Wife cheated and got pregnant

[revelations]

lambthatbecamealion

 

Hey bro I am sorry to hear what is going on for you right now. For some reason it always bothers me worse when I hear about this happening to one of our service men. I know that your out their protecting our freedoms we have and your getting treated like crap by the one you love. I grew up around a lot of combat vets and they had a heavy influence on my life. So what I am going to suggest to you is something I would suggest to my best friend in the same situation.

 

First off do not plan on remaining with this woman. I am sure your aware of what PTSD is and how it can effect a person. Well just know that you will suffer similar effects of PTSD by staying with her. Your WW (wayward wife) will be your biggest trigger to remembering that she was banging another guy in your bed and got knocked up. Every time you walk into the bedroom with her your mind will be flooded with thoughts of her romantic evening that she had with that OM (Other Man) in that same room, same bed. So in sort, you may want to ditch this woman. Not so much because of the short term pain your having now. This is long term pain that will keep giving.

 

Now how should you do this? Well first off you are kind of screwed, I am not sure how this stuff plays out in the military, however just about any state will make you pay child support for that kid she is pregnant with. Yes that is right, you get to pay for her fun for the next 18yrs at least. Oh they probably did not tell you that you may actually be forced to pay for longer than 18yrs. So try and stay on her good side as much as possible and encourage her to have that abortion. Right now your main concern should be her getting that abortion. Also see a lawyer ASAP, let him know everything that is going on and follow his suggestions, you may be able to get the marriage annulled which would probably be best for you. Either way try and remain on her good side until she has that abortion. Hell I would even promise to stay with her and try and work it out as long as she has the abortion. Try using any type of carrot on a stick for her to get her to abort her lovers baby. Remember if she keeps that baby, she will keep you hostage for at least 18yrs or more.

 

If she does keep that baby then you need that help from that lawyer big time. He may still be able to get you out of paying child support for another man's kid, I really don't know. However if you get lucky and she does have an abortion then your in the clear. Since you have not been married long you may not have to pay any alimony or just for a short time. Again a lawyer will know what your options are and how to best get you out of this nightmare. So again, follow his advice and get yourself out of this mess your in.

 

Okay once your in the clear on this, never forget what happened to you. Your a young man with a good career already, so use that. Enjoy your life and see the world. Do not think that just because you love a woman that you have to marry her. Think about it, do you really feel that you have to have a piece of paper to prove your love? Know what marriage is and what your getting into. Ask yourself what legal benefit do you get from marriage. If you were going to go into business with anther person and they set down a similar contract that no matter what happens they can leave and you would have to pay them off would you sign it? Probably not, you would see that the contract is one sided and you would stand to lose everything. A marriage contract today is giving you all the risks and no rewards. As you can see right now, nothing can stop her from banging other guys and getting knocked up by them. Hell she can give you herpes or AIDS an the judge will make you pay for her treatments. In short do yourself a favor and never get married again. No man out their deserves the hell that a wife can put him through at her whim. If you really do fall in love with another woman, nothing is stopping you from living with her. Hell you can get her medical insurance and all that without being married. My major point is "Just say NO to Marriage".

 

I am sure a lot of people will tell you that you will find another woman and have a good marriage with her. I know people will tell you to ignore my advice that not all women are like that. I am here to tell you that not all women are like that TODAY. Tomorrow is a different story however. The gamble is not trying to find a wife that is faithful and will stay with you. When you are married it is a gamble each day that she will remain faithful and stay with you. While I am telling you not to listen to other people, I will also tell you not to believe me. Look up what I am telling you about marriage. Look up divorce rates and how many men are separated from their kids. Find out who pays alimony and child support the majority of the time. Ask yourself why you would want to risk doing this to yourself. I am over 40 years old and I can tell you that I get laid more often now than when I was married and by far better looking women. So please love and respect yourself enough to avoid the trap of marriage. Your young, enjoy life and explore what the world has to offer you. Enjoy different women and don't let one trick you into a marriage. Be that man that can retire early and enjoy your old age fishing and going to strip clubs and traveling. Love life and what it has to offer and do not let it be taken away from you by getting married. Stay single brother, trust me in the long run you will come out better.

