Self-awareness leads to...

[IDK123]

Nothing.

It will never solve anything.

I have become very self-aware over these past couple of years, getting to know myself and accept myself in a way I never used to or thought I could. I understand "who" I am, and I also understand that it is clouded by a 'shell' that I've built up over the years.

I am shy and introspective, but only because certain childhood traumas have forced me to be this way. I think the 'essence' of me is very different. Had I been brought up under different circumstances I think I might have been a self-confident social butterfly. I'm very socially intelligent. I understand body language and people, very well. I'm just not confident enough to put that intelligence to use. I don't BELIEVE in my intelligence.

I was taught growing up that my opinions mean nothing. My opinions of myself meant nothing, only others' opinions mattered. I never had the chance to develop my own identity. I never believed I was entitled to an identity. I would always latch onto whoever was willing to let me until they had had enough.

I was taught that I'm not worthy of being treated like a normal human being. I was taught and have felt, and still do, that I am inferior to everybody else.

 

All this thinking and self-awareness have lead to nothing, except perhaps making me more frustrated that I can understand myself so well, and yet not understand how to fix anything. I understand that I hate people because I hate myself, and that I hate myself because of certain things that happened when I was a child, but there's no way for me to stop hating myself, or other people, because the hate is just so deep. I've been taught one too many times that there is a terrible side to people, that if you show weakness, people will rip you apart. So, I just always hide who I really am while keeping a distance.

 

There are days where I think about suicide. The idea of not feeling anything anymore is so satisfying. There are days where I feel things are getting better, but it's going so slowly. Every year feels like a month and I feel like I'm letting my life slip by while everyone else is enjoying theirs. I'm in my early 20s and I don't want to wake up one day when I'm 35 and realize that I've wasted the best years of my life. I want to get out of this before it's too late.

I have no idea how, though...

[Lani]

If you were taught all these things over the course of your childhood, is there not a way for you to learn new things and lessons now?

 

Studies have shown that you can, in fact, teach an old dog new tricks.

 

What is holding you back?

[IDK123]

If you were taught all these things over the course of your childhood, is there not a way for you to learn new things and lessons now?

 

Studies have shown that you can, in fact, teach an old dog new tricks.

 

What is holding you back?

 

Fear. Fear of everything. I'm so afraid to even talk to people. No matter how much I try, I just can't be myself around anyone. I can't say a word without overthinking. I go through a million thought processes before I ever say something.

[Lani]

Fear. Fear of everything. I'm so afraid to even talk to people. No matter how much I try, I just can't be myself around anyone. I can't say a word without overthinking. I go through a million thought processes before I ever say something.

 

Ok.. So what is your plan?

Do you plan on letting this fear consume you? Take the life you should leave away?

 

Do you see a therapist?

 

(sorry, I haven't read into your background)

[IDK123]

Ok.. So what is your plan?

Do you plan on letting this fear consume you? Take the life you should leave away?

 

Do you see a therapist?

 

(sorry, I haven't read into your background)

 

I saw a therapist a couple of times when I was younger. It didn't help much, but maybe because I didn't understand myself enough back then.

 

I don't know what my plan is. I don't even know if this is surmountable. I am so afraid of people I don't think anyone can understand just how afraid I am. I am even afraid to write this message.

[Lani]

I saw a therapist a couple of times when I was younger. It didn't help much, but maybe because I didn't understand myself enough back then.

 

I don't know what my plan is. I don't even know if this is surmountable. I am so afraid of people I don't think anyone can understand just how afraid I am. I am even afraid to write this message.

 

I think one thing is for sure here- you cannot continue to live your life this way.

 

I strongly suggest you speak to a therapist about this. I know it will be hard, and it may take you a couple of different therapists before you feel comfortable enough to even start telling them how you feel, but it needs to be done.

 

You deserve better than to feel this way.

I hope you know that.

[amaysngrace]

I'm sorry that you're in a bad way.

