senoritabonita Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I am in my late 20s, recently engaged and teaching. My fiancé (2 years together)is good to me, but we have had our ups and downs. The first year he did not "give me his all", but for the last year he has. He has a temper, etc. Everyone has their problems. I feel like we always argue but I love him very dearly. A month ago, I attended an 8 day class trip (I teach) with a dreamy gym teacher whom I hadn't met before. Well, once in January at a meeting. In January, he was very obviously keen in getting to know me, and over the trip as well. He made every attempt at knowing me fully. He has a girlfriend (also hot tempered) for three years now. He got my number from a colleague and texted me asking me to go to the mini bar at the facility we were staying at, and have a drink. I decided why not. So we had an amazing conversation the first night and eventually we spent 4 of the nights up until 3 just talking and getting to know each other. Turns out we had lots in common and a very magnetic connection. We went back home and he continued texting me saying he couldnt forget me, was addicted to being around me, etc. He came to my class during all breaks to visit and even texts me if he walks by the window. He asked me a couple of weeks ago, to attend a soccer game and lie to our SOs about our whereabouts. I said fine, we went and inevitably kissed. But that night he continued reminding me that we cant forget our SOs!! and to reassure him that nothing would change with me and mine. I went home feeling awful about what I had done but my fiancé was getting upset over everything that weekend, so I didnt feel that bad. Gym teacher and the girlfriend are constantly fighting as well and he tells me all about it. After the kiss though; he started telling me they were barely having sex because she has no desire and that he desired me much more than her just by kissing me. Anyway weeks have passed and we are always meeting for coffee at lunch breaks, writing to each other all day, and we have had one more kissing session but agreed that would be it. During the kissing session he is so passionate and even hugs me so tight. But then he says that he loves his girlfriend "so much" and he is totally in love with her and that he wants to spend his life with her but he cant resist me. He is sooo jealous if my fiancé comes up in conversation but I dont bring him up since I know its all so messed up. But the reality is I have formed such a friendship with this guy and I feel like I really can tell him anything. We met for coffee this morning before work and he didnt really speak about her but he keeps saying how difficult it is not to kiss me. BUT he is always texting me about his girlfriend and all the things he loves about her to me. So I am utterly confused. Why would he mention her if he is texting me, wanting to see me, and wanting to kiss me? Does he just want sex from me or what? I know what I am doing is wrong but I have promised myself no physical contact until my situation is sorted. I just feel such a strong connection to this guy. Should I forget it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 He is just looking for sex on the side until he marries. He is a cheater and will probably cheat after he is married. You too are a cheater and your behavior is completely inappropriate considering you are engaged to be married. You need to tell your fiance that you have been kissing and making out with another man. Perhaps breakup or postpone your engagement until you are with a man that you really love and don't desire other men. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 It doesn't sound as though you love your fiance very much. You say such nasty things about him but then justify it all with "but I love him"... blah blah. If I had £1 for every abused wife I'd heard say that. If you loved him then you would not be kissing other men. Please for your own sake face up to the truth that your fiance is not a nice person and you need to leave him. After that you can worry about finding someone new. But if you have any moral fibre in your being then end this terrible relationship before starting another. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Honestly, both of you deserve each other. Neither one of you have any respect for you significant other and your both only thinking of yourself. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) You love the drama, don't you. You're engaged to a man that cheats on you and treats you like crap. Then you go and get involved with a man that has a girlfriend, who is probably going to take you on another hell ride -- I am not sure what it is about you that keeps putting yourself in unhealthy situations, over and over again. Any advice given to you regarding this issue would be useless because at the end of the day, your self-esteem is in the tank and you have no ability to make any healthy or sound choices for yourself. Edited June 2, 2014 by Zahara 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cupic Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Oh wow, at first i felt bad for your Fiance, then i read your other post. Honestly, you need to call of this wedding. Youre currently having an emotional affair with this guy, thats on the verge of becoming physical. Youre relationship with your F has been rocky at best, and he's cheated on you. I think youre thinking of having an RA. I agree with Zahara, i think you need to check yourself and figure out what you want your life to look like in the next 2, 5 and 10 years. Who do you see your self with, who do you love, and ask yourself do you love yourself. You seem to value your own self worth on these men, and that is affecting your choices in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 You love the drama, don't you. You're engaged to a man that cheats on you and treats you like crap. Then you go and get involved with a man that has a girlfriend, who is probably going to take you on another hell ride -- I am not sure what it is about you that keeps putting yourself in unhealthy situations, over and over again. Any advice given to you regarding this issue would be useless because at the end of the day, your self-esteem is in the tank and you have no ability to make any healthy or sound choices for yourself. Her fiancé has definitely cheated. .seniorita bonito is just too silly to see the blatantly obvious. He isn't that in love with her. She is crazy for staying with him. She kept coming here for adviceand we kept telling her that her ffiancé just wasn't that into her and that he has cheated on her and treated her like crap. To leave him. She wouldn't listen and yet she would come right back and ask for MORE advice. I did the same thing though. And he ended up dumping me. So i can relate to the way the OP is in denial. Your loser fiancé deserves this. .what goes around comes around. But you are stupid for staying with a guy whom you cheat on and who cheats on you. You won't listen to our advice so why the heck are you back here asking? You should leave him. This cheating business is NOT a sign that you are with the right life long partner. But of course you will insist on staying with him because your delusional about what is really going on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 What are you thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I went home feeling awful about what I had done but my fiancé was getting upset over everything that weekend, so I didnt feel that bad. Something was probably off with you, he probably sensed you were cheating....maybe, but couldn't really put his finger on it. Anyway, how upset would he have to act for you to justify sucking another guys dick as being fine even though you are in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts