should i break it off because im not DEEPLY inlove with this perfect guy?

[confuzzeled]

im so confused..

 

i am 27 and my boyfriend of 4 years ask me to marry him..

 

He is everything i could ask for..he is sweet and honest..forgiving..very good looking..all the qualitys i can ever wish for i found in him!!everyone loves him for me..everyone says we werent meant for eachother..I do love him..and i appreciate him soo much..

 

so the problem is that i am not head over heals inlove with him..i AM inlove with him..but just not head over heals INLOVE..

 

I know that kind of HEAD OVER HEALS I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND EVER love feeling exisit!!..because i felt that with my EX boyfriend!!..i messed up with my ex by lying..so he left me..i was devestated i taught i would never love again it took me a long time until i met my current boyfriend..i fell inlove with him..he is soo good to me!! we perfect!!

 

dont get me wrong..

 

i am WAY over my exboyfriend..

 

but what gets me is that I dont feel the HEAD OVER HEELS I WANNA LOVE YOU FOEVER WITH him..its just not there..i know it exisits. but i dont feel it with him..

 

i know every love is different, but i believe when you get married you should feel that kind of LOVE..

 

should i just settle with being inlove?...

 

or should i end it with with my boyfriend and wait till i feel that HEAD OVER HEELS I WANNA LOVE YOU FOREVER FEELING? i mean four years with him and i never even felt it once. is that bad?

 

i wish sooo much i never had felt true love before so i wouldnt know what true love is and i would think what i have with my current bf is true love.

[tattoomytoe]

you get out of Love, what you put into it.

 

for what ever reason, you are looking for an out in your relationship with your bf, and you need to figure out what the real problem is- is it him or you? otherwise you may lose him too.....

[favor]

I have been in the same position before and now...just like you...but this is what I believe in..

there is nothing like head over heels...love comes softly..

I believe in that. knowing consciously well...that I am not madly in love, I still continue my realtion because he is good in always...and I cannot afford to lose him bcos I dont feel a stupid fairytale love..

when I young, I thought there was something like that,fairytale love exisiting...now after all these years..I don't believe there is anything like that...maybe you feel like that at some moment in this relationship with him..but that is miniscule...but still believe that there is more to his relation looking at the time you both have spent together....4 yrs is not less to know and understand a person and to check compatibility with him for a long run...

 

Goodluck for you to decide rightly!

[GladCastro]

When you were a bright eyed kid, did you imagine yourself someday marrying a person with whom you do not feel that deepest connection? Comfort and compromise are a tandem which seldom leave room for satisfaction, seems like.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Just because you are not ready to marry him (and from what you said, you are not), does not ncessarily mean you should break it off.

 

I know what you are talking about, and I have felt it too - and had relationships without feeling it. True love is real. It's that feeling that everything is right, that this other person is a part of you, and that you don't ever want to let go, and want to be with that person forever. Do not settle. I know someone who did (went for the "total package", and tried very hard to develop artificial feelings of true love that were not naturally there for that other person they married), and it has not made that person happy.

[Pocky]

If you could walk away from you boyfriend in search of someone else to be with and not regret that he is no longer a part of your life then you should not get married. If you're always going to be searching for something better even after you get married then you shouldn't get married. If you have any doubts that this man is the one for you then you shouldn't get married.

[pseud]

Originally posted by confuzzeled

im so confused..

 

i am 27 and my boyfriend of 4 years ask me to marry him..

 

He is everything i could ask for..he is sweet and honest..forgiving..very good looking..all the qualitys i can ever wish for i found in him!!everyone loves him for me..everyone says we werent meant for eachother..I do love him..and i appreciate him soo much..

 

so the problem is that i am not head over heals inlove with him..i AM inlove with him..but just not head over heals INLOVE..

 

Understandable, because that whole "head over heels in love" thing is a magical little myth, and it doesn't really exist. If it does exist, the feeling is short lived and often too good to be true. You will most likely never, ever feel happy-giggley wonderfully head over heels in love with the person you marry. People think marriage and relationships are supposed to be these super-amazing, sexual, romantic set ups. Things just aren't like that, and they never will be. Yes, some of the time things are all super, but people spend too much time looking for that "brand new relationship" feeling, thinking that any lasting relationship is supposed to be perpetual puppy love.

 

I know that kind of HEAD OVER HEALS I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER AND EVER love feeling exisit!!..because i felt that with my EX boyfriend!!..i messed up with my ex by lying..so he left me..i was devestated i taught i would never love again it took me a long time until i met my current boyfriend..i fell inlove with him..he is soo good to me!! we perfect!!

 

At the risk of sounding mean, perhaps even wildly uninformed, I am going to say that no, it does not exist. The feeling you are talking about exists with new relationships and flings, and it doesn't last forever. True relationships involve a LOT more than happy glittery butterfly feelings.

 

dont get me wrong..

 

i am WAY over my exboyfriend..

 

but what gets me is that I dont feel the HEAD OVER HEELS I WANNA LOVE YOU FOEVER WITH him..its just not there..i know it exisits. but i dont feel it with him..

 

i know every love is different, but i believe when you get married you should feel that kind of LOVE..

 

should i just settle with being inlove?...

 

Please take some time to read what I said above. That super-duper lovey mushy feeling you keep insisting upon really is not what you are making it out to be, and is actually unrealistic.

 

You either love your boyfriend or you don't. It sounds like you keep comparing him, subtley, to your ex, or at least you are comparing the relationship itself with your previous one. If your boyfriend is so great, and you have remained together for four years, and he really is everything you've ever asked for, what the hell is holding you back?

 

Oh. That magical hippy feeling. I forgot.

 

or should i end it with with my boyfriend and wait till i feel that HEAD OVER HEELS I WANNA LOVE YOU FOREVER FEELING? i mean four years with him and i never even felt it once. is that bad?

 

I would say that is bad. If this hippy wonderdrug feeling is so damned important to you, you'd better tell your boyfriend now so he can stop wasting his time.

 

i wish sooo much i never had felt true love before so i wouldnt know what true love is and i would think what i have with my current bf is true love.

 

It really, truly does not seem that you understand what true love is. It sounds to me that you are fixated on that "new" feeling those "new" relationships can give you. Such a feeling can never last, and will dissipate after a few months to a year, if it even lasts that long.