LookatDuhDonkay Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 This is my first post so hello all fellow readers Let me start off by saying that I recently turned 24 and have been single for 5 years now. After getting dumped in a 4 year relationship I fell into a deep depression but after a few months I was able to pick myself a bit up by engaging in casual sex with three women. I changed my life, enrolled in college (already have an associates, working on my BA) very much in shape and for the most part people tell me I'm very attractive. I dress well and love nerdy stuff. The problem is that every time I actually like a female I find some way to mess it up. The girls that do approach me or flirt me don't "tickle my fancy" as they say...I like quiet shy girls and tend to adopt the "oneitis" mindset when I see a girl I like. I tend to be a bit bitter towards women due to my friends and personal experiences with women (being cheated on, rejected, dumped, etc) and it has affected my perception of women that hold small talk with me. When I go out, even when I know a girl likes me (because her friend tells me) I tend to avoid the girl even if she's very attractive. I feel like the majority of women expect you to play childish mouse and cat games through texting, calls and overall conversations. A few years after the break-up I felt great being single, I was able to fully focus on myself and spend more time with my friends but lately I feel like I miss being in a relationship, of having someone that I can call before bed but my pre-conceived notions of women prevent me from that. This is on top of the fact that I'm not the most talkative guy and very self-conscious. I feel like women today don't feel like they need men or even necessarily want them (for emotional connection). I'm really afraid of being 30 and single where I would look like a lonely creeper... I guess what I'm asking is, how can I change my perception of today's women? How can I believe that there's hopefully someone who truly catches my attention and sees me for the unique individual that I am and doesn't require all the stupid mind games that accompany the dating phase? People say you should just ask the girl out, and that I've done, but its not merely as simple as that, after that comes out the potential of a flake, of losing immediate interest. Also, a bit of side question, but do women get intimidated by attractive men? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iiiii Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 (edited) So you don't tend to like the girls that approach you, but then you avoid approaching the ones you like because you're worried they'll play games? Doesn't sound like a great strategy for getting a date. I think to some degree, what you call "stupid mind games" always accompanies serious dating. That's because both people are often confused and unsure - both wanting to believe that the other person might be the right one, but also not wanting to invest too much too early to avoid getting heartbreak or having their ego bruised. Edited May 31, 2014 by iiiii 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leeway Harris Posted May 31, 2014 Share Posted May 31, 2014 I'm kind of there with you, in that I'd like to change my perception of women, and trust them more. My experience has put some ideas in my head about sex and relationships that I'd like to let to of, in order to let someone get close to me again. Probably the only way to do it is to remember that even if you get hurt in the process, what you're looking for will be worth it when you finally find it. Good luck to both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
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