newenglandkid Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 So my girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago, said she wasn't happy and her feelings changed (but I think it was her having GIGS). We're both in our early twenties and were together for 18 months. So last Monday I started NC and it was going pretty well, then Saturday we bumped into each other at a concert and SHE started texting me later that night. I figured nothing of it bc I had the feeling she was just drunk texting (and I was a little drunk too). Anyway so the next morning she starts talking to me again, just catching up and stuff, and then she tells me she misses me and misses talking to me. I really want her back so this seemed like good news, I'm just wondering what my next step should be?
mammasita Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Honestly, you're first step should have been to block her number. You've been broken up for 2 weeks. Thats not nearly enough time for anyone to change or grow. I promise you that if you get back together with her now it will end badly. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 So my girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago, said she wasn't happy and her feelings changed (but I think it was her having GIGS). We're both in our early twenties and were together for 18 months. So last Monday I started NC and it was going pretty well, then Saturday we bumped into each other at a concert and SHE started texting me later that night. I figured nothing of it bc I had the feeling she was just drunk texting (and I was a little drunk too). Anyway so the next morning she starts talking to me again, just catching up and stuff, and then she tells me she misses me and misses talking to me. I really want her back so this seemed like good news, I'm just wondering what my next step should be? Nope....it means nothing. Just because someone "misses talking to you" doesnt mean they want to be with you again. A simple breadcrumb is what this was. Nothing more You need to keep not talk to her. Plain and simple
Author newenglandkid Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Damn alright guys thanks, she had me going because we had talked all morning and part of the afternoon about different stuff. But alas I will continue NC.
Hobbes' wagon Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Tell her to not contact you unless she specifically wants to try again and that if/when she does, she should let you know what steps she has undertaken to make sure she won't just change her mind again in another two weeks. If her being with another guy in the mean time would be a dealbreaker for you to not get back with her, tell her that too. Just lay out the conditions under which you'd entartain the idea of giving you two another try. After that, NC/ignore. Work on yourself. Read the book No more mr. Nice guy, it's available on PDF on the internet for free. Best wishes
Ordinaryday Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 she tells me she misses me and misses talking to me. In other words she had a brief moment where she missed chatting to you and wanted to contact you for a brief chat to 'shoot the breeze' and catch up for ten minutes before wishing each other well, and she will disappear from your life again seemingly not caring that her contact may have actually SET BACK your healing. dumpers can be so thoughtless. this is why I have learned, the hard way, TO NEVER EVER respond to anything my dumper says unless it is "I want you back". anything else is just her wasting my time.
Author newenglandkid Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 It was all morning and part of the afternoon though
Ordinaryday Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 It was all morning and part of the afternoon though so? and she got her 'fix' and moved on! I had a dumper once leave a voice message on my phone and ask me to call her, said she wanted to chat to me. I bluntly texted her back asking what she wanted, and after several back and forths I realised that she was just feeling a little nostalgic and wanted to 'catch up', say Hi, see how I am going, make sure there was no hard feelings between us, and then disappear from my life again. I told her that was crap and that she should never under any circumstances contact me UNLESS it is about reconciliation. needless to say I never heard from her again. 2
Author newenglandkid Posted June 2, 2014 Author Posted June 2, 2014 Damn alright man thanks for that, and yeah it does feel like I took a step back.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 It was all morning and part of the afternoon though Dumpers arent all heartless. I'm sure she probably had a feeling of wanting to see what you were doing and how things have been. Probably missed you a bit. Pretty normal. With that said, it means nothing in the end. Just a basic human emotion. 1
Ordinaryday Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Dumpers arent all heartless. I'm sure she probably had a feeling of wanting to see what you were doing and how things have been. Probably missed you a bit. Pretty normal. With that said, it means nothing in the end. Just a basic human emotion. No THEY AREN'T ALL heartless (just some) and there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to catch up with someone who was once a huge part of your life provided they are OPEN and HONEST about their intentions (stating they just want to catch up and nothing more) and they don't try to pressure the dumpee into responding, that is, they should write something like: "I would love to hear from you and if you are open to catching up I would love to hear from you. If you are not comfortable with that I completely understand and respect that, and I will leave you alone. All the best." that in no uncertain terms tells the dumpee what they want, the purpose of their contact and leaves no room for misinterpretation about reconciling. then the dumpee can decide whether or not they feel comfortable making contact. needless to say, most dumpers (in my experience) don;t do this!
chados Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 gigs here and gigs there. shes young and wants to be free, nothing more then that. you think that this is someone that you need right now but there are others out there. i know that depending on how you feel right now theres a chance that no matter what we say, youre not going to listen. but. let her know that youre out of her picture. if she wants you back she has to work for it not you. this is important for you healing but also will increase your chances of getting back together. at least consider to trust me on this
Chi townD Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Okay, so? She misses you. Big deal! Nothing in that text stated that she made a mistake and she'll do anything to get back with you. She...just..misses you. That's all. Hell, I miss football. I miss watching the Bears play. Really doesn't mean anything. It's just a statement. If I miss football so much, I can just go on Youtube and watch some football clips and my football fix is satisfied for a while. Well, same with her. She missed you, you talked to her for a while and now she got her "fix" of you and is now satisfied. Back to her own life! Edited June 2, 2014 by Chi townD
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Okay, so? She misses you. Big deal! Nothing in that text stated that she made a mistake and she'll do anything to get back with you. She...just..misses you. That's all. Hell, I miss football. I miss watching the Bears play. Really doesn't mean anything. It's just a statement. If I miss football so much, I can just go on Youtube and watch some football clips and my football fix is satisfied for a while. Well, same with her. She missed you, you talked to her for a while and now she got her "fix" of you and is now satisfied. Back to her own life! I think I'd rather go through another breakup than to watch a Bears game 1
Chi townD Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I think I'd rather go through another breakup than to watch a Bears game I'm gonna remember this and we'll revisit this when they're in the Superbowl! I'll accept your apology then!
Simon Phoenix Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Damn alright guys thanks, she had me going because we had talked all morning and part of the afternoon about different stuff. But alas I will continue NC. You mean you will start NC. You really haven't been NC at all. And you have made the rookie mistake of confusing "I miss you" for "I want you back." Everyone misses someone who they used to have a romantic relationship with in the immediate aftermath of a relationship. That doesn't mean they want to go back to it.
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