tom670 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I'm a former Marine, so I understand the UCMJ. However, my greater concern is for this man's soul, and the life of the unborn. All he can do is to urge his wife not to abort the child. If he does this to the best of his ability, he will be able to look himself in the eye for the rest of his life. Pragmatically speaking, it IS ultimately her choice. In my opinion, she should never speak to the OM as long as she lives. If she has the child, however, that does make things messy with regards to contact. Good God, what a mess infidelity makes. But again, the life of the unborn trumps all other considerations. Yes, I have very strong opinions, and if someone doesn't like what I'm saying, that's TOO BAD. Not arguing but he has to look out for himself right now. She fired him the day she began screwing around. What he should do is let her parents and other family know what is up help her out. And yes this is a mess that SHE created. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I thank everyone for there advice suggestions and stories. I talked to her about what was said on here and she and I are moving forward with the divorce. She hates me now, but she will understand later on that this is the best choice. I will be doing what I can for her while we go through this process, especially to keep her stress and anxiety down to a minimum. Thank you again. She hates YOU for filing for divorce? :confused: This really says a lot about her. I'm glad you're moving forward with the divorce. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I thank everyone for there advice suggestions and stories. I talked to her about what was said on here and she and I are moving forward with the divorce. She hates me now, but she will understand later on that this is the best choice. I will be doing what I can for her while we go through this process, especially to keep her stress and anxiety down to a minimum. Thank you again. I wish you the best and there should be special laws for infidelity against soldiers abroad. Thank you for your service. From a Former Marine 0311 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Madman81 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I'm a former Marine, so I understand the UCMJ. However, my greater concern is for this man's soul, and the life of the unborn. All he can do is to urge his wife not to abort the child. If he does this to the best of his ability, he will be able to look himself in the eye for the rest of his life. Pragmatically speaking, it IS ultimately her choice. In my opinion, she should never speak to the OM as long as she lives. If she has the child, however, that does make things messy with regards to contact. Good God, what a mess infidelity makes. But again, the life of the unborn trumps all other considerations. Yes, I have very strong opinions, and if someone doesn't like what I'm saying, that's TOO BAD. Of course, the better solution is for him to simply divorce her cheating ass. Then it's not his business or concern what she does with her pregnancy, or whether or not she speaks to the OM again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Don't feel bad for her...she did this to herself. She should have thought about your M and the sacrifices you are making by being out there in Aphganistan. Thank you for your service. Military M's can be tough especially when you or your spouse are deployed. My step daughter was just there and sent back last month due to the anxiety I feel she felt about her new H's whereabouts and actions while he was here in the states. Where is the trust! It's a shame that it can all come to this. She already broke your M. Her pregnancy should be your deal breaker. You deserve to go to bed at night and not wonder about what she is doing and with whom. Good Luck to you. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Just let her family take care of her. You focus on your well being. Get back here if you can and take care of business. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
tornapart2002 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Why is the baby being punished for what she did?There is a life there, please consider that. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Please forgive me for sounding judgemental. I don't mean to. It's a hard one on me because I believe every life is important, no matter how the child is conceived. Hi everyone, I am new here. Here is a brief bio about me and about my wife and I. I am 26 I have a 4 year old son from a previous marriage. I am currently deployed to Afghanistan. I have been here 2 months now. My wife and I got married in February of this year. We have been together as a couple since october of 2013, so really not much time. She is 25. We went to high school together, never really introduced ourselves but I knew who she was and she knew who I was. She is a member of the Air National Guard. Before deployment we have been talking about having our own children. She loves my son and my son loves her. Every time I Skype with him he asks where she is. Well to the serious part. Well for the past month I had a gut feeling there was something going on with her and this "friend" as she put it. He lives in the apartment above ours with another couple. They party every weekend. Well I questioned her about who he was several times because I noticed they talked on Facebook and she would stop messaging me when with him and his friends. She said they were just friends and she liked hanging out with them cause they mad her feel alive since I have been gone. I asked her multiple times if she is attracted to him and she says no. Well this went on all month, she would stop talking to me completely when with them and stay out late. Well 3 days ago she tells me that she slept with him multiple times including in my house and in our bed. She told me everything. She told me how many times and where they were and when it happened. All at times in which I knew something was going on. Everything she told me prior about this guy was a lie. She told me she was attracted to him from the first time she saw him. She then told me that she is 4 weeks pregnant with his kid. She said they had unprotected sex a couple times and that she liked him but didn't love him. I was crushed and wanted to end it without a thought. I gathered my senses the best I could and talked about options. She and I don't really believe in abortion. She has told me time and time again how she wants my kids and wants me not him. She told me she made a mistake and the reasons she did what she did. I told her she needed to make her decision. Whether she was going to keep the baby and give it up, keep it and we get divorced, or abortion. She said she couldn't do adoption. She said she didn't want to lose me in divorce and then lose her job due to adultery. So she is set on abortion because she wants me, she wants to have my children, she wants to fix what she did and stay married and get all the help we need. I told her if that was her decision that I would do the same. I would be here for her after the abortion and that I would pay for it and be understanding and help her as much as I could in the hopes our marriage and life gets stronger and healthier down the road. I told her that what she did to me was the worst thing she could do. I told her how I felt and that trust has been lost and it would take lots of work for her to earn it back. I also told her that her decision for abortion is a tough one and I understand that. But it is hers. She will have to live with it, I will have to live with it. I told her that a decision like that shows me that she is willing to stay with me and fix our marriage. A decision like that deserves a second chance. I told her that I will do all I can to help her emotions and pain through it and that I ask for her to just be open and honest with me about everything. That if we do this she needs to swear to me that she will never do something like this again. She did. She called the doctor and is set up for this on the 11th. I am worried for her. All I want is to be there and help her in person. My unit is trying to find a way to get me home but it isn't looking good. Not being there makes me worried that the anger and resentment and pain will be harder on her. So it almost makes me want to tell her that maybe keeping it is the best option. I don't want to influence her decision though. And if she does keep it I will resent the baby. I know I couldn't love it or anything due to the son I have and all that she did to me. I need to look out for myself too. I still need to grieve and I still need to look out for my sons best interests. The guy she did this with wants her to keep it and I told her that if she has any feelings for me that she needs to leave him alone and not talk or contact him in anyway. She agreed with the exception of telling him after she has the abortion. So my question or whatever is that am I making the right decision with letting her do this to herself and then trying to work our marriage out? I know that it is going to be ridiculously hard but I love this woman still and there is passion and love on both ends. I know that, but passion and love don't always work without trust, the trust i have for her is minimal. Or should I just tell her that we are done and that I can't go through all this? I know it isn't the babies fault, it isn't my fault either. It is hers. She made the choices. I really want this marriage with her and I really do believe in second chances. She also has depression and anxiety issues. So I know that if we do head down the path of divorce that she could end up miscarrying and then hurt herself for it. And the same thing with the abortion. The emotional attachment and just the procedure (surgery not pill) could be traumatizing enough to make her feel hopeless and even lash out on me. Me being here makes it hard because if I was there we could do this together and I could help and be there for her. Any advice would be helpful. If you have a question please ask. Be considerate though. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
tornapart2002 Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I agree with you! I registered just to post this comment: For God's sake, plead with her NOT to have the abortion. The affair is probably the biggest mistake she has ever made. The abortion will be a mistake of colossal proportions. The unborn child is pleading to live. It's not his (or her) fault that he was conceived in such a manner. SHE MUST NOT DO THIS. IT CAN'T BE UNDONE. Saying that she "can't put the child up for adoption" is an act of ultimate selfishness. SHE MUST NOT DO THIS. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I thank everyone for there advice suggestions and stories. I talked to her about what was said on here and she and I are moving forward with the divorce. You will thank your lucky stars in the decades ahead for this decision!! She hates me now, but she will understand later on that this is the best choice. SHE hates YOU??? That's rich! I will be doing what I can for her while we go through this process, especially to keep her stress and anxiety down to a minimum. Thank you again. Why is this any problem of yours?? Let the OM take care of her from now on, if anybody does. -10th Engineer Harrison 6 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 Why are there so many posters on here telling the OP to make sure she doesn't get an abortion? The OP has made it clear he is filing for divorce and what his soon-to-be ex wife does about the pregnancy is her own personal business. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I'm a former Marine, so I understand the UCMJ. However, my greater concern is for this man's soul, and the life of the unborn. All he can do is to urge his wife not to abort the child. If he does this to the best of his ability, he will be able to look himself in the eye for the rest of his life. Pragmatically speaking, it IS ultimately her choice. In my opinion, she should never speak to the OM as long as she lives. If she has the child, however, that does make things messy with regards to contact. Good God, what a mess infidelity makes. But again, the life of the unborn trumps all other considerations. Yes, I have very strong opinions, and if someone doesn't like what I'm saying, that's TOO BAD. No worries. I'm an atheist and I have strong opinions about this too. The unborn child doesn't deserve to make the ultimate sacrifice for her lack of self-control and - worse - her selfish desire to smooth things over by having an abortion. I