Mz. Pixie Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Okay, now I need some insight. Posting this in this thread because it's in relation to insecurity after divorce/separation. I've posted about my wonderful b/f and how great things are between us. I've also posted before about his last serious g/f before me and how she borrowed alot of money from him. There were also issues with the fact he wanted to date her exclusively and the only time she wanted to agree to do this is when he found someone else. He made the mistake of taking her back once. That was almost a year ago however. Then he found out about a possible group sex thing and now he feels she was selling her nude pic on the internet. Anyway- When she found out about me she was calling him some. This girl is cuter than me although I would never tell him so. He tried to be civil to her because he wants his money back- it was quite a bit. We were planning on going to a club one night and she goes there. She had called him that day and asked him to go with her and he told her no, he was seeing someone yada yada and that we were going that night. She offered to stay home and he told her there was no reason to do that. So, we go and before we get there she's calling him on his cell. He didn't answer. In the end she made a big scene at the bar- being very immature etc. All of this- the asking out and the scene were after a conversation I had with her where she "wished us the best because I seemed really sweet" He was in love with this woman- and perhaps might still be with her if she would have made a committment to him. It was obvious to me with her actions that she either wanted him back or just couldn't stand for him to be with anyone else. He made it clear to her later in a email what a fool she made of herself and not to contact him anymore. As far as I know she hasn't. I asked him if perhaps he got a little thrill from her wanting him back and the fact that he was taken now and he has said no. He's out of town and last night. He's a coach and he'd taken some of his students for a tour of a potential college. One of the parents went. The two students he's really close to- he's had them for 4 years, they have babysit for him and they used to babysit for x gf too. The mom of the girl that went on the trip knows about x gf too. She'd been at the club that they used to go to and all of that (that's another story). So, she asks him if he's been lately and he says not since we went and tells her there was drama. So, she is interested in the story and he tells them all- the girls were there too. So afterwards they were all like, "ooooohhhh she wants you back" and he was like "What?" and yada yada. For some reason this just made me furious. First of all, what was the point in telling me that the girls and the mom agreed that she would like to get back with him when I've already discussed this with him. Is this a ego boost for him? If so why can't he admit it?? He gets this funny tone in his voice when he talks about it like he thinks it's funny. Of course, then he knows I'm mad by the sound of my voice. For some reason I felt he got defensive about this because he was like, "You should know I'm not going back to her and I don't want her and you're letting her put a wedge between us" I don't feel that's the issue at all. I don't want to talk about her PERIOD. I want her to go away. Everytime I think she is gone, here comes something else about her again! I have a really hard time with words as I've said before. I'm not sure why she bothers me so much. He's told me that he loves me, and he says everyday he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. With me having trouble with words when mostly all I've heard is lies it's just like that's blah blah blah when I get scared. I'm wondering today if I'm trying to ruin this relationship subconsiously because I'm afraid??? This morning he called me to see if I was okay and to tell me he loved me and to have a good day. I told him point blank I was not going to compete with a xhore like her for the rest of my life. He said, "You don't have to compete baby, you've already won" Why don't I believe him?? The funny thing is is that the X wife doesn't bother me even though they were married. I probably sound like a crazy person but this has been a emotional week for alot of different reasons- work- the divorce- finances. HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 I would expect that this would be an ego boost for him. Everbody deserves a little ego boost now and again, but we don't often get it. He likely senses you are having a little trouble with this which is why he's playing this whole thing down. It sounds like his take is "thanks, but no thanks" where she is concerned. Has he lied to you before? Listen, he says YOU have nothing to worry about, he says that he loves YOU, he told HER not to contact him. Just put her out of your mind. If she wants him back, too bad. He's taken, she blew it. This has the potential to turn into a problem when it really doesn't have to. Play it cool toots. Like he says, YOU won. Don't give her another thought. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 I doubt you have anything to concern yourself about. Her behavior is repulsive, and he said," You won" sounds like a fine upstanding fella. Give him a hug and kiss and take it easy. I know the insecurity thing is wacky and this IS a lot of drama. I can totally see how It can make you uneasy. BUT, I don'tr think you have anything to worry about, Pix, you're the Prize. Remember it, Own it! MA Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mz. Pixie Posted February 11, 2005 Author Share Posted February 11, 2005 He has not lied to me as far as I know. It's fine to me if he gets a ego boost off of it-that doesn't bother me. I keep telling myself to play it that way but when I hear her name I go crazy. What ticks me off about her is that she treated him so badly I have a hard time understanding why he kept a friendship with her after all of that until I came in the picture. Also, everytime I forget about her here she comes again! I'm going to try and not think about it and focus on what really matters which is our relationship. MA- It was alot of drama- I didn't even post it all. She tried to even be all over him at the club and he moved from one end of the floor to the other to get away from her! I know I'm the prize- I just don't want to get hurt. I really haven't felt this way in a long time!! Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Is it that your feelings for him are causing you insecurity? I doesn't sound like his actions are giving you reason to become upset. But emotions aren't reasonable. I pictured him running across the club with this wacko woman after him. IT's kinda funny, no? can you see the humor in the situation? You have a guy that drives other women crazy! What a testament to YOU!. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mz. Pixie Posted February 14, 2005 Author Share Posted February 14, 2005 OMG it was hilarious!!! I couldn't believe a woman her age acted like that. I told her she needed to have more respect for herself!!! As soon as he and his friend went out to do a line dance (i don't line dance) she flew out there after them. She was like, "You're not going to talk to me?" He said, "No, I'm on a date" she said "I hate myself for this but I really want to dance with you" He's a really really good dancer. Yes, it is my feelings for him that make me insecure! The thing is- I was NEVER jealous of H, never insecure. In thinking I think I married who I thought was SAFE. Yes, I loved him but not like this. Pitiful huh? This just surpasses anything I've felt since I was about 20. I don't know that women are running after him, MA, but I think this one knows she lost a good thing when she had it. More likely, she's sorry that the gravy train is over!!! I don't know what her problem is, but that's her issue. Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted February 14, 2005 Share Posted February 14, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie OMG it was hilarious!!! I couldn't believe a woman her age acted like that. Hilarious and tragic. Don't ya just love it when the the Cosmos expresses such fundamental balance? (hinting at spirituality without a deity) Yes, it is my feelings for him that make me insecure! The thing is- I was NEVER jealous of H, never insecure. In thinking I think I married who I thought was SAFE. Yes, I loved him but not like this. Pitiful huh? This just surpasses anything I've felt since I was about 20. The insecurity, IMO, is an expression of the vulnerability the security you feel can cause. When things are great, we want them to stay great, and what we fear most is losing that. More fundamental cosmological balance. Think Yin and Yang with intent. That fear can fuel irrational emotional triggers, that create insecurities. Wholly normal I think. I don't know that women are running after him, MA, but I think this one knows she lost a good thing when she had it. More likely, she's sorry that the gravy train is over!!! I don't know what her problem is, but that's her issue. Well at least ONE did! That's got to be a very painful realization for anyone. Happy Valentines DAY!! Link to post Share on other sites
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