WakingUp Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I can tell that my MM wants my love. I just don't know why he wants my love, considering that he's married. Any thoughts on why? Looking for answers from OW/OM. You can share your stories as ow/om pertaining to this as well. Once again, I will say that in my opinion its very simple. Love feels good. Some people just cant get enough. It feels good to be loved. You can turn it upside down, sideways, have a million different ways to look at it, but really, it comes down to being human. All this wondering why, and character assassination, is really not necessary. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Why wouldn't he want your love? Chances are, you provide him with the exact love he wants/needs. Whether that's on-call contact, undivided attention, unconditional sexual, emotional and spiritual release, intellectual stimulation, or a wider variety of cooking than his W or former GFs could ever muster... you're filling his missing link. His W is the other part of that chain - she fulfills something for him too. For anything more detailed, you'll definitely have to ask the man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlet2 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I've asked myself that question too and still ask it. I've also asked him why he wanted an A with me and he made it out to sound like it was all for my benefit, that he felt I needed it, nothing to do with him. Do I believe that? I want to. I want to believe that he cared about me so much that he was willing to sacrifice his own marriage and needs to make me happy. But I'm pretty sure it's because his needs aren't being fulfilled in his marriage. If I'm fulfilling the needs his W isn't and if she's providing him with what I'm not because I'm not given the opportunity to do so because he's M, he'll never have to leave his M, right? What happens if the OW exits and his marriage returns to unfulfilled needs? If he finds another OW, what if it's not the same as the original A? What if he doesn't get another OW? Does the marriage continue to disintegrate if his needs aren't being met? He says it's not about the sex, that I'm every man's dream and he would have done anything to have a girl like me when he was younger and unmarried. But I'm obviously lacking something that is preventing him from getting divorced so that he could be with me full time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Maybe even he doesn't know what he wants and why he is doing what he is? I mean do you even know all the whys of what you do? Love, sex, validation feels good. Have a secret affair is also exciting. The more love you get from more people, the happier you may feel. I always read these articles that say that the original marriage must be lacking somehow in order to lead to an affair and although I am sure or is true in many cases, it seems to ignore the fact that new love, attention, excitement simply feel great and is intoxicating on the level of DRUG like intoxicating. He could be with you because he is addicted to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 I've asked myself that question too and still ask it. I've also asked him why he wanted an A with me and he made it out to sound like it was all for my benefit, that he felt I needed it, nothing to do with him. . Like mine, he probably doesn't like to talk about his feelings. Especially ones he's still confused about. (the situation is complicated) Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Selfishness and bottomless pit of ego need are possibilities. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedMarriedOW Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 Mine kept me in the dark all of the time. I believe he tried his best to express himself but he always fell short of satisfying leaving me constantly wondering "wth?" My assumption as to what my xMM got from me was as follows: 1. Ego boost from conquest. Distracting beautiful talented woman from husband. 2. Reawakening of sexuality that he thought was dead 3. Amusing and exciting distraction during a job day he hated 4. Dark things happening at home and needing escapism. I think that each of our men have their own reasons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 OK, deleted 16 off-topic posts, suspended one member, reminded three others of our guidelines and will remind all members to discuss the topic of the thread, which is apparently the question of why a particular married man wants the love of his other woman. That's the topic. Also, do not discuss anything having to do with site operations or moderation in any thread. That's always off-topic. You may use the alert us link or communicate with each other or moderation via private message for those conversations. Thanks! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I'm of the opinion it's because you fulfill something in his life his W doesn't. Instead of trying to fix it at home or D, he chooses to go outside of his M, as do we. My MM told me I allowed him to be himself and laugh and have fun; his W was not that way. He said I was gentle and kind and loving, and very sexual. There were many things he'd tell me he loved about me, and that he loved me. I know I am the opposite of his W, I know who she is. He said "we are we, meaning we are who and what we are together and he swears we've loved each other long before we got together. But at the end do the day, their "love" is not enough. And we are left to wonder your very statement "He wants my love" yet, I will add to it, "but not us in real life." It's a difficult thing to wonder and a lonely place to be. I wish you peace and ultimate happiness in your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted June 1, 2014 Author Share Posted June 1, 2014 I'm of the opinion it's because you fulfill something in his life his W doesn't. Instead of trying to fix it at home or D, he chooses to go outside of his M, as do we. My MM told me I allowed him to be himself and laugh and have fun; his W was not that way. He said I was gentle and kind and loving, and very sexual. There were many things he'd tell me he loved about me, and that he loved me. I know I am the opposite of his W, I know who she is. He said "we are we, meaning we are who and what we are together and he swears we've loved each other long before we got together. But at the end do the day, their "love" is not enough. And we are left to wonder your very statement "He wants my love" yet, I will add to it, "but not us in real life." It's a difficult thing to wonder and a lonely place to be. I wish you peace and ultimate happiness in your life. Thank you. Same to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BeautyInDisaster Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 The AP's love fills a void. Not knowing any other information I think the reasons most people cheat or get involved from either end of an affair are the same. Something is missing either from their relationship or themselves, but probably both. Also, as another blanket statement for affairs I believe most people stay in the marriage because it is still benefical to them. Money, property, full time custody of children, reputation, security, familiarity, ect. They need/want these things more than they want/need the AP's love ultimately. But...why choose if you can have both? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trailrunner1975 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Male here. It boils down to this: he wants your love. Why? Because getting your love puts him in a position to get *****. It is really that simple based on what you have posted in the past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 Male here. It boils down to this: he wants your love. Why? Because getting your love puts him in a position to get *****. It is really that simple based on what you have posted in the past. I don't know what the asterisks are. Link to post Share on other sites
yogachic Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I don't know what the asterisks are. The asterisks are for a curse word opposite of 'making love'..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoftViolin Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I am of the similar opinion to others who have posted. Your love gives him validation. He probably wants it regardless of whether he is prepared to give you the things you want. I don't know your story, but whether he is perfectly content in his M, or really miserable, it gives him something - whether it's an ego boost, or filling a big void. And it makes it easier staying married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Popsicle Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 The asterisks are for a curse word opposite of 'making love'..... lol Well, I thought of several it could be.... Wanted to know what he meant there. I am of the similar opinion to others who have posted. Your love gives him validation. He probably wants it regardless of whether he is prepared to give you the things you want. I don't know your story, but whether he is perfectly content in his M, or really miserable, it gives him something - whether it's an ego boost, or filling a big void. And it makes it easier staying married. Whoa. That's deep. Link to post Share on other sites
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