As predicted [update]

[JahnJahn]

Hi guys.

 

Ive been having a long distance relationship with this girl for 5 months now, we've only spent 10 days together in real time, the others we spend on skype etc.

 

I am 21 right now, a student and thats part of the reason why we havent been spending that much time together. She is 27 and lives in Poland. I love her with all my heart and she was soon to move over here in the U.K. to be with me but plans changed and there was a delay (1 Month delay).

 

So the past week, our relationship had been weird; she admitted she was avoiding me because she wanted time to think and resolve an issue she has been having. She told me recently she has had feelings for this other guy, a guy of the same age as her and lives in the same country, but she still loves me.

 

When I asked her what she wanted to do at first, she said she doesn't know, but before we stopped talking she said she chooses to stay with me and she wants to stay with me, but she still is confused about her feelings for this new guy. I was pissed off, very pissed off but I tried to be understanding and told her she cannot have both. She said she cannot break up with me because she wants to spend her life with me and breaking up with me would be losing her motivation to do better things.

 

I called her later that night because I was seriously hurting and I couldn't sleep, I asked for her decision and she told me she doesn't know again. I then told her I have to revise the next day and I really want to sleep and she said we are going to break up today. So I took that and it really hurt me and I told her I understand.

 

Today, we talked for a while. Initially I told her she has made her decision and she has to live with it. At first I believed she chose him over me but she said thats not the case. She chooses herself. She needs to sort her problems out first and then she will go back into a relationship. I asked what the problems were and they were financial etc so I asked her why she never mentioned this before and we could have worked this out as a couple. She said she doesnt want to involve me in her problems and I told her we are in a relationship and when I told her I loved her in new years, I meant that I loved her. When I introduced her to my family, I was welcoming her to be part of it. When I met her family I was accepting of her family. When she told me all her emotional problems etc when we started dating and her fear that the more i know about her the less I will want to be with her, I corrected her and told her I love everything about her, good and bad, she is the girl I truly want to spend my life with even though it would be inpractical with me being a student and her having to relocate her life.

 

When we talked, I stood my ground, I told her that I am going to give her time to say what she needs to say before I say goodbye for good. She asked if I will still talk to her and be her friend if we break up for good and I said no, I cannot be your friend because this is simply not enough for me. She broke into tears because she didnt want me out of her life and she could not imagine herself without me there etc. I forgot to say that the first thing she said is John, "I will never and have never thought about cheating on you. I love you and only you but I have feelings for this other guy and dont know what to do".

 

I still talked to her, and told her she stopped loving me the moment she started talking about having a relationship with this new guy (emotional cheating) and that she did not love me 100%. She kept telling me I love you while in crying but I still tried to be objective about the whole situation.

 

When I changed my facebook status, she completely broke down, I could actually see the sadness and break in her eyes and expression, It made me feel sick, like I am not the same person I know I am, I am being too cold because I am trying to show her I want to move on. She said she is sorry for everything and that she truly wants the best for me, she cant break up with me and she cant end this if I dissapear from her life etc

 

She went off Skype and I had a smoke, thought about what just happened and decided to call her, I asked her for 5 minutes and she was drinking heavily at this point (not drunk, but the alchohol was there).

 

We talked and I asked her if she wants to be with me, she said yes but she cant. I said there is no such thing as cant. She said she does not deserve a guy who can look past what just happened and I am too good for her, I have a bright future ahead of me and she cannot be part of me, I need someone who can love me 100% and not stray. This touched my heart and almost made me break into tears, I showed her our signature heart sign (its the first thing I showed her before we started dating and before I told her I loved her) and she broke into more tears and was unable to keep talking. I went for a smoke and came back to talk more etc. I told her I want to fight for us, thats the reason we are still talking. I didn't want to just say goodbye and forget about her. I wanted to fight for us. I asked her what she wanted and she said I love you. I asked her if she wants to fight and she said she cant. Again I told her there is no such thing. I asked her if she loves me, she said yes, I asked her if she still has feelings for the other guy, she said she does not know. I asked her 3 times and that was her reply each time.