think she should try to make a go of it with the bio father, if she can. Even if she can't, the child's upbringing is the responsibility of the OM, not the OP's problem at all. I too, would hope that he can get the marriage annulled, rather than divorced. -10th Engineer Harrison 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 why are there so many posters on here telling the op to make sure she doesn't get an abortion? The op has made it clear he is filing for divorce and what his soon-to-be ex wife does about the pregnancy is her own personal business. ^ ^ ^ ^ t.h.i.s. ^ ^ ^ ^ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I thank everyone for there advice suggestions and stories. I talked to her about what was said on here and she and I are moving forward with the divorce. She hates me now, but she will understand later on that this is the best choice. I will be doing what I can for her while we go through this process, especially to keep her stress and anxiety down to a minimum. Thank you again. Well if she hates you then tell her to make it one long and healthy hate and be done with it and then you should tell her to take a good look in the mirror and let her know that she's looking at the person who she should hate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I thank everyone for there advice suggestions and stories. I talked to her about what was said on here and she and I are moving forward with the divorce. She hates me now, but she will understand later on that this is the best choice. I will be doing what I can for her while we go through this process, especially to keep her stress and anxiety down to a minimum. Thank you again. Yes you are doing the best thing dumping her because you are young and have the time to restart your life with a good woman and you have stopped the OC from being killed. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Why are there so many posters on here telling the OP to make sure she doesn't get an abortion? The OP has made it clear he is filing for divorce and what his soon-to-be ex wife does about the pregnancy is her own personal business. ^ ^ ^ ^ t.h.i.s. ^ ^ ^ ^ Because giving murder a politically correct name still results in someone being killed. Notice how it is only the people that have not gotten aborted are the only ones that speak out in favor of it. They were granted life yet have no problem having that right taken away from others. Link to post Share on other sites
Madman81 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Because giving murder a politically correct name still results in someone being killed. Notice how it is only the people that have not gotten aborted are the only ones that speak out in favor of it. They were granted life yet have no problem having that right taken away from others. The abortion/no abortion discussion doesn't belong on this thread. He's divorcing her, so anybody with a view on that subject should take it up with her directly. Her problem, not his any longer. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 The abortion/no abortion discussion doesn't belong on this thread. He's divorcing her, so anybody with a view on that subject should take it up with her directly. Her problem, not his any longer. We all want what's best for the child but let's get back on point. This soldier needs advice and support he is divorcing her and it is very important he takes care of his side of the street NOW. There are serious ramifications if he doesn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Because giving murder a politically correct name still results in someone being killed. "Abortion" is not a PC word. Notice how it is only the people that have not gotten aborted are the only ones that speak out in favor of it. That sounds like a Harley statistic. -10th Engineer Harrison Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 We all want what's best for the child but let's get back on point. This soldier needs advice and support he is divorcing her and it is very important he takes care of his side of the street NOW. There are serious ramifications if he doesn't. Indeed. If the OM doesn't willingly take responsibility for his child's welfare, the OP will become legally responsible. From one of his posts, I think it sounds like the OM is certainly aware of the pregnancy. He should be made aware of the STBXW's desire for an abortion, in case he has an opinion. The OP shouldn't be put in a position where he feels like his choices might determine the OC's fate. -10th Engineer Harrison 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 The abortion/no abortion discussion doesn't belong on this thread. He's divorcing her, so anybody with a view on that subject should take it up with her directly. Her problem, not his any longer. Agreed! ^^^^^^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Did you ask her what kind of boy cheats with a soldier's wife, while he is in the war zone? A real bastard. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 A real bastard. If it were me I would contact a few of my friends in town and have a "talk" with this pos. I use the word talk to mean many things if you get my drift. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Holy Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 ****ING BURY THIS BITCH. You will receive no better advice, no greater truth in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 If it were me I would contact a few of my friends in town and have a "talk" with this pos. I use the word talk to mean many things if you get my drift. I'd call the Westboro Baptist Church and make them aware of his great doings. Maybe they'd welcome this fellow and his whore with open arms, considering how they seem to hate America's military with quite the passion. On the other hand, I'd wonder if you can't put him on the front lines or as bait for Taliban suspects. Use his time for more productive things than impregnating women of men who keep his butt comfortable and ****. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 In time he will look back and be so grateful she revealed who she really was before a decade of m and a few kids. He is hurting now but he lucked out. Big time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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