Average time to break NC

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

Just wondering what the average time is before us OW/OM's break first NC. I am OM who got involved with MOW while married, left EW and divorced, affair has lasted 18 months. Currently on NC for 10 days to give her some space but so difficult not to drop a single line tonight. Wondered how you all did.

[Speakingofwhich]

What's EW? Estranged wife?

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

Sorry must check terminology lol ex wife

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Wow, I am so sorry and I understand your urge to contact. Good for you for being strong.

 

It all depends on what your final words with the OW were. If she said to not contact her and that she will contact you, I really don't know what you can do

 

I understand though, I keep wanting to contact my xMM, but I am not. Instead I write him letters I don't send.

[gettingstronger]

Our OW reached out 2 days past dday and pretty much has intruded weekly for 16 months despite ignoring her and getting the law involved.

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

Wow, I am so sorry and I understand your urge to contact. Good for you for being strong.

 

It all depends on what your final words with the OW were. If she said to not contact her and that she will contact you, I really don't know what you can do

 

I understand though, I keep wanting to contact my xMM, but I am not. Instead I write him letters I don't send.

Thanks, someting occurred major in her family life and she text me and asked me not to text/to go NC for a while to give her space. Trying to get a balance between not looking needy/desperate and not looking as if I don't care. Having had multiple daily texts etc for 18 months, tbh just feel empty.

[whichwayisup]

So you divorced your wife and your MOW isn't divorced (yet)? Is she planning to leave and divorce her husband and be with you?

 

Give her the space she has asked for. Respect that. Post here when you feel like breaking NC mode.

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

So you divorced your wife and your MOW isn't divorced (yet)? Is she planning to leave and divorce her husband and be with you?

 

Give her the space she has asked for. Respect that. Post here when you feel like breaking NC mode.

Yes that's correct, to be fair getting divorced wasn't what we agree at the beginning but I couldn't lie etc so ending up leaving W and divorcing managing to avoid dday for AP. So no expectation from my side, but one of the last messages said things were bad between them. Anyway thanks for the support and I will try and stay strong

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Yes that's correct, to be fair getting divorced wasn't what we agree at the beginning but I couldn't lie etc so ending up leaving W and divorcing managing to avoid dday for AP. So no expectation from my side, but one of the last messages said things were bad between them. Anyway thanks for the support and I will try and stay strong

 

I agree with what was said above. I too entered into a relationship that was supposed to maintain the respect that we both were going to stay with our spouses. It just turned out that I fell in love and wanted to be with him. I also was confused as was going to divorce purely because I didn't want to keep up a lie and also felt that if I felt this way for someone else then I must not love my husband.

 

But anyway, it just comes down to the fact that she knows your number, she knows you are single and YET she still asked for NC. As painful as it is, I really think that you do need to just give no contact and also even harder still, try to proceed as if you won't have contact. Try to focus on YOU first. Go out as much as you can, see freinds, join groups. You have to also move on in some respect because she never made promises to follow suit and she may be trying R with the husband. You have to watch for yourself now.

 

I totally understand this absent feeling. I would talk to my xMM all day everyday practically and he would give input on my art and music. I saw him for a little while like my best friend.

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

I agree with what was said above. I too entered into a relationship that was supposed to maintain the respect that we both were going to stay with our spouses. It just turned out that I fell in love and wanted to be with him. I also was confused as was going to divorce purely because I didn't want to keep up a lie and also felt that if I felt this way for someone else then I must not love my husband.

 

But anyway, it just comes down to the fact that she knows your number, she knows you are single and YET she still asked for NC. As painful as it is, I really think that you do need to just give no contact and also even harder still, try to proceed as if you won't have contact. Try to focus on YOU first. Go out as much as you can, see freinds, join groups. You have to also move on in some respect because she never made promises to follow suit and she may be trying R with the husband. You have to watch for yourself now.

 

I totally understand this absent feeling. I would talk to my xMM all day everyday practically and he would give input on my art and music. I saw him for a little while like my best friend.

Thanks I know you are right even though it's so tough. Today is a good day and I can see I had become too needy so whatever happens the break is good for me. I guess if you love someone you let them go and if it's meant to be they will come back to you. Anyway that's today, probably be a wreck tomorrow lol.

[Lucygolds]

Yes, please do what you can to stay NC. She knows how to reach you if that is what she wants. If she is still married then it will never work. It takes all I have some days not to email my exMOM. We are still both married and both of our spouses know. I do not want to cause more pain. It is hard for me because I feel my exMOM did try to reach out by coming to the gym at a time it was likely for me to be there. I walked away every time he was near me. He may very well think I hate him for getting us caught but, I try not to think of that. Keep yourself busy. Find some new activities and dive into them. I know how painful it is. Hang in there.....it will get better for us both.

[Nofoollikeanoldfool]

Yes, please do what you can to stay NC. She knows how to reach you if that is what she wants. If she is still married then it will never work. It takes all I have some days not to email my exMOM. We are still both married and both of our spouses know. I do not want to cause more pain. It is hard for me because I feel my exMOM did try to reach out by coming to the gym at a time it was likely for me to be there. I walked away every time he was near me. He may very well think I hate him for getting us caught but, I try not to think of that. Keep yourself busy. Find some new activities and dive into them. I know how painful it is. Hang in there.....it will get better for us both.

Thanks for all the support, sometimes when it gets really hard it's great to come on here and just share experiences and occupy the mind

[whichwayisup]

Yes that's correct, to be fair getting divorced wasn't what we agree at the beginning but I couldn't lie etc so ending up leaving W and divorcing managing to avoid dday for AP. So no expectation from my side, but one of the last messages said things were bad between them. Anyway thanks for the support and I will try and stay strong

 

So if your MW wasn't in your life at all, you'd still be married. Which means, you did D for your MW, not for yourself or because your marriage was over and you'd rather be alone than be married.

 

It's very doubtful she is gonna divorce her husband. There will be 100 excuses as to why she can't. Holidays, kids, bday's, vacations, illnesses, you name it, it'll continually come up.

 

For your own sanity, dignity and self respect PUT a time limit on this. Can you imagine a year from now still waiting? Being in the exact same place as things are now? Give that some thought.