[tom670]

lambthatbecamealion

 

Hey bro I am sorry to hear what is going on for you right now. For some reason it always bothers me worse when I hear about this happening to one of our service men. I know that your out their protecting our freedoms we have and your getting treated like crap by the one you love. I grew up around a lot of combat vets and they had a heavy influence on my life. So what I am going to suggest to you is something I would suggest to my best friend in the same situation.

 

First off do not plan on remaining with this woman. I am sure your aware of what PTSD is and how it can effect a person. Well just know that you will suffer similar effects of PTSD by staying with her. Your WW (wayward wife) will be your biggest trigger to remembering that she was banging another guy in your bed and got knocked up. Every time you walk into the bedroom with her your mind will be flooded with thoughts of her romantic evening that she had with that OM (Other Man) in that same room, same bed. So in sort, you may want to ditch this woman. Not so much because of the short term pain your having now. This is long term pain that will keep giving.

 

Now how should you do this? Well first off you are kind of screwed, I am not sure how this stuff plays out in the military, however just about any state will make you pay child support for that kid she is pregnant with. Yes that is right, you get to pay for her fun for the next 18yrs at least. Oh they probably did not tell you that you may actually be forced to pay for longer than 18yrs. So try and stay on her good side as much as possible and encourage her to have that abortion. Right now your main concern should be her getting that abortion. Also see a lawyer ASAP, let him know everything that is going on and follow his suggestions, you may be able to get the marriage annulled which would probably be best for you. Either way try and remain on her good side until she has that abortion. Hell I would even promise to stay with her and try and work it out as long as she has the abortion. Try using any type of carrot on a stick for her to get her to abort her lovers baby. Remember if she keeps that baby, she will keep you hostage for at least 18yrs or more.

 

If she does keep that baby then you need that help from that lawyer big time. He may still be able to get you out of paying child support for another man's kid, I really don't know. However if you get lucky and she does have an abortion then your in the clear. Since you have not been married long you may not have to pay any alimony or just for a short time. Again a lawyer will know what your options are and how to best get you out of this nightmare. So again, follow his advice and get yourself out of this mess your in.

 

Okay once your in the clear on this, never forget what happened to you. Your a young man with a good career already, so use that. Enjoy your life and see the world. Do not think that just because you love a woman that you have to marry her. Think about it, do you really feel that you have to have a piece of paper to prove your love? Know what marriage is and what your getting into. Ask yourself what legal benefit do you get from marriage. If you were going to go into business with anther person and they set down a similar contract that no matter what happens they can leave and you would have to pay them off would you sign it? Probably not, you would see that the contract is one sided and you would stand to lose everything. A marriage contract today is giving you all the risks and no rewards. As you can see right now, nothing can stop her from banging other guys and getting knocked up by them. Hell she can give you herpes or AIDS an the judge will make you pay for her treatments. In short do yourself a favor and never get married again. No man out their deserves the hell that a wife can put him through at her whim. If you really do fall in love with another woman, nothing is stopping you from living with her. Hell you can get her medical insurance and all that without being married. My major point is "Just say NO to Marriage".

 

I am sure a lot of people will tell you that you will find another woman and have a good marriage with her. I know people will tell you to ignore my advice that not all women are like that. I am here to tell you that not all women are like that TODAY. Tomorrow is a different story however. The gamble is not trying to find a wife that is faithful and will stay with you. When you are married it is a gamble each day that she will remain faithful and stay with you. While I am telling you not to listen to other people, I will also tell you not to believe me. Look up what I am telling you about marriage. Look up divorce rates and how many men are separated from their kids. Find out who pays alimony and child support the majority of the time. Ask yourself why you would want to risk doing this to yourself. I am over 40 years old and I can tell you that I get laid more often now than when I was married and by far better looking women. So please love and respect yourself enough to avoid the trap of marriage. Your young, enjoy life and explore what the world has to offer you. Enjoy different women and don't let one trick you into a marriage. Be that man that can retire early and enjoy your old age fishing and going to strip clubs and traveling. Love life and what it has to offer and do not let it be taken away from you by getting married. Stay single brother, trust me in the long run you will come out better.

