Eric_1 Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Hi, I feel terrible because I have visited prostitutes in the past and now I have realised what I have done and just feel ashamed of myself. Everything started with watching alot of pornography, up to a point where I could sit a few hours every day. Then I started searching for prostitutes and eventually I started visit them (have met maybe 30 different women in total)I have always been kind of alone, had a tough upbringing but now I realise that I choose the wrong path...instead of trying to go out and meet new friends and women I choose to hide myself with the help of porn and prostitutes. I am around 30 years old now, but I feel like my life has been destroyed because I feel so bad for what I have done. I don´t understand that I did not realise this earlier on. Does anyone have any thoughts about what to do?? All of this really goes against what I want from life, I want to be a good person and find love instead of all of this misery... But I dont know how I could ever live a normal life after what I have done and all the shame and guilt I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouched Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 You should not go to any more prostitutes, since you feel so bad about it. You will have to be honest about this part of your life with any woman you start to care about. Some of them will not be able to handle it and they will leave. But some will be accepting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eric_1 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 No I will never do it again because I have realised what I have done and that it is so sad....I guess the best thing would be to just be honest about it...because I don´t know if I could hide this if I meet a woman... Feels like most women would disapprove of it though... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LustAppeal Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 You've realized what you did was wrong, that's the first step. The real mistake is not learning from your past. Everyone has regrets, it's how you deal with them that will determine how you'll live the rest of your life. How you deal with this regret is up to you and no one else. This could be done through giving back to the community, going through therapy, self healing, and so on. 30 Different prostitutes is a bit of a list, try to get the number out of your head, and... Get checked for STD's before dating. And leave your sexual past out of newer relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eric_1 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 Yes, I need to do something that would make me start respect myself if I am to find a way out of this because right now I just feel worthless... SO you think that I should not tell it to anyone? I feel like on the one hand it would be very hard to live with this, like lying about something from my past...on the other hand it feels like most people would reject me if I told them... Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 You aren't worthless, brother. Loneliness makes us do crazy things. You are actually to be commended -- because you woke up. A lot of people live their life in a dream. You woke up, and you're now in control. I have immense respect for that. It's time you respect that, too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LustAppeal Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I've been in relationships where the girl had a really "bar star" and highly sexual past with many different men. Because of that experience my advice is that you do not mention the prostitute part of your sexual past, instead if the topic comes up say that you had a troubled past and rather not talk about it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 you realize that it was wrong, that is refreshing to know that you see it was wrong.......you need to get tested and do so soon...continue to be tested as often as the doctor tells you that you are clear...did all the prostitutes practice safe sex with you? its not the fact you slept with 30 prostitutes.........it is the fact those prostitutes have slept with thousands of men.......that women think of this fact is what will make them walk....one prostitute alone can sleep with over 200 men in a six month period......in a week it is higher than your count...... and that is single shifts not double shifts..... prostitution is work that involves sex .....and they work hard manual labor..... you will have women who will walk away from you.......and you will meet women with a higher count than you.........they wont admit it though..............these women who have slept with say, fifteen one night stands who look down their nose at a prostitute or a guy who "uses" a pro....... the first guy she had sex with slept with twenty girls the second guy slept with five the third guy crap he was busy he slept with fifty the fourth ten the fifth seven the sixth eight and so on....what is the number of sexual encounters then has that woman not known about in actual fact the count will be higher than 30 actual..... numbers dont count.....remorse counts.....what you do now and from now counts....... you are lucky that you are not the prostitute who got used and that you are sad .........as i said refreshing......porn does play a part it is an addiction that grows until you feed it i am glad you see that you have grown and you have changed ....let go ....and i wish you much luck in the future finding an understanding partner.......abstinence is the only way to make sure your "real" count doesnt hit triple digits......or be with one woman all the time....not more than one for any period of time ...you will find happiness........see your doctor......deb(ex employee in the sex industry) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 It's never too late to turn your life around! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HEY2147 Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Okay just calm down visiting prostitutes is not evil or wrong its okay nothing to feel bad about. If you feel bad that you wasted your time with prostitutes than meeting someone thats understandable all you have to do is just go out there and meet someone. Stop feeling worthless you were in your 20s and wanted sex... so what? its over now forget about it you did nothing wrong and no you dont need to tell the women you date that you've been with prostitutes I mean like what is that to be expected does the woman have to explain to you all her sexual encounters with you no because its in the past and having sex does not define a person. You're turning 30 now and want to settle down good you lived your 20s now say hello to your 30s. You're gonna be alright bro just get checked, leave it in the past and dont feel bad about it you did absolutely nothing wrong. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 Okay just calm down visiting prostitutes is not evil or wrong its okay nothing to feel bad about. If you feel bad that you wasted your time with prostitutes than meeting someone thats understandable all you have to do is just go out there and meet someone. Stop feeling worthless you were in your 20s and wanted sex... so what? its over now forget about it you did nothing wrong and no you dont need to tell the women you date that you've been with prostitutes I mean like what is that to be expected does the woman have to explain to you all her sexual encounters with you no because its in the past and having sex does not define a person. You're turning 30 now and want to settle down good you lived your 20s now say hello to your 30s. You're gonna be alright bro just get checked, leave it in the past and dont feel bad about it you did absolutely nothing wrong. yes he did do something wrong........he did something his heart is telling him what he did was wrong.......he doesnt need to feel wrong anymore...he does need to say something......if he feels he should 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eric_1 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 Thanks a lot for your replies... I used protection most of the time, had oral sex unprotected a few times unfortunatly though...I have made an appointment to get tested... todreaminblue: yes, porn has been a big problem for me so I have decided to cut down on that bit as well. Yes there are a lot of women who are affected very badly by these kind of things....thats why I feel so ashamed of myself.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lernaean_Hydra Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 AS long as you're cleared of any STDs there's really nothing to feel bad about IMO. I mean really, it's no different than if you'd hooked up with a lot of girls you met at bars and clubs. What part of this makes you feel so bad anyway? Is it the fact that you paid for it or the fact that you've had dozens of partners? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I don't understand this 'wrong path' speech. You visited prostitutes, you had and exchange of money for sex, you did not force anyone, It's not wrong or right, it was an act between 2 contenting adults. The act was risky, even with condoms, and I am sure you understood the risks. Now go get a complete std screening, if it comes back clean you owe no confession to anyone. A relationship is not a confession, no one needs to know that phase you visited prostitutes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eric_1 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 I feel bad because there are a lot of women who maybe agree to have sex but a lot of women in fact are affected in a very negative way by it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I feel bad because there are a lot of women who maybe agree to have sex but a lot of women in fact are affected in a very negative way by it. They were consenting? Then worry about your life and let them deal with theirs. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I think you're right to be honest about this with any serious partners in the future. If you don't really know a person, that's no foundation for a lasting relationship. I imagine you'd have an easier time bonding with a woman who had a similar sexual past and had her own awakening as you have - for example, someone who was a stripper or prostitute but switched from that path to a different one and, like you, now wants a "normal life". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
morbot_k Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I feel bad because there are a lot of women who maybe agree to have sex but a lot of women in fact are affected in a very negative way by it. The great thing is that you are who you choose to be today, not who you were. Have some pity for your former self and try to understand what was it about yourself then versus now. The fact that you don't feel great about your past isn't a terrible thing, it means you feel regret, which means you have at least grown as a person. What you did wasn't healthy for yourself, but it wasn't the most heinous thing either. Accept it as part of your past and part of your learning experience. Remember, you are who you are today and in the future. Your past shapes you, but does not define you. And don't tell new relationships about your past so long as it is truly in your past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eric_1 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 Yes they were, but when I think back I realise that some of the women I met did not seem very happy. Plus you can never know if someone is being forced to do it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 I feel bad because there are a lot of women who maybe agree to have sex but a lot of women in fact are affected in a very negative way by it. eric dotn go by what i have said if you dotn feel it in yoru heart ....likewise....dotn go by what anyone else says or tells you you dont have to feel.......you feel what you need to ...you feel the way you do for a reason...you dont have to explain why you feel badly...its is yours to feel ...no one else..........yes eric i was affected negatively by being a prostitute it affects every relationship i have with men because i have to let them know what i did..completely.....that is bad.....and even though you have people who say nay dont tell them...i wonder fi they would same the same for me..........you decide if you need to tell...go by what your heart tells you...... as far as prostitution goes......i would say homelessness and constant hunger ......getting raped after being pulled from a bush by my feet helped me to make my decision to become a prostitute......or maybe child sexual assault multiple times numbed me to sex to make it possible for me to be a bucket for a guy to put his penis in......there are prostitutes out there now who have been treated horribly by men good and bad ...supposed good men might spit on them if they were to say what they did ro come across them working....bad men abuse..... yes sex impacts negatively on any woman or can consenting or not...... get help with your porn addiction and i respect your turn around....dont feel bad anymore....for doing the right thing or feeling what is right ......you are right in feeling what you do ...i validate because i know......hugs.....good luck ...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted May 29, 2014 Share Posted May 29, 2014 It's not wrong or right, it was an act between 2 contenting adults. This is a very rosy view of prostitution. Consent is difficult to judge with prostitution. Just because they took money, does not mean they weren't being pimped, they weren't desperate, there weren't very terrible things that brought them to a life they would not otherwise choose. The FBI is starting to think of just average prostitute as a sex trafficking victim - Analysis of their common circumstances and reasons for prostituting caused investigators to believe that they were sex trafficking victims. Human trafficking is using force, fraud, or coercion to recruit, obtain, or provide a person for sexual exploitation. FBI ? Prostitution and Human Trafficking: A Paradigm Shift as far as prostitution goes......i would say homelessness and constant hunger ......getting raped after being pulled from a bush by my feet helped me to make my decision to become a prostitute......or maybe child sexual assault multiple times numbed me to sex to make it possible for me to be a bucket for a guy to put his penis in......there are prostitutes out there now who have been treated horribly by men good and bad ...supposed good men might spit on them if they were to say what they did ro come across them working....bad men abuse..... Working with women who have gotten out of this industry, this is not uncommon. OP, despite the past, we can only move into the future and try to be the people we want to be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eric_1 Posted May 29, 2014 Author Share Posted May 29, 2014 todreaminblue: I don´t know rihgt now if I should tell anyone else or not... maybe I will know one day when I meet a woman.... Right now I don´t know who I am anymore... I would like to think of myself as someone who has a good heart (maybe I have just fooled myself) but I have to somehow realise that I have done some things that I can not stand for... Thanks a lot for sharing your experiences and perspectives.... Link to post Share on other sites
HEY2147 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 He paid for a service thats it who cares. Im pretty sure his situation wasnt like that R Kelly song lyrics "My mind is telling me NOOOOOOOOOOOO!... but my body!... My Body is telling me YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!" and the devil went up inside him and took over his body lol look dude if you feel bad about visiting prostitutes think about why. I mean its all about how you feel about it and view it to me you have nothing to feel bad about. You just paid for sex from people who willingly took your money and give you the service you paid for. Thats it it was sex thats it! not rape it wasnt drugs it wasnt a gun I mean seriously you didnt feel bad at the time so what makes you feel bad about it now? because you are worried about what other people think it wrong because you paid for sex OMG! If you are thinking about all the terrible things that some (again some) of these workers go through think about why that happens. Its because its illegal thats why. You dont believe me look at alcohol when it was illegal. It gave birth to organized crime IE the mob and known mobsters like Al Capone. Not convinced look at marijuana theres nothing bad about it and it doesnt hurt anyone its even less harmful than alcohol yet its illegal and people are put to prisons for non serious crimes and come out as harden criminals. If prostitution was legal then the government would regulate it and make it a lot more like a business like the brothels in Nevada look up videos on it and see how the brothels are run over there. But why is it illegal its because it SEX! Thats the reason. Look if you feel wrong about it think about whats wrong about it? Because you paid for it and they gave it to you? and why is that wrong? She was willing you paid for it thats it end of story. You're turning 30 you've had your fun and you're thinking about settling down thats it. Because you paid for sex it doesnt make you a bad person! You ARE A GOOD PERSON dont let anyone make you feel like you not by there judgement. Just go out there find yourself a nice girl settle down and be happy leave the past in the past. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpio Chick Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Your 'relationship' with prostitutes was far more honest and completely above board than half of the marriages on here where a husband or wife is sleeping with someone else and lying to their spouse. I have much more respect for you than people like that. YOU might feel ashamed, but I'd argue there is no reason to. There's a stigma to prostitution, and I'm not saying the profession is A-ok, but you got what you paid for and they perform a service. I would imagine you could find a woman to love and have a relationship where you don't pay her for sex. But I think about someone who has a problem and women don't find them attractive, or the person has some issue and I think about how alone and lonely they must feel and I'm glad there is prostitutes to help alleviate that loneliness if only for a while. Anyway, the main thing is that you realized it is not something that works for you, so, you change that. I'm on the fence about telling a prospective date. I am sure that if you got an STD you do need to share that information, but you could get an STD from someone that is not a prostitute just as easily. Anyway, you're kind of refreshing actually, because you're honest, and that's a hard trait to find in people anymore. Hugs to you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Hi, I feel terrible because I have visited prostitutes in the past and now I have realised what I have done and just feel ashamed of myself. Hi. Why do you feel ashamed of this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts