What are the long and short term effects of emotional abuse.

[livingnightmare]

Its been a long time since this break up and it still haunts me, All the things she done, positions I was put into I should be glad and free by now of it all But I still go between the stages of grief and after years of it I'm worn down in my mind and have days where its like I still haven't come to terms with it all and ask the whys, hows etc.

 

So as the title says what are the short and long term effects of emotional abuse?

Is it any different from a break up with no abuse?

 

Abuse was used to hurt me as we broke up to. I need to find a way out of this hole its been a long time and I'm slowly being swallowed up by it, just keeping my head above it, but close to the edge and it really is draining me bit by bit, it feels like I'm in a battle that is a stale mate but the moment I back down or let the pressure of I feel its all over for me.

[carhill]

'Triggers' would be my main takeaway, and processing the resultant emotions are completely under my control. Time and experience provide methods of processing those emotions so they don't inappropriately affect behaviors in the here and now.

 

First, I recognize the trigger (ah, yep, that was hurtful!), then recognize its past impetus (cognitively remember the event in a brief flash), then assign it to the past (the emotion is valid and is from the past) and lastly separate out that past emotion from those relevant to the present, then proceed with working the present emotion into an appropriate behavior for *now*.

 

Other than that, for myself, I have nothing to report.

[Craft81]

Its been a long time since this break up and it still haunts me, All the things she done, positions I was put into I should be glad and free by now of it all But I still go between the stages of grief and after years of it I'm worn down in my mind and have days where its like I still haven't come to terms with it all and ask the whys, hows etc.

 

So as the title says what are the short and long term effects of emotional abuse?

Is it any different from a break up with no abuse?

 

Abuse was used to hurt me as we broke up to. I need to find a way out of this hole its been a long time and I'm slowly being swallowed up by it, just keeping my head above it, but close to the edge and it really is draining me bit by bit, it feels like I'm in a battle that is a stale mate but the moment I back down or let the pressure of I feel its all over for me.

 

I'm not sure if there's any short term effects, but definitely long term effects. It's been over 2 years and I still have issues with my ex and how she emotionally abused me to no end. Some people say the psychological scars from emotional abuse are worse than physical abuse -- I'm really struggling with mine. Who knows if I'll ever trust someone ever again or get close to someone -- it's unfathomable on how someone can really ruin you and never take a look back... it's sickening.

[No Limit]

That depends on the person, really. And how harsh the abuse has been.

The consequences vary from psychical scars (as in the classic "I doubt I'll ever trust anyone again", although that passes after a couple of years) and depression to physical ones. The latter range from great weight loss to hair falling out to suicide.

 

Look up PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and depression, that should cover most of it.

 

I faced excessive bullying for 2 years and today I'm almost proud of it, seeing how much I was able to put up with while most people don't face nearly as cruel behavior and are only able to withstand for a couple of months, but that's a different tale. But even though I'm doing awesome there are still triggers; typically at the end of the year my grades suffer from them. Sleeping gets harder, and often enough a very painful memory is replayed in my mind out of nowhere, which is weird because I can barely remember or place anything within the timeframe during my bullying experience 'cause of PTSD - in my case, my minds' 'defense system' took over and deleted them, like amnesia. That's what makes these flashbacks so interesting; either I don't have access to these memories "manually" or it costs me a great deal of effort and concentration to look them up.

 

Fascinating, really. I can't wait for a few psychology classes in the future.

Edited June 1, 2014 by No Limit

[Never Again]

So as the title says what are the short and long term effects of emotional abuse?

Is it any different from a break up with no abuse?

 

It can vary wildly depending on the type and extent of the abuse.

 

However - as others have mentioned - triggers, depression, PTSD and an inability to trust fall into the potential effects.

 

I had horrible depression/anxiety that hit me 6 months after the worst of the abuse hit me, and it destroyed me emotionally. I was depressed: couldn't sleep, was lethargic and irritable, lost interest in most things, was foggy-headed and couldn't hold a conversation or connect with anyone. I pulled away from people, included a new person I'd been dating who was wonderful. I'd cry for no reason at the drop of a hat. I became mentally and emotionally weak.

 

Emotional abuse leaves a deep, internal scar on your heart. You may not notice it at first, but it will impair your ability to love others, yourself and life without reservation. It will send pangs of panic, fear, anger or anxiety into you when you make yourself vulnerable. I will keep you from letting yourself get close to truly good people, because you don't want to be hurt again.

 

It is very different from a normal breakup. A normal breakup make send a dagger through your heart, but that dagger is clean and the wound will heal if you let it. Emotionally abuse is venomous. It paralyzes you. It cripples you. It leaves you feeling alone in a sea of people, and potentially makes you an infection vector to hurt others. Clearing that poison from your system takes time and focus...and a lot of it.