 

You seem to hold a lot of negative thinking and it's in your best interest to process the bad thoughts one by one and challenge their validity. You can do this easily by picking apart a negative thought that you hold about yourself by writing it down and analyzing it.

 

Figure out if it's true, consider the source, finds ways to change that part of yourself and if you are unable to change it then learn how to accept it.

 

Also too pay close attention to when you first started to believe that about yourself. Please make sure that you aren't holding onto unnecessary beliefs that were established by a nine-year-old you.

[IDK123]

I think one thing is for sure here- you cannot continue to live your life this way.

 

I strongly suggest you speak to a therapist about this. I know it will be hard, and it may take you a couple of different therapists before you feel comfortable enough to even start telling them how you feel, but it needs to be done.

 

You deserve better than to feel this way.

I hope you know that.

 

Thank you.

[IDK123]

I'm sorry that you're in a bad way.

 

You seem to hold a lot of negative thinking and it's in your best interest to process the bad thoughts one by one and challenge their validity. You can do this easily by picking apart a negative thought that you hold about yourself by writing it down and analyzing it.

 

Figure out if it's true, consider the source, finds ways to change that part of yourself and if you are unable to change it then learn how to accept it.

 

Also too pay close attention to when you first started to believe that about yourself. Please make sure that you aren't holding onto unnecessary beliefs that were established by a nine-year-old you.

 

I've been doing that a bit, and it's helped to a certain extent... I need to do it more. There are so many negative beliefs/thoughts in my mind that I am partially reluctant to analyze my thoughts because there is just too much to tackle.

I've been subconsciously creating a 'wall' around me since I was very young, because I needed to, and it's only recently that I've been able to consciously identify how strong this wall has become. I guess I need to consciously recognize that this wall is no longer needed.

 

I see the world in such a negative way. Everything isn't black and white. It's just black. It's a dull and brazen world that I'm afraid to be a part of, or I feel I'm not worthy to be a part of it. It's like there's something I don't understand about it that other people do, like I'm sitting on the other side of a looking glass. I don't feel "apart" of people, like I'm a different species.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Im no Dr but I would say you are suffering with severe anxiety & depression.. Ive been where you are and I can promise you can and will rejoin the world.. get yourself to the Dr's x

[SadNLonley]

Unfortunately, I have been there as well. Maybe the self hatred wasnt as bad as you described, but I had zero self esteem and over thinking and analyzing everything. Depression/anxiety. I couldnt let enough alone. I always ended up hurting myself because I couldnt let it go. The mind is a powerful tool and unfortunately many years of negative talk gets embedded and thats the only way you look at things.

 

I am not healed by any means, but I am feeling better. I started counseling, she advised me to read lots of books on self help, try meditation, and read affirmations.

 

I dont think it will happen overnight, but if you really put your mind to wanting to feel better you can do it! Negativity about yourself is so easy to do. Its realizing you are a good person, you deserve everything you want, and really liking yourself is the hard part.

 

Look at it as homework and do all you can to change what has built in your mind for so many years. That wall you built willl soon weaken little by little.

 

Good luck!

[sarbunoemi]

Childhood traumas are one of the most hardest battles for many many people.

Dear friend, I want you to know, that, you are not alone. You are not alone to hate everyone, yourself, this world.

I had my dark period too, 6 years ago when my classmates bullied me and treated me like an invisible being for being quiet. My teacher beat me up in those 4 years of elementary school when she had the chance to lay her hands on alcohol.

You are not alone. Everyone has dark periods.

Fortunately, these dark periods won't last long until we take a step to positivity.

I want to tell you, your opinion matters because you are important, probably you don't consider yourself worthy now, but God has a plan with you that's why you are born.

And your plan is living a life full of happiness.

Don't consider happiness as being a happy person all the time, no, happiness means having a balanced life, with hardships too. And when you encounter hardships, you try your best to overcome those.

