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She went from I want to marry you to good bye in 24 hours

tavares4pres1

By tavares4pres1
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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tavares4pres1 New Member

tavares4pres1

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The first 4 months of our relationship she lied about her school and work, gave me stds, lied on my mothers grave over a twitter post, and would go out all night and I wouldn't hear back from her until the following morning. Over the summer we lived 2 hours apart, but once august came I moved back to college and she lived close to me. The following 8 months were amazing, we would be so happy, I would send her flowers occasionally, tell her how beautiful she was, take her out to dinner, just overall make sure I was being a great boyfriend. Almost everyday she would mention how she can't wait to marry me, and how she looks forward to spending the rest of her life with me. She would also say don't ever leave me and how did she get so lucky to have me. During our whole relationship I told her several times, I am graduating and moving back home and she said I don't care I want to live with you wherever you get a job. Now fast forward to 1 month away from graduation she dumps me without a reason. She told me she wants space and ignored me for 2 straight weeks. Eventually she came to my house and i saw on her phone she was in strong contact with an older guy that she met at her work. She originally said I am not leaving you for anybody but then she admitted they went on a date and he kind of caused her to have mixed feelings. Now she found out he is a drug addict and left him but still is acting different towards me.

 

Then a week later I gave her a few days of space and she was BLOWING UP MY PHONE. She would call me about 8 times in a row then even called me off her dads phone, next day same thing 8 times in a row. Fews days pass and i didn't hear from her and then boom another 3 calls, and the next day another call. I finally answered and she just said she wanted to apologize about everything. I said thank you and she continued to try to have a conversation with me but I told her to never contact me again please and hung up.

 

She checks my twitter and sees that I talk to other girls and texts me nasty messages. This girl is a big time liar, screwed me over, went from i love you so much lets have kids to literally one week later i don't want to be with you anymore and didn't give me closure. She just cut off all contact after a year of a relationship. For 3 weeks straight every night between 12 and 4 am she texts me nasty messages like SCREW YOU AND whoever I was having a conversation with, or whoever I just followed on twitter. Some nights between that time she says I love you so much and will call me 5 times. Why was she doing this? she tells me during the day its over and doesn't want to be with me and doesn't have much contact but almost every night is either texting me crazy stuff or telling me she loves me. Now I haven't spoke with her in 10 days and its been the longest length of time that we haven't talked since the break up and I'm really starting to miss her. I don't want to contact her because I know how awful of a girlfriend she was but I miss the hell out of her. I need advice.

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tavares4pres1 New Member

tavares4pres1

Posted
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what I mean by the title is that she literally on a saturday said I want to marry you, I can't wait to have kids and move in with you, to monday I don't ever want to see you ever again. She would tell me everyday how I was the best thing that ever happened to her and when she said she didn't want to talk to me she said it was her and not me, but she always refused to say were done forever just done for now.

Alexjones1 Member

Alexjones1

Posted
Posted

Dude she's bipolar. Stop contacting her and let her chase.

 

So the first contacts ignore them.

 

When she does contact don't talk more than 5 mins and just ask her out. Make a definite time and day. Then just don't blow her up or over pursue. Let her contact you 70-80% of the time.

 

If you do this trust me if will work the way you want.

Natsume21 Established Member

Natsume21

Posted
Posted
The first 4 months of our relationship she lied about her school and work, gave me stds, lied on my mothers grave over a twitter post, and would go out all night and I wouldn't hear back from her until the following morning. Over the summer we lived 2 hours apart, but once august came I moved back to college and she lived close to me. The following 8 months were amazing, we would be so happy, I would send her flowers occasionally, tell her how beautiful she was, take her out to dinner, just overall make sure I was being a great boyfriend. Almost everyday she would mention how she can't wait to marry me, and how she looks forward to spending the rest of her life with me. She would also say don't ever leave me and how did she get so lucky to have me. During our whole relationship I told her several times, I am graduating and moving back home and she said I don't care I want to live with you wherever you get a job. Now fast forward to 1 month away from graduation she dumps me without a reason. She told me she wants space and ignored me for 2 straight weeks. Eventually she came to my house and i saw on her phone she was in strong contact with an older guy that she met at her work. She originally said I am not leaving you for anybody but then she admitted they went on a date and he kind of caused her to have mixed feelings. Now she found out he is a drug addict and left him but still is acting different towards me.

 

Then a week later I gave her a few days of space and she was BLOWING UP MY PHONE. She would call me about 8 times in a row then even called me off her dads phone, next day same thing 8 times in a row. Fews days pass and i didn't hear from her and then boom another 3 calls, and the next day another call. I finally answered and she just said she wanted to apologize about everything. I said thank you and she continued to try to have a conversation with me but I told her to never contact me again please and hung up.

