irc333 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Found out an interesting take on something. In the Meetup there's this woman I kind of fancy, but one of her female, married friends told me that she's fawning over a guy that has no interest in her, but he tends to kind of lead her on a bit or she could just be thinking he's interested. But she's never made any real headway with the guy because she's too into a guy that's not into her. There was a time I was interested in her, but would pursing someone that is pursing someone else that's NOT into them a good idea? Luckily I keep myself a bit guarded. (Yeah, stupid question, but you'd think they'd eventually cave and throw their hands up and give up on the guy) Also, I find this to be a problem mostly with women than so with me, men can move on if a woman rejects them, but if it's the other way around, women seem to stay hopeful the guy they are holding a torch for will turn around.
somedude81 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 That is a huge reason why I believe that women shouldn't be having casual sex or doing the FWB thing. While she's busy having sex with a guy who doesn't want anything more, who also might be an ex, she's completely ignoring all the other men who actually want a relationship with her. 2
Author irc333 Posted June 1, 2014 Author Posted June 1, 2014 Yeah, I think these are some of the very few unsaid things why some people have a hard time meeting or "attracting" other singles as that "other" single person is going after someone that's unattainable or they know they don't have a chance with. That is a huge reason why I believe that women shouldn't be having casual sex or doing the FWB thing. While she's busy having sex with a guy who doesn't want anything more, who also might be an ex, she's completely ignoring all the other men who actually want a relationship with her.
Anela Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 That is a huge reason why I believe that women shouldn't be having casual sex or doing the FWB thing. While she's busy having sex with a guy who doesn't want anything more, who also might be an ex, she's completely ignoring all the other men who actually want a relationship with her. That's their decision to make. I could say that men shouldn't be doing the same thing, because of either their feelings for a woman, or because they're deliberately leading her on. 2
Potz4prez Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Men do the same thing. This isn't a gender issue. We all want what we can't have. 3
Imported Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Don't concern yourself with women that have no interest in you, whatever that reason may be. If you meet a woman that has a ****buddy and she is "looking for Mr. Right" at the same time, be "Mr. Right Now" instead and see if you can get a blowjob from her if you are feeling horney or just drop her immediately. Such woman are usually not worth consideration beyond that. They are confused and will burn you down the road.
Untouched Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Does it matter if she is "fawning" over somebody or not? If she is not interested in going out with you, I don't think the reason for it is any of your concern, really, is it? Anyway, all that is hearsay. That is a huge reason why I believe that women shouldn't be having casual sex or doing the FWB thing. While she's busy having sex with a guy who doesn't want anything more, who also might be an ex, she's completely ignoring all the other men who actually want a relationship with her. But, Somedude, why shouldn't she do what she wished to do? There might be girls who want to have a relationship with you, too, that you are not interested in, right? 3
somedude81 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 (edited) I really don't think it's something that men also do. There's certainly no way that I'd turn down somebody who was interested in me because I like somebody who is not interested in me. Hell, my entire life I was basically interested in girls that didn't like me, but I went out with whomever was interested in me. My ex is a perfect example of this. Once I found out that my ex had a boyfriend, I lost all interest in her and I focused on other girls that I liked more. But then when she started to show signs of liking me, damn right I capitalized on them. Right this moment, there are a couple of girls I like who have no interest in me, and there is no way I'm going to turn down or even ignore any other girl that I have a reasonable shot with. Edited June 1, 2014 by somedude81
Untouched Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I really don't think it's something that men also do. There's certainly no way that I'd turn down somebody who was interested in me because I like somebody who is not interested in me. . I don't think it is a guy vs. girl thing. A lot of us don't want to go out with somebody we are not interested in, no matter how much they seem to like us, whether we are fawning over somebody else or not. Seriously, I have never even had a boyfriend or had sex, I really want to, but I would rather be a single virgin forever rather than get involved that way with a guy I was not pretty into. I am okay the way I am, on my own! 1
somedude81 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I don't think it is a guy vs. girl thing. A lot of us don't want to go out with somebody we are not interested in, no matter how much they seem to like us, whether we are fawning over somebody else or not. Seriously, I have never even had a boyfriend or had sex, I really want to, but I would rather be a single virgin forever rather than get involved that way with a guy I was not pretty into. I am okay the way I am, on my own! That's not exactly what I'm talking about. I've known situations where a girl wouldn't give a guy a chance she'd normally be interested in, simply because she was stuck on another guy. Essentially once she started liking this guy, all other guys ceased to exist.
Anela Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 That's not exactly what I'm talking about. I've known situations where a girl wouldn't give a guy a chance she'd normally be interested in, simply because she was stuck on another guy. Essentially once she started liking this guy, all other guys ceased to exist. And those feelings have to work themselves out. You're still stuck on your ex - now think of those women having those same feelings for the man that they're focused on. It isn't that simple - you don't just switch off feelings. Saying that you'd go out with anyone who showed interest, isn't very flattering to a potential date (in my view, even if they knew nothing about your reasons for going out with them). I wouldn't go out with just anyone, in order to have a boyfriend/partner. That doesn't mean that I think I'm above the person I don't want to go out with, it's just that there isn't a strong feeling of attraction there. 1
Untouched Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 I've known situations where a girl wouldn't give a guy a chance she'd normally be interested in, simply because she was stuck on another guy. Well how she chooses to handle herself with guys is her path to walk, it has nothing to do with what you happen to think, really, does it? I mean how can you know that she would "normally" be interested in somebody, what makes us attracted is pretty random sometimes. I just got a giant crush on a man old enough to be my dad and he also was not exactly what most consider to be great looking, but I don't know why, I just was really drawn to him. Freaked my friends out. In this thread both you and irc333 seem to think that the girls would have gone out with you if they did not have this other crush. Maybe, but how do you know. And why do you care. 1
tbf Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 You've already got the answer within you. She's chasing someone who's emotionally unavailable where you're chasing someone who's emotionally unavailable. x = x 3
GoreSP Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 That is a huge reason why I believe that women shouldn't be having casual sex or doing the FWB thing. While she's busy having sex with a guy who doesn't want anything more, who also might be an ex, she's completely ignoring all the other men who actually want a relationship with her. I don't see why this would be a reason for not having casual sex or FWB. She is the one missing out on opportunities. That girls thinks continuing to sleep with that guy will make him eventually change his mind and it's her problem. Not other men's. 1
GoreSP Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 That's not exactly what I'm talking about. I've known situations where a girl wouldn't give a guy a chance she'd normally be interested in, simply because she was stuck on another guy. Essentially once she started liking this guy, all other guys ceased to exist. And you would want to date a woman who can so easily put you aside? I wouldn't...
somedude81 Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 And those feelings have to work themselves out. You're still stuck on your ex - now think of those women having those same feelings for the man that they're focused on. It isn't that simple - you don't just switch off feelings. Saying that you'd go out with anyone who showed interest, isn't very flattering to a potential date (in my view, even if they knew nothing about your reasons for going out with them). I wouldn't go out with just anyone, in order to have a boyfriend/partner. That doesn't mean that I think I'm above the person I don't want to go out with, it's just that there isn't a strong feeling of attraction there. Look at my previous post, I said there are a couple of girls I'm interested in who are unavailable to me. One of them is my ex. Just because I'm still stuck on my ex is not a reason why I won't try to date anybody else. Heck the main reason I'm still stuck on my ex is because I can't get a date with anybody else. And no, I don't want to date just anybody, I still have some standards, which are probably now actually higher then they were before I dated her.
Glinda.Good Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Heck the main reason I'm still stuck on my ex is because I can't get a date with anybody else. That's just you. It's not the norm. Usually it works in reverse. People who are stuck on somebody aren't ready to date anyone else. People are not place holders for other people. 6
carhill Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 There was a time I was interested in her, but would pursing someone that is pursing someone else that's NOT into them a good idea? Luckily I keep myself a bit guarded. If the person is not obviously married or LTR, and you're attracted, simply ask her on a date and accept the results. Dismiss the hearsay and stick to what you know: That you find her attractive. If she refuses your kind request, she made that choice and has full information about your interest. Her reasons are her reasons and you will never know what's in her mind. Then move on. Same with a 'yes'. Take life as it comes. No guaranteed outcomes. 1
MissBee Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I'm confused... Isn't you pursuing this woman (who has no interest in you because she's fawning over someone else) the same as what she's doing? I don't get it. You know this woman is into someone else and I assume hasn't showed any indication that she likes you....so how is you deciding to pursue an uninterested woman any different from her pursuing an uninterested man (who arguably at least leads her on so that's why she has some amount of hope). Has she indicated she likes you in any way? If not, it's slightly worse, as in her case, the man leads her on, so he at least behaves in ways that makes her believe she has a chance...does she do the same with you? If not...it's even more pointless to pursue her as you have nothing to go on and what you do know is she is smitten with someone else. 3
preraph Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 I do think that women may not give up as quickly as men, and that's not a good thing. But many posts on this board are evidence enough that men will keep trying for someone who isn't interested, so it's not all one-sided. Yes, men will walk away quicker after they've gotten sex, but that's nothing to brag about!
