Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Hello, I know this is plain ridiculous, but I feel so much anger and feel helpless. So I met this guy a few months back, and we hit it off. We started hanging out 2 or 3 times a week, and he was gentle, respectful. I ended up opening up to him. He would compliment me all the time, and asked me many time to not leave him. *He was married for a year and has a daughter, which i love dearly. Everything was fine, until last week when his ex-wife texted him saying how sorry she was and she knew she made a mistake when she ended it. I know the separation devastated him. I know he's emotionally fragile. Anyways, after that text he became confused, and told me that he didn't know how to tell her to **** off. He was hesitant, so I confronted him asking him if he was over her or if he was thinking of getting back with her. He didn't answer, I was about to break up with him, but then he said he loved me and cared about me so much. He said that he was my man, and wasn't going anywhere. A day later, he messaged me on facebook saying that he feels he is not good enough for me, that he can't fulfill my needs, and a lot of BS. He ended it right there. I feel used and so sad, I can't believe I let my guard down just for him to play with my heart. Upsets me the fact that he didn't tell me the truth. I know he wants to get back with his ex-wife (who cheated on him, left him broke, and argued all the time) I just don't get it. I try to be the best human being to him. and this is all I got. I got dumped on facebook. I can't even sleep Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Hello, I know this is plain ridiculous, but I feel so much anger and feel helpless. So I met this guy a few months back, and we hit it off. We started hanging out 2 or 3 times a week, and he was gentle, respectful. I ended up opening up to him. He would compliment me all the time, and asked me many time to not leave him. *He was married for a year and has a daughter, which i love dearly. Everything was fine, until last week when his ex-wife texted him saying how sorry she was and she knew she made a mistake when she ended it. I know the separation devastated him. I know he's emotionally fragile. Anyways, after that text he became confused, and told me that he didn't know how to tell her to **** off. He was hesitant, so I confronted him asking him if he was over her or if he was thinking of getting back with her. He didn't answer, I was about to break up with him, but then he said he loved me and cared about me so much. He said that he was my man, and wasn't going anywhere. A day later, he messaged me on facebook saying that he feels he is not good enough for me, that he can't fulfill my needs, and a lot of BS. He ended it right there. I feel used and so sad, I can't believe I let my guard down just for him to play with my heart. Upsets me the fact that he didn't tell me the truth. I know he wants to get back with his ex-wife (who cheated on him, left him broke, and argued all the time) I just don't get it. I try to be the best human being to him. and this is all I got. I got dumped on facebook. I can't even sleep he's married, things like this happen when you try to date married men. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 He's been divorced for a year. He said he was over her, and now this. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 He's been divorced for a year. He said he was over her, and now this. are you sure he's actually divorced? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
roe007 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 ahh I feel for you my friend we have a similar situation but instead of dumping me on facebook she dumped me on whatsapp and left me out cold. It happens we can't expect them to come back and apologize or make us feel better. But on the bright side he went back to the cheater ex wife right? and your love was true and honest. Just go no contact and don't even reply if he ever texts or calls. You don't owe him anything. Its good to feel frustrated about him but move on and don't bother at all about him. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 The heart wants what the heart wants...even when it's not good for the heart. This is probably a way for him to resolve the pain of the divorce. Guess he's going to have to learn the hard way. Sorry this happened to you, but try to look at the bright side being that you went through this now, and not several more months of investment later. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 He probably meant it when he said he had feelings for you. His feelings for her are much stronger. When she reached out, he was there in a flash. This has very little to do with you, even though you are the one who got hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 He owns me money. I don't know how I can go and ask for my money without breaking down. He blocked me on fb, I did it first, but I unblocked him so I could ask him to pay me back. All this is so painful, the rejection, the games. I can't stop thinking about this all day. It sucks Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Is he divorced? You said "separated", big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 He is divorced. He told me he sees her as a babysitter. No feelings, and I trusted him and now all this bs Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 Hello, I know this is plain ridiculous, but I feel so much anger and feel helpless. So I met this guy a few months back, and we hit it off. We started hanging out 2 or 3 times a week, and he was gentle, respectful. I ended up opening up to him. He would compliment me all the time, and asked me many time to not leave him. *He was married for a year and has a daughter, which i love dearly. Everything was fine, until last week when his ex-wife texted him saying how sorry she was and she knew she made a mistake when she ended it. I know the separation devastated him. I know he's emotionally fragile. Anyways, after that text he became confused, and told me that he didn't know how to tell her to **** off. He was hesitant, so I confronted him asking him if he was over her or if he was thinking of getting back with her. He didn't answer, I was about to break up with him, but then he said he loved me and cared about me so much. He said that he was my man, and wasn't going anywhere. A day later, he messaged me on facebook saying that he feels he is not good enough for me, that he can't fulfill my needs, and a lot of BS. He ended it right there. I feel used and so sad, I can't believe I let my guard down just for him to play with my heart. Upsets me the fact that he didn't tell me the truth. I know he wants to get back with his ex-wife (who cheated on him, left him broke, and argued all the time) I just don't get it. I try to be the best human being to him. and this is all I got. I got dumped on facebook. I can't even sleep Having a child with someone often creates a special bond between two people. It's hard to compete with that. We often hear "she's the mother of my children" and we don't understand everything implied in those few words. It doesn't excuse the way he ended it. Text, FB, even a phone call (unless it's a LDR), that's just not a good way to end a relationship. It makes it harder than it already is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 I know. I mean I wasn't even jealous or anything, but after she texted him, he was so confused. I mean he kinda talked