Now this is your hardship - to overcome hatred. The best warriors will be held responsible for the hardest battles so, my friend, it's time to get a sword and start training.

 

Being prepared for the training - use your intelligence of self-awareness for yourself, as the first step. Ask yourself and answer honestly:

Why do I hate myself?

Where does this hatred come from?

Is it worthy to hate myself? What is the outcome?

Will this help me live a peaceful, enlightened life?

 

Second step:

Is there any solutions to overcome this?

How should I overcome this hatred?

 

It's very important to communicate in a relationship.

Write your answers if you wish

[Michelle ma Belle]

Of course being self-aware has brought you nothing because you really aren't as self-aware as you think!

 

We all come with loads of baggage and crosses to bear that are often a result of childhood or adolescent experiences and/or trauma. It's not unusual. We all experience it and therefore doesn't make you all that unique. You should find comfort in that statement by the way.

 

I read your OP and you do a lot of blaming and projecting onto others for the way YOU are and why you feel the way you do and act the way you do and why your life is as it is. You take NO responsibility or accountability of your own for the life you're living today.

 

THAT is not being truly self-aware.

 

When you're truly self-aware or mindful you ultimately become a force to be reckoned with, be damned with your baggage!

 

You accept the sh*t that life dished out to you and refuse to let it define you or rule you. You accept responsibility for your life and stop looking back and blaming your parents or your friends or boyfriends or whomever for how unhappy your life might be today.

 

Licking old wounds and spinning your wheels about how your past damaged you only perpetuates your negative thinking (and you have a lot of it) and holds you hostage right where you are indefinitely.

 

Self-awareness leads to self-acceptance which leads to self-accountability. The onus is on self, good and bad, for better or worse.

 

Being self-aware requires acceptance which comes from making peace with the past and an understanding that only YOU have the power to be happy or stay unhappy.

[IDK123]

Post deleted.

Edited June 1, 2014 by IDK123

[melell]

Is all role playing imo, as a construct our identities are made from lots of things. If you ever need to talk pm me.

[Do_The_Herp]

Exposure to uncomfortable situations is the only way out of this hole life has dug for you. It won't solve ALL of your problems, but you'll be comfortable enough in your skin to allow your inner self to show more.

[IDK123]

Of course being self-aware has brought you nothing because you really aren't as self-aware as you think!

 

We all come with loads of baggage and crosses to bear that are often a result of childhood or adolescent experiences and/or trauma. It's not unusual. We all experience it and therefore doesn't make you all that unique. You should find comfort in that statement by the way.

 

I read your OP and you do a lot of blaming and projecting onto others for the way YOU are and why you feel the way you do and act the way you do and why your life is as it is. You take NO responsibility or accountability of your own for the life you're living today.

 

THAT is not being truly self-aware.

 

When you're truly self-aware or mindful you ultimately become a force to be reckoned with, be damned with your baggage!

 

You accept the sh*t that life dished out to you and refuse to let it define you or rule you. You accept responsibility for your life and stop looking back and blaming your parents or your friends or boyfriends or whomever for how unhappy your life might be today.

 

Licking old wounds and spinning your wheels about how your past damaged you only perpetuates your negative thinking (and you have a lot of it) and holds you hostage right where you are indefinitely.

 

Self-awareness leads to self-acceptance which leads to self-accountability. The onus is on self, good and bad, for better or worse.

 

Being self-aware requires acceptance which comes from making peace with the past and an understanding that only YOU have the power to be happy or stay unhappy.

 

At first I was a little angry when I read this, but I realized that I do still have a long way to go in terms of understanding myself and more importantly becoming 'at peace' with myself and my negative thoughts.

I am not blaming anyone. I was simply stating what's going on in my mind and how I'm feeling in general. I made this thread looking for advice on how to change the negative thoughts I have.

I still blame the people in my past for the way I am today, and it's partly because I still blame myself for what they did to me in the past.

[IDK123]

I'm sorry that you're in a bad way.