ASG Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 That is a huge reason why I believe that women shouldn't be having casual sex or doing the FWB thing. While she's busy having sex with a guy who doesn't want anything more, who also might be an ex, she's completely ignoring all the other men who actually want a relationship with her. Er... no. Obviously, I speak mostly for myself (and some of my friend with whom I have had these kinds of conversations), but when I'm having casual sex or a FWB, I don't stop looking around for someone that might be "it". I am usually pretty adamant about not being exclusive with a FWB for exactly that reason. I don't want it to make me miss other opportunities that may present. But then again, even if they ARE doing it, it's their issue and their time being wasted. Not your problem and I don't really think you have a right to comment on what other people do with their time and/or life...
rester Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Found out an interesting take on something. In the Meetup there's this woman I kind of fancy, but one of her female, married friends told me that she's fawning over a guy that has no interest in her, but he tends to kind of lead her on a bit or she could just be thinking he's interested. But she's never made any real headway with the guy because she's too into a guy that's not into her. There was a time I was interested in her, but would pursing someone that is pursing someone else that's NOT into them a good idea? Luckily I keep myself a bit guarded. (Yeah, stupid question, but you'd think they'd eventually cave and throw their hands up and give up on the guy) Also, I find this to be a problem mostly with women than so with me, men can move on if a woman rejects them, but if it's the other way around, women seem to stay hopeful the guy they are holding a torch for will turn around. If she was interested in going out with you, she'd go out with you. Did you ask her out directly or try to gauge interest through a mutual friend? Why was her friend discussing her personal business with you? I'd be pissed if I had a friend spreading rumors about me "fawning over" someone, unless her friend was doing it to protect her from you. It's none of your business who she's "fawning over".
KathyM Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 It's pretty typical of both genders that they try to pursue the people that have the most going for them, and some will hang in there for quite some time hoping their person of interest will come around. Eventually, their patience may pay off, or if not, they move on to someone else. I think most people keep their options open until they find someone they are interested in dating, but they keep their options limited to those they feel meet their standards in a relationship partner. I think most people who have not had success with this approach do eventually adjust their standards to include those they wouldn't have previously considered because they don't want to be alone. Then there are those who would rather be alone than to adjust their standards to what they can attain. Maybe this woman you are interested in would fall under that category, or maybe she's had enough luck with the standards she has that she is willing to wait for the type of man she is looking for/interested in, and she feels her patience will pay off with this guy eventually.
MidwestUSA Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 There's nothing to say that if she threw up her hands and gave up on the guy, she'd gravitate towards you. In fact, if you're all that, she'd give up on him and fawn all over you. All you gotta do is make yourself hot, just out of reach, and toss a few breadcrumbs here and there. We like what we like and want what we want (and I'm not just talking women). Human nature. 2
ASG Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 There's nothing to say that if she threw up her hands and gave up on the guy, she'd gravitate towards you. In fact, if you're all that, she'd give up on him and fawn all over you. All you gotta do is make yourself hot, just out of reach, and toss a few breadcrumbs here and there. We like what we like and want what we want (and I'm not just talking women). Human nature. This. So many times this!!! Last week I had a guy I thought was a friend make it known that he was interested in me. I rejected him. He was even aware that I am seeing someone and was going on a date with that someone THE NEXT DAY. I had mentioned that I might be calling that whole thing off, as I'm not sure I can deal with the situation anymore. So as he was making it known he was interested, I said "I am seeing someone and you know this""But you're breaking it off tomorrow" "I said I *MIGHT* be breaking it off tomorrow, but that still doesn't mean I'm interested in you!!" He seemed to not understand this concept... And neither do a lot of other men. I once had a guy profess his love for me and be taken aback when I said I didn't feel the same, since he thought, since I was single (I was actually seeing someone, but he didn't know that) I had to be interested, since he was the ONLY GUY to show interest in me! 1
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