He says one thing but acts another way-- please give me some advice!!!!!!!!

[karlym3]

I was dating this guy for one week. While dating him I found him to be extremely agrresive and found to have much more in common with his friend. I stopped taking his phone calls and planned to work the same night his friend was. I ran into him and we talked and I told him we should hang out sometime that I would take him out and help him meet girls(he is single) He gave me his number and I called him. His best friend knows nothing about this or us hanging out. We went out, had a blast and he kissed me. We then hung out 3 days later and then a couple days after that.

 

Here we are dating at week 6. This is what I get from him - while we are hanging out we will make plans to hang out the next wk sometimes he will ask or I will--but then I do not hear form him at all until the very day we are to hang out-a wk later. By that time I dont even know if he has forgotton, found someone new etc. OUr dates when we hang out consist of going to get a drink at a bar or hanging out at his house. We talked and he told me that he considers us dating but does not want a relationship now. We have not had sex as I told him that it means a lot to me and would only do this If I was exclusive. We do kiss alot and hug and he insists that I sleep over-though we do not do anything. We hold hands on our dates and he put his jacket over me, opened the car door etc.

 

I feel that by 6 weeks I should be getting phone calls in the middle of the wk. I thougth well maybe if I call him he will get the hint. I called him on a monday he called me back thursday. I called him back sat and by monday got frusterated and wrote him an email asking why it takes so long to return a phone call and that we hadnt seen each other this wk and if he feels it isnt working out or he is interested in someone now was a good time for us to end being that we hadnt spoken or hung out. He called me immediately and apologized and said he wanted to see me wednesday. So youd think maybe he is afraid--a little- to loose me but read on--

 

When we hung out on wed I said that I need a phone call at least once inbetween our hanging out. He said he hates the phone, he hates making phone calls. He will try. I asked him about me dating other people and he said you can have your cake and eat it to- we can hang out and do this etc. but you shoudl not feel guilty about dating other people. I just can not believe that after 6 weeks he is saying that and risking the chance of loosing me AND I need to be asking him to call me he should want to right??? (we hang out 1-2 times a wk usually one we have busy and conflicting sched.) I just feel like he is putting in the mininmal amount of effort possible. He is just cool as a goose I wonder what do u think that he will come out of this. What do I need to do. Is it a lost cause?

 

Another thing is that his friend is moving to another state in 3 more months- maybe things will change once that happens? Or maybe I am just not the one. Mybe he is just not that into me....I just hate to sit around and waste my time on something that is never going to happen. I also hate to give up if there is something there. I could try playing hard to get... But how. ALL suggestions welcome!!!!!!!!

[darkside121]

Okay, this is pretty funny.

I am going through the same thing right now... Only I am a boy.. heh. My girl has got this friend, who totally interferes with our life. We have been dating for almost 4 years now. You know, one of those all through high school "always be mine" sort of deals.. a far cry from 6 weeks I know... but ever since her senior year (she was a year behind me) this friend of hers who was in the same grade got all of her attention. I used to feel the SAME way you do. About the friend moving.. here is the deal... If you have to wait in line to be priority one, chances are this is a bad idea. Spare yourself the pain. It is no good. Trust me, I am the voice of experieince.

-Dave

 

PS: About the hard to get bit... here goes.. MAKE YOURSELF TOTALLY UNAVAILABLE!! I have played this game PLENTY of times.. it does provides about a week of getting the attention you deserve, but after that it is back to the old sour grapes.

 

PPS: And about the whole "not giving up" bit. I know man, it is hard stuff. But, if you are only 6 weeks in, you have time to get off of this detour and back on the right street.. TRUST ME... don't wait around or else you WILL have something special with him and if he treats you like this later, you WON'T be able to leave... you think it is hard now man, just WAIT.

 

Okay... all done.

[Merin]

Words mean NOTHING when they are NOT followed up in ACTIONS.

 

This guy told you to have your cake and eat it too.. uh..

 

That is a very STRONG statement to have made to you.. so in a lot of ways.. his words are matching his actions and maybe it's just that you don't want to accept that..

 

He told you not to feel guilty about dating other guys.. beleive me when I say when he's telling you this.. he isn't going to feel guilty,bad or hesitate to date other people.. he has been upfront in telling you that while he likes you, he doesn't want a relationship.. I don't think it could be more clear.. I'm sorry.

 

Honestly when someone is all about you.. even IF they hate the phone.. they call. Even when they are so busy it's insane.. they make the time. When they are faced with the possibiliity of loosing you.. they fight for it and do all they can to make sure that doesn't happen..

 

IF you're wanting a relationship with someone and not a casual date on HIS timeline.. then my advice is to take HIS advice.. and don't feel guilty about dating other people.. God knows he isn't.

 

Good Luck

[karlym3]

That is great advice.. any one else have any other advice-- I love reading it and hearing what you all have to say. This makes getting over him much easier. SO everyone feels this is a lost cause and nothing I can do to change how he feels??