Showing cleavage at 12???

[tomkat]

So I gotta question for all of ya'll....

 

My step daughter just turned 12, and as a...god help me..."young woman"...both her and her mother feel it's appropriate to allow her to start showing a little cleavage here and there. Apparently nothing "slutty" but "cute". I.e. Tanktop in the summer type of thing.

 

I....do not. I find it not only incredibly inappropriate, but just in general a bad idea. I mean, she's 12! Why does she need to show off any part of her body? Don't get me wrong, She is a beautiful girl, but still.

 

Am I in the wrong for wishing her to dress in ski coats and parachute pants until she's 72?

[carhill]

Living in California, pretty normal around here, even back when my friend's kids were that age in the 80's and 90's. The only issues appeared to arise if the young lady 'developed' early and large and her personality was of the type which couldn't adapt quickly to that kind of attention. Some girls did fine; others got a bit overwhelmed.

 

I'd be fine with something like this though most of what I see trends more to this.

 

The one thing about kids, they always (hopefully!) grow up

[pink_sugar]

Please, please don't end up being that mother that flips over any sign of skin. I'm 25 and my mother still does this to me. I cannot wear anything above the knee level and I cannot even wear a regular form fitting tank top without my mom and grandmother making comments about "cleavage" showing or "butt sticking out". Even when it's 100 degrees out, they still have an issue with me wearing daisy dukes and a tank top.

[Shaun-Dro]

So I gotta question for all of ya'll....

 

My step daughter just turned 12, and as a...god help me..."young woman"...both her and her mother feel it's appropriate to allow her to start showing a little cleavage here and there. Apparently nothing "slutty" but "cute". I.e. Tanktop in the summer type of thing.

 

I....do not. I find it not only incredibly inappropriate, but just in general a bad idea. I mean, she's 12! Why does she need to show off any part of her body? Don't get me wrong, She is a beautiful girl, but still.

 

Am I in the wrong for wishing her to dress in ski coats and parachute pants until she's 72?

 

 

12 is too young. There's no doubt about that so I understand your need to want to protect her from inappropriate attention; especially older guys. Have a talk with her. Don't sound like a overprotective parent; be polite and try to be understanding that she feels like she's growing up but that there's more productive ways to express it. Good luck.

Edited June 3, 2014 by Shaun-Dro
missed a word

[pink_sugar]

12 is too young. There's no doubt about that so I understand your need to want to protect her from inappropriate attention; especially older guys. Have a talk with her. Don't sound like a overprotective parent; be polite and try to be understanding that she feels like she's growing up but that there's more productive ways to express it. Good luck.

 

I agree. My family would flat out tell me I'm dressing "slutty" or like a "hoe" for wearing anything showing skin.

[Shepp]

To be fair if its a hot summer and all the lads are running round the park shirtless in shorts there's a chance she might resent the ski jacket!

 

I guess like, my take would be that at that age it isn't so much 'showing off there body" as much as just.....wearing whats the fashion.

 

 

When i was 12 i used to wear my back to front baseball cap and think I was the man! My dad used to take the mick constantly and tell me I looked like an idiot! ......he was right tbh! But I was 12, what did my old man know!

[xxoo]

You expect her to stop wearing tank tops because she developed breasts? It's not her fault she has breasts now.

 

Ask her why she likes the shirt. Listen to her answer.

 

Tell her why you don't like it (your concern). Listen to her response. Don't make more of it than it is.

[MidwestUSA]

To be fair if its a hot summer and all the lads are running round the park shirtless in shorts there's a chance she might resent the ski jacket!

 

We can always count on you, Shepp!

[Lernaean_Hydra]

You expect her to stop wearing tank tops because she developed breasts? It's not her fault she has breasts now.

 

Ask her why she likes the shirt. Listen to her answer.

 

Tell her why you don't like it (your concern). Listen to her response. Don't make more of it than it is.

 

I don't think he wants her to genuinely stop wearing the tops full stop, but there are tank tops one wears on a hot day that have a high enough cut that the shirt is still modest and then there's the low cut spaghetti strap numbers that give a boys a show one usually has to pay to see...