 

You seem to hold a lot of negative thinking and it's in your best interest to process the bad thoughts one by one and challenge their validity. You can do this easily by picking apart a negative thought that you hold about yourself by writing it down and analyzing it.

 

Figure out if it's true, consider the source, finds ways to change that part of yourself and if you are unable to change it then learn how to accept it.

 

Also too pay close attention to when you first started to believe that about yourself. Please make sure that you aren't holding onto unnecessary beliefs that were established by a nine-year-old you.

 

I've thought negatively about myself since before I could remember. It's only recently that I'm consciously understanding just how much I hate myself...

I was always the 'bad kid' in my family, destined to constantly upset my parents and live in the shadow of my older sibling, who did everything right. I was constantly reminded of how worthless I am. My mother would tell me that she never wanted to have another child, that she wished I was dead. My older brother would beat me while my mother watched with a look of disgust on her face saying, "He deserves it." My father would beat me too. He would go into a rage and beat me senseless until he had none left, and then act like nothing happened, or give me the silent treatment for days afterwards.

They used to tell me they did everything out of "love"... which is why I have a very hard time with intimacy (with anyone) and creating any interpersonal connections.

[yorkie]

how to improve then, how do you actually believe yourself ? im trying to fake it till i make it sort of thing and im trying to hard so some people tell me. how do i accept myself and learn to love myself! that is so so hard! i am finding that the hardest thing to do! so i agree with OP.

[learning_slowly]

how to improve then, how do you actually believe yourself ? im trying to fake it till i make it sort of thing and im trying to hard so some people tell me. how do i accept myself and learn to love myself! that is so so hard! i am finding that the hardest thing to do! so i agree with OP.

 

I'm sure others have better suggestions. But you're looking down upon yourself as you're worried about what society sees you like.

 

 

You should only worry about opinions of people you want in your life. Other than that, your opinion should count most. So to love yourself, find people you admire and workout why? What do they do that sets them apart from others e.g. are they generous with their time etc? Then emulate the traits you admire.

 

Good luck

[SophiaDev]

If you were taught all these things over the course of your childhood, is there not a way for you to learn new things and lessons now?

 

Studies have shown that you can, in fact, teach an old dog new tricks.

 

What is holding you back?

 

You are totally correct, there are things that we have to relearn because being part of the social-environment we are in, we have acquire responses through our culture. Now we are growing up, we already know what kind experiences we wanted to achieve which gives us the thought that the only way to reclaim it is to be open, have the readiness and the willingness to learn new things and lessons.

[IDK123]

Of course being self-aware has brought you nothing because you really aren't as self-aware as you think!

 

We all come with loads of baggage and crosses to bear that are often a result of childhood or adolescent experiences and/or trauma. It's not unusual. We all experience it and therefore doesn't make you all that unique. You should find comfort in that statement by the way.

 

I read your OP and you do a lot of blaming and projecting onto others for the way YOU are and why you feel the way you do and act the way you do and why your life is as it is. You take NO responsibility or accountability of your own for the life you're living today.

 

THAT is not being truly self-aware.

 

When you're truly self-aware or mindful you ultimately become a force to be reckoned with, be damned with your baggage!

 

You accept the sh*t that life dished out to you and refuse to let it define you or rule you. You accept responsibility for your life and stop looking back and blaming your parents or your friends or boyfriends or whomever for how unhappy your life might be today.

 

Licking old wounds and spinning your wheels about how your past damaged you only perpetuates your negative thinking (and you have a lot of it) and holds you hostage right where you are indefinitely.

 

Self-awareness leads to self-acceptance which leads to self-accountability. The onus is on self, good and bad, for better or worse.

 

Being self-aware requires acceptance which comes from making peace with the past and an understanding that only YOU have the power to be happy or stay unhappy.

 

I wanted to come back to this post because it's bothering me a lot.

Frankly I'm tired of people like you judging and assuming things about people who you don't know or really don't understand.

