I NEED HELP **URGENT**

[unnamed]

[Repost from earlier]

 

You certainly have two valid points. I fall under the first category, asking the partner.

 

I asked her before we started seeing each other, for the following reason: all my life I grew up without sexual experience, and I searched for a partner who was similar. Of course, the chances of getting her were slim, but I looked. I did not find. But I had a preference to marry a woman who was never involved sexually. Why, you ask? Simple. I wanted sex to be two-way. Both of us would have no clue what we were doing, everything would be new, the feelings would be far more intimate and exhilirating, and we could learn from each other's mistakes, likes and dislikes. Does that not sound like a suitable want for nearly any man or woman? Does to me.

 

I have a few more things to add about myself. Before we started dating, I looked for the 'perfect' woman. I tried seeing some people, but they just never appealed to me. I lost interest the minute I got involved. The women I wanted I never got. The women I didn't particularly want, I got, but then rid of them. With my current girlfriend, this image dissapeared. There are two reasons why; one, it was meant to be that I would avoid other women to be with her, and two, that she exceeded that perfect images I had.

 

In addition to this, I was just about to start seeing a woman before my current girlfriend. Note the "just about."

 

You see, I had found out she had sex previously, but I never clicked it. It, in a way, skipped my mind. But I remembered it one day while a friend mentioned something, and not too long after, I ended it with her. I simply couldn't handle the fact that she had been with another guy. Not only did I not want sex, but I didn't want someone who had already had sex.

 

--

 

Before my current girlfriend and I started going out, we were talking one night and I asked her what all she had done. She told me a few things, but not all. I lied to her about fooling around with a girl. This, of course, came out later. I was totally inexperienced and untouched... a wonderful thing for my girlfriend.

 

Well, I stood on the other end. I was forced to deal with her having a sexual history. And, for some reason (most likely the fact that we were meant to go out), I forgot about her past and asked her out.

 

A few months into the relationship her past rarely bothered me, but it did occasionally. It wasn't anything to severe, but mild.

 

Four months into the relationship we were talking one night about each other's pasts. She noted another male she had fooling around with. I asked her if that was all, and she said yes. I was hurt, but I was glad that was it. It didn't seem like I couldn't handle. But little did I know what was coming...

 

Five months into the relationship, on our six-month anniversary, and a friend's wedding night, she revealed to me in the car, totally unexpectedly and unwanted, of another male. I was simply talking with her and her sister about something, and she blurted out how she had given oral sex to three men. At first I thought she was joking, but I looked into her eyes and I knew she wasn't. I sat quietly, near puking, in tears, completely betrayed, and I didn't know what to say. I was in shock.

 

She had promised me before this that there were no other men in her past. I believed her. One month later I realized she lied to me (although she claims she forgot -- which I still find unbelievable, but that is irrelevant and over with now), and I was heartbroken.

 

This one final event resulted in the downfall of Scottm (me). I could not get it off my mind for days, and those days turned into months, and now I'm on month 6 of going through this. Suddenly, I was plauged with images, haunting images, I fell asleep at night in tears praying for help. I would write poems, searching for an answer, a reasoning, a purpose behind her revealing this new man. I've currently discovered no answers.

 

So, there it is. I brought it on myself at the beginning, atleast what I could handle. I ignored it and I was happier than ever. Then she brought it on to me, and it tore me down to shreds. Now, you're probably thinking how small my problem seems. Its only third base, right? And I have to agree with you - it is small, and it should be. But to me its not. I've never been obsessive in my life, and now I am. I have found nearly every small detail about all these events, and have often be lied to about it. I simply see no end.

 

Should I leave her? She's lied to me about her past, maybe to protect me (which I can understand, but it still doesn't justify it), or for any other reason.

 

I hate it. I am sick to my stomach when I think of her with another man, and I am completely heartbroken. I cry in public (unfortunately) sometimes, and I go to sleep a wreck. Sometimes I get no sleep, and sometimes I just give up on everything, especially when she gives up on me.

 

The other side to all of this is the fact that she is still with me. She hasn't left, and she said she never will. She loves me, and I love her. So should I leave her?

