching women, since then, they can get..umm...relations. The other males will range from being flattered, neutral or turned off. It really depends on the guy's personality.

 

If guys just want relations they should get a hooker.

 

How would it improve male female relations? Honestly, if it's just about sex, a woman could have sex with a man who is attractive and isn't socially awkward.

 

I really hope no one thinks women approaching will make things more equitable.

 

Men approach woman, and guess what? Some women get more dates, more sex, more love than others.

 

This isn't kindergarten, and not everyone will get a cookie. Or someone will get a bigger cookie than the person next to them.

[Bruce Leigh]

Looking back, I did far better coping with rejection than lies and deceit. I think it was the latter which left a more lasting bitter taste in my mouth.

 

A Clear Rejection Is Always Better Than A Fake Promise

 

No idea who said it, how old it is or where it is from but i read it somewhere and i like it.

[Potz4prez]

I think it might be the US. I was recently in the Caribbean on a cruise and I couldn't believe how nicer people were. It's also the fact that gender relations right now at least in America are at a very low point so simply smiling at a woman can be considered an act of harassment.

 

The states are ****ed. I've been to socially colder countries though.

[Anela]

The states are ****ed. I've been to socially colder countries though.

 

Most people are nice to me. I smile, so do others - some talk to me.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I

 

I also get that if the rules changed it wouldnt help me because im not the type of guy women are physcially attracted to,if women did the approaching only the hottest men would be targeted since women have such a narrow strict view of whats physically atractive in a man

 

This just isn't true but I think it's about the third time it's been said in this thread. If women approaching became the new normal that wouldn't mean we lose all our common sense. A 5 is not about to be approaching a scorching hot 10 with a perfect body.

 

But no, you're right, we women have such a narrow view of what is attractive in males and we all simply demand our men be at minimum 6ft tall, buff and chiseled to the gods. Any man who doesn't meet all those qualifications exactly must live as a hermit or be put to death. This explains why both guys I'm seeing now are 5'6 and one of them wouldn't know a kettle bell from a tea kettle .

[joystickd]

Honestly women approaching wouldn't change anything. Really people just need to be honest. Men if you just want sex say it. Women if you are unsure or just not into a guy just say it and end the situation don't string him along. He could use that time on someone that wants him. Women not getting approached is just as bad as getting rejected but women are so focused on the relationship side of things. It's why one man gets killed for a bad relationship instead of an all out rampage. Men however are focused on getting off the bench and in the game. In a sense it can be more frustrating because you do all the work and get nothing. It's two different struggle but almost the same thing.

 

Rejections are never as bad as dealing with the maybe women.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I think it might be the US. I was recently in the Caribbean on a cruise and I couldn't believe how nicer people were. It's also the fact that gender relations right now at least in America are at a very low point so simply smiling at a woman can be considered an act of harassment.

 

 

To radical feminists maybe, but lets be real here, most normal women don't consider a smile an act of harassment. The people banging on about the terrible state of gender affairs are always so baffling to me. They sound like 2012 doomsdayers. Once you (general you) leave off with the pity partying, you see it's really not as bad as all that. People are getting and going on dates, smiling at women and getting their phone numbers all the time.

[Woggle]

To radical feminists maybe, but lets be real here, most normal women don't consider a smile an act of harassment. The people banging on about the terrible state of gender affairs are always so baffling to me. They sound like 2012 doomsdayers. Once you (general you) leave off with the pity partying, you see it's really not as bad as all that. People are getting and going on dates, smiling at women and getting their phone numbers all the time.

 

Most women are not radical feminists but radical feminists control the conversation about male/female relations so they do have influence.

[alwayshere]

I have never felt comfortable being the one to "approach." Part of it was the traditional southern belle thing (haha) and part of it is just that I tend to make the more submissive (see submissive, not weak) role. However, when I get a "sense" that someone who has sparked my interest may be interested, I am pretty good at the "subtle without being pushy" open door hints.

 

I tried being more "modern" and being the initiator, and it never worked well. I am just not wired to be the "aggressor." Like jbelle, I prefer a man who is Dominant (see Dominant, not domineering). The "traditionally feminine" role fits me.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Most women are not radical feminists but radical feminists control the conversation about male/female relations so they do have influence.

 

No they don't. They're loud, yes but they are not in control of anything, including that conversation in particular. However if you want to continue to fear the opinions of a few obnoxious radfems be my guest.

[lollipopspot]

The dating scene is a **** show compared to what it used to be.

 

When was this golden era of dating? Has it already been stated in this thread?

[Bruce Leigh]

When was this golden era of dating? Has it already been stated in this thread?

 

Actually this argument is made by both men and women.

Women complaining where have all the men gone and the men wondering where all the ladies have gone.

The dynamic has changed, not everyone is happy about it.

[Woggle]

As recently as the 90s things were much better IMO.

[jbelle6]

Actually this argument is made by both men and women.

Women complaining where have all the men gone and the men wondering where all the ladies have gone.

The dynamic has changed, not everyone is happy about it.

 

 

 

I love men! I have only been treated really badly by one, the rest were good people. I ran into a few players but that's life and I know how to spot and avoid that type.

[alwayshere]

I love men! I have only been treated really badly by one, the rest were good people. I ran into a few players but that's life and I know how to spot and avoid that type.

 

Since most players are the same, it only takes running into a couple to learn how to spot and avoid. Kind of like pretty much all "princess" types are alike, and once you run into a couple you get the radar.

[jbelle6]

Since most players are the same, it only takes running into a couple to learn how to spot and avoid. Kind of like pretty much all "princess" types are alike, and once you run into a couple you get the radar.

 

Too true! I always just found them so cheesy.

[jbelle6]

Do you know how many short women insist on dating men over 6ft? Or how many overweight women say they are only attracted to fit men? Trust me, there are quite a few. It has been my experience that many of the 5's think they are 8 or 9.

 

 

Excuse me? What's wrong with more petite women that it would be a flaw?

I'm 5'1 and never had trouble attracting men. My ex husband was 6'3, I didn't insist on the height, he liked me and asked me out, I said yes. I have dated men that are 5'8 and such as well.

 

Just don't act like short girls suck or something.

 

It's called FUN SIZED!

Edited May 30, 2014 by jbelle6

[jbelle6]

I so hope you know I'm teasing you enigma.

 

But the thing is, an overweight woman can get sex. I think almost any woman could. I do see a lot of guys complaining about dates when they are balding and overweight and they call women their age too old. Then they approach 10's. I do not find women to be NEAR as visually oriented as men.

 

Women can be guilty in other ways though, eg. not making a lot of money but wanting him to have a lot.

 

I think men and women both have flaws. I don't know why anyone thinks one is better than the other. I like men and women, we are different with different needs and I truly think that's ok.

[iiiii]

I don't tend to ask guys out (from memory I don't know if I ever have), but the other side of the coin is that I do make it pretty damn obvious if I'm interested in a guy.

 

It's not that I think it would be wrong for me to ask a guy out. It's just that I feel that if I've made it obvious that I like him and his advances would be welcome, and he still doesn't want or won't ask me out... then either he's just not that into me (and I've dodged a bullet there), or we'd likely be a bad fit anyway. Works for me, anyway. I guess if I were desperate to be in a relationship and no guys would ask me, then I'd just have to start asking them.

 

On the other side of the coin, the times I've accepted a date from a guy have always been times when we've done some flirting first - friendly conversation, or at least flirty eye contact.

 

The few times I've been asked out, completely of the blue, by a stranger I have hardly noticed before, I've always said no. I don't understand how a guy could ask a complete stranger out like that without even some flirty conversation or eye contact to test the water and check if the girl might welcome the question - I think it's really brave, but the failure rate must surely be phenomenal?

Edited May 30, 2014 by iiiii

[Lernaean_Hydra]

Do you know how many short women insist on dating men over 6ft? Or how many overweight women say they are only attracted to fit men? Trust me, there are quite a few. It has been my experience that many of the 5's think they are 8 or 9.

 

No, I have no idea how many short women do this, tell me?

 

 

I say this because aside from my mother (who is 5'11½), I don't know a woman over 5'7 and none of them have ever -in my hearing insisted on dating tall men. At most some of them consider it a bonus but none - to my knowledge - have ever called it a dealbreaker or some such. In fact, of the LT couples I know, all of them are within a few inches of one another.

 

Of course I am in no way saying that there aren't a plethora of women who not only prefer, but require a much taller mate, yet the way some of you guys whine about it, you'd think every woman above 5ft is passing over guys left and right because he doesn't tower over her. A hyperbolic fabrication in my experience.

 

Personally, I'm 5'5 and couldn't care less about a man's height. As I've said before, I'm currently seeing two people who are 5'6. Height plays zero role in my decision making process. Looks come above all else. If I'm attracted to the face, everything else is either superfluous or an added benefit; definitely not a deciding factor.

 

However it should be noted that a handful of the shorter men I've dated have either asked or demanded I not wear heels because it caused them to feel...some type of way about their height which though mildly understandable, was sort of an annoyance in the end. With that in mind, I can understand how some women might be more attracted to taller me for this factor alone.

 

Given that I like to wear 3+ inch heels from time to time, it's kind of a bummer when a guy tells you he doesn't feel comfortable with that. Not being able to throw on a pair of stilettos can kill a mood AND an outfit. Plus, telling a woman not to be her best, sexiest self because it makes you "insecure" screams beta and definitely not something that makes me think you're LTR or even casual material.

[alwayshere]

As someone who is over 5'9", it used to bug me in high school and college when the petite girls got all the tall me, and my date came up to my nose :)

 

Now I don't really care. If a good guy is a good guy I don't mind not having to look up, and if he likes ME, he won't mind my heels.

[Col1]

If a tall man with a short woman (5'0") have a male child, then is it possible for her height gene to limit the height of the male as an adult?

Edited May 31, 2014 by Col1

[jbelle6]

If a tall man with a short woman (5'0") have a male child, then is it possible her height gene to affect the height of the male as an adult?

 

Height is multifactorial, meaning there aren't dominant or recessive alleles. Genes for growth hormone, environment, nutrition, exposure to cigarettes or alcohol, birth order, it's not going to be the same as say color blindness or eye color.

 

I'm 5'1 and my son is in the top percentile for height consistently year by year. My ex husbands family has some very tall people, but also short people as well. Guess it's a mixed bag of nuts.