You assume things about me, yet you know nothing of what I've been through.

The way "I" feel is a direct result of some the ****ed up **** I went through as a child.

I was severely beaten and sometimes whipped by my father.

My mother had bipolar and borderline personality disorder. She was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive and made me feel worse than worthless. She would say things like "I wish you were dead." "I never wanted to have you." "I hope you die." "You're worse than garbage."

My older sibling would beat me too. He was also extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother was always on his side. I was a second-class citizen. Everytime he beat me, she would stand right by him.

On top of that, I went to a military school from grade 10 to 12, where I was bullied and treated like complete **** by both peers and staff. They would make us do things like carry buckets of rocks across long distances. They would make us clean an entire room floor with a toothbrush. They would make us run miles with a 50-lb pack on our backs. They would make us face the wall like 4-year-old children. I remember once facing the wall while having a panic attack, and they screamed "pussy" at me while I could barely breath. They called it a "temper tantrum". This is not including the treatment I would get from my 'peers'. Almost every guy there was an a**hole... and they would take every chance to make me feel worse than ****.

 

So, I find it hard not to blame my family and my peers in High School for having no self-esteem/self-confidence.

 

"You accept the sh*t that life dished out to you and refuse to let it define you or rule you."

Not everyone has the same resolve or willpower to simply "refuse" to let their past define them. When you've been treated like you're worse than **** for most of your childhood, when the environment that's SUPPOSED to DEFINE you is toxic to the core, how can you not let that define you.

 

"You take NO responsibility or accountability of your own for the life you're living today."

Again, you assume things about me yet you know nothing about me. I came to this forum seeking advice from some people who could relate, not to be judged.

Edited June 8, 2014 by IDK123

[Emilia]

I wanted to come back to this post because it's bothering me a lot.

Frankly I'm tired of people like you judging and assuming things about people who you don't know or really don't understand.

You assume things about me, yet you know nothing of what I've been through.

The way "I" feel is a direct result of some the ****ed up **** I went through as a child.

I was severely beaten and sometimes whipped by my father.

My mother had bipolar and borderline personality disorder. She was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive and made me feel worse than worthless. She would say things like "I wish you were dead." "I never wanted to have you." "I hope you die." "You're worse than garbage."

My older sibling would beat me too. He was also extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother was always on his side. I was a second-class citizen. Everytime he beat me, she would stand right by him.

On top of that, I went to a military school from grade 10 to 12, where I was bullied and treated like complete **** by both peers and staff. They would make us do things like carry buckets of rocks across long distances. They would make us clean an entire room floor with a toothbrush. They would make us run miles with a 50-lb pack on our backs. They would make us face the wall like 4-year-old children. I remember once facing the wall while having a panic attack, and they screamed "pussy" at me while I could barely breath. They called it a "temper tantrum". This is not including the treatment I would get from my 'peers'. Almost every guy there was an a**hole... and they would take every chance to make me feel worse than ****.

 

So, I find it hard not to blame my family and my peers in High School for having no self-esteem/self-confidence.

 

"You accept the sh*t that life dished out to you and refuse to let it define you or rule you."

Not everyone has the same resolve or willpower to simply "refuse" to let their past define them. When you've been treated like you're worse than **** for most of your childhood, when the environment that's SUPPOSED to DEFINE you is toxic to the core, how can you not let that define you.

 

"You take NO responsibility or accountability of your own for the life you're living today."

Again, you assume things about me yet you know nothing about me. I came to this forum seeking advice from some people who could relate, not to be judged.

Ok so all of this, where will this lead you? That poster told you to take responsibility and not to allow your past to define you. You got angry because you are uncomfortable with taking responsibility. Ok so what is going to happen now? How are you going to fix this? Just feel self pity?

 

Advice doesn't mean everyone pats your head and tells you how great you are and sorry that you are victim.

