Follow Up: Nothing Changes..

[bambiwboone]

I am unsure if anyone remembers me. I've been keeping sharing my stories of my crazy affair. The last time I was on here was probably six months ago. You may need to go back and read up on my story, some may remember.

We went six months without talking. Allot has happened in those six months. Court for my assault. Allot of anger, hurt , and pain. But some healing also happened.

 

I learned my life will go on without him. And I started to become strong again. My husband and I tried working on relationship. But it was just to destroyed. We are still trying to figure out our next path. Which is okay right now.

I was doing really good. Until he started coming around again. He started showing up at all the places I would be at alone. Bar and grill, racetrack, my daughters softball games. He was everywhere. And he would stare at me. He looked so hurt and it pulled at my emotions. One weak night of mine I gave in and contacted him. That was about a month ago. We've been talking everyday since.

 

It's not romantic but there is allot of tension and the bridge was so burned previously I was unsure I could even entertain the idea of being friends with him again.

This time I feel so different about this. A part of me longs for him. I miss him. I miss his face. Other times I just don't care anymore. He doesn't have the power over me he once had. I will be the first to say this man had me brainwashed. Maybe a little part of me still is.

 

The last time were face to face he told me that he had thought he love me. But he was wrong he didn't. Of course that was the second time he had restracted an I love you ,...but it still hurt me. I believed him.

I guess ( if anyone would like to enlighten me) why does he keep coming back. It's not for sex , we never had a very sexual relationship with one another.

 

I was the more sexual person. He didnt' love me. He told me this. We've been going back and forth for two years..this started four years ago. Why can't he just walk away. I am to week to let him go. He needs to stay away when I'm doing good:(

I feel trapped in this relationship.

Edited May 29, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jesienna31]

. Why can't he just walk away. I am to week to let him go. He needs to stay away when I'm doing good:(

I feel trapped in this relationship.

 

Don't hand him your power to decide what you want in your life. as you say his presence is not making it easy for you, so be firm and say that you don't want him in your life. You are just waisting your time and energy on him and once again putting risk on your main relationship. You ask what you should do, I am sure you already know it, you just need a kick from this forum members. Listen to yourself first... what do you want for yourself.

[whichwayisup]

I guess ( if anyone would like to enlighten me) why does he keep coming back. It's not for sex , we never had a very sexual relationship with one another. I was the more sexual person. He didnt' love me. He told me this. We've been going back and forth for two years..this started four years ago. Why can't he just walk away. I am to week to let him go. He needs to stay away when I'm doing good

I feel trapped in this relationship.

You need to not worry why he won't leave you alone, or keeps coming back into your life after so long, worry more about YOU! Something is broken inside of you. You need counseling! This guy messed you up, helped ruin your marriage, hurt you deeply yet you've let him back in. Sadly it seems you've not become strong enough to cut him out of your life for good.

 

He won't stay away because he knows how to manipulate you. YOU need to get strong enough so you can ignore him, close your heart.

 

Until you get therapy and figure it out, this is your life...To say you're too weak after all that you've been though makes me wonder if you learned anything the first time around with him.

 

Sorry if my words are harsh, I just really hate reading after he's been out of your life for so long you let him back in so easily.

[Rollercoaster Rider]

I am unsure if anyone remembers me. I've been keeping sharing my stories of my crazy affair. The last time I was on here was probably six months ago. You may need to go back and read up on my story, some may remember.

We went six months without talking. Allot has happened in those six months. Court for my assault. Allot of anger, hurt , and pain. But some healing also happened. I learned my life will go on without him. And I started to become strong again. My husband and I tried working on relationship. But it was just to destroyed. We are still trying to figure out our next path. Which is okay right now.

I was doing really good. Until he started coming around again. He started showing up at all the places I would be at alone. Bar and grill, racetrack, my daughters softball games. He was everywhere. And he would stare at me. He looked so hurt and it pulled at my emotions. One weak night of mine I gave in and contacted him. That was about a month ago. We've been talking everyday since.

It's not romantic but there is allot of tension and the bridge was so burned previously I was unsure I could even entertain the idea of being friends with him again.

This time I feel so different about this. A part of me longs for him. I miss him. I miss his face. Other times I just don't care anymore. He doesn't have the power over me he once had. I will be the first to say this man had me brainwashed. Maybe a little part of me still is.

The last time were face to face he told me that he had thought he love me. But he was wrong he didn't. Of course that was the second time he had restracted an I love you ,...but it still hurt me. I believed him.

I guess ( if anyone would like to enlighten me) why does he keep coming back. It's not for sex , we never had a very sexual relationship with one another. I was the more sexual person. He didnt' love me. He told me this. We've been going back and forth for two years..this started four years ago. Why can't he just walk away. I am to week to let him go. He needs to stay away when I'm doing good:(

I feel trapped in this relationship.

Been there done that! He keeps coming back because YOU allow it...plain and simple. When you have more respect for yourself, you will close the door to the loser and start living YOUR life.

 

Not being harsh...but I have been there and done that. I feel so free right now. And honestly if my EXMOM tried to wiggle his sorry self back in, I would step on him :-) Good luck!

[joanofark]

I am unsure if anyone remembers me. I've been keeping sharing my stories of my crazy affair. The last time I was on here was probably six months ago. You may need to go back and read up on my story, some may remember.

