I left a MM but I can't stop thinking about it

[bittersweet111]

I registered on this website just so I can talk about this, so I am hoping at least one of you can help me with this.

I want to make it clear that I have never been involved with a married man before. Even that’s a little extreme. I have never fallen for a man who belonged to somebody else, I have never cheated on anyone or been cheated on. Neither did I ever imagine I would cheat with somebody until I met Kevin.

 

 

 

I met Kevin about 8 months ago. We are co-workers, and ever since I’d met him he always flirted with me and teased me. I flirted back because I was single, and he has a great sense of humor so I saw no harm in this behaviour. Call me stupidly oblivious, but I did not notice the ring on his finger.

 

 

About two months after I met him, I started having feelings for him and I even told my friends about him. I have never had to ask a guy out before so I was a little worried but I decided I would ask him out. I felt this chemistry with him that I hadn’t with another guy since my last long-term boyfriend (who I broke up with about 2 years ago).

Kevin is witty, smart, he reads books, he is sarcastic, he has the kind of sense of humor that I like, he dresses well, and I enjoy every single second I spend with him. I felt like things were finally looking up for me.

The night before I was about to ask him out, I noticed that he had sent me a facebook request. I eagerly accepted and started facebook stalking (that’s normal now!). To my dismay, I saw pictures of his wedding. He had just recently gotten married. They had been together only about 5 months. It sounds weird because I hadn’t even been on a date with him, but my heart really hurt. I decided to back off.

When I worked with him next, I kept my distance. I didn’t joke around with him or tease him or flirt with him in anyway. I think this made him even more persistent.

 

 

 

Kevin started harder to talk to me and make me laugh, and sadly it worked. I couldn’t keep myself away from him. I couldn’t help but smile, and the butterflies in my stomach kept fluttering more and more. I was and still am stupidly attracted to him. He is very charming, and he worked his magic despite my best intentions to stay away.

It all started with an invitation to have coffee with him. I decided that we could just be friends, and there was no harm in that. Flirting is harmless too, right?! Coffee escalated to dinners, and he paid for all these as well. It sounded like a date and my brain knew this, but I kept fooling myself that it was all harmless.

 

 

One day, we were having coffee and I was telling him about how much I love watching shows. He told me that maybe we should watch a movie or something. He was bored, and I had nothing to do so it sounded alright. Except that my gut warned me against this invitation, but I chose not to listen.

 

 

 

We went to my house, and conveniently all my roommates were out. We started watching a movie, and he started sliding his arms around me. My guy warned me again, but I listened to the fluttering butterflies instead. I was ecstatic that Kevan was touching me! It felt surreal. Then I felt like he was looking at me so I turned to look at him, and then he kissed me. It felt as if my entire body had been electrified. I haven’t felt this sort of chemistry in so long. I forgot everything! My good intentions, the ring that was still on his finger, the wife who was probably at home cooking a meal for him. I forgot all of it. All I could think about were the fireworks that were exploding in my body. I couldn’t stop kissing me. Then, he lifted me and picked me up and took me up to my bedroom. He laid me down and started making out with me and kissing every inch of my upper body.

He spoke the words “you are so beautiful” to me, and I melted. We made out for about 15-20 minutes, then I got up and told him that he should probably go. He agreed, and then he kissed me goodbye and left.

He texted me the next night, and told me that he wanted to come over. It was about 2 in the morning. I knew what this was, so I lied to him that I wasn’t at home. It’s much easier for me to resist him when he’s not there physically.

 

 

 

He texted me again the next day, and I was initially going to talk to him about how this is wrong but as soon as I saw him.. I melted again. We made out in his car.

We met again the next day and made out again.

Then, he asked when he was going to get to see me naked and I told him that “patience is a virtue” but to be honest, I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t bear the idea of sleeping with a married man. I know that cheating is cheating but sex is much worse than making out.

 

 

 

Finally, when he texted me again that he wanted to come over… I texted him and declined.

He responded with “Is this just about tonight or ever?”

I told him that I felt guilty, and I couldn’t do this anymore. I told him that I felt this connection with him and I really liked him but the fact remains that he is married.

He responded with “I know. I am sorry, but to be honest I feel no guilt or remorse. I wish I had met you earlier.”

 

 

 

I believed these words, but I stayed away.