 

I'm sorry you grew up in an abusive home, you are not alone, there are quite a few posters here on LS with that background unfortunately.

 

What you have described about military school, that's pretty standard for everyone that goes there. You were young and that's unfortunate but by no means unique.

 

You can't blame others for not having any self-esteem, I mean you can of course but how will that help you changing that?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I wanted to come back to this post because it's bothering me a lot.

Frankly I'm tired of people like you judging and assuming things about people who you don't know or really don't understand.

You assume things about me, yet you know nothing of what I've been through.

The way "I" feel is a direct result of some the ****ed up **** I went through as a child.

I was severely beaten and sometimes whipped by my father.

My mother had bipolar and borderline personality disorder. She was extremely emotionally and verbally abusive and made me feel worse than worthless. She would say things like "I wish you were dead." "I never wanted to have you." "I hope you die." "You're worse than garbage."

My older sibling would beat me too. He was also extremely verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother was always on his side. I was a second-class citizen. Everytime he beat me, she would stand right by him.

On top of that, I went to a military school from grade 10 to 12, where I was bullied and treated like complete **** by both peers and staff. They would make us do things like carry buckets of rocks across long distances. They would make us clean an entire room floor with a toothbrush. They would make us run miles with a 50-lb pack on our backs. They would make us face the wall like 4-year-old children. I remember once facing the wall while having a panic attack, and they screamed "pussy" at me while I could barely breath. They called it a "temper tantrum". This is not including the treatment I would get from my 'peers'. Almost every guy there was an a**hole... and they would take every chance to make me feel worse than ****.

 

So, I find it hard not to blame my family and my peers in High School for having no self-esteem/self-confidence.

 

"You accept the sh*t that life dished out to you and refuse to let it define you or rule you."

Not everyone has the same resolve or willpower to simply "refuse" to let their past define them. When you've been treated like you're worse than **** for most of your childhood, when the environment that's SUPPOSED to DEFINE you is toxic to the core, how can you not let that define you.

 

"You take NO responsibility or accountability of your own for the life you're living today."

Again, you assume things about me yet you know nothing about me. I came to this forum seeking advice from some people who could relate, not to be judged.

 

Good, I'm glad you decided to respond because I've been waiting...

 

I too am truly sorry for your terrible childhood but your story still does not change my response, in fact, I'm more adamant than ever about the things I've said.

 

I have several points I want to address first;

 

You're right; there might be a lot of assuming. There HAS to be since no one KNOWS you on here. This is an anonymous forum after all. I've already commented on another post about "assuming" and how it's hard not to assume when all we have to rely on are a few carefully chosen words to string together in a sentence that need to somehow convey just the right emotion and feeling and experience. Some people are good at it and can tell a full and complete story leaving little to the imagination while others are not and tend to be very vague leaving out important bits and pieces that might otherwise redirect our responses.

 

As for judging, EVERYONE judges! Hell, you're doing it to me right now! And so what? You can't come onto a public forum like this and tell your story and think everyone is going to agree with you or coddle you and not pass ANY kind of judgment at all for whatever reason. The key is not to get so bent out of shape over it. Besides, what you see as judgment, I see as honest no-bullsh*t advice. Just because you don't like the response you get doesn't mean it’s wrong.

 

As for coming here seeking advice from people who can relate, I CAN RELATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is WHY I responded!

 

I could turn the table on you now and accuse you of the same things you've accused me of; you don't KNOW me, you're JUDGING me, you can't possibly RELATE to my story....and on and on. Funny how that works.

 

The kicker is in all of this is that I CAN probably relate more than you know. My story may not be exactly like yours but that's not to say I can't or don't understand trauma and pain or sorrow or depression and all the other terrible self-destructive thoughts and behaviors you're speaking of that are a direct result of my past. Because I do and have and this is why I spoke with such unapologetic authority in my initial response to your post.

