Sick of arguing with my husband over his diet

[silvershadowbeliever]

So, I am super furious right now and could use a vent and advice. For several years I have tried to get my husband to eat healthier. I took another poster's advice on here to do the shopping and cook healthy meals. I have done that. I have stopped eating fast food for nearly 2 weeks now and going strong. However, he uses our joint account when I am not around to go by fast food and drinks almost every day. I wouldn't have a problem with this so much if he was working a full time job. Lately, he's lucky if he works close to 20 hours a week. This has been going on for the last several months. Before that, he worked about 30 hours. We both finished college about a year ago and he still has not found full time work. I have developed a lot of resentment. I know the economy is bad, but he even admitted to me he wasn't making a whole lot of effort to find another job before I was laid off. Being the primary income earner, I feel cheated when he goes and buys all this junk with our joint account behind my back. He knows I am trying to eat healthier and lose weight, but he really isn't helping because he is extremely picky about what he wants to eat as well. He just wants to eat and drink junk all the time. I am so sick of arguing with him with this that I am just at my wits end. Right now, we are living check to check, so it's extremely irritating that he spends our last dollars on junk food. I told him I am through talking to him about this. My next step is getting my own personal account with my direct deposit and he can get his own account as well while a joint account will only be used for paying bills. I am just so sick of this. I cannot control what he does, but he'll see that once bills are paid, there is no room for fast food all the time and eating out. He also is very financially irresponsible and part of our financial crisis is due to his negligence with money. He just doesn't understand that all these costs add up and we have bills we need to get current on.

[Phoe]

I don't have any advice, as I'm stuck in a similar spot with my boyfriend, so I know how you feel and am also interested in hearing of any solutions other posters may come up with.

 

I cook main dishes that he likes, and side dishes that are healthy, and I portion out his servings in tupperware.

 

 

Not surprisingly, the main dish gets finished, but the side dish he will take a few bites out of politeness and then refuse to eat anymore. Even when he says "Hmm, this surprisingly tastes kinda good, but it's green, so I can't eat it on principle"

 

 

It's getting past the anti-healthy mentality that is the most difficult.

[silvershadowbeliever]

I agree with you. I stopped preparing the salad part of dinner for my husband, because it will just go to waste. Seriously, he just will not eat a salad just because it has the word salad in the dish.

[Phoe]

I agree with you. I stopped preparing the salad part of dinner for my husband, because it will just go to waste. Seriously, he just will not eat a salad just because it has the word salad in the dish.

 

Exactly, it's a mentality rather than having anything to do with how the food tastes.

 

 

Luckily, when preparing dishes I can use healthier ingredients than he would. Leaner meats, non-fat milk or cheese, generally less fat, less sauce, and more low calorie flavoring choices like spices. He cannot taste the difference and does not know the difference, so it's much better than letting him prepare meals knowing he will use full fat options.

[lollipopspot]

I don't think your real problems are - or rather should be - food related. I think they're money related. As an adult he has a right to eat however he wants and you probably need to just accept that and let it go. You don't like how he's spending money. This is the real discussion. You need a budget.

 

Now, about him not encouraging you with your diet, that's another thing. Maybe he's not as supportive of a partner as you would like, and that may end up being terminal for the relationship.

 

To repeat: you need a budget.

 

If you cannot agree on budgeting and financial issues, that may be too much of a strain for your relationship. But don't make this about fast food and that he should be eating healthier, that's up to him if he can remain within the budget.

 

If you don't want to live with someone unhealthy, that's a lifestyle choice that may also be terminal. But separate the issues and your motivations.

[Tayla]

Less is more. Create your own account for bills and keep the funds there. That is the first part.

 

My Co worker resolved this problem and believe it or not, it worked! So maybe try the following: Each week take one unhealthy thing out of the diet. be it soda, sugar, salts, or fried foods. By breaking it down to one item, it doesn't seem overwhelming to the consumer. Their mind can handle it and work with it. then substitute when you can. Perhaps you can both enjoy a root beer float one night, simply to show you made it thru 21 meals and removed that one unhealthy item! (yes you can make a root beer float with healthy items!). Its a team effort jsut like the relationship. Be kind as you transistion thru this diet change. No matter how much my diets have changed there really are "Healthy foods" I will not eat ...brussel sprouts and aspargus come to mind. Yet I find iron and nutriets thru other foods. So there again, find some that are pleasing.