 

OP, a tank top itself isn't that big of a deal, however if the purpose is to intentionally show a bit of cleavage then that's problematic. I developed breasts early, far earlier than your stepdaughter even, (5th grade ) so I know the struggle to find a good middle ground in hot weather between a parka and a tube top. However it can be done and comfortably so. Plenty of tanks don't show cleavage, no matter how developed one might be and they're not that hard to find.

 

I say have another talk with the wife, explain to her that you're ok with tank tops, but you are not okay with cleavage. 12 is still so young. And trust me, DD will be trying to "sex up" her look within a few years time as it is, don't allow her to expedite the process.

[MuscleCarFan]

I agree. My family would flat out tell me I'm dressing "slutty" or like a "hoe" for wearing anything showing skin.

 

This kinda annoys me about Pink's family, lol.

 

In my opinion, cleavage on a 12 year is a no-no. It'd be ok

If she were 15 or 16.

[Els]

Tank tops are fairly normal IMO, and certainly not made solely for the purpose of showing off cleavage, especially in summer. I thought you were talking about extremely plunging necklines or something when I read the thread title...

 

In my opinion, when parents are excessively disapproving of most normal things (tank tops being one of those), it typically leads to a situation where eventually the kid discounts all of their parents' views as excessive and old-fashioned, rather than trusting their parent as someone they can look up to. This leads to either full-faced rebellion, or rebellion on the sly, or simply rebellion after they hit 18. It's a no-win situation.

 

Let the girl have her tank tops.

[lollipopspot]

I'd have to see exactly the kind of shirt you are talking about in order to judge it, but I generally agree that a 12 year old doesn't really....

 

hang on, I was going to write that a 12 year old probably doesn't need to be showing cleavage, but the other poster is right: boys her age are walking around shirtless. So I don't know...there's a certain way in which being hypersensitive to covering up female bodies actually sexualizes them more. Look to the burka for evidence of that. Let her take pride in her body and whatever nature gave her, just teach her how to deal with unwanted attention.

[Lernaean_Hydra]

I'd have to see exactly the kind of shirt you are talking about in order to judge it, but I generally agree that a 12 year old doesn't really....

 

hang on, I was going to write that a 12 year old probably doesn't need to be showing cleavage, but the other poster is right: boys her age are walking around shirtless. So I don't know...there's a certain way in which being hypersensitive to covering up female bodies actually sexualizes them more. Look to the burka for evidence of that. Let her take pride in her body and whatever nature gave her, just teach her how to deal with unwanted attention.

 

No it doesn't. Lets be real here, female breasts are sexual, male breasts (or rather, nipples) are not. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Ass shorts or low cut tops on girls sexualize themselves. Pointing out that such things are inappropriate doesn't sexualize young girls....because they're already sexual. A toddler in a thong is equally inappropriate. Not because we're "sexualizing" the toddler, but because the thong already has a long standing history of sexual connotation.

 

I was a 12 year old girl once and honestly, I'm glad my parents didn't allow me to "take pride" (i.e., "show off") my little adolescent breasts. At any rate, I have never and will never need to flaunt my body in order to demonstrate "pride" in myself.

[Els]

No it doesn't. Lets be real here, female breasts are sexual, male breasts (or rather, nipples) are not. That's just the way the cookie crumbles. Ass shorts or low cut tops on girls sexualize themselves. Pointing out that such things are inappropriate doesn't sexualize young girls....because they're already sexual. A toddler in a thong is equally inappropriate. Not because we're "sexualizing" the toddler, but because the thong already has a long standing history of sexual connotation.

 

I was a 12 year old girl once and honestly, I'm glad my parents didn't allow me to "take pride" (i.e., "show off") my little adolescent breasts. At any rate, I have never and will never need to flaunt my body in order to demonstrate "pride" in myself.

 

But we're not talking about her going around in a Miley Cyrus top. We're talking about her wearing tank tops, which is a fairly common clothing item and not really considered inappropriate in most developed countries.