 

I decided to follow my heart and tell her despite all of this, we have survived 5 months and only spent 10 days together real time. We have had serious arguments but we survived those. We have changed each other for the better and we have only spent 10 days together. I told her I love her, I love her with all my heart and I do not want to simply throw this away without a fight. I asked her again, do you want to fight for us, she said yes. I then told her I had to go revise etc and when I started i felt that she only agreed because she knows I have an exam coming up, so I called her and I told her I would understand if she truly does not want to fight for us and I would never want to force her to do anything against her will (I felt that I did) and she said no, she loves me and Im the guy for her etc.

 

So, I felt I gave her/our relationship another chance. We both, atleast for now have given it another shot. Its still the same day today so I just dont know if I made the right decision or not. I do not question her love for me, however, I have a small doubt about her will to save this relationship and whether she truly wants to be with me or not.

 

TLDR; did I make a mistake? I love this girl, and even though she cheated on me emotionally, I know I can look past that if nothing comes of it. If she is dedicated to me I can definitely look past it. But she is in a different country and I do not know if she has the resolve to actually relocate and/or forget or lose her feelings for the other guy.

 

I would appreciate your input guys. Please do not tell me to leave her, that is not within me. I cannot just leave her without a fight. I am just hoping she stops having these feelings for this guy and we can be happy like we were before. She truly makes me happy. Truly. Though she has hurt me, I still want to be with her.

[JahnJahn]

Its been a day since I told her we should give it one more chance and she agreed. But things feel rather weird.

 

When I call her she normally answers with "Yes John?" and only says "I love you" when we speak on Skype. I dont know, maybe Im thinking too much. One thing that seems to have changed is she told me she no longer thinks about the other guy and she realised it was because I was rarely there that she felt something towards him.

 

After my exam I told her that now that my exam is over, she does not need to worry about me failing, if she only agreed because of this I would understand. She said no, I want to be with you. I asked her are you 100%... She paused... then said "if Im being honest no, its a hard decision wether to listen to my heart or my head". I told her this is the last time I will ask her of this, I am tired of getting the same reply.

 

I have managed to stay over 9 hours clear of contacting her, I went to the Gym, went for a long walk and started thinking about meeting new girl(s), just as friends and mentally preparing myself for the worst.

 

I need some advice guys.

[JahnJahn]

So Last night she finally broke it off. I was sad of course because I thought we could work through it. I suggested a break but she said she does not see the point, it will take her 3 months or so to fix her problems.

 

She said she wants me in her life, I protested but sort of gave in. I told her I cant believe its all over etc and before she went to bed she said I love you in a way that I would not hear (I didnt hear it but I saw it) then she said "Please dont think its over".

 

I really do not know what to think.

[No Limit]

Break up but you shouldn't think it is over?

She's keeping you in her pocket, don't fall for it. Cut all ties.

[JahnJahn]

Break up but you shouldn't think it is over?

She's keeping you in her pocket, don't fall for it. Cut all ties.

 

I want to get back with her. I dont know if i should talk to her today or just go no contact altogether from now on. I just wanted to say thanks, goodluck with your life etc and bye.

 

I was thinking of telling her today, "I thought about what you said and its either over or it isnt. I love you, you know that, Ive asked you to stay and Ive even suggested a break, you wanted non of it. When I suggested changing facebook status, you almost broke to tears again, but Ive thought about it, I do not want to be your friend, it is simply not enough. I need to move on and accept that we will never be together. This is goodbye and thanks for the amazing time we had together". Something along those lines. But Im not sure if talking to her would be a good idea. She said she wanted to talk later today (in a few hours) and I dont know if this should be the time I say goodbye or I should wait a little longer?

 

I dont want to disappear from her life completely, but after thinking about it, It does not make sense why she would say "dont think its over" after she breaks up with me. I dont know whether to say this to her or just move on. If I go NC, i will have no other way of ever contacting her or her contacting me. She lives in Poland and we dont have many mutual friends...

 

I really do not know what to do.

 

P.S. Thank you for the reply.

Edited May 29, 2014 by JahnJahn

[JahnJahn]

I've kept no contact for a few days. I woke up to a call which I didn't answer and a text later saying something we always used to say to each other with a sad face.

 

I'm not sure what to make of it. I want to tell her some things but I don't know if I should just keep NC or just speak to her this last time?

 

I really need some advice guys.

[Simon Phoenix]

I've kept no contact for a few days. I woke up to a call which I didn't answer and a text later saying something we always used to say to each other with a sad face.

 

I'm not sure what to make of it. I want to tell her some things but I don't know if I should just keep NC or just speak to her this last time?

 

I really need some advice guys.

 

It would be extremely foolish to contact her. And let's be real, it wouldn't be the "last time". You'd get sucked right back in. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

[JahnJahn]

It would be extremely foolish to contact her. And let's be real, it wouldn't be the "last time". You'd get sucked right back in. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

 

Why would it be foolish to contact her even when she makes the first move? Do I never contact her again?

 

I feel I need to admit my faults to her about the end of the relationship and wish her goodluck.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why would it be foolish to contact her even when she makes the first move? Do I never contact her again?

 

I feel I need to admit my faults to her about the end of the relationship and wish her goodluck.

 

That's not a "move". That's a breadcrumb. A "move" is if she says "I made a mistake and I would like to try again". That's something you respond to.

 

And the second part is cringeworthy. She knows "your faults" -- that's why she broke up with you. She doesn't need you to admit them -- you'd be much better off just taking care of them without her input if that's what you feel you need to do to make yourself a better person, not to placate to her. And she should have to earn your inner thoughts -- she shouldn't get them for free because you have no self-respect or boundaries and you are begging for her approval.

 

You need to be silent and you need to start recovering. It's time to clean the spilled milk by yourself, not to sit around talking about why it happened.

[jbelle6]

Yup, agree with SP, you're just making excuses to keep this going.

The whole point of no contact is...NO CONTACT.

The reason we go no contact is to heal and get over being hurt, we can't do that if we let them string us along with breadcrumbs.

 

Why would you want to hold her hand through the breakup?

[JahnJahn]

Yup, agree with SP, you're just making excuses to keep this going.

The whole point of no contact is...NO CONTACT.

The reason we go no contact is to heal and get over being hurt, we can't do that if we let them string us along with breadcrumbs.

 

Why would you want to hold her hand through the breakup?

 

I don't want to hold her hand. I truly want to say goodbye and some other things because I never had a chance to.

 

She went to sleep thinking we were friends because I never said goodbye or had the balls to. I mean she said "i love you", "please don't think it's over" and I hope we speak soon or tomorrow (meaning last Thursday) and I never had the chance to tell her I don't want to be friends in a serious way. I never told her where I stand.

 

That's what I'm trying to do. But again, you guys may be right. I did think maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to see her again or I've deluded myself in thinking I believe it's over. But at this moment and time, I truly just want to tell her where I stand.

 

In truth I want to get back with her, but not soon, I know enough now to realise that if she gets back with me within 2 months or so it's because she misses the emotional aspect if me. I don't want to never ever talk to her again, maybe after I've healed we can talk again.

Edited May 31, 2014 by JahnJahn

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't want to hold her hand. I truly want to say goodbye and some other things because I never had a chance to.

 

She went to sleep thinking we were friends because I never said goodbye or had the balls to. I mean she said "i love you", "please don't think it's over" and I hope we speak soon or tomorrow (meaning last Thursday) and I never had the chance to tell her I don't want to be friends in a serious way. I never told her where I stand.

 

That's what I'm trying to do. But again, you guys may be right. I did think maybe I'm just looking for an excuse to see her again or I've deluded myself in thinking I believe it's over. But at this moment and time, I truly just want to tell her where I stand.

 

In truth I want to get back with her, but not soon, I know enough now to realise that if she gets back with me within 2 months or so it's because she misses the emotional aspect if me. I don't want to never ever talk to her again, maybe after I've healed we can talk again.

 

I mentioned this in the PM I just sent you, but silence is often much more powerful than words. You saying nothing would be saying a hell of a lot more than what you want to say. Closure comes from within -- you should not depend on another person to set you free. She'll know exactly where you stand when you say nothing to her -- if you try what you want to try, she'll just know that she can have you in any way she wants.

[JahnJahn]

I mentioned this in the PM I just sent you, but silence is often much more powerful than words. You saying nothing would be saying a hell of a lot more than what you want to say. Closure comes from within -- you should not depend on another person to set you free. She'll know exactly where you stand when you say nothing to her -- if you try what you want to try, she'll just know that she can have you in any way she wants.

 

I see. I will continue to keep no contact. But wish I knew when the right time would be to talk to her :/

Thank you for the advice guys

[jbelle6]

Good advice from SP.

Make her feel what it's like for you to be gone.

[Darren Steez]

Why would it be foolish to contact her even when she makes the first move? Do I never contact her again?

 

I feel I need to admit my faults to her about the end of the relationship and wish her goodluck.

 

For heavens sake man, she was probably banging another guy while stringing you along with I love you's. Yet despite all this you're still hanging around.

 

Truth is you'll probably contact her and you'll probably allow her to move here. This is a long distance relationship and you're already having trouble..she's already meeting guys behind your back.

 

Right now all you have are fantasies, fantasies of this relationship, fantasies about her moving to you and everything being great and rosy but what is the reality?

 

Reality is she meet someone and more likely got with him hence her being "confused" but she didn't seem to be in love enough to choose you or stop being with him. You shouldn't have ask to choose. That should be automatic.

 

I doubt you'll stick with NC but go ahead and try, you're saving yourself a lot of heartache by ending this now.

[JahnJahn]

For heavens sake man, she was probably banging another guy while stringing you along with I love you's. Yet despite all this you're still hanging around.

 

Truth is you'll probably contact her and you'll probably allow her to move here. This is a long distance relationship and you're already having trouble..she's already meeting guys behind your back.

 

Right now all you have are fantasies, fantasies of this relationship, fantasies about her moving to you and everything being great and rosy but what is the reality?

 

Reality is she meet someone and more likely got with him hence her being "confused" but she didn't seem to be in love enough to choose you or stop being with him. You shouldn't have ask to choose. That should be automatic.

 

I doubt you'll stick with NC but go ahead and try, you're saving yourself a lot of heartache by ending this now.

 

I know she hasn't cheated on me but thanks for the advice. We actually had plans of her moving here i.e. She handed in work notice etc and her whole family knew she was to move here on 10th June.

 

However, plans changed because my whole family has to travel for 1month+ leaving the house empty. But anyway, thats in the past.

 

Anyway, Its not like its easy to not hang around, especially if you loved someone. Im being realistic in saying I am trying NC, I know I can stick to it seeing as I havent contacted her yet even though she has contacted me twice.

[jbelle6]

Thing is, you really really don't know that she didn't cheat.

Your whole problem in all of this is that you are listening to words, pretty words meant to soothe the blow, but just words. You need to be looking at ACTIONS. Your breakup is very very cliche just like the rest of ours. Read other peoples stories, you don't see the similarities?

 

"I don't deserve you", "I never cheated but have feelings", "I still love you but can't be with you". 99% of the time they did cheat. He's near her, so I doubt it's just emotional. Do you want that? It's time you take her off the pedestal you have her on, she is a cheat. She no longer feels you are good enough to be her boyfriend, you are only good enough to be her friend. Do you want someone who even thought that for a second? If you got her back would you feel safe, or would you be haunted by where she is going, what she is doing, who she is doing it with in fear of this occurring again? Being long distance with those thoughts will drive you right insane.

 

The other issue is, I think you are very young, you should be going out and meeting new people. You are wasting WAY too much precious time on a relationship that only lasted 5 months/10 days in real life. 10 DAYS!!! How many days have you been crying over 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Last issue, I think she was too old for you. I have no problem with a 6 year age gap, if you were 27 and she were 33, I would not bat an eye, but with you being 21 I think it's too much. That's just my opinion. You should be out having fun with your buddies and meeting lots of girls.