 

I’m not going to hijack your post and go into details about MY story but my biggest life-altering experiences included (1) Relentlessly bullied by two horrible kids in elementary school that not only tortured me verbally and emotionally but were physically violent with me and (2) I was sexually assaulted and molested by three different people between the ages of 4 -12. Two were family “friends” and one was a much older cousin.

 

These experiences (among others) wreaked absolute HAVOC on my life as a teenager and as an adult in terms of my self-esteem and self-worth. It also all but destroyed what I knew to be a healthy body image and healthy relationships. Self-destructive behavior ran rampant. Eating disorders controlled my life. Depression set in when I was as young as 9 and has been a constant battle my whole life. Suicidal thoughts? You bet ya. Planned several but only attempted one without any fanfare.

 

I know what it means to be damaged. Our stories may not be identical but I've been through my own kind of hell and have come out the other side a MUCH healthier and happier person with a resolve that is unwavering. I know what it means to conquer obstacles and challenges and toxic people and situations. THIS is why I tend to be rather unsympathetic with people but especially with women who continually play the part of being a victim.

 

If that isn't enough to convince you, I understand abuse too. I worked for a shelter for abused women and children for almost 10 years. We not only provided free emergency shelter for women and children but we offered numerous free services such as legal counsel, one-on-one counselling and individual counselling for both women and children separately and many other services which would take pages to outline.

 

I was trained extensively on the dynamics of abuse which included physical, verbal and emotional. I sat with countless women and children that came from all walks of life and heard their stories. Some were basic domestic disputes that often got resolved with an hour with our lawyal dispensing legal advice while others were much more severe that went on for decades and were so violent and horrific that I became an emotional wreck myself knowing this kind of evil existed in our world, in MY community.

 

I've witnessed thousands of women and children come and go. Some make it while many repeat the same patterns over again and end up back in the shelters or using our services over and over and over again.

 

I spent years advocating on behalf of women and children. I also spoke to hundreds of churches, businesses, schools, clubs, whoever would listen to me about violence against women and child abuse and particularly the effects that violence has on children.

 

Despite what you think of me, I know your story. I KNOW your story.

 

I may have been blessed with loving and supportive parents who were relatively “normal” but that certainly didn't protect me from coming out of my youth terribly scarred and damaged at the hands of others. No one is ever guaranteed such a thing.

 

Again, your story, although horrible and heartbreaking, doesn't have to define you unless you allow it to.

 

Yes, your parents indeed are to blame for a HUGE chunk of your pain. It's normal to be angry and hurt and resentful of them. They were supposed to protect you and love you and build you up not tear you to shreds. I get that. What you have to learn is that what they did to you is THEIR karma, not yours. It’s not a death sentence for YOU.

 

And no, it’s not easy. The process of healing is NOT easy. I never said it was easy but it IS possible to overcome your painful past without looking back.

 

You want to get over your past? Get into therapy or at the very least, find a support group for victims of abuse. Check your yellow pages for organizations that cater to this. You need to start your healing process by surrounding yourself with people who've been through what you've been through but also where professionals are leading your recovery process. It is VITAL! You can NOT do this on your own.

 

It’s taken me YEARS of relentless hard work to slay my many if not most of my demons and get to this point in my life where I no longer let my past hold me back. I couldn't do it without professional help. And therapy shouldn't been seen as a cop out but rather a friendly lifeline.

 

If you haven’t already, I would strongly encourage you to read the book “A Child Called It” by David Pelzer. I've read a few books by him and he is AMAZING! If there is anyone who knows about abuse and neglect and coming out it stronger and making peace with his past, it’s him. Please be sure to check him out.

 

Dave Pelzer - The Official Site - A Child Called "It"

 

Good luck.

Edited June 9, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle

[FitChick]

Plenty of people have traumatic childhoods. It doesn't matter what happened, it's the beliefs you formed, your interpretation of events, that are important. You think your beliefs are THE TRUTH but they are only possibilities. Someone else in same circumstances would have come up with different beliefs and interpretations so would act differently.