 

We have plans to get married and go to university together (I'm 17), and spend the rest of our life together. I forsee it, and so does she. But her past overshadows the future. I cannot picture myself still dealing with this for years to come.

 

I should also note how severe the pain is becoming. Approximately a month ago, it was bad, where I was depressed 85% of the day. Now, as of not long ago, its up to 95% and above. I am very rarely okay, happy, whatever. Its just not that common anymore.

 

What the heck should I do guys? I'm stuck here, and I need help. I've asked everyone for help, and I've been to two councellors previously for past depression.

 

Help!

 

Thanks in advance,

 

unnamed (Scott)

[ROB]

Scott, either ICQ me, and then we can talk on phone if you want!!!

 

I am serious!

 

R

 

42303446

[Repost from earlier] You certainly have two valid points. I fall under the first category, asking the partner.

 

I asked her before we started seeing each other, for the following reason: all my life I grew up without sexual experience, and I searched for a partner who was similar. Of course, the chances of getting her were slim, but I looked. I did not find. But I had a preference to marry a woman who was never involved sexually. Why, you ask? Simple. I wanted sex to be two-way. Both of us would have no clue what we were doing, everything would be new, the feelings would be far more intimate and exhilirating, and we could learn from each other's mistakes, likes and dislikes. Does that not sound like a suitable want for nearly any man or woman? Does to me. I have a few more things to add about myself. Before we started dating, I looked for the 'perfect' woman. I tried seeing some people, but they just never appealed to me. I lost interest the minute I got involved. The women I wanted I never got. The women I didn't particularly want, I got, but then rid of them. With my current girlfriend, this image dissapeared. There are two reasons why; one, it was meant to be that I would avoid other women to be with her, and two, that she exceeded that perfect images I had. In addition to this, I was just about to start seeing a woman before my current girlfriend. Note the "just about." You see, I had found out she had sex previously, but I never clicked it. It, in a way, skipped my mind. But I remembered it one day while a friend mentioned something, and not too long after, I ended it with her. I simply couldn't handle the fact that she had been with another guy. Not only did I not want sex, but I didn't want someone who had already had sex. -- Before my current girlfriend and I started going out, we were talking one night and I asked her what all she had done. She told me a few things, but not all. I lied to her about fooling around with a girl. This, of course, came out later. I was totally inexperienced and untouched... a wonderful thing for my girlfriend. Well, I stood on the other end. I was forced to deal with her having a sexual history. And, for some reason (most likely the fact that we were meant to go out), I forgot about her past and asked her out. A few months into the relationship her past rarely bothered me, but it did occasionally. It wasn't anything to severe, but mild. Four months into the relationship we were talking one night about each other's pasts. She noted another male she had fooling around with. I asked her if that was all, and she said yes. I was hurt, but I was glad that was it. It didn't seem like I couldn't handle. But little did I know what was coming... Five months into the relationship, on our six-month anniversary, and a friend's wedding night, she revealed to me in the car, totally unexpectedly and unwanted, of another male. I was simply talking with her and her sister about something, and she blurted out how she had given oral sex to three men. At first I thought she was joking, but I looked into her eyes and I knew she wasn't. I sat quietly, near puking, in tears, completely betrayed, and I didn't know what to say. I was in shock. She had promised me before this that there were no other men in her past. I believed her. One month later I realized she lied to me (although she claims she forgot -- which I still find unbelievable, but that is irrelevant and over with now), and I was heartbroken. This one final event resulted in the downfall of Scottm (me). I could not get it off my mind for days, and those days turned into months, and now I'm on month 6 of going through this. Suddenly, I was plauged with images, haunting images, I fell asleep at night in tears praying for help. I would write poems, searching for an answer, a reasoning, a purpose behind her revealing this new man. I've currently discovered no answers.

