How much $$$ does your MM spend on you?

[nextel]

I was reading an article in a magazine, in which a man stated that why he had an affair and for how long.

 

To make the long story short, this man stated that the affair only ended because she wanted to find a man that she could go home to, spend time with and do things with. In all fairness to her, as much as he did not want to let her go: he did. Needless to say, he stated that during their affair: he gave her everything she wanted and she got more than the W because OW was settling for second best and therefore he felt obligated to compassate her.

 

I was actually under the impression that MM are somewhat cheap. They will try and get as much sex and other self gratifications from you without having to put out too much. Well maybe I am wrong!

 

So as you can imagine...this got me thinking and has led me to ask.....How much money does your MM spend on you? Do you have to ask him to put out or does he willingly offer? What kinds of things does he give you that make you feel like its ok for you to continue for now and see what happens later? Has he bought you a house, car or is it just a $100 here and there for the groceries or telephone bill?

[lynnered]

mine 0$

[newby]

"mine 0$"-quote

same here

[KissMyTiara]

In the 10 months or so that MM and I have been together, he has probably spent the following to either further our A or "take care of" me:

 

$500 - at least, on extra cell phone charges.

$500 to $700 - dinners, drinks, lunches, breakfasts, groceries when he comes over, etc.

$200 - plane ticket to get me to where he was on a business trip.

$300 - my Christmas present (jewelry).

$20 - Valentine's day (I just asked for a stuffed animal and a card and that's what I got...so far...).

$200 - One afternoon of shopping.

$200 cash - New Year's Eve, wanted me to "have a good time."

$200 cash - Halloween, was going to a fancy expensive Hollywood party, he wanted me to be able to "have a good time."

$1000 cash - gave me my roommate's 1/2 of the rent and bills when she walked out on me without any notice...this is a LOAN, as far as I am concerned, that I am DETERMINED to pay back.

 

Wow, now that I look at that list....That's a lot, huh?

[nextel]

For those of you that have stated "$0", why would you be investing your time and getting nothing in return? Granted you care for them, but even their W or even mothers that care of them get presents and money from them. Why would you be with a man that gives you nothing?

 

I am of the belief that a MM should be doing for you by compassating you. Its not like you can call him if you have a flat tire. Therefore, you should have the means to call a company that can send out a driver to change that tire, and you should have the money (from him) to pay that company for changing the flat tire. This is just an example.

 

For KissMyTiara at least you are getting something out of it, but you should not be paying him back in any shape or form. You give him your body when he calls thats all the payback he should be getting.

 

I dont know about any of you, but being an outsider looking in....the MM is getting what he wants (your body, sex, your company) therefore, he should be taking care of you monetarily because they are incapable of doing it emotionally.

[KissMyTiara]

Originally posted by nextel

For those of you that have stated "$0", why would you be investing your time and getting nothing in return? Granted you care for them, but even their W or even mothers that care of them get presents and money from them. Why would you be with a man that gives you nothing?

 

I am of the belief that a MM should be doing for you by compassating you. Its not like you can call him if you have a flat tire. Therefore, you should have the means to call a company that can send out a driver to change that tire, and you should have the money (from him) to pay that company for changing the flat tire. This is just an example.

 

For KissMyTiara at least you are getting something out of it, but you should not be paying him back in any shape or form. You give him your body when he calls thats all the payback he should be getting.

 

I dont know about any of you, but being an outsider looking in....the MM is getting what he wants (your body, sex, your company) therefore, he should be taking care of you monetarily because they are incapable of doing it emotionally.

 

Taking care of me monetarily??? Giving him my body as payback for cash??? Are you crazy???? Um, that would essentially mean that I am getting money in exchange for my body - isn't that the definition of a hooker? THAT I am NOT. He gives me things and does things for me because he wants to, not because he's getting sex in return. What he has given me in terms of gifts, money, dinners, trips, etc., is very similar to that which I have received from my boyfriends past (SINGLE BFs, mind you). I have also given him things - I go on trips a lot, and always have something for him when I return, and I am often getting him things here and there that I think he would like.

 

All of the things other than the $1000 for rent that my MM gave me were unsolicited GIFTS...I freaked out when my roommate bailed, and he willingly gave me the money, but I intend on giving it back to him, in increments, as soon as I can.

 

Nextel, if a man, married or single, is COMPENSATING you for your relationship with him, you are nothing but a hooker. If he is giving of himself and does nice things for you because he wants to and not because he expects you to give him your body, then that is something completely different. Nextel, unfortunately, it sounds like if you expect to be COMPENSATED (please, notice the spelling), then I expect you put yourself into the first category. For that, I feel for you.

 

I'm inclined to believe that the women who get no $$ from their MMs still must be getting something from their MMs to give them reason to stay in the relationship, and that must mean that they manage to get a lot MORE from their MM in terms of time, love, support and affection than you do, and frankly, those things are WORTH something, perhaps even more than what I have received $$ wise from my MM. Though, I should also add that he did repay me for a flat tire bill, interesting you gave that as an example.

 

MEN, married or not, will do things for their lovers, girlfriends, wives, mistresses, whatever they are called, to keep them around. They want to be heros, not burdens, so they will do and give whatever they can to keep you comfortable and willing to continue in the relationship. This does not mean that they are PAYING you (COMPENSATING you) for being in the relationship. Nay, they are just doing and giving what they know will keep your interest - the same way you continue to have sex with them knowing that is what generally keeps their interest.

[StillHurtin]

I am not the OW but the W. My H had an A w/ the OW while were separted. He didnt' spend much on her. Her took her out to eat a few times and that was about it (I have seen receipts and cc statements). She bought him a nice watch from the jewlery store and some shirts from an $ clothing store. She spent more on him than he did her. He isn't cheap, he just had to spend a boat load of money for child support and alimony, he had barely anything left for his own bills than to spend a bunch of money on her. Would he have spent more if he had more? I don't know.

[lynnered]

"For those of you that have stated "$0", why would you be investing your time and getting nothing in return? Granted you care for them, but even their W or even mothers that care of them get presents and money from them. Why would you be with a man that gives you nothing"

its not all about $$ there are other things in life ,

I'm not with mm anymore,i loved him i never asked for anything ,anyway with mine 1st of all he wasn't daddy war bucks

2nd if he did she would have noticed and finally i don't need anyone taking care of my i bought a car ,have a mortgage ,a good job on my own even if he wasn't married i don't expect compasion.

"I don't know about any of you, but being an outsider looking in"

nextel ? for you are you a man or a woman ?are you thinking of having an affair?just curious

[nextel]

I did not mean to imply that you should prostitute your bodies. I was going in reference to the article I read and started to wonder if the MM willingly spent $$$ or nothing at all.

 

Based on that, I felt that being that you were with mm then he should be doing more than just having sex with you. At the end of the day, all a mm wants from a single person (in most cases), is sex. No matter how much you love and care for them, they have that at home and that is why they are married.

 

Am i having an affair? no. Do i want to? no. Why the curiousity? Wanting to understand more of these situations as opposed to forming a biased opinion.

[izzybelle]

my exMM spent very little on me and i never expected or asked him to. i have no doubt that if our relationship would have continued he would have gladly spent money on me, but in order for the relationship to have continued he no doubt would have left his wife and i wouldn't have necessarily been the OW any longer.

 

all i wanted from him, and what i received, was his love, his attention, and those other things that one can never put a $$ amount on. when his W found out she was convinced that he was paying to help support me and my kids. she thought that i had been on numerous trips with him and was sure he had spent more money on me than he had. she, as all do, asked for all credit card receipts, etc. and was no doubt disappointed to discover that he hadn't spent anything on me. the two pairs of earrings that he bought for me, i returned to him to do with what he pleased. but those were the only "gifts" everything else that he gave to me i could never put a $ amount on, including the pain. of course, had i ended up back in therapy i would have been tempted to send him the bills!

[lynnered]

Originally posted by nextel

I Based on that, I felt that being that you were with mm then he should be doing more than just having sex with you. At the end of the day, all a mm wants from a single person (in most cases), is sex. No matter how much you love and care for them, they have that at home and that is why they are married.

 

its more then sex ,communication &obv something is missing at home as in my case i understand your trying to understand but you throw out your little biased statements ,then oo i didn't mean to imply ,then don't imply so much .

[newby]

Nextel, if a man, married or single, is COMPENSATING you for your relationship with him, you are nothing but a hooker. If he is giving of himself and does nice things for you because he wants to and not because he expects you to give him your body, then that is something completely different. Nextel, unfortunately, it sounds like if you expect to be COMPENSATED (please, notice the spelling), then I expect you put yourself into the first category. For that, I feel for you.

 

quote

well said KMT

 

actually though i have to agree with nextel here a little, yes being in a relationship for me has to mean making my life a bit easier, which is essentially why people have relationships isnt it, to enhance ones life. unfortunately it doesnt always pan out that way as most people who post here have discovered.

this is why i ended things with my mm, not because he wasnt spending a penny on me although if you think about that it is symbolic of the rest of the relationship, he was taking all he could with out having to expend or spend anything himself.

 

i'm sure if he had bought me things on the one hand i would have felt like i was getting more from the relationship on the other hand i MAY have felt that i was compromising myself, i MAY have felt that it was an obvious deception on his part, i MAY have felt like i was being paid for a service......i dont know

i do not mean this to suggest that those who are having money spent on them should feel like this i am saying thats how i may have felt myself, however if you have read any of my posts you will see that my mm wasnt treating me anywhere near as well as most of the people on here are being treated by theirs

[nextel]

If MM rarely leave their wives for the OW.....then why does he go to the OW every now and again?

 

To feel like a young person without the tremendous responsibilities, and to have sex. What does OW get out of this relationship? Some say comfort, caring and a friend.

 

But if W is to find out MM will leave OW to be with wife which leads me to believe he has had his selfish needs met by OW and can do without them. He can now make up with the W and will have sex with her and until that starts to go down the drain, he will be faithful for a while and then find another OW.

 

If OW while with MM needs things and asks for them, does it mean that she is a prostitute? No. MM has sex with his wife and she will turnaround and ask for money that does not mean she is a prostitute? No. But if OW is dating a MM and she has financial burdens, her life seems harder: then there is no point in being with MM because its not like he is really enhancing your life and making life easier for you.

[tiredofbeingtheother]

My mm buys me things all the time (jewelry. etc.) and i never ask him for it he just does it. but he also buys things for his w.

[Leaf]

He spends $0 on me as well. For my birthday last year, he got me nothing. That hurt, but I never said anything. I know he wont get me anything for valentines day either.

 

For me, its just one more thing that is a negative. Not that I need him to buy me anything.. but it would be nice to get something... sometimes.

[newby]

yes mine used to pretend he was going to get me something beforehand and then just never mention it again, my god he really must have thought i was a right mug

[Leaf]

..and how are you supposed to say anything to them? Like "Hey! Jack *ss, its Valentines.. where is my special tihng from you? Oh,. what did you ge the W?" ya know?

[MsMree]

How can i not reply? (LOL!)

 

Mine has not spent an outrageous amount but he does things like draws me pictures, writes me love letters ALL THE TIME, buys me bottled water because i don't like tap, calls me every night before he goes to bed because my voice is the last thing he wants to hear before he falls asleep...

 

How can you put a monetary value on your relationship(s) - do i wish he had the $$ to spoil me rotten? YES.

 

Would i love him more if that were the case? No.

[Stone]

I used to let men take care of me, I don't know if my past "suggar daddies" we're married or not because I just used them anyway but the last one gave me a total of 17K plus stock and tought me how to invest it, needless to say I don't have sugar daddies anymore, and after everything he taught me about investing I'll never need one again.

 

Hey sorry to sound like a shallow gold digger, but if your going to do it you might as well get something in return.

[nextel]

Originally posted by Stone

I used to let men take care of me, I don't know if my past "suggar daddies" we're married or not because I just used them anyway but the last one gave me a total of 17K plus stock and tought me how to invest it, needless to say I don't have sugar daddies anymore, and after everything he taught me about investing I'll never need one again.

 

Hey sorry to sound like a shallow gold digger, but if your going to do it you might as well get something in return.

 

 

I am with Stone on this one.