 

 

Then, one day, we ended up both taking a break together at work and he grabbed me and pushed against the wall and started making out with me. I couldn’t stop him, but eventually we stopped.

He texted me that night and I texted him back this time. We flirted and sexted, and then he told me that he was getting drunk with his friends. One thing led to another, and then in his drunkenness he told me that ever since he first laid his eyes on me, he wanted to sleep with me (he was more crude but I will put it this way).

 

 

At that moment I realized what I was. He did not honestly wish he had met me sooner, and neither was he into me the way I was into him. The chemistry I felt with him was all me. All he wants from me is sex. All the conversations we had, and all the things about my life that I shared with him were just ways for him to get close to me.

He is charming and witty alright, but in a manipulative way. This entire time, I was led to believe that we had a connection. I only made out with him because I actually liked him. It was hard for me to back off because of how I felt about him.

 

 

 

In the end, he will always choose his wife. I would be nothing but the side chick.

 

 

 

To be honest, I never wanted him to leave his wife for me. I am not sure what I wanted, but the fact that he was only interested in getting into my pants really hurt me.

This was 5 weeks ago, and I haven’t made out with him or said anything sexual to him since.

 

 

However, it’s been really hard for me. I haven’t been able to completely cut all contact because I work with him. I also have him on facebook.

Every time I see a picture of him with his wife, it breaks my heart. For one, I feel guilty every time I see these pictures because the wife looks so happy and she has no idea what he’s done. On another hand, I am still hurt because I still like him for some reason. Also, I see him almost every day and it has made it so much harder for me to move on.

Once in a while, he talks to me in ways that have double meanings and sexual innuendos. Other times he avoids me completely. These mind games have caused me a lot of pain and distress.

 

 

How do I deal with this? How can I move on? I am not in a good financial position to just quit. Please give some advice on how to cope. I don’t have anybody I can talk to about this.

 

 

The guilt, jealousy, and distress is gnawing at me. I haven’t been able to sleep.

[Popsicle]

That's interesting. I have expressed to my MM that I felt guilty too and he always tells me that I shouldn't feel guilty and not to feel bad. I wonder about this the most and I'm not even married. Why doesn't HE feel guilty?

[bittersweet111]

That's interesting. I have expressed to my MM that I felt guilty too and he always tells me that I shouldn't feel guilty and not to feel bad. I wonder about this the most and I'm not even married. Why doesn't HE feel guilty?

I know! I felt the same way when I read his text. I knew that his wife was right there.. in the same room. Their first year anniversary just passed last week, and he feels no guilt?? I am not the one cheating and yet I haven't been able to sleep because I feel sick! I feel like a horrible person, and it sickens me that this man is carrying on with his life like nothing has happened. I bet he doesn't even miss me. I bet he doesn't feel a stab in his heart when he's around me.. the way that I do. I hate how he gets to go back home to a happy wife when I have this dark cloud weighing me down ever since we first kissed.

[Popsicle]

I know! I felt the same way when I read his text. I knew that his wife was right there.. in the same room. Their first year anniversary just passed last week, and he feels no guilt?? I am not the one cheating and yet I haven't been able to sleep because I feel sick! I feel like a horrible person, and it sickens me that this man is carrying on with his life like nothing has happened. I bet he doesn't even miss me. I bet he doesn't feel a stab in his heart when he's around me.. the way that I do. I hate how he gets to go back home to a happy wife when I have this dark cloud weighing me down ever since we first kissed.

 

I have a married friend who is cheating who tells me everything. My friend doesn't feel any guilt whatsoever and has admitted so. This is because she doesn't love her husband and feels like life has been unfair to her. She feels that she deserves this love and happiness that she is now getting from her A. She has no intention or plans of leaving her marriage though.

[TiredFamilyGuy]

OP, you are to be congratulated, that the scales have fallen from your eyes

"The chemistry I felt with him was all me. All he wants from me is sex........all the things...I shared with him were just ways for him to get close to me.

He is charming and witty alright, but in a manipulative way"

 

Spot on, and nicely put. It's probably worked for him before. Some guys, and I say this as a guy, will mount a prolonged campaign and say whatever they need to say in order to get into your pants.

 

As one of the Princes says in Into The Woods "I was raised to be charming. Not sincere".

 

Women (and for that matter men) are vulnerable if someone with a plausible template comes along onto which they can project their emotional needs.

 

This fellow is a douche capable of putting on a charming mask. You are right to be wary and avoid to the extent you can.

 

Look for another job. Unfriend him on Facebook FFS. You had a narrow escape there, missy: could have been worse.

[bittersweet111]

I have a married friend who is cheating who tells me everything. My friend doesn't feel any guilt whatsoever and has admitted so. This is because she doesn't love her husband and feels like life has been unfair to her. She feels that she deserves this love and happiness that she is now getting from her A. She has no intention or plans of leaving her marriage though.

I understand what you are saying, and while this might be the case for your friend... I think that Kevin does love his wife. He asked to marry her (I am not sure though, he might have felt pressured by her because they had been together almost 7 years). He celebrated their first year anniversary with her last week, and from the looks of it.. I think they had a very nice time. She graduated the same day as me (two days ago), and when I saw him... I was almost hoping that he was there for me. I guess my heart is stupid when it comes to him. I should know better. Anway, I think that he does love her... but that he loves himself more.

 

There is one thing that he said to me the first time we made out that I don't think I can ever forget.

He made a joke as usual, and I laughed. I told him that I really enjoyed his sense of humor and he said "I know what my strengths are and I use them wisely. Or there would be no way I would land a girl like you."

 

At the time, I didn't think much of it, but looking back... I can see that he's a manipulative liar and he probably just sees me as some sort of a prize or accomplishment. I think I am just fantasy, and he doesn't let it affect his reality. Unfortunately for me, he had become a part of reality. It's sad that despite knowing all this about him, my heart still yearns for him.

[Popsicle]

 

There is one thing that he said to me the first time we made out that I don't think I can ever forget.

He made a joke as usual, and I laughed. I told him that I really enjoyed his sense of humor and he said "I know what my strengths are and I use them wisely. Or there would be no way I would land a girl like you."

 

 

Yikes...that doesn't sound good. Serial cheaters and people who set out to have an A are manipulative and bad.

[bittersweet111]

OP, you are to be congratulated, that the scales have fallen from your eyes

"The chemistry I felt with him was all me. All he wants from me is sex........all the things...I shared with him were just ways for him to get close to me.

He is charming and witty alright, but in a manipulative way"

 

Spot on, and nicely put. It's probably worked for him before. Some guys, and I say this as a guy, will mount a prolonged campaign and say whatever they need to say in order to get into your pants.

 

As one of the Princes says in Into The Woods "I was raised to be charming. Not sincere".

 

Women (and for that matter men) are vulnerable if someone with a plausible template comes along onto which they can project their emotional needs.

 

This fellow is a douche capable of putting on a charming mask. You are right to be wary and avoid to the extent you can.

 

Look for another job. Unfriend him on Facebook FFS. You had a narrow escape there, missy: could have been worse.

Thank you. Trust me. It's been very hard. I can't remember the last time I slept longer than 5 hours. One day, he will make me feel extremely desirable and the next he treats like he barely knows me.

 

It's hard for me to move past our memories because they haunt me in more ways than one. Now that I know what his true colors are, it's even more disgusting that I ever fell for him and that I still can't stop having feelings for him.

 

Jealousy and guilt have both taken over my life, and he is the physical manifestation of these.

 

You are right. I need to quit. I have tried everything else. If I try to be friends with him, he talks to me in sexual innuendos or reminds me of the times we made out. If I avoid him, then he uses his charm with the other female co-workers to invoke jealousy in me.

 

To his advantage, he knows me well.

 

This has been eating me alive. I still can't believe that a man that I thought was so perfect could turn out to be such a horrible human being. He prides himself in his ability to lie and manipulate. Everybody at work loves him because he is just so charming.

[spiderowl]

The fact that he said he feels no guilt should tell you everything. The guy is a sociopath or psychopath with no empathy for others. That would enable him to totally ignore his wife's feelings and do just whatever he wants. It would enable him to use people ruthlessly to serve his own ends.

 

I am sorry you met someone like this and fell for him. It sounds like you know he isn't right for you but are chemically attracted. It is extremely hard to ignore such strong feelings. Just think what you'd be getting into though. I'm sure it would end in heartbreak because this guy does not care about people's feelings. He's just into fun and sex, the conquest.