 

Not much else I can say. I think you will contact her again and it frustrates me because you will then have to start a new thread AND start all over.

[JahnJahn]

Thing is, you really really don't know that she didn't cheat.

 

Fair enough, nothing is truly as it seems. But thats not the reason we broke up, at least thats not how it went. I can tell when she lies most of the time and she said she was not talking to him and later admitted that she was going to a concert with that group (their social group) and he would be there.

 

From what I remember, she said she did not have time for a relationship currently and she does not want to dump her problems on me. Thats why she thinks she cant be with me - by her own words.

 

Your whole problem in all of this is that you are listening to words, pretty words meant to soothe the blow, but just words. You need to be looking at ACTIONS. Your breakup is very very cliche just like the rest of ours. Read other peoples stories, you don't see the similarities?

 

When I trust someone, I tend to deeply trust them and I give people benefit of the doubt at least once or twice, people may call me naive but I see no reason to view someone as a potential enemy.

 

I understand there are similarities but no experience will ever be the same among two different people.

 

"I don't deserve you", "I never cheated but have feelings", "I still love you but can't be with you". 99% of the time they did cheat. He's near her, so I doubt it's just emotional.

 

I know its cliche, I know people tend to say these things but not everyone subscribes to statistics. I understand that she may have cheated on me, I have not accepted it (that she might have cheated on me) because I feel and trust deep down that she did not. It would not matter now either way if she did or not.

 

Do you want that?

 

Thats what I have been thinking. When she told me she had feelings for another guy, I wasn't happy and I pressured her but then I knew I could personally move past that.

 

I know people don't truly change, and Ive been thinking that if its happened once, whats stopping it from happening again? I understand that. I am capable of logical thought But my heart tells me maybe one day she will have a deeper appreciation of me. I am making an effort not to cling onto the idea that she might come back or appreciate me more.

 

It's time you take her off the pedestal you have her on, she is a cheat.

 

I do not believe she is the most ridiculously awesome perfect human being ever. I know she has flaws etc. Its hard to simply get up and forget.

 

She no longer feels you are good enough to be her boyfriend, you are only good enough to be her friend. Do you want someone who even thought that for a second? If you got her back would you feel safe, or would you be haunted by where she is going, what she is doing, who she is doing it with in fear of this occurring again? Being long distance with those thoughts will drive you right insane.

 

This is true. I do not want her back right this instance, I am still hurting and I know if we get back together, I will be in a constant defence mode. I told her I will not wait around, I will not be her backup. The big mistake I made was not stick to my principles and say "No, we will not talk tomorrow" and "No, Its over" when she said those things ("Please dont think its over", "I hope we speak tomorrow or soon"). I was speechless because It ended.

 

Once we both grow, I think Il want her back. If she shows a true appreciation for the people who truly love her, then yes, I will want her back if she offers. Time will tell.

 

The other issue is, I think you are very young, you should be going out and meeting new people. You are wasting WAY too much precious time on a relationship that only lasted 5 months/10 days in real life. 10 DAYS!!! How many days have you been crying over 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I know Im only 21, a lot of people have been saying this even before we started dating. A lot of these people became accepting after a while.

 

Maybe you would not appreciate 10 days. It might seem absurd to you but I have spent longer with people and never even felt an inch of positive emotion towards them. 10 days to you might be very little time and mean nothing, but to me it was amazing and it made my feelings for her that much stronger. That is why i say all situations are different.

 

Last issue, I think she was too old for you. I have no problem with a 6 year age gap, if you were 27 and she were 33, I would not bat an eye, but with you being 21 I think it's too much. That's just my opinion. You should be out having fun with your buddies and meeting lots of girls.

 

I do not have a problem whatsoever with her age. Never cared before in any relationship and Im not going to start now.

