Biscous Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I have been dating a girl for about five months. It has been a bit rocky. I feel that she is emotionally controlling and needy. I have attempted to end it more than once. Fast forward to last week where we were trying to resolve things, she gets a pain in her lower abdomen. I go to the hospital with her on Friday and we find out its an ovarian cyst. Her mother later comes that night. Despite some of our conflict, I did want to be there and see if she's OK. Saturday evening I come back to see if she needs anything. Her mother is there too. Later that night they mentioned that she may be released on Sunday and they needed a plan to get her. Her mothers plan seemed a bit convoluted. Me drive to her car, drive her car, go to the hospital and bring her daughter home, and wait for someone to get me. I am not being cold, but I felt that it was more of the mother's responsibly for this. I asked wouldn't it be easier to get a friend that lives there or another family member to get her. That caused some friction. I mentioned that I felt a bit overwhelmed by the situation and I stated that I may not be up in the AM, so I would need some advanced notice about the time she will be released. More issues with that. My friend eventually started crying and saying I'm treating her as an inconvenience. I got upset because she has done these guilt trips before. Not only that, but she went on a date with someone last week and she expects me to be a serious boyfriend with that and after five months. I felt her and her mom teamed up on me to conspire to get me to drive her to elicit more feelings. Frankly, I believe that this was all a family matter and I was just trying to be helpful, but that only extends so far. Was this inappropriate on her end or my end? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Why are you keeping these people in your life? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biscous Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 Why are you keeping these people in your life? Perfect question. It is difficult because I work with her, but not directly. I guess me being a good person and I was genuinely trying to help her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 What??? She goes on dates with other guys?? Y'all aren't even an official couple?? Oh heck no! I think you're just trying to be nice, SO in the nicest way possible, say bu bye to this chick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biscous Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 And if anyone asks why I haven't become bf/gf with her soon is because I've had reservations about her and I believe that they are within reason. Much of this surrounded the first month of me seeing her. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 More excessively emotional and needy people uuuuugh. No thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 You came to the hospital and asked if she needed anything. When they told you she needs a ride you got mad. How is that her fault? You asked. While the mother's plan was ridiculous, since you in essence volunteered, you should have just picked her up from the hospital and driven her home. I've done that for people I barely know. Even if you weren't exclusive, I think it was the kind thing to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biscous Posted June 2, 2014 Author Share Posted June 2, 2014 You came to the hospital and asked if she needed anything. When they told you she needs a ride you got mad. How is that her fault? You asked. While the mother's plan was ridiculous, since you in essence volunteered, you should have just picked her up from the hospital and driven her home. I've done that for people I barely know. Even if you weren't exclusive, I think it was the kind thing to do. Let me clarify. I didn't mind. They got upset and emotional when I asked for advanced notice as to when she needed to get picked up because I would be busy on Sunday. They expected me to I guess be fully available and I had some errands to run that weekend. I was asking something that was completely reasonable and they would give that to anyone else. My friend resorted to name calling and crying because she said I treated her like an inconvenience. I told her she was not but I was asking for a reasonable time frame and I thought it was convoluted. I still believe that a mother who has an only child would WANT to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Not inappropriate of her to ask. Not inappropriate of you to give your availability. Making a bunch of drama out of something simple? Inappropriate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Your clarification makes more sense. If all you wanted was some sense of time so you could arrange your schedule, they should have given it to you since you were doing them a favor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 Given the dynamics of the guilting, I think its fair to say you are wise to step back and offer a socially acceptable answer. Which in this case would be: I can be available between 2pm and 4 pm, if someone wants to take another time frame feel free. I'll drive her home in my car. (end of discussion) leaving ones response in an open manner leaves a huge array of demands. I've learned to say yes I can help out and here is how. Do not let them make the plans for you. You are the one offering, so they need to also accomodate your guidelines. I liken it to a friend saying Hey! Can I stop over to borrow some money. they show up and you give them a 20. They go HEY!! YOU SAID I COULD BORROW money! I need 5 thousand dollars! So you have to give me what I want because you simply said YES to the request. that is conveluted and taking advantage of a persons kindness... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 I understand how you feel. I guess what this tells you is that your girlfriend has built this relationship up as very important to her family. At a time of crisis is not the time to give her and her parents a dose of reality, but once it has passed, it is time to make a clean break if that's where it's headed. There is no advantage to anyone to hang on with a needy person because the longer you do, the more they depend on you and delude themselves about that their future is with you. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 If your her boyfriend and she's treating you in a disrespectful way and dating some other guy, if it's me, I tell her to call a cab. Or the guy she went out with. Stop wasting your time and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 8, 2014 Share Posted June 8, 2014 Your clarification makes more sense. If all you wanted was some sense of time so you could arrange your schedule, they should have given it to you since you were doing them a favor. Try getting a nurse in a hospital to give you the exact time you'll be discharged. It's something that has to be played completely by ear. If the doctor that has to sign off doesn't show up until 3pm, you're stuck with it. But, it was generous to offer. Especially to someone who just went out with someone else last week. Dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
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