 

I hope you see him for what he is. If he is not your boss and can't affect your working life, why not remove him from Facebook? What kind of friend is he anyway, who can treat his wife (and you) like that? It won't be easy pulling away from this guy but whatever you have with him, don't expect it to last, except as a bit of on and off 'fun' for you both.

[jesienna31]

Bittersweet! I could sign under each word that you are typing here... I have been through exactly the same... and I ended up in affair for 2 years. I got really deeply emotionally involved but for him it was only sex... his wife is now pregnant and I finally decided to break free.. It is really hard, but please, let it go. Be professional and polite but don't give in, it will really affect you badly if you carry on. I can't recognize myself anymore, I am so disconnected from what I am feeling or what I really want. I started seeing a therapist cause this affair really changed me inside so much. Please don't ignore your triggers that tell you it is wrong, please don't ignore your emotional uneasiness about it all. Your emotions talk to you and tell you what you cannot accept and what is wrong.... Listen to that, don't discard that. cause you will end up like me... confused after two years and not being able to trust myself anymore... Don't abbandon yourself in this please. The attraction would pass, take time, loads of time if you need to. Think about it, would you like to be with a men like that?

[C00kie]

I understand what you are saying, and while this might be the case for your friend... I think that Kevin does love his wife.

 

He doesn't love her. He's too selfish/self centered to know what love is/feels like. He loves himself. He may care for his wife, to an extent. But he does not love her.

 

Plus, he's the most toxic type - manipulative, smart, knows exactly what to say and do to "his" women and probably can talk his way out any sticky situation.

 

The good news is that you did not get the chance to connect with him on a more deep/spiritual level. So focus on yourself, at work be strictly professional - just keep away from him. He's a complete loser.

[bittersweet111]

The fact that he said he feels no guilt should tell you everything. The guy is a sociopath or psychopath with no empathy for others. That would enable him to totally ignore his wife's feelings and do just whatever he wants. It would enable him to use people ruthlessly to serve his own ends.

 

I am sorry you met someone like this and fell for him. It sounds like you know he isn't right for you but are chemically attracted. It is extremely hard to ignore such strong feelings. Just think what you'd be getting into though. I'm sure it would end in heartbreak because this guy does not care about people's feelings. He's just into fun and sex, the conquest.

 

I hope you see him for what he is. If he is not your boss and can't affect your working life, why not remove him from Facebook? What kind of friend is he anyway, who can treat his wife (and you) like that? It won't be easy pulling away from this guy but whatever you have with him, don't expect it to last, except as a bit of on and off 'fun' for you both.

I started thinking a little more clearly after I saw his text about how he felt no guilt or remorse. I knew that his wife was right there in the same room with him, and it made me question him.

 

However, like you said, the chemistry I felt with him is quite strong. I still feel the tension when I am around him at work and I do my best to ignore it but I think it's quite obvious. I get anxious around him, and he notices this and it feeds his ego.

 

Anyway, he is not my boss... but he's the most liked employee at my work. All the managers absolutely adore him and everybody thinks he's amazing. His humor is his weapon, and I bet nobody would believe me if I told them what he's really like (not that I intend to). It annoys me that people like him get away with being a**holes just because he is charming.

 

Anyway, this means that he works almost every day. I guess I am just worried that blocking him on facebook might make things awkward, and he might also figure out that he still has some sort of an effect on me.

[bittersweet111]

Bittersweet! I could sign under each word that you are typing here... I have been through exactly the same... and I ended up in affair for 2 years. I got really deeply emotionally involved but for him it was only sex... Think about it, would you like to be with a men like that?

 

Thank you for sharing your story! I have been thinking about this. I mean they just celebrated their first anniversary! Her profile pictures still include their wedding pictures, and he has already cheated on her. Why would I even want to be with a man like that? He has no respect for this woman or for me.

 

I am so sorry you had to go through this. I am doing my best to avoid getting more tangled up in this situation. Sometimes I wonder that maybe being in a financial situation would be less stressful than what I am going through right now.

[C00kie]

I... but he's the most liked employee at my work. All the managers absolutely adore him and everybody thinks he's amazing. His humor is his weapon, and I bet nobody would believe me if I told them what he's really like (not that I intend to). It annoys me that people like him get away with being a**holes just because he is charming.

 

I feel the same thing. It annoys me that everyone seems to think my xMM is such an amazing person too. They are charming and can easily fool anyone who doesn't know them that well.

