ponchsox Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 We broke up in September of last year after 1 1/2 years together. The breakup was a result of pressure she had from work and her being a single mom with no ex support and no time to put into the relationship. I recently texted her asking how she was doing. She said good, hope all is well with you. I then told her I would like to reach out and be friends and if it was ok that I called her. The next day she texted yes, I can call. Any suggestions on how to proceed? I'm past her romantically but want a plutonic relationship. I'm not bringing up the past. What do you think her thought process is? After we broke up she told be I was a good guy and she still wanted me in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
sumathi Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Why did you contact your ex? This is going to complicate your life. When you break up, you should realize that your relationship is not going to work. Now that you want to contact your ex the memories of your love is going to torment you. You cannot have a platonic relationship with a woman you had loved before. Do not try to contact her and forget her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AlphaC Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 We broke up in September of last year after 1 1/2 years together. The breakup was a result of pressure she had from work and her being a single mom with no ex support and no time to put into the relationship. I recently texted her asking how she was doing. She said good, hope all is well with you. I then told her I would like to reach out and be friends and if it was ok that I called her. The next day she texted yes, I can call. Any suggestions on how to proceed? I'm past her romantically but want a plutonic relationship. I'm not bringing up the past. What do you think her thought process is? After we broke up she told be I was a good guy and she still wanted me in her life. Dumb move my friend, really dumb!! The fact that she waits a day to respond to your text means you are not in her thoughts. This woman dumped you because she didn't want to be with you, that's it, the "pressure, single mom, ex support" is all bull, these things where there before and during your 1.5 years with her. If I were you I would NOT call her, leave her alone and find yourself a woman that wants to be with you. Just watch, you are going to call her to "catch up" and you will hear about her new boyfriend and then start crying. You will tell her, "oh baby, you said you didn't have time for a boyfriend, you said you would contact me when you were ready to date again...." and come across as needy and pathetic, which is what you are displaying by contacting her. Leave it alone big boy, the sea is full and there is one or two fish for every man to have a feast. Have some respect for yourself, this means don't put with someone who doesn't value you, who had to lie to you to get out of your 1.5 year relationship. She could have been honest and said "Ponchsox, this isn't working, I don't feel we are compatible," and then you could heal and later think about being her friend but she lied to you. Move on bro!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Honestly, I can't see anything good coming from this. I don't think you are going to hear what you truly want to hear. I think you need to honestly ask yourself why you would want platonic relationship with a serious ex? Her telling you that she "wanted you in her life" and that "you are a good guy" were attempts at softening the blow and relieving guilt. Keep her in the past, save your time and energy for a woman who wants to be with you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mangetout Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 It sounds like she is happy to have a friendship with you but make sure this is really all you want off her.If you got in contact to test the waters to see if she still has feelings for you then you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. Just be very clear that all you do want is a friendship. That includes hearing that she has a new man in her life Link to post Share on other sites
RDawg Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I am almost 7 months no contact after an almost three year relationship and I'm still pining for my ex. Are you sure you can handle just being friends? I think you are lying to yourself. but please go ahead., I would love to hear how this pans out. You know, when I have weak moments I fantasize about being friends with my ex just so I can bask in her presence and try and show her what a great guy I still am. Like sneak in under the radar all sneaky friendly like. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 If you have to post on a forum about how to have a platonic relationship with an ex, I would have to question whether you're really ready for this. "What do you think her thought process is? After we broke up she told be I was a good guy and she still wanted me in her life." Another sign you are not ready for this. You need to really check your motives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 This doesn't sound good. It's just too awkward to have an actual friendship with an ex in most cases. It's not a real friendship usually. What exactly do you hope to gain from this? Are you going to hang out with her? Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Don't be ridiculous about your expectations. Take it slow, low pressure and be friendly about it. The last thing you ever want to do is talk about the past relationship or anything complicated...especially on the first call. She may legitimately think you are a great person but again, don't get your hopes up about it. Now I disagree with a lot of people on this board in that I don't think putting your head in the sand is the best way to deal with these types of situations. Of course, a significant period of no contact and healing is needed but at the same time running away from any situation that is remotely challenging for our emotions isn't living life. If you really want to be friends with this person, or more likely, you think a friendship will rekindle the relationship, then reach out to her but take it slow. Don't expect anything in return and don't pressure her to do or say anything. Don't even talk about the old relationship. Just ask