Minnie Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Always there for younger man. Freinds treat each other strange? or is this just not real friendship and just need based. have known my child's coach for years and we recently went on school trip with child's teacher. He knows I appreciate his efforts and have even written commendations he has been awarded raises on over the past years. He is single and young and it has been fun to watch him grow up over the past 5 yrs. Have always cared about him. More of a parenting thing I guess. I have seen him grow up over the past years and we are very proud of all he has accomplished as a teacher and for our kids. Solid guy and personally care about him. Well recently 2 things have happened. We just came back from a long school trip.......here he is on the trip dating his student teacher, age 20. as in just finished her internship and she is not even out of college yet. They were more than holding hands on this trip and he talks about it in class when the kids ask. Is it none of my business? I guess on one level we are happy for him but it sets a not so easy example for these Hs kids. Age difference, beside the point, 8 years at least. On one hand I am happy for him but on the other hand.....it was awkward. On top of that Ijust before we left he rolled some costs onto me he should not have w the trip. She came along and at the last min he asked me to pay my flight ticket even though I was the only attendant chaperone. The other 3 adults were other teachers and going to seminars and she was technicaly done with her internship and no longer a part of the school. I was the only one watching the kids. I would not be surprised if it was her flight ticket I ended up paying for. Day before Chirstmas eve no less. How do I bring this up to him? Sure I paid it. I did not know better that week not to. I did not know who was slated to go nor how much the school board had decided to pay. We are back now and yes, she makes him happy. I am tired of caring and being walked on. Is my assessment accurrate? Did not need the extra expense at the last min but was dumb not to be direct and question it right then. It was Xmas week and I had too much on plate at the time. So then we get back and he asks me to write admin a nice note about how wonderful the exp was for the kids. Good grief. My husband is very upset we had to pay anything. School covers these experiences completely. Only reason he did this was cause I am far to easy, care far too much and have been his right hand for years. Sure I will write admin and gush about the experience we did have a wonderful time and was rewarding.......but it seems something is not quite right. Please advise. How do I set a myself straight and remain caring friend. Or is it just too late. Should I take them out to dinner and bring it up there? Besides, I do miss him. He is good hard working guy. Maybe I am wrong and should just leave this alone. I am sure he thinks I am easy and love him and will do whatever. Meanwhile, I do want to get past this awkwardness and have years ahead of good rapport. Should I make him feel guilty? I guess if I turned it around and it was my husband that went out on a limb for a female teacher - I would be really angry as well. II guess we teach others how to treat us. Link to post Share on other sites
Nine Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 Hi Minnie, I agree with you about this teacher's public display of affection with the TA in front of the HS kids. Poor judgement on his part. It makes me wonder if he has the kids' best interest at heart. If I were you, I would write the positive description of the trip to the administration. I would also include a note inquiring as to why they changed their policy of paying for the parent chaperone's trip. It sounds like you have been used and I don't think it is because you are easy. I think this teacher may be the type of person who takes advantage of others. Good Luck and I'm interested to hear what you decide. Ciao, Nine Link to post Share on other sites
seera Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 I'm not sure why this post is in two different places saying the exact same words but I stand firm to my response to it in "Parenting". I hope you work things out Minnie, and I hope you can see how damaging your feelings for this teacher is. I have read back on some of your posts and one sentence has stuck with me.....you mentioned how "happily married" you are....please, stay that way. You can't be too happy if you are in love with someone else. Stop your attachment to this other man and please make an effort on your marriage, its your husband who deserves the feelings you are having for this other man. Be well, Seera Link to post Share on other sites
Nine Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 I did not see this post in the Parenting forum. Thanks for the heads up Seera. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Minnie Posted February 14, 2005 Author Share Posted February 14, 2005 Actuallly it is in 2 diferent places as I did not know one had gone thru, interrupted in mid sending it the first time.. As it is issue is not so much about the child as it is about the adult communications and boundaries. I appreciate your perspectives. It was a wonderful trip and the kids did great. I will deal directly with finances and I am sure it will work out. Friends and business sometimes are strange partners and this has been on going for a number of years. I do think it is possible to be friends on the long term. Shared interests and fondness. Husband would have gone on the trip as well but it is too costly and adults and for him to go instead was a thought. It was considered. Glad I went. We can move forward- years pass. No reason to end a friendship unless he is lying and I will know that soon enough. Link to post Share on other sites
seera Posted February 15, 2005 Share Posted February 15, 2005 I'm feeling a little lost here, your post has left me even more confused then when I first posted to it. Why exactly are you ending a "friendship" with this man if he lied to you....lied to you about what? I wish you all the luck Minnie....but from past posts it seems there has never really been anything on this man's side except a friendship feeling for you. I hope you come to terms with that and instead focus your energy on your marriage. I notice that you seem to be avoiding talking about that or answering peoples questions concerning this trip and your feelings. You do what is best for you, but please, take it for what its worth.....work on your marriage. And your very welcome Nine. Seera Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts