Work is all I have and I don't like it!!!

[elseaacych]

I don’t know my overall purpose in life. I’ve had vague ideas of how things should be, but I feel like even though I am “on track” to my goals I feel like I am not in a satisfactory place. I don’t know whether I will be happy when I get there, or if I ever will. I have been trained to recognize patterns and opportunities, and it’s hard for me to say no to things when I can tell it will enrich me in some way.

 

This is where I am. I am a law student. I decided that I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger because it was the closest thing I could get to being a professional writer, and I had no desire to teach English or Literature. Then I discovered I loved Economics, but lacked the math background. So I just went to law school, because it had been my dream for so many years, and I was already emotionally finished with being an undergraduate student. Right before law school, I had a summer internship at a company that I really loved working for, and it paid well. I returned to work there this year, because they said they wanted to have me back. (YAY!) At the same time, one of my law professors asked me if I would be his summer research assistant. I said yes, without really thinking about the consequences. I didn’t have anything else to do really after work, besides read or work on learning a musical instrument, so I said I would. I was doing it “for the joy of it”. There is a lot more work than I anticipated, and it is swallowing the remainder of my daily hours. This is not the first time I have done something like this. In undergrad I worked, and took a full load every semester, and held leadership positions in a couple of organizatons...and graduated in 3 years. I am always "busy".

 

My day looks like this: Get up, go to work, go home/to the law school, work until about nine or ten o clock at night. Go to bed. People at my day job ask me what I am doing over the weekend, and I tell them that I am working. I have a deadline to turn in research by, and I am not working fast, so I know the weekends and weeknights are gone. This schedule will likely continue for the rest of the summer. I will return to law school in the fall for a similar schedule, but I will have class, and homework, and hopefully some hours to log at the office.

 

It is 8 pm on a Friday night. I have been staring at a screen for twelve hours. The only people I have socialized with this week are my co-workers and the people I live with. I do not have friends that I socialize with regularly at the law school. My long term (ex) boyfriend broke up with me about six months ago because he got interested in someone else, and we were ultimately incompatible. I am very introverted and need a lot of alone time because the world seems very noisy. Friends are hard to make and keep, because I don’t have a lot to “say”, and am “quiet”. It’s a strange new world. I thought I would be out having fun, and enjoying life while I am young, but I am not.

 

I take on work and projects because I am driven by “success”, being “passionate” about what I am working on, and I am easily bored. I need to feel “productive” with whatever I am doing, be it work or play, or else I feel I am wasting my time and get upset with myself. I don’t enjoy living in the moment, because quite frankly, the moment sucks. I take on almost too much work to fill my day, but in the end, I always get it done… at the sake of…well, I don’t know… fun. I don’t even think I know how to have fun, anymore. I can only sit around and read, or play music, or cook, or go golf, or live life unplanned for about a week before I need to “work” again. And yet “work”, in the general sense doesn’t seem fulfilling.

 

I feel directionless.

 

HELP?!?

Edited May 31, 2014 by elseaacych

[learning_slowly]

You need to work out whats important to you.

 

From reading your post, it would seem you are missing having friends and or a partner.

 

If this is the case, you need to prioritise. Think about whether you need to help your professor. What will it give you?

 

You only have so much time available, so use it doing things to earn you enough money to do the things you want.

 

If I was working as hard as you, I would start my own business. Then at least you would get all the rewards from your long hours.

 

Also remember there are others out there who are probably doing your hours and don't have a choice. Thus, remember how lucky you are.

[Els]

Hmm. Well, given your personality type, would it help to view friends and relationships as something that you want to 'work for' in your life? As in, set aside a certain number of hours every week to socialize. And also set aside a certain number of hours every week to spend time with yourself just relaxing or doing what you enjoy. Treat it as an equally important goal that you keep, along with everything else. Once you get the ball rolling you may find that it comes more naturally than it does now.

 

I mean, I'm all for working hard, especially if it's a temporary stint that you need to get through. But eventually you do need to learn to stop and smell the roses. Nobody ever laid on their death bed wishing they had spent their entire lives at work. Sure, you need to work, but you also need relationships (both romantic and platonic), hobbies, and interests outside of work, IMO.

[FitChick]

Every lawyer I know hates his or her job. A few make good money but don't have the time or energy to enjoy it.