 

And yes, being hypersensitive towards moderate exposure by women does sexualize them. The more 'forbidden', the more 'alluring', to some. It also has a connotation that everything a woman chooses to wear or not wear is because she wants to 'show her body off'. Muslim countries forbid a woman to 'show off' her hair, and any woman who fights the headscarf is considered 'slutty'. I mean, women can't possibly want to have their heads uncovered in the humid heat for comfort, right? It's all about wanting to flaunt their hair to attract men...

[Lernaean_Hydra]

But we're not talking about her going around in a Miley Cyrus top. We're talking about her wearing tank tops, which is a fairly common clothing item and not really considered inappropriate in most developed countries.

 

And yes, being hypersensitive towards moderate exposure by women does sexualize them. The more 'forbidden', the more 'alluring', to some. It also has a connotation that everything a woman chooses to wear or not wear is because she wants to 'show her body off'. Muslim countries forbid a woman to 'show off' her hair, and any woman who fights the headscarf is considered 'slutty'. I mean, women can't possibly want to have their heads uncovered in the humid heat for comfort, right? It's all about wanting to flaunt their hair to attract men...

 

 

I have no problem with girls wearing tank tops yet being hypersensitive towards moderate exposure is another thing entirely. While being forced to wear a hijab or burka is certainly hypersensitive, not wanting your child to wear cleavage bearing tops is not. There are ways to stay cool in the summer without exposing yourself in a provocative manner.

[ASG]

Isn't anyone feeling this thread sounds basically just like the one about co ed swimming?!?!?

 

 

I don't really remember what I was wearing at 12... But tank tops were certainly among my items of clothing. I think that's also when the spaghetti strap ones became fashionable, so you can bet I was wearing them. And I already had huge boobs.

 

I didn't feel any more or less sexualised. I was a kid!

 

 

I remember, long long ago, having a conversation with a friend about little kids wearing skinny jeans/leggings. He thought it was pointless. Who were they showing off for? They were only kids and shouldn't be wearing that kind of clothing.

I was shocked. My friend, who I thought of as an intelligent guy, was sexualising 7 year olds that wore tight trousers!!!

 

I tried to explain that it had nothing to do with showing off... it's called fashion and even if they're too young to be having sex, wearing skinny jeans is not intended to attract a men's attention.

 

And please... I was showing a LOT of cleavage at 12 (couldn't help it, really), was having sex by 14 and have still successfully avoided pregnancy until now!

[juicygirl]

Do the girls mom think of it as cleavage or just a kid in a tank top or shorts?

 

I'd have a problem if the 12 year old girl was dressing to appear older or trying to make herself look sexy, with not much clothes and a face full of make up. I wouldn't want my daughter wearing a bra top or top with her belly hanging out or any shorts with her butt cheeks hanging out. If she was wearing a cami top, tank top, shorts or a skirt on a hot summer day I wouldn't have a problem with it. Don't makes his girl grow up with issues by sexualising something innocent.

[Els]

I have no problem with girls wearing tank tops yet being hypersensitive towards moderate exposure is another thing entirely. While being forced to wear a hijab or burka is certainly hypersensitive, not wanting your child to wear cleavage bearing tops is not. There are ways to stay cool in the summer without exposing yourself in a provocative manner.

 

I think the OP said that he thought it to be inappropriate for the girl to wear tank tops at all, period (he made no mention about the cut of the tank top). We should probably let him clarify that.

[Tayla]

Depends in the environment, civilized or tribal.

 

I'm not fashion conscious so much as comfort wear attire. If that means the less the better so be it. I do not consider a flimsy skirt and tank are provocative. Most pre-teens who developed actually feel awkward with the bodily change. I know as a tomboy i hated having anything to do with the change! The boys started acting weird and suddenly i wasn't allowed to play baseball with them. Help your daughter have a good image. Guide her in fashion choices. Just do not name call her for the selections. She is trying to find her comfort zone thru this awkward change.

[pink_sugar]

But we're not talking about her going around in a Miley Cyrus top. We're talking about her wearing tank tops, which is a fairly common clothing item and not really considered inappropriate in most developed countries.