We went six months without talking. Allot has happened in those six months. Court for my assault. Allot of anger, hurt , and pain. But some healing also happened. I learned my life will go on without him. And I started to become strong again. My husband and I tried working on relationship. But it was just to destroyed. We are still trying to figure out our next path. Which is okay right now.

I was doing really good. Until he started coming around again. He started showing up at all the places I would be at alone. Bar and grill, racetrack, my daughters softball games. He was everywhere. And he would stare at me. He looked so hurt and it pulled at my emotions. One weak night of mine I gave in and contacted him. That was about a month ago. We've been talking everyday since.

It's not romantic but there is allot of tension and the bridge was so burned previously I was unsure I could even entertain the idea of being friends with him again.

This time I feel so different about this. A part of me longs for him. I miss him. I miss his face. Other times I just don't care anymore. He doesn't have the power over me he once had. I will be the first to say this man had me brainwashed. Maybe a little part of me still is.

The last time were face to face he told me that he had thought he love me. But he was wrong he didn't. Of course that was the second time he had restracted an I love you ,...but it still hurt me. I believed him.

I guess ( if anyone would like to enlighten me) why does he keep coming back. It's not for sex , we never had a very sexual relationship with one another. I was the more sexual person. He didnt' love me. He told me this. We've been going back and forth for two years..this started four years ago. Why can't he just walk away. I am to week to let him go. He needs to stay away when I'm doing good:(

I feel trapped in this relationship.

 

seriously. does everyone in an affair not realize that THEY have COMPLETE control?? This guy isn't worth your time. he told you what his deal was. either you accept it or you don't. my advice would be not to. Of course it is fun and exhilarating but stoopid. lol. put yourself out there, and find someone else. either this guy will come around and it'll be too late or you will have realized that you are much better than the situation at hand. only you can find out for yourself.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Damn straight nothing changes...because YOU WONT CHANGE IT!

 

I went back and read your last 2 threads. This guy had you assaulted... in your home!!!

IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN!!

 

Hell no! He is not your friend. You should have a RO on this guy. Hes not stable. And if you cant see that, then I question you too.

 

Dont want to protect yourself? Fine...but your kids? Nope.

 

Do not bring this man around your children.

 

Fine step father material he is, given it was his step son he got to break unto your house and assault you.

 

Im not being harsh to hurt you. You need a swift dose of reality. Snap out of it and get some counseling. Or at tge very least, make sure your kids get some

[Brokenlady]

 

I guess ( if anyone would like to enlighten me) why does he keep coming back. It's not for sex , we never had a very sexual relationship with one another.

 

Because he knows you still care, and that feeds his ego. He's really toxic and nothing about this is good for you. You feel addicted, not attracted. He's being predatory at a time when you are vulnerable. Please go NC again for your own sake.

[bambiwboone]

Don't hand him your power to decide what you want in your life. as you say his presence is not making it easy for you, so be firm and say that you don't want him in your life. You are just waisting your time and energy on him and once again putting risk on your main relationship. You ask what you should do, I am sure you already know it, you just need a kick from this forum members. Listen to yourself first... what do you want for yourself.

 

 

Thank You. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post:)

[bambiwboone]

I am unsure if anyone remembers me. I've been keeping sharing my stories of my crazy affair. The last time I was on here was probably six months ago. You may need to go back and read up on my story, some may remember.

We went six months without talking. Allot has happened in those six months. Court for my assault. Allot of anger, hurt , and pain. But some healing also happened.

 

I learned my life will go on without him. And I started to become strong again. My husband and I tried working on relationship. But it was just to destroyed. We are still trying to figure out our next path. Which is okay right now.

I was doing really good. Until he started coming around again. He started showing up at all the places I would be at alone. Bar and grill, racetrack, my daughters softball games. He was everywhere. And he would stare at me. He looked so hurt and it pulled at my emotions. One weak night of mine I gave in and contacted him. That was about a month ago. We've been talking everyday since.

 

It's not romantic but there is allot of tension and the bridge was so burned previously I was unsure I could even entertain the idea of being friends with him again.

This time I feel so different about this. A part of me longs for him. I miss him. I miss his face. Other times I just don't care anymore. He doesn't have the power over me he once had. I will be the first to say this man had me brainwashed. Maybe a little part of me still is.

 

The last time were face to face he told me that he had thought he love me. But he was wrong he didn't. Of course that was the second time he had restracted an I love you ,...but it still hurt me. I believed him.

I guess ( if anyone would like to enlighten me) why does he keep coming back. It's not for sex , we never had a very sexual relationship with one another.

 

I was the more sexual person. He didnt' love me. He told me this. We've been going back and forth for two years..this started four years ago. Why can't he just walk away. I am to week to let him go. He needs to stay away when I'm doing good:(

I feel trapped in this relationship.

 

 

Thank you all for your amazing advice! I completely understand it's a "because I let him" situation. I'm still talking to him. But have yet to see him and don't plan on it. I'm slowly trying to make our conversations shorter and trying a whole new ending for one..just drifting away from one another instead of a giant D DAY from hell. Again I appreciate all that you have to say. Thank You.

[The Way I Am]

At the times when you think you want him back, why do you want him? Do you start to think of what could be and get caught up in the feelings those ideas create? Is it because you're unhappy in your life and hold out hope that he can change that? Something else?

 

It's one step to know that you're the one in control of letting him in. That's a good step putting the power in your own hands.

 

But now you might need to work on how to control whether or not *you want* to let him in. If you still want to, it's going to happen and you need to look at why you want it to.