HumiliatedGrapes Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 (edited) I'm not sure if I'm being immature or if I actually have a reason to feel upset.. so I'm hoping I can get an outside opinion and some advice. The situation is that I'm back at home living with my mum temporarily, the reason being that my recent break up left me with nowhere to live and very little money. I've always had a compilcated relationship with my mum, one minute shes like my best friend and the next minute we are pretty much enemies.. there has been some abuse in the past with her, verbally and physically. Anyway, my dad who has not really been in my life since he broke up with my mum when I was 8 (Im now 21) except for a weekly 'visit' for 10 minutes, where he used to come to give my mum money for me and my brother, now he comes occasionally to give the dog some treats.. everytime he comes, he doesn't really say anything to me, he'll say Hi and bye and occasionally ask about my university, but that's all. He talks to my brother more and I will admit that I'm a little jealous. I've always felt like he doesn't love me or he's ashamed of me for some reason.. he has no interest in getting to know me, even when I try to make conversation with him. Anyway, as I got a little older I noticed whe he came for these 'visits' they were more about my mum than me, he spent most of the time flirting with her .. which I do understand and I don't blame him.. my mum is beautiful woman and obviously theres going to be an attraction there since they were together for 7 years... however its always made me feel pretty crap seeing as he wants nothing to do with me. So last week this happens again, and it was one of those days were I felt so awful after the break up. He came around, said hi to me and then spent half and hour talking to my mum... I left them to it and I ended up crying.. I didn't intend for anyone to see, but my mum came up and she freaked on me asking why I was blubbering. I told her that I felt a little sad that he doesn't try to speak to me, then she completely went off shouting at me saying 'how is that my fault? I guess it is huh, you're pathetic' I never once mentioned her.. I ignored her and went to my room, where she proceeded to follow me, kick my door and threw something at me. She then comes up a little later shouting again, to which I ended up telling her that Im even more upset now that she couldn't even comfort me, it wasn't about her.. I wasn't blaming her and I would expect my mum to hug me an make me feel better instead of screaming at me. It ended with her calling me childish and saying that if I think shes such a terrible mother, than why am I living with her. Then she text my dad to tell him to never bother coming here again because 'his daughter is too jealous' Im not sure what to think of it all, I'm upset at my dad more than anything, but now Im heartbroken that my mum couldn't see my side of things. I never once tried to blame it on her and I didn't mean to be childish about it. Maybe I was, but I still think I have a right to be hurt, it has nothing to do with him flirting with my mum.. infact I feel good for her that he does, because he cheated on her before he left and that probably makes her feel great that he desires her when she is now happy with another man. But I can't help but feel like she should consider how I must feel when he completely ignores me. Also, I should maybe add that the whole side of his family have never bothered with me, yet they're very close to each other, so I guess I feel a bit rejected. Is that childish to feel like that? Edited May 30, 2014 by HumiliatedGrapes Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumiliatedGrapes Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Move and cut them out. That's what I'd do. Life is too short to waste it surrounded by toxic people...whether they're related or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HumiliatedGrapes Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) I know not many people seem to be interested in this.. but I just want to add something here... before my mum started seeing the guy shes with now, she was with another guy who was very emotionally abusive towards her.. it ended with her going to the police about him and my brother (who is usually very sensitive and soft) warning him to keep away. When they broke up, this guy spread some very viscous rumors, one accusing my Dad of raping my mother when they were together. Of course, I can never say for certain its not true, Iwouldn't know.. but its 99% likely not to be true. My mum is now secretly speaking to this guy again.. I said to her that, while its none of my buisness who she speaks to, its going to affect our relationship if she gets involved with this guy after he accused my dad of rape and so I asked if we could maybe talk about it so that it doesn't. She then accused me of hacking in to her email account and reading her messages from this guy which I did not. Im not sure what to do? Edited June 4, 2014 by HumiliatedGrapes Link to post Share on other sites
MikeyBe Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Im not sure what to do? You have a rough home life. Your mom sounds like a piece of work and your father is cold. You're 21, find a way to support yourself and get out of there. Pronto. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cookiekittens Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 I had a mom like yours and today I still see her only because my daughter loves her and needs a relationship with her. I agree that you need to get a job and move. Don't listen to what she says about you either because she is seriously messed up to treat you that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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