how she is doing and try to catch up with her over the last 8 months that you weren't in the picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Harradin Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Being friends with your ex is a kidnapper kidnapping you, setting you free and then saying 'keep in touch.' Why do you want to be friends with someone who dumped you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponchsox Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Update: I called last night and she called right back. The conversation went very well and lasted about 30 minutes. I did not mention anything about the past. She had a very pleasant tone to her voice and seemed very interested in talking about how she's been and how I am doing. She said it would be fine if I contacted her again. She's going to Puerto Rico in two weeks so I figured I would call in 3-4 weeks to see how her trip was. My only intention is to become friends with her because she's such a great person and we are almost exactly alike personality wise. I'm fine with any outcome, I don't have any expectations. Just seeing if she wants to be friends which based on our conversation I think she would like to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyConnection23 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Update: I called last night and she called right back. The conversation went very well and lasted about 30 minutes. I did not mention anything about the past. She had a very pleasant tone to her voice and seemed very interested in talking about how she's been and how I am doing. She said it would be fine if I contacted her again. She's going to Puerto Rico in two weeks so I figured I would call in 3-4 weeks to see how her trip was. My only intention is to become friends with her because she's such a great person and we are almost exactly alike personality wise. I'm fine with any outcome, I don't have any expectations. Just seeing if she wants to be friends which based on our conversation I think she would like to. Happy to hear that! Just remember, in 3-4 weeks when you call her again, keep it slow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 If you really just wanted to be friends, you wouldn't be asking how to proceed, because it wouldn't matter that much..just saying.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somegoodman Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 You don't want to be friends, stop lying to yourself. If she was standing in front of you naked right now would you **** her? Exactly. There is no real friendship between men and women. Also, she isn't a "great person" she is just some broad. You have low self-worth and need to let her go and focus on your own growth. Just imagine what she's getting up to in Costa Rica. You think your beautiful friendship is on her mind while she's getting raw dogged by Juan the Cabano boy in a martini bar bathroom? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponchsox Posted June 5, 2014 Author Share Posted June 5, 2014 I spoke with my ex two nights ago she seemed happy to talk to me and said we can talk again. Then I see a picture with her and an ex boyfriend together on Facebook two months ago. Why does she want to talk to me? Does she truly want to be friends or maybe this guy didn't work out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponchsox Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 8 months after a LTR? Catch up? Keep options open? Curiosity? FWB? Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 They're lonely, looking for an ego boost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponchsox Posted June 6, 2014 Author Share Posted June 6, 2014 They're lonely, looking for an ego boost. You think they'd be up for sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 You think they'd be up for sex? possibly, just may or may not be with you. Have you given yourself time to allow us here to guide or suggest different tactics? Noticed the same theme keeps going thru various topics that you started. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 You calling her was a really really bad idea... Now the mind**** is here... Why did you two break up in the first place? I remember reading how you thought you and your ex were really different and that's why it didn't work out? but maybe it was someone else... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 6, 2014 Share Posted June 6, 2014 I spoke with my ex two nights ago she seemed happy to talk to me and said we can talk again. Then I see a picture with her and an ex boyfriend together on Facebook two months ago. Why does she want to talk to me? Does she truly want to be friends or maybe this guy didn't work out? She's probably just trying to be nice to you, and that's it. Also, her definition of friends, in this situation, is probably different than yours. She probably means that you will be on good terms. You're not in the right place to be doing this if you are worried about a FB photo from 2 months ago. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alexjones1 Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 Update: I called last night and she called right back. The conversation went very well and lasted about 30 minutes. I did not mention anything about the past. She had a very pleasant tone to her voice and seemed very interested in talking about how she's been and how I am doing. She said it would be fine if I contacted her again. She's going to Puerto Rico in two weeks so I figured I would call in 3-4 weeks to see how her trip was. My only intention is to become friends with her because she's such a great person and we are almost exactly alike personality wise. I'm fine with any outcome, I don't have any expectations. Just seeing if she wants to be friends which based on our conversation I think she would like to. ok dude! STOP RIGHT NOW! You made an initial effort ok. Now just wait and dont do anything. You will see where she really stands. If she calls you or contacts you dont text her. Just pick up the phone and tell her you would like to see her and ask when shes available. If you get rejected just say thanks, if you change your mind call me. Then you walk away. DUDE DONT CHASE A WOMAN YOU WANT TO BE WITH TOO MUCH! I said too much. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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