 

She checks my twitter and sees that I talk to other girls and texts me nasty messages. This girl is a big time liar, screwed me over, went from i love you so much lets have kids to literally one week later i don't want to be with you anymore and didn't give me closure. She just cut off all contact after a year of a relationship. For 3 weeks straight every night between 12 and 4 am she texts me nasty messages like SCREW YOU AND whoever I was having a conversation with, or whoever I just followed on twitter. Some nights between that time she says I love you so much and will call me 5 times. Why was she doing this? she tells me during the day its over and doesn't want to be with me and doesn't have much contact but almost every night is either texting me crazy stuff or telling me she loves me. Now I haven't spoke with her in 10 days and its been the longest length of time that we haven't talked since the break up and I'm really starting to miss her. I don't want to contact her because I know how awful of a girlfriend she was but I miss the hell out of her. I need advice.

 

I'll keep my advice short and sweet.

 

She left you for someone else. If she did it now, she'll do it again if you take her back.

 

It's not your fault, she's young and it's all about me, me, me, with her. Count it as a SERIOUS case of immaturity and cut her off completely, without any hope of coming back. Find someone on your level

  • Like 4
jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted

I think you are doing great! This girl is bad news for you. Even when I was super young like her I would have never been able to lie like that.

 

I was fine doing no contact, it was super easy, then somewhere after the first week it got tougher for some reason. I held out more and now at just over 3 weeks it's gotten super easy again. Just keep it up!

  • Like 1
jbelle6 Established Member

jbelle6

Posted
Posted
Dude she's bipolar. Stop contacting her and let her chase.

 

So the first contacts ignore them.

 

When she does contact don't talk more than 5 mins and just ask her out. Make a definite time and day. Then just don't blow her up or over pursue. Let her contact you 70-80% of the time.

 

If you do this trust me if will work the way you want.

 

 

 

Ask her out again? LOL, no. Don't do that.

 

Oh, and the difference between her night and day texts she was barraging you with is alcohol or drugs. Pretty simple.

freetolove Established Member

freetolove

Posted
Posted

this is tough but just remember, it's all in your head. you love a version of her that isn't even real. come on she gave you an STD WTF??

  • Like 2
crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
Posted

Didn't read the whole post but same happened to me. Looking for apartments one day, the next it was "I think we need to take some time apart".

JoeFallkon Established Member

JoeFallkon

Posted
Posted (edited)

X2 on the bipolar part. My ex was like that. First week she would ask me to marry her I thought she was playin.

Then.she would ask me to get her pregnant..

She was so manipulative and I fell.for it. She moved in w me 2nd week I met her..started walkin out in the middle of the night..that's when I knew somtn.was wrong.

 

Textin f u in the middle of the night, askin me to errrse all girls from my fb but then I saw a bunch of guys on hers and she never errased them..

And texts real. Late at night?she's probably doin drugs. Hope not. But that's what mine was doin. Bipolars self medicate w drugs and alcohol..

Sex was great though. I still miss her and know how you feel. Even.though they ve made your life hell..all I ever wanted to do.is help her and take care of her. But u cannot help someone that doesnt wanna be helped..

Edited by JoeFallkon
  • Like 2
bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
Posted (edited)
The first 4 months of our relationship she lied about her school and work, gave me stds,

 

Dude. If you had a lick of common sense, as soon as you got your STD's from her, it should have ended. Not six, eight, ten, months down the road.

 

The minuet your dik started burning and the last person you had sex with was her, then YOU SHOULD HAVE ENDED IT!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted

This woman sounds pretty screwed up and doesn't know what she wants. Unstable. Time to move on.

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tavares4pres1 New Member

tavares4pres1

Posted
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sounds exactly like my ex besides the drugs I know she doesn't take any drugs for "fun" because she had heart problems, but she was a skinny girl and taking phentermine which is a fat loss pill her doctor gave her.

ponchsox Established Member

ponchsox

Posted
Posted

You dodged a bullet my friend. It sucks but she did the right thing if she truly wasn't ready. An engagement breakup sucks but a divorce is a traumatic life experience.

William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted

In line with LoveShack's encouragement to engage rather than preach, some postings have been removed. The 'alert us' link is always available to let moderation know when our essential goal is falling short in practice. Thanks!

Radu Established Member

Radu

Posted
Posted
The first 4 months of our relationship she lied about her school and work, gave me stds, lied on my mothers grave over a twitter post, and would go out all night and I wouldn't hear back from her until the following morning. Over the summer we lived 2 hours apart, but once august came I moved back to college and she lived close to me. The following 8 months were amazing, we would be so happy, I would send her flowers occasionally, tell her how beautiful she was, take her out to dinner, just overall make sure I was being a great boyfriend. Almost everyday she would mention how she can't wait to marry me, and how she looks forward to spending the rest of her life with me. She would also say don't ever leave me and how did she get so lucky to have me. During our whole relationship I told her several times, I am graduating and moving back home and she said I don't care I want to live with you wherever you get a job. Now fast forward to 1 month away from graduation she dumps me without a reason. She told me she wants space and ignored me for 2 straight weeks. Eventually she came to my house and i saw on her phone she was in strong contact with an older guy that she met at her work. She originally said I am not leaving you for anybody but then she admitted they went on a date and he kind of caused her to have mixed feelings. Now she found out he is a drug addict and left him but still is acting different towards me.

 

Then a week later I gave her a few days of space and she was BLOWING UP MY PHONE. She would call me about 8 times in a row then even called me off her dads phone, next day same thing 8 times in a row. Fews days pass and i didn't hear from her and then boom another 3 calls, and the next day another call. I finally answered and she just said she wanted to apologize about everything. I said thank you and she continued to try to have a conversation with me but I told her to never contact me again please and hung up.

 

She checks my twitter and sees that I talk to other girls and texts me nasty messages. This girl is a big time liar, screwed me over, went from i love you so much lets have kids to literally one week later i don't want to be with you anymore and didn't give me closure. She just cut off all contact after a year of a relationship. For 3 weeks straight every night between 12 and 4 am she texts me nasty messages like SCREW YOU AND whoever I was having a conversation with, or whoever I just followed on twitter. Some nights between that time she says I love you so much and will call me 5 times. Why was she doing this? she tells me during the day its over and doesn't want to be with me and doesn't have much contact but almost every night is either texting me crazy stuff or telling me she loves me. Now I haven't spoke with her in 10 days and its been the longest length of time that we haven't talked since the break up and I'm really starting to miss her. I don't want to contact her because I know how awful of a girlfriend she was but I miss the hell out of her. I need advice.

 

 

Look into Borderline Personality Disorder.

Words of warning, do not mention this to her under ANY circumstance.

 

Then look up what enabler is, in reference to the above and abusive relationships.

 

Finally, hopefully, you will realize you have a massive problem, built around your need to be white knight [though you will think of it as being a gentleman/good man], and act accordingly in the future.

  • Like 1
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tavares4pres1 New Member

tavares4pres1

Posted
  • Author
Posted
X2 on the bipolar part. My ex was like that. First week she would ask me to marry her I thought she was playin.

Then.she would ask me to get her pregnant..

She was so manipulative and I fell.for it. She moved in w me 2nd week I met her..started walkin out in the middle of the night..that's when I knew somtn.was wrong.

 

Textin f u in the middle of the night, askin me to errrse all girls from my fb but then I saw a bunch of guys on hers and she never errased them..

And texts real. Late at night?she's probably doin drugs. Hope not. But that's what mine was doin. Bipolars self medicate w drugs and alcohol..

Sex was great though. I still miss her and know how you feel. Even.though they ve made your life hell..all I ever wanted to do.is help her and take care of her. But u cannot help someone that doesnt wanna be helped..

 

 

 

 

I am 2 weeks strong with NC

  • 2 weeks later...
SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

Posted
Posted
I am 2 weeks strong with NC

 

Man, almost everything in your story I can relate to. I've been LC for 2 weeks and NC for 1.

 

Radu, maybe you can help a little here?

 

I've looked up BPD, and although there are a lot of things that make sense, I don't want to self-diagnose. When I thought for sure it was BPD, I felt a little vindicated :o , but now I'm not sure what it is. Something is definitely wrong.

 

A few of her traits:

 

- Now 22 years old with a 2-year old daughter

 

- Was EXTREMELY promiscuous from around 17 until she got pregnant at 20.

 

- Got pregnant from a guy within their first month of dating. Said she didn't try to "prevent" getting pregnant. Now I wonder if she sabotaged him into getting pregnant (after her not wanting me to wear protection and just risk it more than a few times).

 

- She dropped him after that month and was with a couple guys when she was pregnant and immediately afterwards.

 

- After her daughter was born, tried to work it out with the father. 2 months of that, and she meets and pursues me.

 

- I pushed back because of the age gap (I'm 34), but I also didn't know much about her.

 

- After I pushed her away, she met a guy online, slept with him first night, and was engaged within a month. That lasted a couple months.

 

- She then pursued me again, and I figured what the heck? I was receptive to at least entertain emails back and forth, so she broke it off with her fiance (which was a joke anyway)

 

- I finally gave in and we dated for 2 months. She would say how happy I make her and how much she likes me over and over, then OUT OF THE BLUE gets back with an ex that lives in her hometown (I'm an hour away). Literally is texting me one day how she can't believe how happy she is, then telling me there's someone else the next day.

 

- I was hurt, bad, but kept in contact for 2 months.

 

- She then realizes why she broke up with him, tells me she wants to get back with me. Like an idiot, I gave in. She's so much fun, over the top, optimistic, great outlook, etc.

 

- She moved fast, wanting me to be her girl's dad (who I got along with great), wanting to move into my house, wanting to get married and have kids. I had to try and slow her down all the time. I'd tell her that if things keep going as well as they are, all that stuff will happen, just relax and enjoy the journey.

 

- She would endlessly, email/text/phone, tell me how much she loved me and can't believe how happy she is now that she finally has a "future". Seriously, she was amazing at saying how happy she was and letting me know she loved me.

 

- 6.5 months in, she changes. Texts became little less frequent, she'd get irked over the SMALLEST things (she got irritated I put on sunglasses when it was dusk)

 

- Told me she loved me over the phone one night, and that she would call later, then BOOM, she admits to flirting with a co-worker and that she was talking to her friend about her feelings for him, which is why she hadn't called earlier. Was peeved that I called her when she should have contacted me by then. She was fooling around with that co-worker, and told me that she didn't want to answer when I called because "you'd just ask how everything is going and I didn't really want to talk to you." WTF?

 

- I told her off a bit, told her that she can't keep jumping from bed to bed, told her that I can't believe that she's throwing this away, then told her to get her stuff when I'm gone and that was pretty much it.

 

She was soooo UP and happy most of the time, but there were a few instances where "she couldn't talk" or she just acted so aloof and cold. But that was followed by I Love You / I Love You / I Love You emails and texts the next morning... she was a chore to try to keep up with.

 

I think I'm a catch, not being a prideful prick, but I do. I've had more than a few good-looking women pursue me, I have a good job, money, a good house, loving family, great friends, strong faith, I do a lot of things outside, play sports, etc. I'm no slouch, I'm fairly funny.

 

I'm honestly feeling so much stronger after this BU. Less drinking, more activities, and no despair at all. I'm finally feeling like I dodged a bullet, and big time.

 

I guess I just want answers if anyone has them regarding what may be "wrong" with her. I had the urge to tell her that she needs help (I really loved and care for this girl and her daughter), but I'm in NC and NOT gonna break it.

Justaguy30 Established Member

Justaguy30

Posted
Posted

If she did it once she will do it again and chances are she had been sneaking around with that guy way before she left you for him. No contact and find someone who would actually make a good mother to your children. You don't want to have a child with her and then one day she just disappears to go date someone else which will happen.

Downtown Established Member

Downtown

Posted
Posted
When I thought for sure it was BPD, I felt a little vindicated, but now I'm not sure what it is.
STH, the "BPD" that Radu refers to is Borderline Personality Disorder. I mention this because, in two other threads, you say you believe your Ex may suffer from bipolar disorder -- which is very different from BPD. To avoid hijacking Tavares' thread, I have responded more fully to your concerns in your thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/480018-need-little-guidance#post5760072. If you find that discussion helpful, I am hopeful that Radu will have time to participate because he is experienced with BPD warning signs.
drewdude Established Member

drewdude

Posted
Posted

OP, your post sounds nearly identical to my recent EX. Look up Borderline Personality Disorder. These girls are the SAME in almost every aspect. I am one week NC of mine, its hard but I don't plan on giving in. Be careful cause these women do tend to "recycle" frequently so don't fall in the trap. They are parasites and poison to honest, good men.

SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

Posted
Posted
STH, the "BPD" that Radu refers to is Borderline Personality Disorder. I mention this because, in two other threads, you say you believe your Ex may suffer from bipolar disorder -- which is very different from BPD. To avoid hijacking Tavares' thread, I have responded more fully to your concerns in your thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/480018-need-little-guidance#post5760072. If you find that discussion helpful, I am hopeful that Radu will have time to participate because he is experienced with BPD warning signs.

 

Downtown,

 

Thank you very much. I'm 100 pages into this forum, and have found your posts and guidance to be invaluable.

 

Did not mean to hijack this thread, and I apologize.

 

Trying to make sense of women like this, OP, is frustrating. I can say one thing for sure, we are so much better off without them in our lives. I can't fathom how they can mentally or emotionally do what they've done.

 

Keep your head up, OP, and know you're not alone and it'd not your fault. Good learning experience for sure. ;)

littleplanet Established Member

littleplanet

Posted
Posted

Well OP,

 

Whatever her disorder is.....is beyond you to fix.

The trust issues alone should establish that.

Clearing her out of your life and moving on is probably the best thing you can do for yourself.

You know you can do better than this.

No need to be her doctor. The prognosis hardly matters, does it?

She's a mess, and a lifetime spent trying to clean up that mess would be a pretty miserable life.

If self-medication is in the picture though......that would be a pretty obvious clue.

 

You sound like you're well on the way to your own good solution.

Keep that resolution.

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