The key is to maintain "the take away- replace with healthy" til you reach a point that you don't even notice that the salty foods aren't there or the fatty foods are needed.

[silvershadowbeliever]

I have struggled with weight throughout the entire duration of being with him. I never had this issue before. I think it's because he is always bringing junk into the house and encouraging me to buy and eat desserts and junk. I told him I really want to focus on both of us exercising more and eating better. He just says I look fine and not to worry about it. I don't think he's ever really been supportive of me trying to keep a clean fridge. He won't have it and it's also affecting our sex life. He never works out or eats a decent diet and I feel like I am the only one trying to look good. To me, it's a huge turn-off when someone just does not take care of themselves.

[Keenly]

I have struggled with weight throughout the entire duration of being with him. I never had this issue before. I think it's because he is always bringing junk into the house and encouraging me to buy and eat desserts and junk. I told him I really want to focus on both of us exercising more and eating better. He just says I look fine and not to worry about it. I don't think he's ever really been supportive of me trying to keep a clean fridge. He won't have it and it's also affecting our sex life. He never works out or eats a decent diet and I feel like I am the only one trying to look good. To me, it's a huge turn-off when someone just does not take care of themselves.

 

 

 

Okay, first of all, stop blaming your weight issues on him. To say that your struggling because he brings food into the house is a complete deflection of personal responsibility.

 

 

Now, onto the issue at hand, other than the money part, which you are completely justified in being angry about, if the man can afford to buy whatever food he wants, lay off of him. You are the one starting these arguments ( which should be about the money and not the food )

 

 

Let's take the money out of it for a second, because we need to focus on what the problem ISNT, which is his diet. He lacks money managing skills. That's the issue.

 

 

Now once the money is removed from the issue, the arguing over diet is YOUR problem with you being in the wrong. He is fine eating junk. He is FREE to eat junk. You do not get to dictate his diet. You are not his mother.

 

Its not a problem for him. But its a problem for you. This makes it YOUR problem. Either let the man eat what makes him happy ( when he can afford it. Reign in your joint finances ) or leave the marriage entirely.

 

 

 

If it weren't for the money aspect of this, I'd think it was incredibly controlling for one person to demand that their spouse match their eating habits, especially when the argument keeps happening over and over again.

 

 

Money = the issue here.

 

Food = not yours not control.

[Phoe]

If it weren't for the money aspect of this, I'd think it was incredibly controlling for one person to demand that their spouse match their eating habits, especially when the argument keeps happening over and over again.

 

wanting a husband to eat healthier isn't about control, it's about keeping him alive in the long run.

 

 

would you want to watch the one you love get diabetes, heart disease, etc. and die prematurely when they could simply put some effort into making better choices?

 

 

keeping your life partner and parent of your children alive is a priority. it's not about control at all.

[silvershadowbeliever]

Okay, first of all, stop blaming your weight issues on him. To say that your struggling because he brings food into the house is a complete deflection of personal responsibility.

 

 

Now, onto the issue at hand, other than the money part, which you are completely justified in being angry about, if the man can afford to buy whatever food he wants, lay off of him. You are the one starting these arguments ( which should be about the money and not the food )

 

 

Let's take the money out of it for a second, because we need to focus on what the problem ISNT, which is his diet. He lacks money managing skills. That's the issue.

 

 

Now once the money is removed from the issue, the arguing over diet is YOUR problem with you being in the wrong. He is fine eating junk. He is FREE to eat junk. You do not get to dictate his diet. You are not his mother.

 

Its not a problem for him. But its a problem for you. This makes it YOUR problem. Either let the man eat what makes him happy ( when he can afford it. Reign in your joint finances ) or leave the marriage entirely.

