8 months later, my ex contacted me.

[me85]

Dude, he, at best, emotionally cheated on her and basically told her to kick sand. She should be skeptical and not be an easily-duped wallflower. Second chances are warranted sometimes, but it's up to him to go above and beyond the call of duty to earn that second chance. That means apologizing for being a douche right off the bat and that means keeping after it if she's skeptical. I mean, if he's serious, he'll continue to up the ante. If her being hesitant (as she has the right to be) is going to dissuade him, then how serious can he be.

 

Second chance do happen. But if you don't have a standard about how you should be treated, then the second chance will end up as bad, if not worse, than the first chance. Being nice and forgiving does not mean you have to be a easily mistreated sap.

 

 

Absolutely. I agree with that.

 

But it's not up to you or I to make that call.

 

Hell yes be skeptical but obviously she still cares very much or else she wouldn't be on here asking for advice. She wouldn't be torn.

 

CLEARLY he fu cked up. CLEARLY. I despise cheaters. All I'm saying is if she thinks there may be a chance and asks for people's opinion on here then I have every right to go forth with MY opinion.

 

You have yours and I have mine.

 

Deal with it.

 

I'm not going to blow a gasket just because someone opposes the way I think.

 

I'm not asking you to understand or agree with me. I don't care to argue with you either.

 

If I'm going to go back in forth in conversation with anyone on this thread it's going to be the person who started it.

 

Not you.

[feelingtorn]

I just emailed him back.

"Hi xxxx,

 

Thanks for being honest and sharing your feeling. Much appreciated.

 

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Our breakup was one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching things I ever had to do. I do miss you and think about you and Sadie, but what I also remember is the face of Candace and text exchanges between you two. Islamic call to prayer is not beautiful to me, but I get seriously teary. Was I a perfect partner? Absolutely not. The last year of our relationship was not easy. I overstretched myself and was way stressed out/uptight. I had a soul searching period after our breakup, and I have found my peace and feel like I have become a better person. I am content and happy with my life and am seriously looking forward to the major life change that is about to happen in less than 2 weeks. I hope to move forward with my life, not look back, esp. with someone who is still unsure of me and our relationship. To be honest, I am not sure what to think about you or us either. Perhaps, we are missing each other because we did share some awesome moments together. Our relationship was not horrible.

 

Get out there and have fun. I really hope you find someone who can get rid of all your doubt and fear.

 

Good luck."

 

I think I made the right decision. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts.

[me85]

"You are the one that's overly pushing a certain response from her part."

 

 

Hmmm...how so?

 

I was one of the first to respond to this thread because of similar experience.

 

So if I can relate, I do just that...RELATE and share my thoughts.

 

I haven't "overly pushed" anybody anywhere except you...off my freaking back already.

[me85]

I just emailed him back.

"Hi xxxx,

 

Thanks for being honest and sharing your feeling. Much appreciated.

 

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Our breakup was one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching things I ever had to do. I do miss you and think about you and Sadie, but what I also remember is the face of Candace and text exchanges between you two. Islamic call to prayer is not beautiful to me, but I get seriously teary. Was I a perfect partner? Absolutely not. The last year of our relationship was not easy. I overstretched myself and was way stressed out/uptight. I had a soul searching period after our breakup, and I have found my peace and feel like I have become a better person. I am content and happy with my life and am seriously looking forward to the major life change that is about to happen in less than 2 weeks. I hope to move forward with my life, not look back, esp. with someone who is still unsure of me and our relationship. To be honest, I am not sure what to think about you or us either. Perhaps, we are missing each other because we did share some awesome moments together. Our relationship was not horrible.

 

Get out there and have fun. I really hope you find someone who can get rid of all your doubt and fear.

 

Good luck."

 

I think I made the right decision. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts.

 

 

That sounded perfect! Nice, not rude or impersonal at all. Just really honest and sincere.

 

I'm so happy you're in such a better place now! So strong minded.

 

Good for you.

 

I hope things continue to develop with you and your new friend too!

 

You're like a hero! Seriously.

 

Take care feelingtorn!!

[Simon Phoenix]

Absolutely. I agree with that.

 

But it's not up to you or I to make that call.

 

Hell yes be skeptical but obviously she still cares very much or else she wouldn't be on here asking for advice. She wouldn't be torn.

 

CLEARLY he fu cked up. CLEARLY. I despise cheaters. All I'm saying is if she thinks there may be a chance and asks for people's opinion on here then I have every right to go forth with MY opinion.

 

You have yours and I have mine.

 

Deal with it.

 

I'm not going to blow a gasket just because someone opposes the way I think.

 

I'm not asking you to understand or agree with me. I don't care to argue with you either.

 

If I'm going to go back in forth in conversation with anyone on this thread it's going to be the person who started it.

 

Not you.

 

I fail to see how I'm "blowing a gasket" or understand why you are getting so defensive. But the OP has resolved it in the way she sees fit, so let's drop it.

[feelingtorn]

That sounded perfect! Nice, not rude or impersonal at all. Just really honest and sincere.

 

I'm so happy you're in such a better place now! So strong minded.

 

Good for you.

 

I hope things continue to develop with you and your new friend too!

 

You're like a hero! Seriously.

 

Take care feelingtorn!!

 

Aww thanks. On a side note, I paid off my mortgage last Nov. Recently I got laid off, but I was doing better with stock trading than my day job. So, I decided to trade stocks full time. I am 37 and semi retiring. Life is good. I do not need a man who does not appreciate me fully. My friend is supposed to be moving back permanently in two weeks. Looking forward to it. We have been good friends for 7 years. He even remembers my clothes and bag that I wore when we first met. Such a sweetie. I love that he is crazy about me and has absolutely no doubt/fear. That's the kind of a man I want to be with for my next relationship.

[me85]

Aww thanks. On a side note, I paid off my mortgage last Nov. Recently I got laid off, but I was doing better with stock trading than my day job. So, I decided to trade stocks full time. I am 37 and semi retiring. Life is good. I do not need a man who does not appreciate me fully. My friend is supposed to be moving back permanently in two weeks. Looking forward to it. We have been good friends for 7 years. He even remembers my clothes and bag that I wore when we first met. Such a sweetie. I love that he is crazy about me and has absolutely no doubt/fear. That's the kind of a man I want to be with for my next relationship.

 

 

Congrats on your success

 

Yes, that's exactly the dream. As long as you love them and they love you and are good to each other, you can have the dream.

 

It hurts so much when you have loved someone with all your heart but they only loved you with half of theirs.

 

You are on a roll sister! Don't look back.

[April Moon]

I think you made the right decision too! Your email was well thought out and not bitter. Good for you! the email , IMO, was wonderful!

[BC1980]

Sounds like the right decision. You deserve nothing less than a man who is completely sure.