[Sunny_cloud]

One of the effects that really pulls me down is that I cannot sustain a relationship. Ever past my toxic long term relationship if I date someone and start liking them I get memories of him, how he hurt me, pushed me, and physically abused. Each kiss, hug of a new person both brings warm feelings to my heart and pure hate. So I push the person I like away. And then send an explanatory message that it is too early for me to see anyone. I messed up like this many times simply because I cannot move on. I broke my toxic relationship back in October, was with that monster for 2 years.

 

Also why I push new person away, even if he is special to me..is that I don't believe that someone would accept me if I told them the truth how bad my past relationship was.

[Tayla]

PTSD is indeed a lifelong condition to be managed after emotional abuse. Usually there is physical abuse intermingled with it.

 

to be cognizant is one thing, to take steps to move away from past ways is the key. Certain tones and noises can trigger it, certain environments escalate the internal dialogue. I have no shame in saying that I endured it, manage it and live to have more compassion for those that also carry burdens such as this.

 

Trying to rationalize it is one defense, Trying to live with the echoes of it is another thing entirely. Its a daily process of regrouping actions and internal thoughts.

[robaday]

I had shattered self esteem after the end of my toxic relationship. Emotional abuse wasnt one way though, I look back and was just as guilty, for whatever reason we drove each other to hurt each other.

 

The effects were extreme low confidence.

 

But the plus side has been I seem to have developed a lot of self awareness since my breakup and have really pushed myself to become a better person. I think before I talk now, I pay more attention to friends as well as girls Im dating, Im calmer. Im not perfect and still have some way to go, but Im happy with who I have become. Martial arts have helped a great deal with that in that Ive found an outlet for negative emotion and leave it in the gym rather than carrying it around with me.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Being abused makes it much more likely that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur. Victimized people commonly develop emotional or psychological problems secondary to their abuse, including anxiety disorders and various forms of depression. They may develop substance abuse disorders.

 

If abuse has been very severe, the victim may be traumatized, and may develop a post traumatic stress injury such as post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or acute stress disorder.

 

If abuse has occurred from a very early age and has been substantial, a personality disorder may occur (such as borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders or in some cases, a severe dissociative disorder such as dissociative identity disorder (commonly known as multiple personality disorder).

 

Sexual disorders may be present. Sex may be experienced as particularly undesirable, or physically or emotionally painful. Alternatively, sexual promiscuity may be observed with the increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy that such behavior carries.

 

Severe abuse can even lead the victim to contemplate suicide or carry out suicidal impulses. Abuse can result in poor self-esteem, which can lead to a lack of close and trusting relationships or to body image issues (particularly for sexual abuse victims), which in turn can result in eating disorders, which can be seen as victims' attempts at self-control in one small part of life when they otherwise feels completely out of control and vulnerable.

 

It is important to note that abuse alone is not sufficient to create psychological disorders. Abuse can be a very strong factor contributing to their development, however. Developing a psychological disorder, such as depression, does not mean that you were necessarily abused, and being abused does not mean you will develop depression. Abuse is a sufficient cause for depression; however, there are many other reasons why someone might become depressed.

 

The best way to deal with these issues and conquer one's demons from a past abusive relationship is to professional help with a licensed therapist specifically trained in stress and trauma.

 

Good luck.

[siochana]

Its been a long time since this break up and it still haunts me, All the things she done, positions I was put into I should be glad and free by now of it all But I still go between the stages of grief and after years of it I'm worn down in my mind and have days where its like I still haven't come to terms with it all and ask the whys, hows etc.

 

So as the title says what are the short and long term effects of emotional abuse?

Is it any different from a break up with no abuse?

 

Abuse was used to hurt me as we broke up to. I need to find a way out of this hole its been a long time and I'm slowly being swallowed up by it, just keeping my head above it, but close to the edge and it really is draining me bit by bit, it feels like I'm in a battle that is a stale mate but the moment I back down or let the pressure of I feel its all over for me.

 

 

 

I have a question: Did it take you several months for it finally dawn on you that you were being routinely disrespected and abused or did you know right from the start?

 

 

Reason I ask is that the longevity of your pain might be related to the fact that recognition of what you had been through only occurred, slowly, within yourself months after the BU.

 

 

I have no psych training but that was my experience.

 

 

Its like a great sore that oozes puss with the breakup being the tool that punctures it.

