FitChick Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Tell your boyfriend you want to start dating other men. Better yet, don't tell him and start looking around. I think he may already be cheating on you or at least sounds like he wants to. You could be really sneaky and put a hidden camera in their bedrooms. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused karen Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 Hi Guys Well I'm back..Me and the guy went to Rome for a weekend mid June which was nice, i was expecting a little more from the few days away, we did have amazing intimacy but the rest of the time we were just walking round and got chatting to another couple when we were having a few drinks so the night ended up with us staying with them all night which was ok but i wish it was just me and him really, before he came things were a bit off as you know and he was planning on just meeting me at the airport..i insisted that he came to my house and we would go together as he was going to be seeing his family on the sunday when we got back. Who i have yet to meet..i was supposed to meet them in may but he said last min that his grandmas teeth had fallen out and was awaiting to go to the dentist, i dont know why his gran was going to be there anyway but since then i still haven't met them and have asked and he just keeps saying, it will happen.. he rang me twice that week which was nice and text every day. Anyway the following weekend, i went to see him, we went out for dinner on the friday and then dress shopping in the morning as i have a few weddings to go to, he's been invited but doesn't want to come, making the excuse that one is on a sunday and the other is just an evening do.then i was at my friends little girls birthday too so wasn't with him all the time as he didn't want to come, he said him and his housemate would be getting a bbq ready for the evening, just the 3 of us..when i got back, i could tell he was in a mood and his housemate said she didn't know what was up with him.. the bbq was ok, we were all chatting but then he decided he wanted to do things in the garden at 10pm so we left him to it.. On the sunday i went climbing with him and his friends which was fun and everything was ok. I rang him once in the week but he wasn't in the mood for talking..and we just text the rest of the time. I saw him last weekend, he came to mine and i took him on a picnic on the friday eve which he then told me he nearly didn't come as he was in a mood.. from that though we had a nice day and eve on the saturday and then he left me around lunchtime on the sunday as i was going to my parents wedding anniversary party, which again he didn't want to come to as he didn't want to meet the whole family all in one go, which is fair enough, its quite daunting.. this week so far I've wanted to speak to him but he says he's too busy to call but will text me before he goes to bed to say what he's been doing. last night he was supposed to be coming back to the city where i live to see his family as his aunt was over from america but his family went up to see him which i didn't know so when i asked him what he'd been up to that eve he just said he'd been busy tiding the house ready for a viewing this morning as the housemate is moving out beg aug and didn't get back till late, i just asked if he'd been working late and then he told me he'd had the family over for dinner, i just asked if his housemate was with them as she has met the family before and he said no it was a family meal, he asked why i would ask such a thing. i just said as when my family have been over, my housemates have been there for dinner too. anyway a few texts passed and i just said i wish me meeting the family was easier and hope that he had a good day with them today and hoped the viewing went well. he just came back with i wish it was easier for you seeing me living with my housemate.. completely out of the blue! So i rang him as i knew he was in a grump, he's got the rest of the week off. i asked him what that was about and he just said you always bring the housemate up, i just said because you are with her a lot and talk about her too. I asked him why he was so het up about me meeting his family and he just said he doesn't know, i asked if it was commitment and he said no, he just wants me to meet them when the occasion arises, i said that day may never come unless you make it happen. i told him to stop being an idiot then asked him if he was having issues with me, he said no, he's just messed up and needs to sort his head out. he then said would i be jealous with the next girl thats moving in and thats whats doubting things and is it just going to carry on. I said to him i wish it was me that was moving in and i wouldn't be jealous unless things happened like they do with him and his housemate now, i told him it all stemmed from him spending valentines with her, he just said oh rite again! Anyway from that I've just said to him i dont want to be messed around anymore and I'm going to have to leave him if he doesn't sort it out. We were supposed to be spending 10 mins together over the next few days while he was in my city but now he said he's not sure if he will have time as he's going out for his brothers birthday meal and out with friends that he hasn't seen for a long time on the friday daytime ( I'm at home on fridays so am free but he wont take me) so he said he prob wont see me.. I'm not seeing him this weekend as he has his friend over from germany and i asked if ill be seeing him next week as planned for a camping trip and he just said he'll see. For some reason i have fallen for this guy and the way things are are hurting me, I'm not sure if I'm being childish or if its him with the issues or both, i dont know what to do, i know people would say walk away but i really like him and when were together on our own its great but when she's involved or possible friend/family meetings its not great. answers on a postcard please, that s if you get this far.. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 He's treating you like an option, OP. This relationship seems to be happening entirely on his terms now, and he's being very clear that you can't expect a commitment from him. That's why he doesn't want you to meet his family, and that's why he's not making plans with you. I think you're going to wind up even more hurt. You might really like him, but I'm getting the sense that the feeling isn't so mutual. If he were interested in a future with you, he'd at the very least be able to take 10 minutes to see you in a week. The fact that he doesn't want to do even that should tell you all you need to know. He's checking/checked out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 I'm sorry Karen, but it really doesn't look good. What are your plans with him? Did you see yourself living with him at some point? I suggest you stop any plans that aim for a more serious RS until he starts showing some real commitment. Meeting his family OFC is a prerequisite for that. Until he stops dancing around like this stop getting deeper into this RS. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused karen Posted July 3, 2014 Author Share Posted July 3, 2014 i have really fallen for him, he makes me laugh, and smile so much when I'm with him, he says all the things I've longed to hear in past relationships, all three in fact i have wanted in past relationships. in the past I've had guys that are there all the time and but haven't been able to give me the former for very long. he's given me all of that, as he sees me most weekends, i feel he's giving me all his spare time which he probably misses as he'l just be working in the week and climbing once the rest just watching tv with his housemate that I've been jealous of. I really want to move closer to him. it feels so right when were together like we could live together, he says were heading in the right direction but its not the right time yet. I would quite happily move up to him as i love the city he's in the the countryside, i used to live up that way a few years back and wish id never left. I think it would be easier for our relationship if we were closer so we'd see each other more and noyt put pressure on having to spend most weekends together when mainly he wants to do something else with his friends.. Ive lived with someone before, and this is the first time in a long time my heart is racing for someone and can't get enough of them Link to post Share on other sites
nomadic_butterfly Posted July 3, 2014 Share Posted July 3, 2014 (edited) We TEACH people how to treat us and you've taught him it's ok to play with your emotions and have other women disrespect your relationship. It's not YOUR PROBLEM she's newly single. Why should that impede on YOUR happiness? You weren't the cause of it so I would do what makes YOU happy. The fact that he's more concerned with how she feels than you is more than alarming. I am not the jealous type but I have been in a VERY SIMILAR situation where an ex would hang out with a "female friend" and sometimes he didn't even want to talk to me on the phone while they were hanging out because it "was rude." He also won tickets to a game and they attended the same church and she said, "I know you're going to take me, right?" and a whole bunch of there things. You need to nip this in the bud FROM NOW. BOUNDARIES as it seems like they are lacking here. I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to spend weekends together with your partner. I've never had a partner who had qualms with this. He needs space, yet he doesn't need "space" from her. You talk to your housemates, but she seems like she doesn't understand HER PLACE. On a broader level, it's never a good sign when someone is so wishy washy about how they feel. Sounds like he wants to break up, but doesn't know how and they could potentially be convenient rebounds. Stick up for yourself! He's giving her way too much power; to say otherwise would be naive! i have really fallen for him, he makes me laugh, and smile so much when I'm with him, he says all the things I've longed to hear in past relationships, all three in fact i have wanted in past relationships. in the past I've had guys that are there all the time and but haven't been able to give me the former for very long. he's given me all of that, as he sees me most weekends, i feel he's giving me all his spare time which he probably misses as he'l just be working in the week and climbing once the rest just watching tv with his housemate that I've been jealous of. I really want to move closer to him. it feels so right when were together like we could live together, he says were heading in the right direction but its not the right time yet. I would quite happily move up to him as i love the city he's in the the countryside, i used to live up that way a few years back and wish id never left. I think it would be easier for our relationship if we were closer so we'd see each other more and noyt put pressure on having to spend most weekends together when mainly he wants to do something else with his friends.. Ive lived with someone before, and this is the first time in a long time my heart is racing for someone and can't get enough of them Edited July 3, 2014 by nomadic_butterfly Link to post Share on other sites
Author confused karen Posted July 5, 2014 Author Share Posted July 5, 2014 Well my guy came round to my house yesterday and invited me to his friends BBQ which I hadn't met quite a few of his friends so it was nice that he asked me. He didn't really stay with me much as he was catching up with people but even though I'm quiet I was wire happy to make conversation with his mates. Before we went we had a bit of a chat, he said he was sorry for being an idiot but he's scared of commitment because he's never got over the fact that he hurt someone years ago and it's screwed him up..he hadn't had a girlfriend since as he was scared he was going to do the same thing.He's never really spoke about it before. He's now saying that he's scared of hurting me and as soon as he has any bad feelings he backs off which I have told him it hurts me more. I asked him what makes him back off and he says it's when he knows im not happy with him living with this other girl. We spoke about the distance and moving closer but he says he wants to live elsewhere nearer to his work for a while before commuting to anything with me which could be another 9 months, I want thins to move faster and be closer to him by the end of the year but I don't think he'll let that happen unless I get a job up his way which is very hard to do.. I'm not sure how to handle this.. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 When a guy tells you that he's afraid of hurting you, he's warning you that he WILL hurt you. Not once have I heard that from a man who didn't wind up hurting me. I'm sorry, OP, but I don't think there's much of a future here. He's showing you and actually telling you he has problems with commitment. I'd listen to him. If you're searching for a committed relationship, he's giving you the heads-up that it likely won't come from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted July 5, 2014 Share Posted July 5, 2014 OP, the one who cares the least in a relationship is the one who holds all the power. You're turning yourself inside out trying to figure this guy out and make him want you. YOU can make him do anything; he needs to figure out what he wants and go after it on his own. Quit chasing him. Be less available. Go on with your life. If you're important to him at all, he'll take notice you're drifting away and he'll do something about it. If he does nothing, then you're nothing more than an idle amusement to him. Why you're putting up with this guy's crap, I don't know. He throws you a few breadcrumbs and you're over the moon. He doles out excuse after excuse for his rudeness, lack of consideration, and arrogance and he doesn't even need to justify his behavior. You do it for him, and sally on. Cop on and quit being an idiot. You deserve better than this. Why don't you think you do? Best, TMichaels 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 What kind of life have you got, Karen, if you're willing to throw it all away for this chump? You need to be moving him out of your life, not trying to to move into his. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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