 

So, there it is. I brought it on myself at the beginning, atleast what I could handle. I ignored it and I was happier than ever. Then she brought it on to me, and it tore me down to shreds. Now, you're probably thinking how small my problem seems. Its only third base, right? And I have to agree with you - it is small, and it should be. But to me its not. I've never been obsessive in my life, and now I am. I have found nearly every small detail about all these events, and have often be lied to about it. I simply see no end. Should I leave her? She's lied to me about her past, maybe to protect me (which I can understand, but it still doesn't justify it), or for any other reason. I hate it. I am sick to my stomach when I think of her with another man, and I am completely heartbroken. I cry in public (unfortunately) sometimes, and I go to sleep a wreck. Sometimes I get no sleep, and sometimes I just give up on everything, especially when she gives up on me. The other side to all of this is the fact that she is still with me. She hasn't left, and she said she never will. She loves me, and I love her. So should I leave her? We have plans to get married and go to university together (I'm 17), and spend the rest of our life together. I forsee it, and so does she. But her past overshadows the future. I cannot picture myself still dealing with this for years to come.

 

I should also note how severe the pain is becoming. Approximately a month ago, it was bad, where I was depressed 85% of the day. Now, as of not long ago, its up to 95% and above. I am very rarely okay, happy, whatever. Its just not that common anymore. What the heck should I do guys? I'm stuck here, and I need help. I've asked everyone for help, and I've been to two councellors previously for past depression. Help! Thanks in advance, unnamed (Scott)

[Fishbulb]

[Repost from earlier]

You certainly have two valid points. I fall under the first category, asking the partner.

 

I asked her before we started seeing each other, for the following reason: all my life I grew up without sexual experience, and I searched for a partner who was similar. Of course, the chances of getting her were slim, but I looked. I did not find. But I had a preference to marry a woman who was never involved sexually. Why, you ask? Simple. I wanted sex to be two-way. Both of us would have no clue what we were doing, everything would be new, the feelings would be far more intimate and exhilirating, and we could learn from each other's mistakes, likes and dislikes. Does that not sound like a suitable want for nearly any man or woman? Does to me. I have a few more things to add about myself. Before we started dating, I looked for the 'perfect' woman. I tried seeing some people, but they just never appealed to me. I lost interest the minute I got involved. The women I wanted I never got. The women I didn't particularly want, I got, but then rid of them. With my current girlfriend, this image dissapeared. There are two reasons why; one, it was meant to be that I would avoid other women to be with her, and two, that she exceeded that perfect images I had. In addition to this, I was just about to start seeing a woman before my current girlfriend. Note the "just about." You see, I had found out she had sex previously, but I never clicked it. It, in a way, skipped my mind. But I remembered it one day while a friend mentioned something, and not too long after, I ended it with her. I simply couldn't handle the fact that she had been with another guy. Not only did I not want sex, but I didn't want someone who had already had sex. -- Before my current girlfriend and I started going out, we were talking one night and I asked her what all she had done. She told me a few things, but not all. I lied to her about fooling around with a girl. This, of course, came out later. I was totally inexperienced and untouched... a wonderful thing for my girlfriend. Well, I stood on the other end. I was forced to deal with her having a sexual history. And, for some reason (most likely the fact that we were meant to go out), I forgot about her past and asked her out. A few months into the relationship her past rarely bothered me, but it did occasionally. It wasn't anything to severe, but mild. Four months into the relationship we were talking one night about each other's pasts. She noted another male she had fooling around with. I asked her if that was all, and she said yes. I was hurt, but I was glad that was it. It didn't seem like I couldn't handle. But little did I know what was coming... Five months into the relationship, on our six-month anniversary, and a friend's wedding night, she revealed to me in the car, totally unexpectedly and unwanted, of another male. I was simply talking with her and her sister about something, and she blurted out how she had given oral sex to three men. At first I thought she was joking, but I looked into her eyes and I knew she wasn't. I sat quietly, near puking, in tears, completely betrayed, and I didn't know what to say. I was in shock. She had promised me before this that there were no other men in her past. I believed her. One month later I realized she lied to me (although she claims she forgot -- which I still find unbelievable, but that is irrelevant and over with now), and I was heartbroken. This one final event resulted in the downfall of Scottm (me). I could not get it off my mind for days, and those days turned into months, and now I'm on month 6 of going through this. Suddenly, I was plauged with images, haunting images, I fell asleep at night in tears praying for help. I would write poems, searching for an answer, a reasoning, a purpose behind her revealing this new man. I've currently discovered no answers.