 

Different people have different priorities. If my friends lived in London, I would be going out etc I am making a bigger effort to meet new people now and try and enjoy my life in my way. I do not subscribe to the every weekend clubbing stuff. I enjoy going out but I have my limit

 

Not much else I can say. I think you will contact her again and it frustrates me because you will then have to start a new thread AND start all over

 

You are a very caring person and I am not disagreeing with your advice. I have trust in myself that I will not break NC. I have asked advice because the temptation is very high especially when she sends me things that have deep meaning towards each other.

 

I have not contacted her since we broke up even though she contacted me twice in the past few days.

 

I am guilty of checking up on her, which is something Im working on fixing. I know It would not do me any good if I knew what she has been doing. Regardless of how innocent it is, I know i would not be able to believe that.

 

Thank you for the advice. I am not trying to go backwards, I have decided NC. I talked to SP and he managed to make me see why breaking NC will simply delay any progress I wish to make. I understand that the healing process will help me think logically and make better decisions, that is why I am making a bigger effort to keep it that way.

Edited June 1, 2014 by JahnJahn
Thanks :D

[jbelle6]

Fair enough, nothing is truly as it seems. But thats not the reason we broke up, at least thats not how it went. I can tell when she lies most of the time and she said she was not talking to him and later admitted that she was going to a concert with that group (their social group) and he would be there.

 

Yes, I am sure he is around lots, how else would she catch feelings.

 

 

From what I remember, she said she did not have time for a relationship currently and she does not want to dump her problems on me. Thats why she thinks she cant be with me - by her own words.

 

They all say "I don't have time for a relationship" "I have to work on myself"

Read this forum and you will see they ALWAYS say that. Mine said exact same. And again, "by her own words" WORDS.

 

 

 

When I trust someone, I tend to deeply trust them and I give people benefit of the doubt at least once or twice, people may call me naive but I see no reason to view someone as a potential enemy.

 

Sure, me too, but you can't bury your head in the sand. Even above you said she lied. How many chances does she get?

 

I understand there are similarities but no experience will ever be the same among two different people.

 

Oh? There are threads about this and how very similar all of our breakups are. Like I said, read around, check out other peoples stories...EXACT SAME because we are humans, we don't like to hurt people, we don't like confrontation, we don't want to tell the dumpee that we want to F*** someone else.

 

 

I know its cliche, I know people tend to say these things but not everyone subscribes to statistics. I understand that she may have cheated on me, I have not accepted it (that she might have cheated on me) because I feel and trust deep down that she did not. It would not matter now either way if she did or not.

 

 

Oh, ya they do. Read around. At the very least she emotionally cheated. Emotional is worst for me.

 

 

Thats what I have been thinking. When she told me she had feelings for another guy, I wasn't happy and I pressured her but then I knew I could personally move past that.

 

Why would you want to move past that?

 

 

I know people don't truly change, and Ive been thinking that if its happened once, whats stopping it from happening again? I understand that. I am capable of logical thought But my heart tells me maybe one day she will have a deeper appreciation of me. I am making an effort not to cling onto the idea that she might come back or appreciate me more.

 

 

I think you need to have a deeper appreciation of you.

 

 

 

I do not believe she is the most ridiculously awesome perfect human being ever. I know she has flaws etc. Its hard to simply get up and forget.

 

 

It's not hard. NO CONTACT. I'm almost at 4 weeks. We were together a year and a half hours and hours a day, talking marriage etc. He doesn't want me. Why would I pine over someone that doesn't think I am worth it instead of moving on and finding someone who does? Stop checking her social media. I know I'd be crushed if I checked his.

 

 

This is true. I do not want her back right this instance, I am still hurting and I know if we get back together, I will be in a constant defence mode. I told her I will not wait around, I will not be her backup. The big mistake I made was not stick to my principles and say "No, we will not talk tomorrow" and "No, Its over" when she said those things ("Please dont think its over", "I hope we speak tomorrow or soon"). I was speechless because It ended.

 

Once we both grow, I think Il want her back. If she shows a true appreciation for the people who truly love her, then yes, I will want her back if she offers. Time will tell.

