fishman3226 Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 I have posted some stories about this very event. My pregnant girlfriend of nearly a year has this (i call it this) 'fixation' with ex boyfriends and staying in touch. She swears it is nothin to worry about but still. Over the past six months she has been in contact and (in some instances) had stay over at her place Steve (a boyfriend who she was with for three years who did come down from interstate to pick up stuff he had left behind) and Ian (a worm who uses her and caused much problems in her romantic life) and now Evan. I dont mind her having male friends - lets make this perfectly clear but there is a line that no partnr must cross. Yeah, say hi to an ex but you dont invite them out and especially not to stay over. I have had many rows about this very issue - hell it is the ONLY issue really. But I am starting not to trust her. I checked her mobile recently and found that she has started conversing with Evan. She has practically said to catch up for a coffee. I have not been told at all and I know this has been happening for the past three days. I will also point out she has been distant for some time - like it is an imposition to show affection. She is 'closed' in essence. I am starting to worry about this and our future. I know she is hormonal with pregnancy and all but i feel (and i have said it to her) 'lonely' and 'in the way.' To be honest I wonder if she is having doubts - I have pledged myself to her but I have not seen it reciprocated. She also has told this Steve, Ian and Evan she is pregnant - possibly she is saying about to have some closure? I am even at the point where I am seriously thinking about getting a DNA test for the child when he/she is born. I am probably over reacting but still, with all this happening one has to wonder. These guys too dont contact her - she initiates it to the best of my knowledge - maybe it is immaturity on her behalf - i dont know. I dont contact any of my exs, hell, i dont have any of their numbers let alone email addresses.and well out of respect i would NOT contact them and especially without her knowledge. Now she would know too that I would be pissed off about the contact - I suppose I am not over reacting though (or am I about stayng in touch with exs?) I dont believe in her much anymore - like how can i trust her when she i sneaking around knwoingly doing something i would not condone? To be honest if it werent for the fact of 'our' child I would seriously be contempating leaving her - I am that frustrated and 'empty' about it all. The only thing that keeps me giogn is the fact that I do love this woman. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Leave her. And get a DNA test when the baby is born. You say you love her - well sorry to be so cliche - but you have to love yourself before you can be truly loved by another. No man with self-esteem & a sense of worthiness would allow themselves to be treated this way by their partner. (I read some of your other posts) Sorry mate, but despite her assurances, no way would I trust her. Hell, she's already proven to you that you can't trust her, she knows how you feel but continues to contact these guys anyway. This woman has issues - my bet - you dump her & she'll be calling YOU for coffee. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Why does she need the attention of her Ex's? Your attention should be enough. How long were you two together before she found out she was pregnant? She might have some doubts about who the baby's father really is and is keeping the Ex's in close contact till the baby is born. I'm only guessing. Could be something completely different. Still... Definately get a DNA Test done. Mention it too her. If she has no problem with it then everything could be fine but if she is all defensive about it before she agrees then there may be something to worry about. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fishman3226 Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 Thanks for the theories guys. You know, deep down I dont think she is cheating on me at all. I kind of think the whole thing is a bit of naivety and immaturity and a sense of not wanting to let go of the past. I spoke to her about the whole thing - that she is distant and how she actually feels about things - and she said that the whole thing is a bit 'daunting' at imes. Sometimes she is happy about the pregnancy and other times not. She is having to give up HEAPS to have this child - in essence her independance and also (though I dont think it is a big issue considering she aint rode it in ages) her motorbike (which is something she is seemingly struggling with.) I spent HEAPS of time with her and well, the times she was around the exs and how far along she is dont match. We have been together nearly a year and well, we are both in our early thirties and been married before so this we are going into with more of an understanding of things. She dont seem like she would cheat. The whole Evan thing is odd, she told me today she has been speaking with him - mainly as she had a falling out some time ago with a mutual friend and as this aggrieved friend knows about the baby my GF wanted to get in first (this aggrieved friend introduced Evan and my GF.) I did my best 'oh, OK but seriously I dont care but I am listening' sounds... if you know what i mean. I think otherwise that would be all. I will monitor it for any further developments.... I suppose what I mainly wanting to know is what you guys wouuld say if your partner was so willingly doing this? I dont care about male friends - she is catching up with a mate this week, she sings with him in a duet - but I do worry about these exs - she deems them 'friends' but I also think that the past is that - I reckon I say that to her once per week. It is like I cannot have a future with her as she will be hanging onto the threads of something gone - and only selctive ones. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 I too am very possesive and quite jealous, to tell you the truth. There are a number of things you're not telling us. For instance: in what months is she? At worse, she's about to have the baby, meaning she got pregnant after knowing you for... three months? Did you plan to have this babby? Is she happy about having him/her? I would be totally pissed to have my bf calling exes. Hell, his ex kept sending him messages and I was really mad 'cause h'd do nothing. I told him to go meet her, talk to her and then stop it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against them keeping in touch, but that woman would sms him at least twice a week, after 2 years of silance. So... maybe your wife (you didn't state her age) is unsecure. She wants to be sure she's not missing anything, she wants to feel attractive and sexy... that would also explain her attitude towards you, since you've put her in this position - e.g. pregnant. Pregnant women are a hand full, I think. They're hormonal, emotional, impulsive... Wait 'til she had her baby. Trust me, when you have little creature screaming for your attention, you tend to let other people off your life. Maybe that's is. She's simply enjoying her last moments of freedom. 'Cause once the baby arrives, nothing will ever be the same . Be patient and don't do anything you might regret later. It's just a theory.... In order to find out if I'm right or wrong, you should talk to her more. Communicate. This is how relationships are saved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fishman3226 Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 Oh I should explain - she is about 3 months now - it was unplanned yes, but something that was not exactly 'stopped' - she went off the pill and she (and I for that matter) did not practice any 'precuations' to stop it. Foolish? maybe. She also kept testing and wondering audibly why she was not getting pregnant. I know she loves me and yeah, i dont like it she in touch with the exs. But if I stop her I am then controlling her and it makes me a prick (in her eyes) She ha ssaid that she wants the child but sometimes feels like she is giving up too much to do it. I did mention about an abortion and she does seem genuine about having this child. She put it this way: she said that she does not have suriety in things, that she is always second guessing herself. Like she thinks she is not worthy of things. She said she is trying to find this sureity of the whole thing that whilst she loves me (and never doubts that) she sometimes isnt 100% comfortable (only word I can think of) with what she has to give up to attain what is on offer. I suppose it is fear. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 What's her age? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 I say have patience a few more months 'till her belly starts showing. It's different to tell a guy :'hey I'm preganat' and for him to actually see she's got a big belly. Maybe the transformation of her body will also make her more aware of her responsabilities towards her baby and towards you. It's tough. Pregnanacies are really difficult and trigger lots of changes. Menthally and emotionally. Not every person can deal with it the right way. Have patience and you'll pull it through. Curly Link to post Share on other sites
Author fishman3226 Posted February 13, 2005 Author Share Posted February 13, 2005 She is 32 and me 31. One would hope for a bit more 'mature' outlook on things like this at her age though huh? Link to post Share on other sites
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