 

Anyway, this means that he works almost every day. I guess I am just worried that blocking him on facebook might make things awkward, and he might also figure out that he still has some sort of an effect on me.

 

Plus, I'm guessing that if you work together, you'll probably have friends in common, who may notice if you unfriend him and raise suspicions (not that you owe anybody justifications - just do what's best for you).

[bittersweet111]

he's the most toxic type - manipulative, smart, knows exactly what to say and do to "his" women and probably can talk his way out any sticky situation.

 

You are absolutely right. I mean he told me straight up that he knows his strengths or he would never land a girl like me. Like I can't believe I was so blinded that I didn't even notice how horrible that sounds when he said that to me.

[C00kie]

You are absolutely right. I mean he told me straight up that he knows his strengths or he would never land a girl like me. Like I can't believe I was so blinded that I didn't even notice how horrible that sounds when he said that to me.

 

Yes, and disrespectful too!

 

In my previous comment I made a mistake - so actually the second paragraph is my comment, not a quotation of what you said

[bittersweet111]

Got it I guess charm is a skill, and they use it to their advantage. I swear... when I first saw Kevin I was not attracted to him. We got to know each other before I started having feelings for him. When my feelings became more apparent, he decided to add me on facebook and sneakily give me the news that hey he's actually married! Even though he flirted with me shamelessly.

[spiderowl]

It's convenient for him to be married and have a housekeeper and sex on tap. It's not bad for a career either. Psychopaths tend to be very charming and manipulative. They are also totally ruthless because they don't have empathy and therefore sympathy or guilt tugging at their sleeves. I am sure if you listen out for things he says you will pick up on the lack of understanding of how others are feeling. He may be funny, he may know how to play on feelings, but he doesn't care who he hurts.

 

Look after yourself. You are hurting now but the good thing is that you've learned that these characters do exist. At least you know what to look out for in future. I know that's not a great comfort at the moment but it will help you to filter out this kind of guy in the future.

[bittersweet111]

It's convenient for him to be married and have a housekeeper and sex on tap. It's not bad for a career either. Psychopaths tend to be very charming and manipulative. They are also totally ruthless because they don't have empathy and therefore sympathy or guilt tugging at their sleeves.

 

I don't understand how people like him can be married. Can't his wife tell what kind of a person he is?

 

I guess it is possible that people like him exist... it's just so hard for me to accept that the three months that we were friends. The long chats we had, the memories we shared (non-sexual ones) meant nothing to him.

 

It hurts you know. I am amazed that he could be so good at making me feel so special, and then as soon as I refused to let this carry on... now he's playing dirty games with me.

 

I wanted to stay friends with him because I miss spending time with him and chatting with him. But the moment I began to realize that he's only been interested in what's underneath my clothes... the entire foundation of our "relationship" seems hollow.

 

What's there to save? Every day I wake up and pray that these feelings will go away. I tell myself that he's not a good man, but I don't know how to make these feelings go away...

 

I am sick of feeling this way... of this hurt. I don't even know who to talk to. I told my best friend, and she told me that it's not like we dated so it's not really official. That I am being overly sensitive about this... It's sad that I don't even have the right to grieve or mourn like some "real ex" because it was never official.

 

All those coffee and dinner "dates".. they meant something to me. These feelings are real. It's not just lust. I felt a connection. It might be fake on his side, but man was it real for me. I felt so strongly for him but I never made a move because I knew it was wrong. I was happy just being in his company.

 

Those were the best three months I have had in the last two years. And then he kissed me, and ruined everything. They weren't harmless meetings anymore. He turned me into the side chick.

 

Sadness, jealousy, disappointment in myself, distress.... this is all he's left me with.

[whichwayisup]

One thing led to another, and then in his drunkenness he told me that ever since he first laid his eyes on me, he wanted to sleep with me (he was more crude but I will put it this way).

Glad you see he isn't loving you the way you are towards him. He isn't interested in anything serious, isn't leaving his wife and he sees you as a challenge, a quest. You deserve better and he isn't ever going to treat you any better than a side piece.

 

Delete him off of your facebook. You two are not 'friends', you're flirty buddy's that have crossed the line and had an affair. He's scum! Really scummy to cheat on his wife so soon after getting married. Just imagine how many other girls he's done this with! Doubt you're the first, nor will you be the last.