 

 

If you truly grow, I doubt you will want her back. And she won't feel she has to if she's happy with the other man.

 

I know Im only 21, a lot of people have been saying this even before we started dating. A lot of these people became accepting after a while.

 

Maybe you would not appreciate 10 days. It might seem absurd to you but I have spent longer with people and never even felt an inch of positive emotion towards them. 10 days to you might be very little time and mean nothing, but to me it was amazing and it made my feelings for her that much stronger. That is why i say all situations are different.

 

 

When you only spend 10 days together you build a fantasy world around the rest of the time. The life you picture is a life you imagined. You saw her on laid back vacation/visit time, you have never seen her on a stressful, regular, or mundane day. You have seen her on her best behavior, never her worst. I had a LDR before, spent lots of weekends with him, let me tell you, I went down there for over a month and the picture was COMPLETELY different, and reading up on it, it seems that's pretty much the norm.

 

 

I do not have a problem whatsoever with her age. Never cared before in any relationship and Im not going to start now.

 

I brought up the age because the human brain is not fully developed until 25 in most people. You aren't even fully who you will be yet. That's why I said that if you were 27 and she were 33 I wouldn't bat an eye at the age difference. My ex is younger than me.

 

Different people have different priorities. If my friends lived in London, I would be going out etc I am making a bigger effort to meet new people now and try and enjoy my life in my way. I do not subscribe to the every weekend clubbing stuff. I enjoy going out but I have my limit

 

 

I never "party" or go "clubbing" I always hated that. By going out, I mean taking classes, enjoying a co ed sport, concerts, movies.

 

 

You are a very caring person and I am not disagreeing with your advice. I have trust in myself that I will not break NC. I have asked advice because the temptation is very high especially when she sends me things that have deep meaning towards each other.

 

 

Just hate to see people hurting so much.

 

 

I have not contacted her since we broke up even though she contacted me twice in the past few days.

 

GOOD!!!

 

I am guilty of checking up on her, which is something Im working on fixing. I know It would not do me any good if I knew what she has been doing. Regardless of how innocent it is, I know i would not be able to believe that.

 

You will feel so much better.

 

Thank you for the advice. I am not trying to go backwards, I have decided NC. I talked to SP and he managed to make me see why breaking NC will simply delay any progress I wish to make. I understand that the healing process will help me think logically and make better decisions, that is why I am making a bigger effort to keep it that way.

 

 

Good advice. I will quit hounding you lol. It doesn't have to hurt this bad.

[JahnJahn]

Good advice. I will quit hounding you lol. It doesn't have to hurt this bad.

 

You havent been hounding me. You have been giving me good advice. I can see you care enough to try and save me the pain and for that I am grateful.

 

I am going to continue NC, I know it is best for me to heal.

[jbelle6]

You havent been hounding me. You have been giving me good advice. I can see you care enough to try and save me the pain and for that I am grateful.

 

I am going to continue NC, I know it is best for me to heal.

 

 

YAY!!!

 

Do it!!! You are too nice and caring of a guy to waste it on someone not 100% with you! You've got a lot to give a lucky girl.

[JahnJahn]

As predicted by Jbelle6 NC was broken.

 

After a long day of sobbing and crying my eyes out, a process I already accepted, I reached a point where I took a good look at my current state and told myself that even though Ive accepted this break up I need to truly get up, move on and stop lying to myself.

 

I had been clinging to the hope that maybe one day she will come back, I told myself that I was gonna change my FB status when I was ready and I would delete her when I was ready, this was all BS and I knew it. It was hope that if she saw this, she would know that I have not given up yet.

 

Today this changed, I went on Facebook, changed to Single (It hurt so much but I was proud) and unfriended her. I cried.

 

A few hours later (this is late at night) my Older sister comes to me, she asks me what ive done... (My family loves this girl). I told her I needed to move on and I needed to show myself that it is truly over. She said she recieved messages on FB from her asking why I changed my status and if I was with someone else. Then she went on to calling my sister.

