Mistercash Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Look, i know first hand how you feel. But a long distance relationship like yours is hard on both. She has the "feelings" for this guy because he is there in her town right? Women need a guy there with them, you are not there in person. Im sorry but when a girl acts like what your saying, its never good. Jump ship before it sinks and takes you with it! I speak from expierence my friend. Im sorry Valid point. But, what happens when this "guy" is done penetrating her moistened insides and throws her to the curb? OP, I'm willing to bet you will get the last laugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 Valid point. But, what happens when this "guy" is done penetrating her moistened insides and throws her to the curb? OP, I'm willing to bet you will get the last laugh. I am not after that. It would actually sadden me if something like that happens. She hurt me but I do not wish her the same (at times when the pain is terrible I do lol, but deep down I truly want her happiness, she deserves to have a successful and happy life). Maybe Im just saying this now because I still love her, but hey, its what Im feeling now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistercash Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I am not after that. It would actually sadden me if something like that happens. She hurt me but I do not wish her the same (at times when the pain is terrible I do lol, but deep down I truly want her happiness, she deserves to have a successful and happy life). Maybe Im just saying this now because I still love her, but hey, its what Im feeling now. I feel ya man. I'm kind of in a similar situation as you. My ex moved back to her hometown (4 hours away). Thing is, she lined up another guy in her city before she "safely" threw me to the wolves. All of this happened in early May and I feel much better about it now. I miss her very much. But, I kinda hope that her new relationship doesn't work out. I know thats terrible but I can't help it....lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 I feel ya man. I'm kind of in a similar situation as you. My ex moved back to her hometown (4 hours away). Thing is, she lined up another guy in her city before she "safely" threw me to the wolves. All of this happened in early May and I feel much better about it now. I miss her very much. But, I kinda hope that her new relationship doesn't work out. I know thats terrible but I can't help it....lol. Its a different reaction between different people. I feel that you will at some point just wish her well and hope her life is successful. But we have each other and we know there is light at the end of the tunnel brother We can only learn and improve as we head towards that light. Link to post Share on other sites
ryansa Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 John, if I read this right your only 21, so this is one of your first really intense love affairs. I was in a similar situation to you many years ago, and I just couldn't let go for far too long, it whe I finally did it was a huge relief. Let her go and heal at your own pace. Maybe in the future you can be friends, but for now just take the time to find your self and all that stuff, have some fun with life. In your early 20's you should be out there making as many mistakes as you can, just don't get anyone pregnant, don't get a disease and don't get married for a few more years! Good luck Ryan 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 John, if I read this right your only 21, so this is one of your first really intense love affairs. I was in a similar situation to you many years ago, and I just couldn't let go for far too long, it whe I finally did it was a huge relief. Let her go and heal at your own pace. Maybe in the future you can be friends, but for now just take the time to find your self and all that stuff, have some fun with life. In your early 20's you should be out there making as many mistakes as you can, just don't get anyone pregnant, don't get a disease and don't get married for a few more years! Good luck Ryan Hey Ryan, Yes Im 21 . Its one of the few things that makes me positive. Im still very young and I will find someone some day, though not her, I will find someone who suits me and loves me as much as I love them. Even knowing that, its still hard to move on. Im working on it, taking the days as they come. Reality kicked in a while ago and I realised a lot of things that would have made this relationship much harder down the line, but even then, some part of me wonders what if. I have days where I feel like I should be enjoying life and others where I just wonder if she is ok. But I do know it is probably for the best. Im happy im at the stage of not wanting her back though. I try to keep myself occupied, I have discussions with people to keep my mind engaged, go to the gym and walk around aimlessly. I am yet to find a hobby right now that does not need any financing, but after my upcoming trip to Tanzania, I am confident I will find something. Its a bumpy road and I am sticking to it, Ive come a long way I think. It will smoothen out at some point. Thanks for the post Link to post Share on other sites
ryansa Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 I found it to be a bit like smoking, every day it hurts a little less, and every day you'll think of her a little less. If coming to sites like this reopens the wounds then stop coming here untill you can think of her fondly, but with no pain and only a little regret. Tanzania is amazing, Zanzibar is a bit over the top, people on the street are always demanding money, and food and accommodation are overpriced, but its a lot of fun, especially if your 21. If you hook up with someone there, wear protection. I met a few European girls there that jumped into bed with locals, and the Aids prevalence is incredibly high. The girls all though it would never happen to them, and I wonder how many went home, started a family and found out years later they had infected the people they love. Sorry to be negative, but I saw it too often, and I think its pretty close to murder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 I found it to be a bit like smoking, every day it hurts a little less, and every day you'll think of her a little less. If coming to sites like this reopens the wounds then stop coming here untill you can think of her fondly, but with no pain and only a little regret. Tanzania is amazing, Zanzibar is a bit over the top, people on the street are always demanding money, and food and accommodation are overpriced, but its a lot of fun, especially if your 21. If you hook up with someone there, wear protection. I met a few European girls there that jumped into bed with locals, and the Aids prevalence is incredibly high. The girls all though it would never happen to them, and I wonder how many went home, started a family and found out years later they had infected the people they love. Sorry to be negative, but I saw it too often, and I think its pretty close to murder. Haha, Im Tanzanian - British. Its my homeland What you say is true, I know the prevalence of Aids etc is very high. I am not planning to hook up with anyone this time around. The last time something like that happened (2 years ago), this girl faked pregnancy and asked me to Marry her within 2 weeks of us having sex. I know something will happen that is crazy if I end up sleeping with someone there... Im just going to enjoy the time with family and friends. Get my mind off her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 Very funny thing happened to me today. I couldn't stop laughing and smiling for ages, dont even know why I found it funny. Anyway, My ex of 3 years+ ago randomly started talking to me today, the break up was well... mutual and friendly. We kept in touch once in a while but have not been talking for the past 2 years or so. She sent me a message and then we started talking, she caught me up with her life, she said she has a child and is moving in with her BF soon and asked me when I was going to Tanzania etc. She suggested I should go visit her for a picnic with her family and friends. I replied that I was happy for her and that I was not in the fatherhood stage yet. Just taking life day by day. She said I have grown so much, she remembers the John who had a massive crush on her etc So she sent me a pic of her "child" and I honestly was happy for her with her family. Did not talk about our relationship or friendship or emotions etc was just a catch up sesh somewhat. So a few hours later she sends me a message saying she cant believe I believed she had a baby and is moving in with someone etc I told her it was very convincing and things do happen. She was like "It was all a set up". So anyway, after that I told her if she wants she can come to London if not then I will see her at some point, she replied if she has time she will come. After that, I just could not stop laughing. I do not know why. It just made my day. Haah, how things happen when you least expect them Link to post Share on other sites
ryansa Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 I worked in Moshi for a while setting up a flower farm. I absolutely loved it. Then I worked in Zanzibar for a couple of months diving, way too many drunk tourists! Enjoy your trip home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Took some time to reflect the past few days... Well aside from the weekend, attended pride and had a good night as far as I remember. I looked at my messages etc and started to think about why I want to be friends with my ex. I seen that a lot of people who are still in my life, made an effort to still be here... Those who still text me from time to time and those who still actively talk to me are here for a reason. The thought of being friends is still there but I am slowly letting it go, If she truly ever wants to be in my life again, she will have to make some effort. I am not waiting for any of that tbh does not seem like it will ever happen and Im okay with that. When one exits, another comes in. Ive seen what is out there this past few days and I am not closing myself off. Friends, Flings etc Life could be as good if not better for me. Just hoping I keep to this route. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted July 1, 2014 Author Share Posted July 1, 2014 Argh, how things quickly change. Today is the last day before I go to Tanzania and I am not feeling too good. Not depressed or sad, just dont really know how I feel. From yesterday, I made up my resolve not to make an effort to be in her life but today, I have this urge to contact her after a while. I want to see her and wish her a happy summer but at the same time, Im wondering what will that accomplish? So far, I cant think of anything good that will come out of it. Today of all days, when I should be excited to be going on Holiday... I end up thinking of her. I cannot break NC but at the same time I want to. Im stuck wondering if I will think about her in Tanzania if I dont contact her now or is this just a phase. Im confused with myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 1, 2014 Share Posted July 1, 2014 Don't contact her and stop trying to plot to be her friend. I mean, she's 27 and you want to be her friend to help protect her? She needs to figure out her own s--t and not rely on the ex-boyfriend as a crutch. It's a pretty huge red flag that she's so much older but relies on you to be the voice of reason/support. Don't do it dude. Waves of good and bad come and go in NC -- don't screw up the progress you've already made. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JahnJahn Posted July 2, 2014 Author Share Posted July 2, 2014 I resisted the need to call her. I felt sad quite a bit though, I for some reason hoped she would at least try to contact me somehow and hope me a happy journey. Life will go on. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 2, 2014 Share Posted July 2, 2014 I want to see her and wish her a happy summer but at the same time, Im wondering what will that accomplish? So far, I cant think of anything good that will come out of it. It probably would have set you back. I resisted the need to call her. I felt sad quite a bit though, I for some reason hoped she would at least try to contact me somehow and hope me a happy journey. Be glad she didn't - as I mentioned above, it probably would have set you back, and you gained some strength from resisting that urge. Your happy journey is all about you, which is the way it was meant to be. Good luck and have fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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