Author Scarlet2 Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 I'm not really respecting him either. I'm allowing him to cheat on his W Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 He cares about his wife (Hence trying to hide you) She cares for him. He cares for himself. Who really cares about you? It doesn't come across like you care about yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 I'm not really respecting him either. I'm allowing him to cheat on his W Hi, Scarlet! This may sound sort of stupid. Also, keep in mind that the U.S is losing to Portugal right now! And, my mind may not be in the right place. But, I only ask this because of being curious. When you are together with him, things seem to be pretty good. You seem to want to spend more time with this man. Thus, I sense you see a possible future with him. If he does end up leaving his current situation, and you do get what you are looking for, would you ever have doubts as to him cheating on you? Some say that once a man is a cheater, he always is a cheater. Others are more forgiving and intuitive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlet2 Posted June 22, 2014 Author Share Posted June 22, 2014 So do I just disappear then? If I tell him why I'm going NC, wouldn't he just try to convince me not to and suck me back in? He says all the time he feels guilty for letting me down. I understand I don't have priority or respect and he has all the power but then again I'm not allowed to ask or expect that from a MM, am I? Hi, Scarlet! This may sound sort of stupid. Also, keep in mind that the U.S is losing to Portugal right now! And, my mind may not be in the right place. But, I only ask this because of being curious. When you are together with him, things seem to be pretty good. You seem to want to spend more time with this man. Thus, I sense you see a possible future with him. If he does end up leaving his current situation, and you do get what you are looking for, would you ever have doubts as to him cheating on you? Some say that once a man is a cheater, he always is a cheater. Others are more forgiving and intuitive. Yes, you sense right, I do see a future with him, plus everyone that knows us say we should be together too, if only he weren't married. I obviously don't have the missing piece that would solidify him picking me over his W since he is so extremely cautious of keeping me a secret. I know he doesn't want to lose either one of us, that's why he's being so protective. And he trusts me immensely because I could easily spill the beans since I know everyone he knows. I do not worry about him cheating on me. One, I'm already privy to his tricks so it would be even harder to hide a new OW, and two, I've already talked to him about it and I said I'd like to know what he'd be getting that I wasn't able to provide, also I agree with polygamy so I wouldn't be bothered as long as I was still getting my time with him. Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 So do I just disappear then? If I tell him why I'm going NC, wouldn't he just try to convince me not to and suck me back in? He says all the time he feels guilty for letting me down. I understand I don't have priority or respect and he has all the power but then again I'm not allowed to ask or expect that from a MM, am I? Yes, you sense right, I do see a future with him, plus everyone that knows us say we should be together too, if only he weren't married. I obviously don't have the missing piece that would solidify him picking me over his W since he is so extremely cautious of keeping me a secret. I know he doesn't want to lose either one of us, that's why he's being so protective. And he trusts me immensely because I could easily spill the beans since I know everyone he knows. I do not worry about him cheating on me. One, I'm already privy to his tricks so it would be even harder to hide a new OW, and two, I've already talked to him about it and I said I'd like to know what he'd be getting that I wasn't able to provide, also I agree with polygamy so I wouldn't be bothered as long as I was still getting my time with him. Tie game! Now, I can perhaps think more clearly! But, seriously. I think that he honestly only has all of the 'power' if you continue to give it to him. Just because your situation is different and does not involve a significant other within it does not make it any less important. We cannot always choose who we fall for. In other words, hard to fall for a situation someone is in/not in and not the specific person. You obviously have feelings for this man. These cannot be turned off and on like a light switch. The key is that you need to look out for your own self as much as him. No matter what you decide going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
littleplanet Posted June 22, 2014 Share Posted June 22, 2014 It makes sense, Popsicle. Just like they can't end it with divorce so they cheat. I wish men could divorce as easily as they can disappear on us. I hope he's not disappearing though. I've known him for almost 10 years, he's always been there for me, always cared about me. He knows I hate when guys treat girls like a55holes so I hope he wouldn't do that to me. But then again I never thought he'd cheat on his wife but he picked me, like that makes it's right *sarcasm* I know I should have said "ask me when you're divorced" but I thought it would work out because he's my best friend. I didn't mean to cause all this turmoil. I agree ConfusedMarriedOW, I will have to let go eventually if it doesn't improve. herself, I'm heading that way. I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt right now though. If I receive another excuse or get disrespected again, I think I will end it for him. I really appreciate everyone's replies because this is always a topic you can't talk to just anyone about... And now with all this time to think, I remember him saying he felt concern about how I'd be able to handle this arrangement especially if there are breaks that could go on for month(s), maybe he's testing me since this is the first time we've been apart this long? I can tell him right now I'm failing... I didn't agree to this... The part of all this that really jumps out at me is that he's also your best friend. That....is always a lot to lose. But some things go beyond friendship. He has a whole life, without you. What do you have? It seems to me that he has many, many things that he needs. And all that distraction, and meaningful relations....within his marriage. While you have......................? (him only?) And not even that, really. More of a - selectively created version of him. And if that has somehow been fashioned by you to be enough (when it never really is....) well then.......the tyrrany of the 'conditions' of an affair. for the sake of what you do honestly feel in your heart - you wind up heartbroken. I won't say it......but I will say it. Love like that deserves better, Scarlett. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Scarlet2 Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 littleplanet, he has told me several times to get distractions but it's easier said than done. I can make all kinds of friends online but in the outside world, they are just as busy as him. I've mentioned in a post somewhere that I am an adult orphan, all my close family have died, distant relatives do not know me nor I them and live in other states. I am in the worst possible position to be in. I was even going to start dating again before this happened so that I could be a priority to somebody but that's when he's like I don't want anyone else to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
thekid36 Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 (edited) littleplanet, he has told me several times to get distractions but it's easier said than done. I can make all kinds of friends online but in the outside world, they are just as busy as him. I've mentioned in a post somewhere that I am an adult orphan, all my close family have died, distant relatives do not know me nor I them and live in other states. I am in the worst possible position to be in. I was even going to start dating again before this happened so that I could be a priority to somebody but that's when he's like I don't want anyone else to be with you. Forgive me in advance for being blunt. The intent is not to accuse or judge at all. The goal is to get you to see that you are letting one person dictate too much of your direction right now. I lost my mom and dad early on and also do not have any contact with my family. Because of the love I never felt growing up, I have spent so much of my life trying to find it at any expense. It was not until recently that I realized it cannot be forced. No matter how much you may want it. It seems as if you also really want to find happiness with someone. You seem to think that you have found it with this one man. It is admirable that you want to be adored. The thing is that he cannot treat you as his main 'priority' right now. Thus, you cannot let him be yours. All of your thoughts right now seem to revolve around him. You care about him dearly. We all get that. Yet, you cannot live your life for anyone besides your own self. If all of this with him is meant to be, it will come. No matter whether it does or not, you need to consider consistently doing things which make you happy. Things which have nothing to do with anyone else. Edited June 23, 2014 by thekid36 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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