 

So, there it is. I brought it on myself at the beginning, atleast what I could handle. I ignored it and I was happier than ever. Then she brought it on to me, and it tore me down to shreds. Now, you're probably thinking how small my problem seems. Its only third base, right? And I have to agree with you - it is small, and it should be. But to me its not. I've never been obsessive in my life, and now I am. I have found nearly every small detail about all these events, and have often be lied to about it. I simply see no end. Should I leave her? She's lied to me about her past, maybe to protect me (which I can understand, but it still doesn't justify it), or for any other reason. I hate it. I am sick to my stomach when I think of her with another man, and I am completely heartbroken. I cry in public (unfortunately) sometimes, and I go to sleep a wreck. Sometimes I get no sleep, and sometimes I just give up on everything, especially when she gives up on me. The other side to all of this is the fact that she is still with me. She hasn't left, and she said she never will. She loves me, and I love her. So should I leave her? We have plans to get married and go to university together (I'm 17), and spend the rest of our life together. I forsee it, and so does she. But her past overshadows the future. I cannot picture myself still dealing with this for years to come.

 

I should also note how severe the pain is becoming. Approximately a month ago, it was bad, where I was depressed 85% of the day. Now, as of not long ago, its up to 95% and above. I am very rarely okay, happy, whatever. Its just not that common anymore. What the heck should I do guys? I'm stuck here, and I need help. I've asked everyone for help, and I've been to two councellors previously for past depression. Help! Thanks in advance, unnamed (Scott)

Alright, Scottm, the first thing I will say to you will sound quite randy, but it's for the best...I promise. GET A BLOWJOB!!! In fact, have her do everything to you that she's ever done to any of the other guys (remember, she blew three guys), so, that means you get at least three, right? Stay with me, here, Scottster. You're 17. You're going off to University. Supposedly together. Now, would you rather trot off to U. with her giving only you all that pleasure she (and you) will no doubt be surrounded with, asking to try all those naughty things you both no doubt already think about...or toss it aside because someone else doesn't live in your body and mind and therefore will never exactly match your expectations and therefore must be rejected? Which sounds like the better recipe for growth? Hmm, smart guy? (lol)

[Tony T]

First, I would never want to impose my own personal ethics on you, but if I were in your position I would put up an apology to those folks below who you left just dangling there when you deleted your post to move it up to the top.

 

Second, I know you are really confused and upset. But you seem to be looking for a very specific set of answers that will somehow make you feel better and perhaps validate your your own position, which is somewhat unclear.

 

If you will tell us specifically what you are looking for, perhaps we can accomodate. Or if you will give us your own feelings on how you really want to handle this, that would certainly give us something more concrete to go on.

[unnamed]

By the way, the name is 'Scott', not Scottm

 

I've tried what you said. Blowjob's, bla bla bla... sometimes it works, sometime it doesn't.

 

I find that if I'm in a down mood, and she gives me a blowjob, usually I'm out of that mood afterwards. Problem is, she doesn't give me it that often. I do not want to force it upon her, either.

 

So what should I do? We've both noticed that it seems like only head gets me out of it.

[blinker]

sounds like youre totally obsessed with this girl's past. that's not healthy. i doubt you'll ever get past that and forget. your best bet would be to break up and find someone else and hope to god they never divulge their past with you. the past is the past. and to think about marriage at your age, that is completely unrealistic. you're not even old enough to vote. go see a therapist.

[Repost from earlier] You certainly have two valid points. I fall under the first category, asking the partner.

