Stone Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Just when I picked my life up from the gutter I get pregnant again, and that's fine but I am only 24 I know I am already a darn good mother but I am terrified of being a single mom again with 2 kids, to face reality my b/f isn't going to stick around Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 I can see you are concerned about the future. It sounds like you feel that life has gotten a bit out of your control. I am so sorry about your bf, and what you have realized about him. I am glad that even when you're scared and vulnerable, your head is still working well. To see that he is not someone that you or your kids can depend on. Maybe he can be in your lives - I'm not sure - but don't put him in as the foundation because he is not up for it, and probably never will be. Stone, you do have choices. And you do have a wonderful future for you out there. You're going through a rough patch. Pregnancy is a woman's most vulnerable time - physically and emotionally. Make sure you call on all your friends and family for the support you need. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 stone, i know that in your emotional and vulnerable (read pregnant) state, that this may not be a huge help right now, but, i am a single parent, i am 33, and i have three fantastic kids.......2 boys and a girl.......i am doing an english literature degree, and aiming to teach, i have a great home, and have some fantastic times with my kids. YOU WILL BE OK GURL !!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 You'll be fine. Who needs a man? We have dildos and vibrators. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Hi Stone, I read some of your previous posts, and I KNOW that you can do it. You did it with your first child, and you will manage with the second one. You are tough. When faced with a situation, you will pull up your boot straps and do your best. You are a great Mom, and you will be with your second child also. Link to post Share on other sites
DUMBAS Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 This is why people shouldn't have sex before they are married, and have children by multipal fathers. The kids lose in the long run. How can you be a good mom at 24 with another one on the way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted February 11, 2005 Author Share Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by DUMBAS This is why people shouldn't have sex before they are married, and have children by multipal fathers. The kids lose in the long run. How can you be a good mom at 24 with another one on the way? Thanks that is such a big help Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by DUMBAS This is why people shouldn't have sex before they are married, and have children by multipal fathers. The kids lose in the long run. How can you be a good mom at 24 with another one on the way? When things are not meant to be they are not meant to be. It does matter if you are married or not. Sometimes even when they have been married for a long time the man leaves the woman on her own with the children, is she at fault??? no!!!! but she still has to be a single mother. You cannot judge her over her not being married because that does not stop a man when he wants to be irresponsible Having another baby on the way does not make her a bad mom. It's so easy to make remarks like this one when you are not in the situation!!!! but you are not there with her to see when she plays with him or when she takes care of him, when she puts him to sleep, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by DUMBAS This is why people shouldn't have sex before they are married, and have children by multipal fathers. The kids lose in the long run. How can you be a good mom at 24 with another one on the way? I'm unsure as to why she can't be a good mother to two at the age of twenty-four. Many single women in their twenties raise happy and healthy children. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Stone------------- I have read a lot of your other posts, I know that you've been through SOOOOOOOOO much! I can imagine the fear of ending up "back in the gutter" (as you kinda put it) is making you over-analyze things?!?! You've come so far through hard work and determination...being 24 with one son and another baby on the way DOES NOT in ANY way make you a bad parent as *dumbass* said! Also I'm sorry that your BF isn't willing to be a *real* MAN and stick around, from previous posts I gathered that he is older than you and SHOULD be ready to be a father and be a responsible man, hell he has been this far helping you with your son so why in the world isn't he okay with taking care of his own flesh and blood? Some people are beyond comprehension! BUT hang in there girl, you'll do fine..even if it gets tough at first, it can only get better with time! And if he's a douche and doesn't want to help you with his baby...stick his behind with a child support order! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted February 11, 2005 Author Share Posted February 11, 2005 I guess I am hoping that once the baby is here, he will come around but I won't count on it or be naieve about it. He is a good daddy to my son. Who knows It's just freaking me out that I am not married and so young.. I will deff get fixed after this baby. I guess some part of me is scared that my baby will be disabled as well, ( my son is) although it is probably not going to happen the fear will always be there. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by Stone I guess I am hoping that once the baby is here, he will come around but I won't count on it or be naieve about it. He is a good daddy to my son. Who knows It's just freaking me out that I am not married and so young.. I will deff get fixed after this baby. I guess some part of me is scared that my baby will be disabled as well, ( my son is) although it is probably not going to happen the fear will always be there. Your fear is completely understandable....maybe he's just scared he won't make a good father or maybe even has the same fear you do (that you just mentioned) and instead of feeling that he can open up to you about it, maybe he's afraid and in turn shying away? (I dunno but it's a thought)! "get fixed"?!?!?! I understand if you're sure you don't want any more children but you're so young (my age) to do that and OMG if you get the permanent solution (band aid I think it's called) then it'll be no more babies EVER! Not that of course that would be a bad thing, hehehe I know that this wasn't what the thread was about sorry for getting off topic but anyway I hope he comes around and that it all works out! Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by Stone I will deff get fixed after this baby. I guess some part of me is scared that my baby will be disabled as well, ( my son is) although it is probably not going to happen the fear will always be there. Both these are understandable given what you have been through. I know from reading your past posts that you struggled with the decision to have the baby. Now that you are having it, it is a miracle - its life. Whether it is disabled or not, I know that you are going to be the best mother you know how to be, and that is all that matters. You wouldn't be posting here if you didn't care. And don't let people like DUMBAS get you down. Everyone makes errors in judgment, and we shouldn't be condemned for then. Plus, in this instance, something beautiful is coming of it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 'member what my mama told me when I was pregnant....? No baby is an accident. You just don't get to find out why they needed to be born until after the fact. Whatever happens, I like to believe, happens for a reason. I'm sure that everything will be for the best. It is very scarey, you know I know first hand about that - and I totally understand that fear, I had it too, for good reason I suppose...I think all expectant moms do, though. Calm down and concentrate on baking yer bun, missy. Link to post Share on other sites
Beth Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by DUMBAS This is why people shouldn't have sex before they are married, and have children by multipal fathers. The kids lose in the long run. How can you be a good mom at 24 with another one on the way? Hi Stone, I removed a couple of comments from your thread that were directed at DUMBAS. I left his/her original post because I want to try and address it in a different way, hopefully it will be less rude! DUMBAS seems to be of the opinion that any woman who has children by multiple fathers will have children who lose out on something. That's not that uncommon an opinion and you may have even faced that attitude IRL. I'm thinking you may have encountered that attitude among people who are older than you and who spent their youth in a different society, and far less among your peers. The second part of the post is what I want to call attention to. How CAN you be a good mom at 24? You already know the answer to that, but maybe if you approach that question as a challenge you can reassure yourself by answering it with all they ways you already ARE a good mom? The good that you do for your children, the love that you have for them, your hopes and dreams for them, the hard work you put in to make sure they are taken care of, the fear and anxiety that you endure because you love them, the sacrifices that you make for them, the worry, and the laughter. I sometimes find strength in myself when I'm faced with someone who puts me on the defensive. In the process of defending myself I realize my own confidence and strength and will feel better because I KNOW the answer to the question, even when I can't express or explain it to others. You have an inner reserve of strength that you haven't tapped yet, but you will when you need to. A parents love isn't a well that slowly empties over years of tears and hard work and adversity, it can be dipped into over and over again and yet always refills. Hug both of your kids (you won't even have to get up to hug the newest one!) and you'll feel the strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 I have to tell you that was a great post beth. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 Originally posted by DUMBAS This is why people shouldn't have sex before they are married, and have children by multipal fathers. The kids lose in the long run. How can you be a good mom at 24 with another one on the way? Beth.. Thank you for your post :Merin is going to be quiet and say nothing out of line to uh.. DUMBaS: Stone.. YOU ARE a great Mom.. and while I'm not going to say that being a single Mom is easy because God knows it isn't.. I also believe you do the right things for your little people and in the big picture Stone When you've given all you have to give, loved with all your heart and soul thats all ANY parent single or otherwise can do sister.. you hope it's enough. Hang in there sweetie Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 12, 2005 Share Posted February 12, 2005 How CAN you be a good mom at 24? in the words of the immortal JohnPaulGeorge&Ringo, all you need is love. plain and simple, that's what little people need the most. and if you can willingly share that, you've got all bases covered, in my way of thinking ... stone, do you have a support system in place outside the 'Shack? If it ever gets to be too much, seriously consider contacting someone in your area who is part of the Gabriel Project team (google and you will find them) -- these folks ("angels") have a ministry of reaching out to moms in crisis pregnancies and just being there for her in whatever way they can ... I think you're a good mama for just even wanting to know! hugs, quank Link to post Share on other sites
Fuzzy Chickens Posted February 13, 2005 Share Posted February 13, 2005 Short Answer: Abort, Retry, Fail? Long Answer: As long as you have a source of income and someone or something to occupy the tots while you're working, you shouldn't have many problems. Link to post Share on other sites
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