Feel betrayed by best friend who was the Other Woman

[jimmydee]

Ok, so this is my story.. Apologies if this seems a bit long. I've tried to summarise as best as possible.

 

I have a female friend I have known for over 20 years.

 

In all this time she has always had a partner and has infact been married the last 15 years to the same man.

 

I have kept a close relationship with her as I knew her long before her husband did. He has no problem with this and all of us have have hung out many times as friends.

 

At no time have I ever thought of her as anything more than a friend and we have never crossed the friend boundary, nor would I as I have always respected she was married. I've always had pretty strong beliefs against going after an attached woman.

 

However around 18 months ago she moved a lot closer to me and we started hanging out a little more as we both work odd hours and could easily catch up during the week. Again always as friends.

 

But approx 6 months the 2 of us ended up out alone as her husband was away for work. And we got to the stage in the night where we were virtually all over each other, and then at the end of the night we ended up in bed.

 

The next morning we were both very regretful and quite distressed with what we had done. We talked about it and we parted thinking it would never happen again.

 

However it didn't end. We kept in contact again catching up .. behind her husbands back and it slowly developed into a full blown affair.

This didn't sit well with me but I found myself falling completely in love with her.. and she with me.

 

I tried to actually put a stop to it twice, but she was so upset by this I went back.

 

We would see each other virtually every second day and she was telling me how much she loved me, wanted to be with me and missed me when I wasn't with her.

And I was the same, I felt such a strong connection with her. She was my best friend and lover at the same time.

 

I knew this would have to end as she couldn't leave her husband due to kids/finances etc. and I accepted this would 'be inevitable. But we agreed we would never lose our friendship as it was too important to us after 20 years.

 

But then everything changed.

 

2 weeks ago when she was out for a work dinner her demeanour completely changed, normally she would be messaging me throughout the night and wed chat on her way home.

 

But she went completely cold, virtually ignoring my messages, all I got was a message saying "ill chat to you tomorrow" at the end of the night.

 

Over the course of the next few days she was different and when I saw her in person although affectionate towards me, she just wasn't the same, and was suddenly saying she couldn't continue with us anymore.

 

Basically my gut feeling was telling me she had met someone else on the night she had recently been out. I questioned her on this, she said she had met a guy who had shown her interest but there was nothing in it.

 

This went on for a few days more, I felt now she was just trying to get me out of the way as quick as possible and I was basically convinced she had met someone else. I confronted her at work one afternoon while she was there alone and again she denied it and said she needed some distance between us.

 

I kept pushing it and then she admitted she had been messaging a guy she had met that night but there was nothing in it and definately not physical.

 

Anyway I eventually had to leave as her brother was picking up. However my gut was churning by this stage as I knew she was lying.

 

So I waited outside her work until she had to leave and low and behold a guy turned up who wasn't her brother, she greeted him with a kiss, let him in and locked the door, then they both left approx 30 minutes later and proceeded to a bar nearby together. I was convinced they had just had sex at her work.

 

Holding myself back from confronting her in the street, I sent a barrage of text messages to her letting her know what I just witnessed and exactly what I thought of her. Things which I couldn't repeat on here.

 

I was completely shattered. She was one of my closest friends for over 20 years. And we had been lovers for the past 6 months she telling me how much she loved me and wanted to be with me. But dumped me within hours of meeting another guy and didn't seem to care.

 

If she had been someone Id just met I wouldn't of cared, that's life, but a friend for so long to suddenly be so cold and calculating towards me just blew my mind.

 

She never responded to my messages and the next day I confronted her in person, she was angry I had stalked her and abused her in such a manner.

She said she was sorry but what was she supposed to do, she 'had had an amazing connection' with this guy she couldn't control.

 

She almost made me feel like I was overacting, and that I would get over it in time and we will still be friends.

 

I said NO F*&^ING WAY.. I don't ever want to see her again. We parted and have had no further contact.

 

I feel utterly betrayed by her. The most hurtful part is the fact I have lost a dear friend of over 20 years.

I know this sounds hypocritical as she was a married woman, but I cant get her out of my head and I miss her so much.

 

SO, I need someone to put some perspective on this. Am I overreacting?.. should I just completely wipe her from my life? or should I try and mend this friendship at some stage down the track when I get over it.

 

Has anyone experienced anything like this?

 

Any responses would me much appreciated.

[whichwayisup]

She was never yours to begin with. The minute you two crossed the lines after so many years of innocent and platonic friendship, everything changed. That friendship ended and you can never get that back.