 

lambthatbecamealion

 

Please read the above and then read it again. I cannot like this enough.

Revelations is quite correct imo.

Here is a great link

A Voice for Men ? Humanist Counter-Theory in the Age of Misandry

Enjoy life and take your time before getting married again.

[tom670]

The ONLY thing I disagree with is making her get the abortion. I would just let that be her problem.

Some states have been more progressive than others concerning this matter.

I hope his CO sees the urgency and lets him come back and clean this mess.

Revelations is right to cover the soldiers arse but my conscience could not advocate abortion.

That is just my thing.

[revelations]

tom670

 

Thanks for your kind words bro. The only reason why I am for abortion is because I do not feel that any man should be held responsible for his cheating wife's mistakes. Yes I do understand that the baby did not ask for it and all that stuff. Truth is that his WW should have thought about that before banging the other guy or at least show a little compassion and use protection. Now if the laws have changed and he is not held responsible for his cheating wife's love child then by all means let her and the OM raise the kid. My bottom line is that I will never pay child support to a kid that is not mine, especially from a result of cheating. I stay away from women just because they want to use men like this. They like to bang all these other guys, have wild sex with them and all that. Then they come to guys like me and expect me to pay for their fun and what do I get in return?? They may lay on their back once a week and say "Hurry up and get it over with". No thanks, I don't want to put up with that kind of crap anymore.

 

Oh and yes I know, everyone talks about love, and partnership and so on. Guess what, women that do this crap are not your partner. This guy's WW bangs another guy and gets pregnant, and chances are will collect child support from him, she is no partner. I have friends and we show true respect and love to each other, we don't use each other or abuse each other. I'd rather bang an escort than "honest" women today. The thing with an escort is that they are up front about everything unlike today's "honest" woman is. Maybe that is why no one likes escorts, because they deserve to be called the "honest" ones while most women should be called the "parasite" ones. Well crap, I am done with my rant. Anyhow thanks tom670.

[betrayedlove]

She cheated you and got pregnant and now she begs you to be with her.

 

My suggestion is divorce her bcoz whenever you will see her face her cheating will hit your head and instead of physical abuse get a clean divorce. Why should you repend for no fault of yours and what assurance you have she won't do it again. Instead when yo decided for divorce she started hating you. Everything cannot be under her control or obey as she says. Better break all ties with her and move on. I too was cheated on and moved on never turn back. She didn't even think of you once while doing all these and now how can yOu take her back??? You loved her but what has she given you back. If I would have been in your place I would have filed for divorce under grounds of adultery.

[BetrayedH]

Have an urgent conversation with a lawyer about child support (it's probably critical that you establish paternity before the child is born) and, as others have expressed, ask about an annulment, too.

 

Good luck.

[tom670]

tom670

 

Thanks for your kind words bro. The only reason why I am for abortion is because I do not feel that any man should be held responsible for his cheating wife's mistakes. Yes I do understand that the baby did not ask for it and all that stuff. Truth is that his WW should have thought about that before banging the other guy or at least show a little compassion and use protection. Now if the laws have changed and he is not held responsible for his cheating wife's love child then by all means let her and the OM raise the kid. My bottom line is that I will never pay child support to a kid that is not mine, especially from a result of cheating. I stay away from women just because they want to use men like this. They like to bang all these other guys, have wild sex with them and all that. Then they come to guys like me and expect me to pay for their fun and what do I get in return?? They may lay on their back once a week and say "Hurry up and get it over with". No thanks, I don't want to put up with that kind of crap anymore.

 

Oh and yes I know, everyone talks about love, and partnership and so on. Guess what, women that do this crap are not your partner. This guy's WW bangs another guy and gets pregnant, and chances are will collect child support from him, she is no partner. I have friends and we show true respect and love to each other, we don't use each other or abuse each other. I'd rather bang an escort than "honest" women today. The thing with an escort is that they are up front about everything unlike today's "honest" woman is. Maybe that is why no one likes escorts, because they deserve to be called the "honest" ones while most women should be called the "parasite" ones. Well crap, I am done with my rant. Anyhow thanks tom670.

 

Again I agree with you I said he has to take care of this asap.

 

I want him to contact her family and they can deal with this bs.

I personally won't advocate her to kill someone.

Sadly she will probably do it.

I don't want OP feeling anything bad about this.

I guess from 50,000 feet so to speak.

[Realist3]

They have these new-fangled things called DNA/paternity tests these days. You would not be stuck paying for the kid.

[revelations]

I guess I get paranoid about child support because I live in one of those states that will use any excuse to either not use or throw out a DNA test. So of course with something like this, default is the worse possible out come. I keep forgetting that most states will charge the OM with the child support as long as paternity is established before birth (some states up to a year or more after). Truthfully it does really differ from state to state, that is why OP needs a lawyer on this ASAP.

 

However Realist3 I know about DNA, I just want you to explain to me this new fangled thing called radio.

[tom670]

I guess I get paranoid about child support because I live in one of those states that will use any excuse to either not use or throw out a DNA test. So of course with something like this, default is the worse possible out come. I keep forgetting that most states will charge the OM with the child support as long as paternity is established before birth (some states up to a year or more after). Truthfully it does really differ from state to state, that is why OP needs a lawyer on this ASAP.

 

However Realist3 I know about DNA, I just want you to explain to me this new fangled thing called radio.

 

Yes there are still some states left where you are presumed to be the father even after a DNA test clears you.

This has to be changed.

[Man Mountain Makino]

First, thank you for your service to our country.

 

I feel for you, pal. I don't think she should go through with the procedure alone. It can be very traumatic for many women. Does she have a friend or understanding family member stateside?

 

Second, though you didn't ask, I think she should go to her boyfriend and the father of their child and you should let him have her. I don't think she has the same kind of moral standards as you have, so your genuine romantic love for her is not being reciprocated.

 

None of my business, but tell her to go to her boyfriend and they can figure out what they can do with their lives next. See a lawyer in the service and relate the story, and start the divorce process.

 

It really stinks that she and some guy hopped in bed and made a mess, and you're expected to be the one to clean it up.

[pink_sugar]

Yes there are still some states left where you are presumed to be the father even after a DNA test clears you.

This has to be changed.

 

I'm curious now. If the situation was reversed...your husband knocks up another woman, would you be responsible for that child since you're married? If not, I do not think your husband should be responsible for your baby if a DNA test proves it is not his child. But we live in a sexist society today.....

[Realist3]

Yes there are still some states left where you are presumed to be the father even after a DNA test clears you.

This has to be changed.

 

I would have a difficult time believing that if presented in a court of law the judge would go along with that. The change would come from challenging it.

[Spectre]

You aren't making a mistake letting her do this herself. It is what you deserve, you deserve someone better then a cheater and you surely do not deserve to be burdened with another mans baby merely because your wife was sleazy enough to cheat and not use protection.

 

She has no love for you if she not only cheats on you, but can't even bother to protect herself when doing so. So yeah, let her and this scum of a guy she cheated with take care of their baby and you should walk away.

Edited June 5, 2014 by Spectre

[lollipopspot]

I'm curious now. If the situation was reversed...your husband knocks up another woman, would you be responsible for that child since you're married? If not, I do not think your husband should be responsible for your baby if a DNA test proves it is not his child. But we live in a sexist society today.....

 

Geesh. This isn't a result of sexism, it's a result of the living situation and biology.

 

DUE TO BIOLOGY, it is very clear who the mother is and therefore also with whom the baby will generally be living at first.

 

You can also think of it as a protection for fathers - so that the children they take care of become "theirs" and cannot easily be taken away - and why the law came to be in the first place. This probably came to be in the days when women had fewer rights in marriage and society, divorce didn't happen very frequently, and most fathers were present in the family.

[William]

Thread closed pending starter's return. Thanks for your contributions!