 

I asked her before we started seeing each other, for the following reason: all my life I grew up without sexual experience, and I searched for a partner who was similar. Of course, the chances of getting her were slim, but I looked. I did not find. But I had a preference to marry a woman who was never involved sexually. Why, you ask? Simple. I wanted sex to be two-way. Both of us would have no clue what we were doing, everything would be new, the feelings would be far more intimate and exhilirating, and we could learn from each other's mistakes, likes and dislikes. Does that not sound like a suitable want for nearly any man or woman? Does to me. I have a few more things to add about myself. Before we started dating, I looked for the 'perfect' woman. I tried seeing some people, but they just never appealed to me. I lost interest the minute I got involved. The women I wanted I never got. The women I didn't particularly want, I got, but then rid of them. With my current girlfriend, this image dissapeared. There are two reasons why; one, it was meant to be that I would avoid other women to be with her, and two, that she exceeded that perfect images I had. In addition to this, I was just about to start seeing a woman before my current girlfriend. Note the "just about." You see, I had found out she had sex previously, but I never clicked it. It, in a way, skipped my mind. But I remembered it one day while a friend mentioned something, and not too long after, I ended it with her. I simply couldn't handle the fact that she had been with another guy. Not only did I not want sex, but I didn't want someone who had already had sex. -- Before my current girlfriend and I started going out, we were talking one night and I asked her what all she had done. She told me a few things, but not all. I lied to her about fooling around with a girl. This, of course, came out later. I was totally inexperienced and untouched... a wonderful thing for my girlfriend. Well, I stood on the other end. I was forced to deal with her having a sexual history. And, for some reason (most likely the fact that we were meant to go out), I forgot about her past and asked her out. A few months into the relationship her past rarely bothered me, but it did occasionally. It wasn't anything to severe, but mild. Four months into the relationship we were talking one night about each other's pasts. She noted another male she had fooling around with. I asked her if that was all, and she said yes. I was hurt, but I was glad that was it. It didn't seem like I couldn't handle. But little did I know what was coming... Five months into the relationship, on our six-month anniversary, and a friend's wedding night, she revealed to me in the car, totally unexpectedly and unwanted, of another male. I was simply talking with her and her sister about something, and she blurted out how she had given oral sex to three men. At first I thought she was joking, but I looked into her eyes and I knew she wasn't. I sat quietly, near puking, in tears, completely betrayed, and I didn't know what to say. I was in shock. She had promised me before this that there were no other men in her past. I believed her. One month later I realized she lied to me (although she claims she forgot -- which I still find unbelievable, but that is irrelevant and over with now), and I was heartbroken. This one final event resulted in the downfall of Scottm (me). I could not get it off my mind for days, and those days turned into months, and now I'm on month 6 of going through this. Suddenly, I was plauged with images, haunting images, I fell asleep at night in tears praying for help. I would write poems, searching for an answer, a reasoning, a purpose behind her revealing this new man. I've currently discovered no answers.

 

So, there it is. I brought it on myself at the beginning, atleast what I could handle. I ignored it and I was happier than ever. Then she brought it on to me, and it tore me down to shreds. Now, you're probably thinking how small my problem seems. Its only third base, right? And I have to agree with you - it is small, and it should be. But to me its not. I've never been obsessive in my life, and now I am. I have found nearly every small detail about all these events, and have often be lied to about it. I simply see no end. Should I leave her? She's lied to me about her past, maybe to protect me (which I can understand, but it still doesn't justify it), or for any other reason. I hate it. I am sick to my stomach when I think of her with another man, and I am completely heartbroken. I cry in public (unfortunately) sometimes, and I go to sleep a wreck. Sometimes I get no sleep, and sometimes I just give up on everything, especially when she gives up on me. The other side to all of this is the fact that she is still with me. She hasn't left, and she said she never will. She loves me, and I love her. So should I leave her? We have plans to get married and go to university together (I'm 17), and spend the rest of our life together. I forsee it, and so does she. But her past overshadows the future. I cannot picture myself still dealing with this for years to come.

 

I should also note how severe the pain is becoming. Approximately a month ago, it was bad, where I was depressed 85% of the day. Now, as of not long ago, its up to 95% and above. I am very rarely okay, happy, whatever. Its just not that common anymore. What the heck should I do guys? I'm stuck here, and I need help. I've asked everyone for help, and I've been to two councellors previously for past depression. Help! Thanks in advance, unnamed (Scott)

[blinker]

why would you want to talk on the phone to a minor about his sexual hangups?

Scott, either ICQ me, and then we can talk on phone if you want!!! I am serious! R 42303446