about their experiences together, but never thought he was still holding on to those memories. What pisses me off the most is that he was the one who told me that i should let my guard down, and let people in my heart. he was the one who told that i should not be scared of anything, because he cared so much about me that he wouldn't hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 A classic case to be honest. They had a lot of history together, children and a marriage. Please don't take it personal, because it really wasn't personal. He still harbors feelings for his ex and it's understandable considering the circumstances. I would personally cut him off, save yourself any more confusion and find someone who's a little more settled/over their past relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 I know. I mean I wasn't even jealous or anything, but after she texted him, he was so confused. I mean he kinda talked about their experiences together, but never thought he was still holding on to those memories. What pisses me off the most is that he was the one who told me that i should let my guard down, and let people in my heart. he was the one who told that i should not be scared of anything, because he cared so much about me that he wouldn't hurt me. My ex used to say "if something needs to be discussed about the relationship, I will tell you". He never did. Obviously, something should have been discussed. It's okay to let your guard down a little bit, but if you felt something was wrong, then something probably WAS wrong. Everybody is different, but one year after a divorce, with a child involved, isn't enough to be ready to jump into a relationship. Now I'm sure that some of us have done it, but I'd be extra careful if I heard something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 It's been 2 days since he broke up with me, and all i think of is him with his ex together. It hurts me that someone can play with someone's feelings like this. I mean I know i can't compete with his ex. She cheated and all. I know it's over for good. I'm so sure of that, it's painful to let go. Specially he told me so many things, and how he felt about me and how much love he had for me. Why did he play with my feelings like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 It's been 2 days now, and i cant get over it. The lies, the games and all. I can't believe someone i trusted could have done this to me. Saddest part is that I still hope he comes back to me, although i know that will never happen. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 25, 2014 Share Posted May 25, 2014 It's possible that having feelings for you triggered some sort of residual grief over his ex. He might have genuinely thought he was over her. I'm not excusing what he did, but you can't take it personally. You got caught up in a situation with a person who either wasn't honest or didn't realize his true feelings. Truly, and I do mean truly, this is more about him not being over his ex than it is about you. Don't judge yourself based on what he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 25, 2014 Author Share Posted May 25, 2014 That's what hurts me the most. I feel I meant nothing to him. I feel that he dumped me, and he's already moving on. It makes me feel like he didn't even respect me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 It's been 2 days. Heart break doesn't heal that fast. Give yourself time. How much money does he owe you? If it isn't that much & you can afford to be without it, I might walk away. If it's alot, send him a snail mail letter. If you don't have a written promise from him to pay you back, you are going to have a tough time collecting anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Don't forget that the day before he broke up with you, you were going to break up with him! You knew something was very off with this relationship. Your intuition was telling you he was not trust worthy. You have a lot to be thankful for. This is a sad little man who would have dumped you at any time for the ex wife who cheated on him and left him broke. Thank God you weren't years in with this guy. Some people are liars and don't care how they treat others. He is a liar and a user. I bet he promised to pay you back already didn't he? You've learned a lot from this. You need to trust your instincts and also you should have never lent money to a bf in what seems like a fairly new relationship. I mean really, his borrowing money from you? I'd be so turned off. I'm sure the ex is going to dog the fool again once she gets whatever she is she's looking for. Don't you DARE pick up the phone when he calls. If the money was an amount you can live without just walk away and consider it the price of a hard lesson learned. This will get better in time especially when you realize you deserve so much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 26, 2014 Author Share Posted May 26, 2014 He owes me 125, and he said he will pay me this coming Friday. If he doesn't pay me back, I'll have my friend going to his place and ask for the money. Not planning on see him. And he didn't have money for rent, I was the one who offered. Now I feel so pathetic. A complete idiot. For believing him. I know it was a new relationship, but I can't control my emotions right now. I don't know why I took it hard. I picture his ex and he back together. And it kills me. I Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 125. If you don't get it Friday just leave it. I know easier said than done but $125 is not worth you keeping communication with this guy. Never lend money you can't afford to give away. We've all been there I think you mostly feel betrayed. Don't feel pathetic if anyone should feel that way it's him. You'll feel better each day. He's not worth you falling apart over him. It will hurt now give it some time but you will feel much better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 26, 2014 Author Share Posted May 26, 2014 Thank you. I'm planning on doing that. I really hope the heartache goes away soon. I can't concentrate. All I do is thinking about him and how happy now he is with her. I don't know how to stop thinking about all this. I mean he played with my heart and all. I'm hurt beyond words. I also forgot to mention a very important thing: he is bisexual, and I am a gay man. I just thought of this, and I'm feeling even worse thinking we had a future knowing he's never been emotionally invested with a man, all his ltr were with women. I really need to get over this. It's so much pain Link to post Share on other sites
HappyLove Posted May 26, 2014 Share Posted May 26, 2014 Yea, that's an important piece of info. He's probably someone who's lying about who he is so he went running back to keep a facade. Don't think he's so happy and in bliss. I don't think you can be happy denying who you are. No wonder he went running back after she hurt him like that. You need someone on your level who isn't into games and using people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corvallis Posted May 26, 2014 Author Share Posted May 26, 2014 Thanks. I know. i mean he told she knows, but I don't really know. All I want to do right now is forget about it, but I can't. I haven't been able to sleep for the past 2 days. i feel like a complete idiot, suffering for someone who probably forgot about me already. I want to, but I keep thinking of him. Link to post Share on other sites
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