 

And yes, being hypersensitive towards moderate exposure by women does sexualize them. The more 'forbidden', the more 'alluring', to some. It also has a connotation that everything a woman chooses to wear or not wear is because she wants to 'show her body off'. Muslim countries forbid a woman to 'show off' her hair, and any woman who fights the headscarf is considered 'slutty'. I mean, women can't possibly want to have their heads uncovered in the humid heat for comfort, right? It's all about wanting to flaunt their hair to attract men...

 

I agree with Elswyth here. We're not talking about the girl showing off her breasts, but rather the concept of a 12 year old wearing a tank top and if it's considered "revealing" for her age. I know I wore things my mom disapproved of, but it was definitely not to just show off my body.

[MikeyBe]

And please... I was showing a LOT of cleavage at 12 (couldn't help it, really), was having sex by 14 and have still successfully avoided pregnancy until now!

I think you just scared the OP into sending the step-daughter to boarding school with uniforms.

[stillafool]

I was so weird at 12 I was still playing with Barbie.

[veggirl]

Tank tops are not all created equal, so I guess it depends. A tank with a plunging neckline, not appropriate for 12. A sheer tank, not appropriate for 12. It all depends. No a 12 yr old shouldn't have to wear "special" clothes to hide her budding body but a 12 year old also shouldn't be wearing clothing meant to show off a body, imo.

 

I grew up in AZ, 115 deg summers. I get being hot. It's hot there 9 mos out of the year. That being said, daisy dukes don't make you feel any more cool than regular length shorts, and plunging tanks aren't any more necessary than a t-shirt.

[ASG]

Your friend is a smart guy. Leggings are part of fashion because they are meant to show your butt, that's it. All those yoga pants the women wear were supposed to be workout clothes, but now every girl wears them to show their rear. If a 7 year old child is wearing them, she is showing her butt too. Just because your friend notices this, doesn't mean he is looking at them in a sexual way, but he understands that someone out there will.

 

 

 

I rest my case. This is pretty much what I was pointing out in my first post. Perhaps you managed to have sex as a child without getting knocked up, but I think most parents would prefer their children weren't having sex at all.

 

 

 

Just so. I was out with my girlfriend a while back and we saw a young girl, maybe around 10 years old, with shorts so short that we could see her butt cheeks at the bottom. It must have been hot that day too.

 

 

I can't even... Leggings are not trousers. They should NOT show your butt because you should not wear them without something on top.

Skinny jeans, however, ARE trousers. And growing up that was all I wore. They were all the rage in the 90's! Much like now, you'd be hard pressed to find a pair of jeans that wasn't skinny! It's not inappropriate.

 

 

 

And again, please! A 14 year old is NOT a child. I was teenager, with a fully developed body and raging hormones. Not only that, but my country actually recognises that 14 year olds are not exactly children, even if they're not adults either. Age of consent IS 14 where I'm from.

 

And not getting pregnant was not some act of random luck either. It's called contraception! My mom had that conversation with me when I was about 13 and started expressing some interest in boys!

 

What parents would prefer is honestly irrelevant. Most parents would prefer their offspring to be celibate forever, to maintain the illusion of them being their babies, much like every one of us kinda likes to imagine our parents only had sex that one time, to conceive us!

 

I remember this girl I went to school with. Her dad didn't want her to date or have boyfriends until she was 18. She started dating someone at 15, though and just hid it from her dad. I think they went a good 2 years without him finding out!

[veggirl]

Most kids aren't fully developed at 12 or 13. Most are still growing. And even if a kids body is fully developed, their mind certainly isn't. Sorry ASG but I think (and hope) you'll be hard-pressed to find a majority who thinks it's normal or healthy for 14 year old kids to be having sex. I disagree most parents want their kids "celibate forever". Celibate at 14, hell yeah, but most parents eventually want grand-kids and would have no problem with their ADULT children providing those

 

As a teen in the 90s, I saw more baggy ass JNCOs than I did skinny jeans. I have nothing against skinny jeans, they are fashion reincarnated, but there is a difference in a 12 yr old in skinny jeans and a t-shirt and a 12 year old wearing purposely provocative clothing. I don't know what OP means by cleavage bearing, he should probably clarify.

Edited June 5, 2014 by veggirl