[erika2610]

No offense Nextel.. but it's very easy to to say things when you're just 'looking in'. It's totally different once you're in the situation. As far as me, my MM never bought me anything. I never really expected anything. The time he spent with me, and the attention he gave me meant alot more to me than his money. I wouldn't have traded that at ll. And most of us are aware that given the choice between us and the W, he would choose the wife. But that doesn't matter at the time. You don't go into the relationship thinking that. Like I said, with me it was about the attention he gave me..

[kkat]

My MM spent a considerable amount of money on me, I suppose.

 

He always paid for all of our dates, which were usually at expensive restaurants for dinner a few times a week, and he paid for anything else we did together, which wasn't much frankly other than go out to eat or for cocktails...but honestly, I expect any date to pay for dinner.

 

Other than that, he bought me alot of gifts - over the years its certainly been thousands of dollars - but over the most recent episode of a year and a half, I suppose he gave me approx. $2,000 in cash, which includes money he gave me at Christmas for a plane ticket to see my family. He also spent approx. $2,000 I in gift certificates over the year to a day spa I like, and I guess approx. $5,000 (just guessing) in random gifts - he bought me the stuff to have my bathroom redone, bought a ton of stuff for my new dog including all of the food and supplies and things for the first several months. He also used to buy me random things I needed from Staples or Home Depot or KMart since I live in the city and it was easy for him to get me things and bring them to me. Cases of wine occasionally. And lots of little things like makeup and books and just random stuff that he would see that he'd think I might like. He's offered me other things and even now if I asked for something he'd give it to me if he could afford it. The nicest thing he ever gave me is a $5,000 watch, but that was back in our version 1 relationship.

 

By the way, he is financially comfortable but definitely not loaded. If he were, honestly, I believe I would have gotten an apartment or a car or something substantial because I think he would have offered pretty much whatever he could have afforded in exchange for even a momentary relief from his guilt.

 

I'll say this, he doesn't have enough money that he should be spending it on me or any other OW. That money belongs to his wife, not me. I'm clear on that.

[joodee]

My MM pays for lunch and dinner and excursions and always brings over wine when he comes over. He would also buy presents and flowers. And since he doesn't live with his W I can call anytime, if there is something wrong, like a flat tire, etc., I can easily get a hold of him and he can come over whenever to help me out. And he spends most of his time with me....

 

HOWEVER, earlier tonight we got into an argument because I told him that I am tired of being a secret and if you are really separated and there is nothing between you and W then we should be out in the open in your world (this is the umpteenth time I told him this), and he is now throwing in my face how much money he has spent on me, that he lately feels like a "wallet" around me, and that I should be reciprocating by now. I reminded him that I have offered many times to pick up the tab, and that he always said, "Don't worry hon, I got it," and that I have made dinner and got him into many shows and have done many other things for him. That didn't appease him at all, and we are going to talk tomorrow. And now he says he's not going to file for divorce or do anything about his marriage till he finishes his master's program so he won't "upset" his W (yet there's nothing between them, yea right). He's saying this after promising to do something so that he won't lose me.

 

So basically, he pays but now wants me to pinch in, and accept being a secret for at least another year????? I thought he wanted to pay and buy things for me....now I feel really stupid....this make sense to anyone?

[Stone]

I'm old fashioned and still think men should pay for everything while they are courting you.

[CurlyIam]

Hon, what if after that he wants to get in a Phd programme? It lasts 3 years here, but could go up to 5...

 

I'm exagerating, of course.

 

I think he sould f*cking keep paying, especially since you ARE a secret.

 

Ok, here's what I think: I think he understood you care/love him more than he actually loves you and uses it to manipulate you. So I think you should turn the tables.

 

This is so NOT about money. At least not only. It's about control.

 

I think you should see other people, even if it means paying your bills. I think that you wouldn't believe how good it feels not to have that pressure on your chest. I mean, WTF? Why should you give HIM a good relationship, a faithfull, paying gf? HE should pay through his nose this affair, because you get the unfair treatment here. Because he changed his mind.

 

Don't give in on this. Remember that you are in control, not him, even less his W. And that you can (and should) leave him anytime you feel the terms of the affair are not Favourable to YOU. I don't agree to affairs, but hell, women should stick together.