Any other wayward wives here?

[DKT3]

Jbelle has shown absolut proof and she is 100% correct.

 

However using math isn't suitable in this situation. Numbers are predictable, people are not.

 

You can only carry on an affair with a trusting spouse, once there is the slightest shift in trust the chances you will be caught grow, off the charts.

 

Too many moving parts in human nature to try and predict. So when dealing with affairs the chance you will get caught actually grows with each meeting. Unless you can teleport. Reason? Because you run the risk of more people knowing. There are eyes every where, every time you meet you are seen by more eyes, meaning its only a matter of time before your seen by the wrong eyes.

 

Like in my situatuon my wife was seen with her AP by one of my friends. Had she stopped before that she would have never been seen. He didn't tell me but it was that that started the ball rolling because she thought he would. The pressure caused her to make a mistake which lead to me catching on. Had she just ended it one day before....who knows I may have never found out.

 

BTW there was no mistaking what the friend saw, she was hugging and kissing her AP in a city about two hours away.

Edited June 7, 2014 by DKT3

[LaylaSings]

Hey Dezzi.. Mine started as just friends, no romance, must us talking, laughing, sharing then progressed to sex talk then sex all while agreeing to keep emotions out of it.

We both wanted the same thing. But when you have a friendship too feelings will eventually develop.. Between one or both..

We have agreed not to tell anyone in real life too. If you ever need to talk I'm here.

[Sofie2013]

I am in my early thirties and have been married for ten years and dated on and off for five years before that. Not always serious but I have known my husband since grade 9 when he moved to my area. He is a good husband and friend and we rarely have any serious fights. No kids for us and no plans for any. I am not against being a parent or anything just not into that whole scene. We both work at good jobs but I make a significant amount more than him only because he lost his job during the recession and had to start over and my job remained secure so I continued on with promotions.

 

I wasn't looking for an affair. I always assumed that affairs were for people who were unhappy in their marriage or who met someone that was a better fit but had a hard time with pulling the plug on their marriage. This man I met taught me otherwise. Affairs can add a lot extra spice to your life and relieve a lot of stress. They don't have to be a big emotional investment. The sex is fantastic and adds a lot of variety to your life. He taught me how to be careful without appearing paranoid and that protection must always be used. I really see that it would be the accidental discovery of my affair that would hurt my husband and not the actual affair itself. So I make sure to keep my dark side away from and under control. My husband is happy and I am happy. If he were to discover my affair by chance my MM and I have a plan firmly in place. I throw him under the bus and he throws me. I hope my husband doesn't find out though. Once a long time ago he told me when we discussed a friend's confession of cheating that he would rather I swallowed my guilt and did not tell him. So I know when I am done with this lifestyle I will not be telling him.

 

Are there any other wives or husbands here in the same place? Are you enjoying a FWB relationship and your marriage? For me this has been going on for around 6 months but I met MM over a year ago and the friendship started soon after I met him.

 

 

 

I had my affair for similar reasons. My exAP was also a friend and we just got a little too close to each other. We had a kinds of sex with benefits with some emotions but I never loved him I only really saw him as a close friend nothing more. I never planned on living my marriage for him and he never planned to leave his. I did feels a lot of guilty for having an affair behind my ex-husband back since I still loved him and I wanted my future to be with him. I tried to end it a few times but affairs can be very addicting and I was never really able to break it off by myself. So, no you aren’t the only one who has affairs for those reasons many of us do. It never really ends well for anyone involved. Someone always ends up hurt at the end its just the way it is. Although your situation is a little less complained then mine since I had kids and you don’t. I do hope your husband doesn't end up hurt in all of his.

 

One more thing don’t be so sure to think your husband might react in a certain way. You or I don’t know how he will react to something like this. You might be every surprised what your husband willing to do.

[Buckeye2]

I’m a medical examiner in real life and investigate homicides and accidents.

 

You can think of an affair like driving a car. Having an automobile accident would be the equivalent of getting caught in the affair.

 

You can do many things to drive more safely and dramatically decrease your chance of having an accident. If you keep your car parked in the garage you have a zero chance of having an accident. The more miles you drive the more opportunities you have to get into an accident.

 

Good drivers tend to have accidents when random events happen at the same time. Example: You're changing the radio station when the other driver decides to change lanes.

 

I read about a WW that never emailed her AP. Her husband never checked her computer and she didn’t care if he did. One night the WW got home from spending a few hours with her AP in a hotel and went to bed.

 

The husband wanted to check his email but had turned his laptop off. His wife’s was still on so he used her laptop and saw she just got an email from the hotel’s loyalty program.

 

Like in my situation my wife was seen with her AP by one of my friends. Had she just ended it one day before....who knows I may have never found out. BTW there was no mistaking what the friend saw, she was hugging and kissing her AP in a city about two hours away.

 

Random events: 1. WW in city two hours away 2. Friend in same city at the same time and same location. 3. WW hugging and kissing AP at the time.

Edited June 7, 2014 by Buckeye2

[Realist3]

How does this relate to the affair? More times one meets their lover, the higher the probability/chances of one getting caught. Odds never change, but the more times you play, probability/chance DEFINITELY goes up. So ya, one night tryst is going to have a lower probability of getting caught than months/years long affairs.

 

Thank you. That is exactly what I was trying to say.

[dezzi]

Well this got interesting. I don't mind the t/j. i actually find people who pout about t/j to be cry babies. lol. "it's my thread it needs to be all about meeeeeee." Each time I meet M/M the chance of getting caught is as present as it ever was. The risk isn't going anywhere but more or less I think what people are saying is "quit while ahead". I haven't got caught so be glad for it and move on. I realize my husband's world could get shattered at any moment but he could discover the affair after it ended as well. Stranger things have happened. But at this point in time I feel he is well protected from it and happy so I have no current plans to end the affair.

 

So many posts and I don't have a lot of time to answer any questions or comments made. MM and I don't meet as often as we used to. Yesterday was our first hookup in a month and we probably won't be hooking up again for another couple months. He is really busy with kids and the end of school for them and I am taking six weeks off this summer to go with my husband on an extended work trip. I would say that we are even more careful now than at first or at least I am. MM is very good at conducting affairs. I am not his first by a long shot.

 

I am glad to see some more from the wayward side. I am going to read your story, Sophie, when I have a chance. I am sorry things ended so badly for you.

[A.Moscote]

But at this point in time I feel he is well protected from it and happy so I have no current plans to end the affair.

Whatever makes you happy dezzi, enjoy your life. Be careful, and don't worry too much, despite what it seems like here, I believe there are thousands of affairs going on successfully. Even if it might not ends well, you have at least make sure your H is well protected for the time being.

 

Don't wait till the day of regret, it is now that we are living and we don't live long in this world, so why decrease its value by not doing what we enjoy and want.

[Got it]

Your husband’s ex-wife never paid a price for her cheating. They stayed married and no one was told. That their marriage was dead was merely her excuse for her affair.

 

My affair "is over, move on" with our marriage. She got to keep all the advantages of marriage.

 

Your husband then had an affair but it wasn't over, he wanted a divorce. His crime wasn’t his affair but the divorce.

 

She felt secure that he would never leave her and felt betrayed when he did.

 

While I don't agree with the statement "never paid a price" as it means one needs to be punished, I agree that they did not reconcile in a healthy manner and address any of the resounding issues. I don't know if her excuse was that their marriage was dead, I have never asked her. But what I do agree, that when she had her affair she had an opportunity to leave and she chose not to so staying in the status quo was the main objective. But because of loving him may not have been.

 

So, based on that line of logic, I had warned him that he may be faulty in his conclusion because the status quo was obviously very important and so changing that himself was going to cause a major impact. Some times, I think keeping someone's lifestyle, status quo, comfort zone, etc. can play a bigger factor than actual romantic feelings towards their spouse.

 

So I do agree with your conclusion and that has been the continuing issue. He was never supposed to leave her, and she has said, he was always supposed to take care of her.

[Got it]

Thank you. That is exactly what I was trying to say.

 

Yes and that is what I was saying before the tangent into stats and probability happened.

 

I see every actions leaving a wake behind them, there is a ripple effect that may come back around to you or not. But the more wakes you leave the better chance you have of them overlapping each other.

[Sub]

Don't wait till the day of regret, it is now that we are living and we don't live long in this world, so why decrease its value by not doing what we enjoy and want.

 

This is a whole can of worms here. OP has a long life to live with whatever repercussions could come from her decisions. If this were a "I think he's my soul mate...I'm in love...etc." scenario, then cool. Go for it. You only live once and they could be "the one". This is so casual, though. Given the consequences, what is she gaining that would make it worth it? An extra f*** here and there with a guy who apparently moves from AP to AP? Just doesn't add up to me.