quidproquo89 Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 I agreed to move with my family to a new area. This is in the country, very isolated not at all what we were used to. The weeks leading up to our departure I got cold feet, but it was too late. Upon our arrival in the new town I was very depressed and lacked confidence as I felt I had made a huge mistake (I missed my friends and my home). Anyway sods law the first job I got was a nasty place to work, full of egotistical people, many of them non-English speaking who would not give me the time of day. Despite being a new face, no one made any effort to get to know me. This only added to my depression. I decided (I guess foolishly) that people in this town were nasty and not worth my time. So I started work an hour away and left them all behind. I was doing well working in a new area like a breath of fresh air. Unfortunately this work dried up and I was forced to return. For me, this was like returning to a past bad memory and foolishly in my downward spiral of a mind set. When I began working in the town once more, I expected the same treatment so I behaved defensively towards everybody. Not being rude, but not being nice either. Believe me when I say this was all a part of 'the place I was in'. Needless to say even after 4 and a half years of living here I have one friend. Everybody else I will say hello to and be polite to. It is somehow the I have a phobia of letting people in, here. I feel I would be terrified to enter a pub, where I know all the locals would be gathered together. I lack confidence to make friends and find a girlfriend, because whilst I am here I feel I've lost my spark. I've come to the threshold of moving away before, but I am terrified. I feel the act of moving out would be like repeating this process of moving here. I feel like I don't have the courage to move away. I'm afraid to plunge into the unknown, into a lowly job elsewhere only just making ends meet - mostly to soothe my angst of remaining here. It is almost like I have attached a stigma to this place, my situation and my role and image within this town. I feel it is too hard and too far to claw myself out of the moody quiet guy that works in the local supermarket to somebody who can hold his head up high and confidently convince the community to he is friend/boyfriend material. I am in nature a shy, homebody, listener - its hard enough for me to get to know people, without feeling awkward about doing it. I don't know what to do next. I've spoken to my parents about it and they offer little in the way of answers, and there right its my problem - but I feel trapped. No jobs available outside the town and our hometown is halfway across the country and I am terrified to move away. Sorry if I sound whiney, I'm just confused, scared and unsure Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Can you go back where you came from? Link to post Share on other sites
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