 

 

 

If it weren't for the money aspect of this, I'd think it was incredibly controlling for one person to demand that their spouse match their eating habits, especially when the argument keeps happening over and over again.

 

 

Money = the issue here.

 

Food = not yours not control.

 

The point is that it's rude and disrespectful to bring tons of junk food into the house when you know your spouse is trying to lose weight when you've talked about eating better together. Blatantly lying about eating better and etc. It's not supportive at all. And letting yourself go is a problem...bad diet, no exercise. My mom is struggling to lose her last 60 pounds and keeps her fridge full of healthy food, because she will get too tempted if junk is in her fridge and eat it. This is what happens when you have an eating disorder. A lot of people simply cannot just look at a ton of junk food in their fridge and not eat it. There is truth to the fact that if you keep your fridge full of healthy food, you will eat healthy. If you keep it full of junk, you will eat junk. That is what I am saying.

[Eivuwan]

One thing is for sure, arguing with him will solve nothing. He will just get defensive and keep doing what he is doing. Even if he is in the wrong, people just don't like to feel attacked by their spouse. For the money thing, you might just have to get separate accounts. For the food thing, well, that is just something that you have to either accept or end the marriage. Only you can decide how much healthy habits mean to you. He just does not hold the same views that you do at this point in time.

[lollipopspot]

Separate your issues -

 

1) he doesn't eat well and you want him to eat better so he can be healthier

2) you want to lose weight and be healthier, and he isn't being supportive. You feel sabotaged because he brings junk food into the house, and you find it hard to deal with your own issues with food when there is junk food regularly available

3) he spends too much money on food

 

I think you can't be clear about what you need when they all get mushed in together. They have different solutions.

 

For #1: He makes junky food choices and you can either

- tolerate his lifestyle choices and let it go;

- decide you can't tolerate it his lifestyle choices and leave him

- try to change him in a variety of ways (not saying that's bad, but know that it's limited, because):

ultimately this one is his choice about what to put into his own body, and he's going to be making these choices himself for the rest of his life.

 

For #2: I do understand this, and I think it's good when partners are supportive and don't tempt the other with something that is addictive or otherwise a problem for them. Would he be willing to not bring junky or high calorie food into the house, and only eat it on his own time? Are there any other ways that he can be supportive that allow him to eat what he wants, but be supportive of you at the same time? Would he be willing to do those things?

 

For #3: You need a budget to deal with #3.

[jwi71]

So, I am super furious right now and could use a vent and advice. For several years I have tried to get my husband to eat healthier. I took another poster's advice on here to do the shopping and cook healthy meals. I have done that. I have stopped eating fast food for nearly 2 weeks now and going strong. However, he uses our joint account when I am not around to go by fast food and drinks almost every day. I wouldn't have a problem with this so much if he was working a full time job. Lately, he's lucky if he works close to 20 hours a week. This has been going on for the last several months. Before that, he worked about 30 hours. We both finished college about a year ago and he still has not found full time work. I have developed a lot of resentment. I know the economy is bad, but he even admitted to me he wasn't making a whole lot of effort to find another job before I was laid off. Being the primary income earner, I feel cheated when he goes and buys all this junk with our joint account behind my back. He knows I am trying to eat healthier and lose weight, but he really isn't helping because he is extremely picky about what he wants to eat as well. He just wants to eat and drink junk all the time. I am so sick of arguing with him with this that I am just at my wits end. Right now, we are living check to check, so it's extremely irritating that he spends our last dollars on junk food. I told him I am through talking to him about this. My next step is getting my own personal account with my direct deposit and he can get his own account as well while a joint account will only be used for paying bills. I am just so sick of this. I cannot control what he does, but he'll see that once bills are paid, there is no room for fast food all the time and eating out. He also is very financially irresponsible and part of our financial crisis is due to his negligence with money. He just doesn't understand that all these costs add up and we have bills we need to get current on.

 

It sounds like there are two commingled issues here (maybe three) - and its hard to gauge what the REAL issue is.

 

What it be a fair statement to say that you would care less about his diet provided he pulled his financial weight?

 

Or would you be complaining just as loudly about his diet IF he were bringing in equivalent pay?

 

Or you resent his "flaunting fast food temptation" in a sense be having it in your presence while dieting?

 

I presume its ALL but you appear to be focused on the money.

Lucky, this is easy. Money is ALWAYS simple. Not knowing all the ins - and outs of your financial situation - nor your goals, I will assume YOUR goal is to spend less money on discretionary items and more towards (401k, debt, house, kids). Go to a cash only lifestyle. Take all the debit and credit cards and secure them in a safe place. Every paycheck, take cash, and literally put them in envelopes - each representing a budget item (gas, food, grocery,etc). When the envelop is empty, you are done with that item until your next check. In sum, YOU take control of the finances since he has not - nor likely will. Its the envelopes method of personal finance and is found with google readily.

 

Your H will not like this. Solution: get a job.

 

If you are truly concerned with his diet - tell him. Offer a system of rewards for NOT eating junk food for a certain period of time. If he forgoes 7 days of NO junk food, he can on the 8th and he gets his reward.

 

If you are upset with him eating really yummy and smelly (in a good way) fast food while you eat a piece of lettuce with wheat germ on top - how rude of him. That's just disrespectful and in no way supporting you. Tell him about it and hopefully he will change his mind. If not, then lets consider this an extra challenge for you to overcome. MY office gives out free soda's - and I have sworn off but one per week. I hate them for that - then I decided I didn't and it was my OWN willpower on trial. And no refrigerator full of Dr Pepper (the world's greatest drink) was going to bend MY will. And it got easier in time.

 

Just my meandering thoughts...

[Keenly]

The point is that it's rude and disrespectful to bring tons of junk food into the house when you know your spouse is trying to lose weight when you've talked about eating better together. Blatantly lying about eating better and etc. It's not supportive at all. And letting yourself go is a problem...bad diet, no exercise. My mom is struggling to lose her last 60 pounds and keeps her fridge full of healthy food, because she will get too tempted if junk is in her fridge and eat it. This is what happens when you have an eating disorder. A lot of people simply cannot just look at a ton of junk food in their fridge and not eat it. There is truth to the fact that if you keep your fridge full of healthy food, you will eat healthy. If you keep it full of junk, you will eat junk. That is what I am saying.

 

Why is your potential eating disorder HIS fault?

 

Your journey of testing healthy is exactly that. YOUR journey.

 

How is it disrespectful for him to continue to enjoy food because YOU want to eat healthy?

 

 

What if he demmanded you give up something you love?

You say its not about control... but then you make it about control. You can't demand your husband do something because you want to do it. You are kind of treating him like a child in that regard.

 

 

Do we live in a society where person A gets to decide what person B can and can't do with the excuse of " because I care " ?

 

Let the man eat. Seriously. But keep on him about being a bum .

[Poppygoodwill]

It seems to me that this isn't about food or money, it is about having control over your own life.

 

From her point of view, things are out of control. The finances are in bad shape. They're both getting fat and unhealthy. And the OP's attempts so far to address these problems that are causing her great stress, have met with resistance. Her H doesn't acknowledge her stress and for whatever reason, can't bring himself to change his behaviour to try to relieve her stress.

 

I would wager that the H also feels out of control. He's barely working and his W is unhappy and maybe he feels like a bit of a loser who can't take care of business, so perhaps the way he deals with that is to eat junk food.

 

She's trying to stop eating junk in order to feel more in control of her life, and he's seeking it out in order to achieve the same result for himself.

 

What to do?

 

I think OP you've got to make a budget, yes but also try to engage the H in a long term planning conversation. If you can. I suspect that if you see that it won't always be like this, if you can agree that in the next six months he'll find another job, or whatever..then that will relieve the stress.

 

If I were you I'd feel I was lookign down a long, dark, poor and fat tunnel where I didn't want to go, but my H was sort of dragging me. I'd be like you and start fighting to stop it. I would be wondering: is this how it's always going to be??

 

But in all likelihood this is just a phase of life - that strange post-college phase - that will pass and he will move on to better things. But maybe you need to get his assurance that he's interested and willing to work on that.

 

in the meantime, get your own bank account. Perfectly reasonable to have a 'house account' to pay the bills out of and the rest is yours or his. That will also relieve some of the pressure.

 

And if you find he has no interest in planning ahead, in making things better, in carrying his fair share, in doing what it takes to make life less stressful for you....then maybe you need to seriously reconsider whether your H is ready to be someone's H.

Edited May 30, 2014 by Poppygoodwill

[PegNosePete]

For #1: He makes junky food choices and you can either

- tolerate his lifestyle choices and let it go;

- decide you can't tolerate it his lifestyle choices and leave him

- try to change him in a variety of ways (not saying that's bad, but know that it's limited, because):

ultimately this one is his choice about what to put into his own body, and he's going to be making these choices himself for the rest of his life.

 

For #2: I do understand this, and I think it's good when partners are supportive and don't tempt the other with something that is addictive or otherwise a problem for them. Would he be willing to not bring junky or high calorie food into the house, and only eat it on his own time? Are there any other ways that he can be supportive that allow him to eat what he wants, but be supportive of you at the same time? Would he be willing to do those things?

 

For #3: You need a budget to deal with #3.

Yep, right on.

 

Here is the approach I would take...

 

"Look Husband, I would like you to eat healthily so that we can have a long and diabetes-free life together, but ultimately that's your choice, I am not your mother and I can't control your diet choices. So here is a compromise I will make with you. I will not tell you off or nag you about what you eat if you can do two things for me. Firstly, when you're away from the house you can eat whatever you like, but please don't bring unhealthy foods home because I am trying to eat healthily and this is sabotaging my efforts. Secondly, the junk food is expensive and we need to set and stick to a budget which satisfies both of our needs."

[Ninjainpajamas]

wanting a husband to eat healthier isn't about control, it's about keeping him alive in the long run.

 

 

would you want to watch the one you love get diabetes, heart disease, etc. and die prematurely when they could simply put some effort into making better choices?

 

 

keeping your life partner and parent of your children alive is a priority. it's not about control at all.

 

It is about control, you're not his daddy or mommy...the man may die in a car accident next week for all you know, so what's the point of harassing him and taking his personal issue/struggle and making it all about you, just because you can "justify" it in a way that makes it feel selfless when it is selfish of you to want to change someone for what you believe is good for them, instead of just letting them be in control of their own lives.

 

What don't you get about that not being your responsibility in a relationship, you don't try and change people, you can't change someone who doesn't want to, they have to change for themselves.

 

It really gets under my skin when people date others knowing their personal issues but then at some point try and take control of their issue and make it your own by trying to fix it or "help" them resolve it, when they're not even asking for your help...instead of just let the person be, it's not your problem, just because you're with the man/woman doesn't mean now you play god and try to effect his lifespan because you're in a relationship or even married to them.

 

So why resent someone? why get all upset and take it personal? if you don't like sharing a joint account...then get your own and use your own. If you don't like the fact he eats junk food and eats unhealthy because of how it affects you then cook for yourself and let him do what he wants.

 

Why make him feel he needs to go behind your back? you think it's going to stop him because you apply pressure and throw a fit every now and again? you think that's really going to work.

 

And then it becomes about your "life partner" and about the "children"...ffs, WHY DID YOU CHOOSE SOMEONE IN THE FIRST PLACE TO MARRY OR HAVE CHILDREN WITH THEN! what about that? oh no, of course that's not the way to think about it...instead let's just conveniently manipulate the fact that you now have a "right" to enforce your will upon this person because of X reason .

 

If you don't like your partners habits and the way they do things...don't be with them, or accept that this is their battle and their going to "fix" whatever issue they have, and that'll be up to them, because you're fighting a losing battle otherwise, you're never going to change a persons issues alone or with your "motivation" aka kick up the butt, that doesn't work when you turn around and walk away.

