Regaining love after hardship?

[elementha]

Hi everyone,

 

My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, and have been married for about 1 year.

 

During the first few years of our relationship, we dealt with a lot of ups and downs and stressful life situations. I made some sacrifices that, looking back, I probably would not make again. For instance, I moved to a state I really didn't want to live in so he could further his career (he was the one with the full-time job at the time). Long story short, this move ended up being a huge road block for my own goals. We dealt with some other issues too, many relating to communication which we are improving slowly but surely.

 

We recently moved to a new state to be closer to my family, and now I am trying to get back on my feet after years of feeling unfulfilled in my work and friend life. My husband has a new job that he enjoys and I know he loves me a lot.

 

The problem is, after putting so many important parts of myself on the back burner for so long, I feel like I don't love him the way I used to. I still care for him immensely, but I do not really feel "in love" or that I love him as strongly as I should.

 

I am trying to regain my footing, but I am worried that my feelings for him will not come back, even if I can get my personal goals back on track.

 

Has anyone ever been through a similar situation? If so, how did you regain those feelings, or deal with feelings of loss of self and fulfillment? I know that a lot of this is my fault for making decisions based on "us" instead of myself, so don't be too harsh.

 

Thanks for any help.

[jwi71]

Hi everyone,

 

My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, and have been married for about 1 year.

 

During the first few years of our relationship, we dealt with a lot of ups and downs and stressful life situations. I made some sacrifices that, looking back, I probably would not make again. For instance, I moved to a state I really didn't want to live in so he could further his career (he was the one with the full-time job at the time). Long story short, this move ended up being a huge road block for my own goals. We dealt with some other issues too, many relating to communication which we are improving slowly but surely.

 

We recently moved to a new state to be closer to my family, and now I am trying to get back on my feet after years of feeling unfulfilled in my work and friend life. My husband has a new job that he enjoys and I know he loves me a lot.

 

The problem is, after putting so many important parts of myself on the back burner for so long, I feel like I don't love him the way I used to. I still care for him immensely, but I do not really feel "in love" or that I love him as strongly as I should.

 

I am trying to regain my footing, but I am worried that my feelings for him will not come back, even if I can get my personal goals back on track.

 

Has anyone ever been through a similar situation? If so, how did you regain those feelings, or deal with feelings of loss of self and fulfillment? I know that a lot of this is my fault for making decisions based on "us" instead of myself, so don't be too harsh.

 

Thanks for any help.

 

What did your H say when you two sat down and talked about this?

[BearMox]

The problem is, after putting so many important parts of myself on the back burner for so long, I feel like I don't love him the way I used to. I still care for him immensely, but I do not really feel "in love" or that I love him as strongly as I should.

 

Do you feel that you'd still love him strongly if he had sacrificed for your career?

 

What blocks your contentment and happiness with him now? Do you feel the family should live somewhere else?

[Poppygoodwill]

Sounds like you carry some resentment and bitterness toward him for the sacrifices that you have made. Anger takes up all the oxygen in the room, smothering love. I would suggest that you need to banish the anger and then the love will come back to life.

 

Resentment can often be healed with the right amount and kind of acknowledgement and gratitude from those for whom we have sacrificed. Someone genuinely saying, "I'm sorry" and "Thank you" from the bottom of their heart. Is it possible to raise this with him and give him the chance to show you his gratitude?

 

On the other hand, sometimes we just have to resolve ourselves to the fact that we make choices and even if we don't like the outcome, the choice was still ours. We can't blame others, or put the responsibility on them for what we decided to do.

 

I somtimes remind myself of this. Right or wrong, happy or unhappy, the choice was always mine. I have to own that and can't put it on anyone else. Sometimes that helps to soothe the anger and I feel more in control.