[Georgia2014]

Its been a long time since this break up and it still haunts me, All the things she done, positions I was put into I should be glad and free by now of it all But I still go between the stages of grief and after years of it I'm worn down in my mind and have days where its like I still haven't come to terms with it all and ask the whys, hows etc.

 

So as the title says what are the short and long term effects of emotional abuse?

Is it any different from a break up with no abuse?

 

Abuse was used to hurt me as we broke up to. I need to find a way out of this hole its been a long time and I'm slowly being swallowed up by it, just keeping my head above it, but close to the edge and it really is draining me bit by bit, it feels like I'm in a battle that is a stale mate but the moment I back down or let the pressure of I feel its all over for me.

 

I was abused emotionally day and night for 6 months. It's long term affect on me has made me very distrusting of men. They have to earn my trust. I no longer freely give trust anymore. If they claim they are different I don't buy into it. I have put up such a huge barrier it will be a long time before I let it down even a little bit. If they say they are different they have to prove it. I might run men off doing this but it's better to be safe than sorry.

 

It has been two years since I was in that abusive relationship and I still remember it very well like it was yesterday.

 

With my recent breakup from this year abuse was used for breakup.

Edited August 18, 2014 by Georgia2014

[Amy_D]

Being abused makes it much more likely that one or more psychological or medical illnesses will occur. Victimized people commonly develop emotional or psychological problems secondary to their abuse, including anxiety disorders and various forms of depression. They may develop substance abuse disorders.

 

If abuse has been very severe, the victim may be traumatized, and may develop a post traumatic stress injury such as post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or acute stress disorder.

 

If abuse has occurred from a very early age and has been substantial, a personality disorder may occur (such as borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders or in some cases, a severe dissociative disorder such as dissociative identity disorder (commonly known as multiple personality disorder).

 

Sexual disorders may be present. Sex may be experienced as particularly undesirable, or physically or emotionally painful. Alternatively, sexual promiscuity may be observed with the increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy that such behavior carries.

 

Severe abuse can even lead the victim to contemplate suicide or carry out suicidal impulses. Abuse can result in poor self-esteem, which can lead to a lack of close and trusting relationships or to body image issues (particularly for sexual abuse victims), which in turn can result in eating disorders, which can be seen as victims' attempts at self-control in one small part of life when they otherwise feels completely out of control and vulnerable.

 

It is important to note that abuse alone is not sufficient to create psychological disorders. Abuse can be a very strong factor contributing to their development, however. Developing a psychological disorder, such as depression, does not mean that you were necessarily abused, and being abused does not mean you will develop depression. Abuse is a sufficient cause for depression; however, there are many other reasons why someone might become depressed.

 

The best way to deal with these issues and conquer one's demons from a past abusive relationship is to professional help with a licensed therapist specifically trained in stress and trauma.

 

Good luck.

 

You pretty much described my life.

[livingnightmare]

I have a question: Did it take you several months for it finally dawn on you that you were being routinely disrespected and abused or did you know right from the start?

 

 

Reason I ask is that the longevity of your pain might be related to the fact that recognition of what you had been through only occurred, slowly, within yourself months after the BU.

 

 

I have no psych training but that was my experience.

 

 

Its like a great sore that oozes puss with the breakup being the tool that punctures it.

 

Its only in the last 12 months from posting and reading on here I have realized it was abuse. Different events are still coming up in my mind that I had forgotten about, things said, impossible positions etc

 

She also decided to give me an explanation a few months ago after 5 years and dropped in how she was cheating at the end. This woman really knows how to mess with my mind. It is still slowly creeping out of me the extent of the abuse, I cant help feel bitter and anger towards her when I think deep on it, I have lost all sense of anger towards anyone or anything except her.

I only have contact with my daughter now through a family member and the ex is on block on absolutely everything. I get stronger without contact.

 

I was going to cbt, but I stopped as its nothing I hadn't done online and have come along way in regards to what I tell my self in the last few months.

 

I guess time is the key but at 35 1 girlfriend who cheated abused then cheated again and not meeting anyone else says a lot that things are out of balance in my life massively, trying to break this rut for along time now, but getting now where it feels like.

 

You describe it perfectly. Do you still feel like this.

[livingnightmare]

Thank you for the input on this everyone, Sorry I didn't reply sooner I had forgotten about the thread.

 

I can relate to so many of the things said on this thread. I hope you all come good in the end. Glad we got this place to reason with matters.

 

Feeling much better due to not having contact with ex abuser, still along way to go, but pushing harder to put things in place to better my life a bit more step by step.

 

One of the hardest factors is to accept why I was so weak to stay around so long. But saying that I don't think I fully understood or accepted what was happening.