 

But nope, instead you'll focus on what he's doing instead of what you're doing and go AROUND and AROUND because you'll have to keep playing his parent and then you'll feel all betrayed and violated when he breaks the golden rules you've set for him...just because YOU ARE trying to accomplish something FOR HIM and let's not forget, YOU.

 

This is why you test compatibility people, this is why you don't jump into long-term relationships with people you hardly know and have lived with to gain that experience, this is why you grow up and work out your own issues and have relationships to understand what kind of person really works for you...instead of going around in circles trying to make a relationship work that doesn't till the end of time...look at old couples, there's plenty out there, marriages and all who've been fighting over crap countless times and ask yourself if that's where you want to be too, just bickering, resenting and nagging...what a blissful vision that must be, and for what?...the kids?, I swear, if people don't have an excuse to stay in a relationship they'll come up with one or make one.

[WasOtherWoman]

Here is one thing learned long ago.... NEVER BECOME YOUR HUSBAND'S PARENT.

 

This is a very, very bad habit for a woman to get into and will only lead to trouble in your marriage. I agree with the others who have said this is about money, but again, do not become your husband's mommy.

 

Come up with a solution to that problem that involves him acting like an adult and never mind what he is choosing to eat. At this point, he is probably doing exactly the opposite on purpose (rebelling against mommy).

[Keenly]

Ninja nailed it.

 

 

I also have to add that its not his responsibility to maintain YOUR self control.just because you want to eat healthy does not mean you have the right to demand he change his diet, or jeep food he wants to bring home for himself away from you. That's the textbook definition of controlling, when you decide what he can and can't eat.

 

 

You do , however, need to remove joint status from your accounts.

[Mr. Lucky]

Firstly, when you're away from the house you can eat whatever you like, but please don't bring unhealthy foods home because I am trying to eat healthily and this is sabotaging my efforts.

Any approach that relies on avoiding temptation will fail. You succeed when you move towards good choices rather than running away from bad ones...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Zahara]

When I married my ex-husband, we were both at a healthy weight. Years later, we both ballooned. He had about 160lbs to lose and I had about 65 lbs to lose.

 

I made the choice to change my eating habits and started an exercise plan. He was on board for a few weeks and then he went back to his old patterns. We bickered and fought all the time.

 

He brought junk food into the house. It did bother me that first few months but I realized I am my best supporter and if I couldn't get support him, it was up to me and my self-control and my determination.

 

We divorced about a year later. He remained that way while I went on to lose all the weight and lead a much healthier life. Nine years later, he is now on the road to losing the weight and determined to get healthy.

 

That change can only come from him. You can't force it on him nor can you expect it from him. He's going to make that mental change when he wants to. Forcing him is only going to cause you more problems.

[Phoe]

What don't you get about that not being your responsibility in a relationship, you don't try and change people, you can't change someone who doesn't want to, they have to change for themselves.

 

It really gets under my skin when people date others knowing their personal issues but then at some point try and take control of their issue and make it your own by trying to fix it or "help" them resolve it, when they're not even asking for your help...instead of just let the person be, it's not your problem, just because you're with the man/woman doesn't mean now you play god and try to effect his lifespan because you're in a relationship or even married to them.

 

Jesus.

 

 

I really hope your rant wasn't aimed at me, because if so, you sadly have many facts extremely wrong. But the fact that you specifically quoted me before going off seems to indicate you are ranting at me, so I will respond.

 

 

I'm not throwing fits. I'm not trying to control a man's life or play god. How you come up with such a ridiculous notion is beyond me.

 

 

Did you know that my boyfriend has actually SAID "I need to start eating healthier so I can be around 40 years from now"

 

 

Yeah. He WANTS to eat healthier. What a concept!

 

 

The issue is figuring out ways to actually get him onboard with what he wants to do. Helping make it happen for him. Cooking healthy and making appropriate serving sizes. But then he has a mental block about vegetables, and the question I have, and I'm sure the OP has this same question, is how to get him past this mental block? How to introduce him to vegetables in a positive way?

