ponchsox Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 I cannot make up my mind what I want at this stage in my life. I am 37, never been married, in great shape, no baggage, great job, house. A very eligible bachelor. I keep telling myself I want to meet a wholesome church girl with good morals and obstain from sex at least for the first few months as I build the foundation for a relationship that could turn into marriage. Yet every girl I end up with we are having meaningless sex week later with very little emotional connection or substance, I don't respect them, and we end up breaking up after a month or two. Any other guys battle this? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 If you tell these women you want a nice girl, then you lure them into bed before disregarding them because they don't meet your standards, yeah you may be a player. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 You're a player, OP. Cut and dried. It seems like you're just in it for the thrill of the chase. And once you've 'caught' them, you bore quickly. Have you had any meaningful long-term relationships in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ponchsox Posted June 3, 2014 Author Share Posted June 3, 2014 You're a player, OP. Cut and dried. It seems like you're just in it for the thrill of the chase. And once you've 'caught' them, you bore quickly. Have you had any meaningful long-term relationships in your life? Only one LTR of 1.5 years. She was the only person I truly ever loved. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted June 3, 2014 Share Posted June 3, 2014 It takes two to have that meaningless sex. Why are you going that route if you're against it? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
MissionPossible Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 It sounds like you're emotionally unavailable, I hate to say it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 That double-standard will catch you at every turn. It's isn't the path to happiness. You don't need someone pure. You need someone a little bit like you. But the main thing is you need to be ready to commit -- and my understanding is that doesn't come as naturally to a lot of men as it does to a lot of women. It's a decision you have to make. But please examine your feelings about why you think women who would sleep with you like you sleep with them are bad people. They are your actual true peers. They are your equal. Most of them would be willing to commit fully to the right guy who would do the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I'm curious as to what you mean by meaningless sex? I seems to me like your expectation are high and you are waiting for that great connection… Thing is a) this kind of connection takes time to develop and b) shouldn't be related to sex anyways... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Your longest relationship lasted how long? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I cannot make up my mind what I want at this stage in my life. I am 37, never been married, in great shape, no baggage, great job, house. A very eligible bachelor. I keep telling myself I want to meet a wholesome church girl with good morals and obstain from sex at least for the first few months as I build the foundation for a relationship that could turn into marriage. Yet every girl I end up with we are having meaningless sex week later with very little emotional connection or substance, I don't respect them, and we end up breaking up after a month or two. Any other guys battle this? I don't know, but you definitely have a Madonna/whore complex going on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Glinda.Good Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Not meaning to bust your chops, but a string of meaningless relationships in a person approaching middle age might be considered baggage ... Don't know if you're a player but you don't sound like you have much of a capacity for commitment, at least at this stage. A 1.5 year relationship by the time you're 37 is not very much relationship experience. If you just want to have fun and fun sex, nothing wrong with that. But if you really want something different … you have to behave different. Either or. Or, you can just continue as you are. If you're questioning it at 37, though, I wonder how you will feel at 57? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) ponch what does your partner Jon say (CHiPS tv show reference, sorry, couldn't resist)? Something to consider: all of your negative dating experiences can often turn you into an emotional Frankenstein. That is, all the meaningless sex you have with these single church ladies could hamper your ability to emotionally connect with women you may feel have the potential for a serious, long term relationship. That, or the woman you had that 1.5 yearlong relationship with hurt you so badly, that you've closed yourself off from emotionally connecting with women, because you are afraid of reliving the rejection you experienced with her? Edited June 4, 2014 by writergal Link to post Share on other sites
bryceisbryce Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 If you know it will make you lose respect for them then why do you sleep with them early? Just don't do it. You can say no, just like they can. Your thinking is very backwards and outdated. Why do you expect the women you date to have more self control than you do? It makes no sense. You're not emotionally mature enough to have sex early on in a relationship. Even if she wants to have sex, wait until you actually have feelings for her or this will keep happening. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I cannot make up my mind what I want at this stage in my life. I am 37, never been married, in great shape, no baggage, great job, house. A very eligible bachelor. I keep telling myself I want to meet a wholesome church girl with good morals and obstain from sex at least for the first few months as I build the foundation for a relationship that could turn into marriage. Yet every girl I end up with we are having meaningless sex week later with very little emotional connection or substance, I don't respect them, and we end up breaking up after a month or two. Any other guys battle this? if you are feeding them a line of shyt, thats not right...But if they dont think that much of themselves to put out at the drop of a hat, then ??? believe me, if they did it for you, there is a good chance they did it with every other swinging dick they met..so, no disprespect intended, but you probably arent the "special" one...Even if they told you that you were.. Maybe for a guy of your age, unless you want kids, I wouldnt be all that hung up on getting a woman to marry....Just look at all the sob stories of guys losing their asses in a divorce... You're getting the milk for nothing....why buy the cow..? *shrug* TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Most guys who are in this mindset are validating the "see, there isnt any good women out there! Look at how many I can Bed". Its a double edge sword. They want the good girl yet constantly follow thru on the action of "human" needs outweigh Human desire to refrain. I doubt the OP has the perserverance to persist in going via way of the committed relationship. Falling back on old habits will perpetuate this ongoing behavior. Short of joining a Monk cult, this gent needs to go on dates, be a gent and forego the instant opportunity for the long term goal of sustaining a mutual relationship. Strange things have happened yet it takes much discipline to see the rewards. Instant gratification seems to be ingrained in some folks though.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I don't know if you are a player, or with what criteria one is considered a player. But you surely sound confused and without direction. You don't seem to know what you want. Would you like to find out what you want? Be honest with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 I cannot make up my mind what I want at this stage in my life. I am 37, never been married, in great shape, no baggage, great job, house. A very eligible bachelor. I keep telling myself I want to meet a wholesome church girl with good morals and obstain from sex at least for the first few months as I build the foundation for a relationship that could turn into marriage. Yet every girl I end up with we are having meaningless sex week later with very little emotional connection or substance, I don't respect them, and we end up breaking up after a month or two. Any other guys battle this? Disagree with the bolded based on your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts