jesienna31 Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 NC broken, I feel so bad now.. today I gave in, not because I felt weak missing him but because he ignored me. We were passing each other in the building we work in, during lunch (we work not far). I was with my friend, he approached us and talked only to her, didn't even look at me at all. I felt so hurt... I couldn't control the rush of anger and hurt and I messaged him shortly after asking why he ignored me so badly. He said he is sorry that I felt that way, he didn't mean to but he thought that this is what I wanted- NC. He said he felt like saying hi to me too, but felt it would disappoint him even more, since the deeper connection that we used to have for each other... I feel I went miles back in my healing now... It was pointless to talk via sms so in the rush of emotions we agreed to meet and have a chat. I regret now... Is there a point to meet up if I don't want to go back to affair? Wondering if I should cancel it or just go and stick to my guns... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 It was pointless to talk via sms so in the rush of emotions we agreed to meet and have a chat. I regret now... Is there a point to meet up if I don't want to go back to affair? Wondering if I should cancel it or just go and stick to my guns... It is pointless to continue the conversation because there is nothing to chat about. It doesn't change the situation. Cancel and continue NC. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Cancel, and cancel now. Whatever questions you have, either won't be answered or you won't like the answer. This would only expose you to more pain. You may even expose yourself to the A again and I can't say that's wise at all. I think you know that. Cancel and resume NC. The answers you need, won't be coming from him. Hugs! And luck! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 aww...thank you. We left the sms texts at that he would let me know when he can pull out time to see me next week to talk. He may as well never get in touch actually, maybe he regrets this all today as well, just like me... Instead of getting in touch and cancelling now, shall I wait for him first to get in touch next week and then politely decline? What is best to do... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 Instead of getting in touch and cancelling now, shall I wait for him first to get in touch next week and then politely decline? What is best to do... Just send him a message that you think it's not a good idea to meet up and that you would like to continue NC. Get it over and done with. If you don't, you're going to be anxious about this till next week and you might just change your mind and meet him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I think it makes sense to feel upset to actually ignore eachother face to face, it is just common politeness to say hi to someone you know, but that doesn't mean that you both need to be in contact and resume talking just because. Just politeness of saying hi and then moving on. Resume NC 2 Link to post Share on other sites
movingon45 Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 The A will surely continue if you meet up! Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 He's manipulating you! Why else would he stop to speak to your friend and not acknowledge you? What happened was completely orchestrated by him. He knew you'd be upset and contact. Do be so predictable to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 (edited) He's manipulating you! Why else would he stop to speak to your friend and not acknowledge you? What happened was completely orchestrated by him. He knew you'd be upset and contact. Do be so predictable to him. Yeah, it felt like that for a while.. after my emotions dropped few hours later... He has enough pride in himself not to get in touch first, so I guess this was exactly what he needed... a trigger to make me get back at him... I do regret that I let myself loose it with all the emotions. I do regret that I wasn't stronger... back to square 1. NC day nr 1. Edited May 31, 2014 by jesienna31 Link to post Share on other sites
daisydook Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Do not contact him to tell him you don't want to contact him. Let your (lack of) actions speak for you. Ignore, disengage, move forward. He is a douche knuckle. Thank the heavens above he ignored you when you were with your friend. Pray that he does it again if the situation arises. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 Just one more quick question in regards to that... Do you think that the ignorance on his part when we bumped into each other was really a part of his manipulative plan to get my attention so i break the NC? or is it that himself he wanted to stick to NC- NC= no new hurts and he felt it will be safer (for him) to simply ignore me... Did he do that out of protection for himself (as he said he didn;t want to get more disappointed if he said "hi" to me) or was it something else...? I am just trying to work out his true intentions.. Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I do regret that I wasn't stronger... back to square 1. NC day nr 1. It's okay, just accept it as a little slip, remember you are struggling against a very strong emotion here, it's kinda expected. Don't give up because of any setbacks here and there. At least now you have learn some of the reasons that could lead to breaking the NC and all the elements involved, and what it felt like through out the whole process/incident. You are now wiser to face it next time. Don't afraid to go back to square one, again and again, until finally you break free of this trap. You know, as in that Thomas Edison's quote, you'll get there eventually. Be optimist, be patient and good luck. P.s. Be careful in working out his intentions lest it will touch your heart and fall back to him. I don't think it's important anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 Just one more quick question in regards to that... Do you think that the ignorance on his part when we bumped into each other was really a part of his manipulative plan to get my attention so i break the NC? or is it that himself he wanted to stick to NC- NC= no new hurts and he felt it will be safer (for him) to simply ignore me... Did he do that out of protection for himself (as he said he didn;t want to get more disappointed if he said "hi" to me) or was it something else...? I am just trying to work out his true intentions.. Imho, the only way you can work out his true intentions is to ask him and believe what he says. Trying to recall but didn't he tell you he was just respecting NC? Personally, I'd believe him. If you choose not to believe him and search for other reasons that you conclude, in your own mind, are fact then you end up in a relationship with yourself, not with him. You may possibly get all wound up in obsessing over things that aren't reality. Which is confusing and causes you to obsess even more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 P.s. Be careful in working out his intentions lest it will touch your heart and fall back to him. I don't think it's important anyway. True... I guess i just wanted to know his intentions to the whole act to know if he truly felt anything for me or it was just a meaningless fling to him. I guess I would like to know as anyone after the break up if he misses me, if he truly connected with me on a deeper level ( I would not like to call it love myself)... and was also hurt when he saw me... or was it just an act of manipulation on his part.. I know that this should not matter ... but it makes me wonder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 If you choose not to believe him and search for other reasons that you conclude, in your own mind, are fact then you end up in a relationship with yourself, not with him. You may possibly get all wound up in obsessing over things that aren't reality. Which is confusing and causes you to obsess even more. I see where you are coming from... that make sense. I usually tend to overanalyze everything that related to us... maybe because I never truly trusted him 100% in what he said. I guess it only means that it wasn't a true relationship in a first place without trust of who the other person is for real. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I see where you are coming from... that make sense. I usually tend to overanalyze everything that related to us... maybe because I never truly trusted him 100% in what he said. I guess it only means that it wasn't a true relationship in a first place without trust of who the other person is for real. I don't know about this, jesienna31. A lot of us tend to over analyze a lot of different things in our lives. I think it's pretty normal. I do think that if a person is given to being interested in how people interact with each other and how relationships work when something doesn't seem to fit into the normal mode of what makes sense to us based on how we've observed relationships to function that person has a natural propensity to try and figure out what they're missing so that it all fits together and makes sense. (I should edit that sentence but not going to take the time to sort it out, hope you can follow it). Sometimes it helps to be reminded that one can't figure some of these things out. I almost wrote that as women we tend to do this. But, then some men do it, too. In a general sense, though, for some reason the women I've known seem more prone to this than the men I've known do. You are processing all of this so that you can move on. That seems to me to be healthy, so analyze away here and hopefully you'll continue to get the support you need to continue processing as much as you need to, facilitating the way to move on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted May 31, 2014 Author Share Posted May 31, 2014 I don't know about this, jesienna31. A lot of us tend to over analyze a lot of different things in our lives. I think it's pretty normal. I do think that if a person is given to being interested in how people interact with each other and how relationships work when something doesn't seem to fit into the normal mode of what makes sense to us based on how we've observed relationships to function that person has a natural propensity to try and figure out what they're missing so that it all fits together and makes sense. (I should edit that sentence but not going to take the time to sort it out, hope you can follow it). Sometimes it helps to be reminded that one can't figure some of these things out. I almost wrote that as women we tend to do this. But, then some men do it, too. In a general sense, though, for some reason the women I've known seem more prone to this than the men I've known do. You are processing all of this so that you can move on. That seems to me to be healthy, so analyze away here and hopefully you'll continue to get the support you need to continue processing as much as you need to, facilitating the way to move on! Thank you... it was definately a day of processing a lot of thoughts. I really was trying to get to his head to know what he thinks or feels.. sometime it is not possible and we just need to let it go. It should not matter anyway if we stick to what we really want ourselves. Thanks for all the support in processing it all. I feel so much calmer about the whole breaking of the NC yesterday... I did not contact him though to cancel anything, as we did not plan any meet up, it was just thrown as a suggestion to follow up on. I preferred to go back fully to NC. We both got caught up in triggered emotions, I am sure he recognizes that too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Just one more quick question in regards to that... Do you think that the ignorance on his part when we bumped into each other was really a part of his manipulative plan to get my attention so i break the NC? or is it that himself he wanted to stick to NC- NC= no new hurts and he felt it will be safer (for him) to simply ignore me... Did he do that out of protection for himself (as he said he didn;t want to get more disappointed if he said "hi" to me) or was it something else...? I am just trying to work out his true intentions.. I'm a bloke and I say it's a manipulative plan to upset you and incourage you to break NC. My exAP done this to me a few times and all it did is make me hate her even more. It's a cheap move to still be in your life and make you want him. If he had any shred of decenty he would never pull this cheap move to hurt you. Any repectful bloke would be mindful of his ex feelings and make sure he doesn't cause her any further pain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 I'm a bloke and I say it's a manipulative plan to upset you and incourage you to break NC. My exAP done this to me a few times and all it did is make me hate her even more. It's a cheap move to still be in your life and make you want him. If he had any shred of decenty he would never pull this cheap move to hurt you. Any repectful bloke would be mindful of his ex feelings and make sure he doesn't cause her any further pain. Thank you... for replying. This was actually the first thought that crossed my mind when all the emotions dropped.. that he manipulated this situation. It hurts. Then other said that I should have trust that he was just trying to stick to NC... well it all so hard to judge what was on his mind, but my gut tells me that it was all faked. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Everyone is different, very low contact (i.e. speaking about once a month) works better than NC for me. I can't really handle being ignored and in NC at this point, but that could and will change once I start dating. We are also not at risk for being in a full-blown A because of his job, circumstance and the distance. Again, everyone is different and you have to do what works best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Thank you... for replying. This was actually the first thought that crossed my mind when all the emotions dropped.. that he manipulated this situation. It hurts. Then other said that I should have trust that he was just trying to stick to NC... well it all so hard to judge what was on his mind, but my gut tells me that it was all faked. When in doubt trust your gut! It rarely fails. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 Just a little update... I probably need to write it all down for myself to deal with it like on a blank piece of paper... So as he said he will get in touch with me to confirm that he can see me on Thursday (today) so we can meet and talk, it actually never happened. He never got in touch. In a way happy that it happened that way cause I was very anxious that I may only slip back to the affair when i see him again, but at the same time it hurts that he didn't get in touch even at least to say that he thinks it is bad idea to meet... or something like that. It really hurt that he didn't have enough respect to cancel if he never wanted to meet in a first place. I know that it would be wrong to see him even to talk but I can't stop the hurt... thinking that maybe I simply meant nothing to him at all... I really wish him well and although I know we can't be friends I thought that we could at least treat each other with respect till the end. Not sure what you think? am I interpreting it wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
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