 

Tell him that you want nothing more to do with him except professional conversations from now on. BE tough on yourself, find your self respect and dignity, don't let him manipulate you.

 

You knew from the beginning and ignored your gut instinct. You listened to your feeling, heart and emotions, kept caving and allowing him to have his way with you.

 

Again, he is not a friend. Please try to keep busy, grieve when you need to but not all the time. Be with friends and family, keep your head down when you're working, don't get personal with him.

I don't understand how people like him can be married. Can't his wife tell what kind of a person he is?

 

He is a liar, a manipulator (quite good at it too) and I'm betting he's a pretty good actor at home to make sure his wife isn't suspicious. I mean, he hid the fact he was married from you very well!

[violet1]

Good for you for not letting it go further. I think you just saved yourself a lot of heart ache. I understand that you miss the friendship, but he's not your friend. True friends don't put their friends in positions like that. Stay strong! Change your perspective of him. He's just a co-worker. Nothing less, nothing more. In time, you'll feel disgust every time you look at him. The fact that you felt so much guilt towards his wife speaks volumes about your character. Best wishes to you!

[bittersweet111]

Glad you see he isn't loving you the way you are towards him. He isn't interested in anything serious, isn't leaving his wife and he sees you as a challenge, a quest. You deserve better and he isn't ever going to treat you any better than a side piece.

 

Delete him off of your facebook. You two are not 'friends', you're flirty buddy's that have crossed the line and had an affair. He's scum! Really scummy to cheat on his wife so soon after getting married. Just imagine how many other girls he's done this with! Doubt you're the first, nor will you be the last.

 

You are quite right. It was after he confessed to me that he had wanted to sleep with me since he first saw me that my decision to stay away become firm. I haven't made out with him or texted him since.

 

I am staying strong around him, and that's the best I have been able to do since.

 

That statement also made me question our friendship, but he was an important part of my life for that time so it's been a little harder. Especially because he doesn't seem to care or miss me.

 

I think he's already moved onto someone else to be honest. He's been flirting with this other woman who works with us, and I saw him touching her couple days ago the way he used to "playfully" touch my arm.

 

He is scum, and I can't stop him... but I can definitely stop myself.

[bittersweet111]

Good for you for not letting it go further. I think you just saved yourself a lot of heart ache. I understand that you miss the friendship, but he's not your friend. True friends don't put their friends in positions like that. Stay strong! Change your perspective of him. He's just a co-worker. Nothing less, nothing more. In time, you'll feel disgust every time you look at him. The fact that you felt so much guilt towards his wife speaks volumes about your character. Best wishes to you!

Thank you! Looking at his wedding pictures, and seeing the smile on his wife's face made it a lot easier for me to steer away from him. She looks so happy, and I don't want to be the reason that smile comes off her face. I put myself in her shoes, and I know that I would want another woman to respect my marriage the way I have tried to respect hers.

 

I wish I could apologize to her, but I won't say anything. Not for his sake, but for the sake of her smile and happiness.

 

I do feel like what goes around comes around... and one day I hope he pays for his mistakes (especially because I know that he feels no remorse).

[whichwayisup]

Those were the best three months I have had in the last two years. And then he kissed me, and ruined everything. They weren't harmless meetings anymore. He turned me into the side chick.

 

Sadness, jealousy, disappointment in myself, distress.... this is all he's left me with.

 

What a f**k.er! DO NOT LET HIM make you feel this way. You're young, beautiful and have so much going on. Time to get a new haircut, go shopping and pamper yourself. Rebuild your self esteem.

 

Just be glad it was only 3 months! Imagine how'd you feel if it was a year or 2 from now and figuring all this out. Ouch.

[bittersweet111]

What a f**k.er! DO NOT LET HIM make you feel this way. You're young, beautiful and have so much going on. Time to get a new haircut, go shopping and pamper yourself. Rebuild your self esteem.

 

Just be glad it was only 3 months! Imagine how'd you feel if it was a year or 2 from now and figuring all this out. Ouch.

 

I am definitely glad I saw through him sooner than later. I am also really glad that we didn't go as far as sleeping together or I would feel much worse, and who knows what would have happened.

 

I just deleted him off facebook. I don't care what he thinks or if this makes him feel powerful.

 

I will do my best to just keep things professional until I can finally quit.

 

I don't want to feel this pain anymore...