 

Apparently she could not reach my number (?) and she had to contact her to apologize through her. I dont know what she said because when my sister came into my room she told me "You need to call her, NOW!". This is when NC was broken.

 

As soon as I called her, she started saying she was stupid and that she wanted me (Not saying she wanted to get back with me though nor saying it was a mistake), and that all this time I was never thinking about her while she has been crying and drinking. She told me she sent me a message saying "I miss you" on PSN and I never replied - never saw the message as I was not going on PSN anymore. We talked, I was emotional but firm. I said some things I regret saying (nothing abusive, no begging, nothing rude - Just accepting it is over, we are not together and I did not need anymore hope). I told her that I was moving on and thats why I needed to change that... She said she finishes work at 4PM and that we should talk one last time if we are not going to work anything out or be friends. I said ok.

 

Why am I posting this? Because I am an idiot. Yes. I am a moron of the highest order. I told myself, hell, I lied to myself that I was never going to break NC. I took the advice and shoved it up my behind because I broke something that I know was meant to make me heal. I ****ed up and I know after today, Its back to day 1 of hurting and crying more.

 

Jbelle6, SP, No Limit and others, you wasted your time and I apologise for that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, you screwed up by contacting her. Oh well, it happens. Don't go through with this "last meeting" though -- don't compound a mistake. Brush yourself off and keep NC for real. And block her.

[jbelle6]

Don't be sorry, I don't feel I wasted any time at all. We're all hurting and here for each other.

I am proud of you for what you did do by changing the status etc. It's a good start.

I don't think you should do the next meeting either. If what you have done so far hasn't brought her back, what good is another talk?

I'm pretty crushed that mine sent one breadcrumb at the very beginning then no others, but in another way I'm glad because I can't imaging how hard it is to ignore them.

 

HUGS!!! So sorry.

[JahnJahn]

Yeah, you screwed up by contacting her. Oh well, it happens. Don't go through with this "last meeting" though -- don't compound a mistake. Brush yourself off and keep NC for real. And block her.

 

I may have broken NC, but what I realised from this is that I do not want her back, not now. After I sort my life out, make more friends, start making myself happy and If she herself changes and can truly commit, maybe then I will want her back; I am not going to delude myself and say I will never want her back down the line (I have done enough lying to myself).

 

Maybe its anger at myself or just a sudden realisation but I truly felt what you said to me in the PM. My self respect had become non existent towards the end of the relationship and she went from crying to serious within a matter of minutes when I said "I need to move on, I do not need any more hope".

 

She is an amazing actor.

 

Don't be sorry, I don't feel I wasted any time at all. We're all hurting and here for each other.

I am proud of you for what you did do by changing the status etc. It's a good start.

I don't think you should do the next meeting either. If what you have done so far hasn't brought her back, what good is another talk?

I'm pretty crushed that mine sent one breadcrumb at the very beginning then no others, but in another way I'm glad because I can't imaging how hard it is to ignore them.

 

HUGS!!! So sorry.

 

I am thankful for that.

 

When I changed the status it was me admitting defeat, I know i made progress by accepting the break up but after what happened yesterday, I felt that I had lost myself in some way. I can understand needing to accept the feelings, but spending all day crying and sobbing for someone who decided I was not good enough for them was a wake up call. I needed this day to realise this.

 

I do not have plans to talk to her later and I hope to all the named deities I uphold those plans. I am not trying to get her back. I know some time later I will be rolling in bed wishing she was with me, but I know thats just a feeling that will pass, however, what I am feeling now, even though she said nothing bad nor I, I am confident that this is here to stay for a while.

 

I asked my sister to block her, she said no but next time she calls, she will tell her Im not home.

 

And, even though some of my posts were wishing I had a text from her telling me she missed me, I think one breadcrumb would have given me more time to heal and realise things sooner.

 

Again guys, thank you for the support. Disappointment in myself is the worst feelings I have felt this whole saga.

Edited June 4, 2014 by JahnJahn
Im emotionally exhausted