 

 

Then come the crabby "You're not god!" "Stop controlling him!" "Don't date people if you're gonna control your lives!" "There'll be resentment!" responses

 

 

Good grief. Such knee-jerk over the top reactions. Par for the course in this forum, especially in threads with really innocuous questions.

[silvershadowbeliever]

I told him yesterday that we will each be opening our own accounts. He will do his today and I will do mine tomorrow when I'm off of work. Joint account will be used for bills only.

 

Do any of you have any suggestions about how to go about paying for household expenses when one person makes less than the other? Should each person still pay 50/50? I know he makes less, but I am not comfortable with him paying less than his share as working part time and minimal effort to find a second job or full time work has been his choice this past year. I don't think it is fair for me to pay more than 50% of things considering. Maybe lack of money will make him realize that he needs to get moving about finding a second job like I have, instead of just relying on me.

 

Keenly, honestly, I can understand that if someone is single, but when you're married, you make sacrifices. It's not just about YOU anymore. If you just want to do what YOU want and pay not attention to others then by all means, stay single. I've made my fair share of sacrifices and I expect my husband to do the same otherwise there is no marriage.

 

Considering he is not financially responsible, that means I will have to take control of the budget. I don't think saying, "no eating out more than once a week" is unreasonable. If he is unhappy about that, the answer is getting a second job and not sitting around with a woe is me attitude.

Edited May 30, 2014 by silvershadowbeliever

[Phoe]

I told him yesterday that we will each be opening our own accounts. He will do his today and I will do mine tomorrow when I'm off of work. Joint account will be used for bills only.

 

Keenly, honestly, I can understand that if someone is single, but when you're married, you make sacrifices. It's not just about YOU anymore. If you just want to do what YOU want and pay not attention to others then by all means, stay single. I've made my fair share of sacrifices and I expect my husband to do the same otherwise there is no marriage.

 

I think the split accounts is a good idea. That way, despite his eating habits, you can rest easy about how much he's spending on those non-necessities.

 

 

I also agree with the 2nd paragraph. At no point is encouraging someone to eat healthier about control. If people are exhibiting multiple other instances of trying to control someone, then fine. But when it comes down to it, on it's own, it's not about control.

 

 

Marriage is a partnership that requires effort on both ends to keep that marriage alive. And making sure that you are around 20 years from now, especially for stuff that is very preventable, is part of that.

 

 

Sure, someone can die in a car accident. We wear our seatbelts, drive the speedlimit, and don't drive intoxicated to help prevent those things from happening. It should also be standard that someone put effort into making better eating choices to prevent early death from obesity related diseases.

 

 

We are not asking our partners to go on some insane paleo raw diet and eat nothing but grass and bird seed. Not even close. We just want to encourage better choices. Accepting more vegetables on the plate at dinnertime. Instead of another soda, flavored water. If he loves those potato chips, portion them out into ziploc baggies so he can still have what he loves, but not scarf down the whole bag.

 

 

We want to find positive ways to encourage this behavior, so they can accept it happily. None of it is about "forcing" someone. If anything, I think the whole concept of this thread exists because of the desire to NOT FORCE.

 

 

If OP and I wanted to force our SO's to eat veggies, we'd go ahead and do that and be tyrant bitches about the food and skip this thread altogether.

[Phoe]

If he loves those potato chips, portion them out into ziploc baggies so he can still have what he loves, but not scarf down the whole bag.

 

Funny enough, I love flamin hot cheetos. They're awful for me but for whatever unknown reason I am insanely addicted.

 

 

I cannot buy a bag. Nope. I will eat the whole bag.

 

 

My boyfriend bought a bag of hot cheetos the other day and in my head I'm thinking "crap. crap crap crap".

 

 

As soon as he got home, he went in the kitchen, portioned out the whole bag intto serving appropriate ziploc baggies, and then brought me the baggies saying "I know how bad you feel when you eat the whole bag, so now you can take a baggie with you to work and have a little bit everyday".

 

 

That meant a lot. And the fact that he knows to do that shows that the right ideas are in his head, he just hasn't yet applied those ideas to his own diet.