 

Sorry you're hurting...Yes cut her out of your life completely. This woman is a liar and a cheater. She was never obligated to you, yet you feel betrayed by her...Imagine how her husband would feel if he knew? Cheating and having two affairs, one right under his nose.

 

She has issues and is broken inside.

[Ivy2014]

Agree. She is damaged, clearly missing an important part of her ego and not at all concerned with anybody else's feelings.

I think you have to accept that she used you out of boredom with her marriage and then got bored with you, too.

 

You need a bit of distance to see her for what she really is. Then I don't think you will be at all interested in being friends with her. Right now it's all very raw and you are bargaining with yourself to find a way to stay close to her. That will pass, believe me, I've been there. Indifference is what you need to aim for.

[blue963]

There is something missing in her marriage that she found with you. When you decided that you both decided you shouldn't have the affair any more, perhaps she went looking elsewhere? I am so sorry. That has to hurt terribly to have been friends for so many years and have her treat you in this way.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

I am so sorry you went through this. IMO she is a wimp. How dare she go around saying such statements of affection and then just drop off for another person?

 

Fine fine you did the wrong thing by being with a married woman, but you are human and you deserve kindness.

 

Forget that woman, she is just terrible.

[jimmydee]

Thanks for the responses guys, trying to look at it from a purely rational point of view I agree with what you all said.. I was absolutely gob smacked by her actions..

 

Its just hard when she has always been so kind and giving in all the years I've known her.. then to turn into this almost other person...

 

But I will definately go complete no contact .. I've already started.. I would never give her the satisfaction of thinking she could possibly keep me as a friend after this.. that would be letting her have her cake and eat it too..

 

I want her to wake up one day and realise what she threw away.

 

I'm a pretty proud person. And I refuse to be treated like that and let someone get away with it.. I almost called her husband to spill the beans on her in a moment of internal rage.. but thankfully i managed to control myself.. Although he almost deserves to know..

 

And if I were ever to make contact it would be long long after all emotions had faded and I did infact feel completely indifferent to her as you have mentioned Ivy..

 

Thanks again for the responses..

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Thanks for the responses guys, trying to look at it from a purely rational point of view I agree with what you all said.. I was absolutely gob smacked by her actions..

 

Its just hard when she has always been so kind and giving in all the years I've known her.. then to turn into this almost other person...

 

But I will definately go complete no contact .. I've already started.. I would never give her the satisfaction of thinking she could possibly keep me as a friend after this.. that would be letting her have her cake and eat it too..

 

I want her to wake up one day and realise what she threw away.

 

I'm a pretty proud person. And I refuse to be treated like that and let someone get away with it.. I almost called her husband to spill the beans on her in a moment of internal rage.. but thankfully i managed to control myself.. Although he almost deserves to know..

 

And if I were ever to make contact it would be long long after all emotions had faded and I did infact feel completely indifferent to her as you have mentioned Ivy..

 

Thanks again for the responses..

 

Haha, well you will get a ton of responses from BS's telling you that it is your duty to tell the husband. But not all agree with that since you willingly entered into a secret affair with her. I guess that is up to you. I personally don't want to tell my xMM wife about the affair because it only would make him hate me and it is my feelings for him that matter, not their marriage. Their marriage is none of my business and at the moment of being discarded by xMM it is even less my business.

[cozycottagelg]

Tell me about her husband...

 

If she is this cold to you...a side piece, I can only imagine how she treats him.

[KaliLove]

Thanks for the responses guys, trying to look at it from a purely rational point of view I agree with what you all said.. I was absolutely gob smacked by her actions..

 

Its just hard when she has always been so kind and giving in all the years I've known her.. then to turn into this almost other person...

 

But I will definately go complete no contact .. I've already started.. I would never give her the satisfaction of thinking she could possibly keep me as a friend after this.. that would be letting her have her cake and eat it too..

 

I want her to wake up one day and realise what she threw away.

 

I'm a pretty proud person. And I refuse to be treated like that and let someone get away with it.. I almost called her husband to spill the beans on her in a moment of internal rage.. but thankfully i managed to control myself.. Although he almost deserves to know..

 

And if I were ever to make contact it would be long long after all emotions had faded and I did infact feel completely indifferent to her as you have mentioned Ivy..

 

Thanks again for the responses..

 

Why almost? Of course he deserves to know. His wife is a serial cheater. You probably weren't her first affair and you're obviously not her last. She's exposing him to all sorts of STDs (and you too for that matter, I'd go get checked out if I were you), and she's betraying his trust.

[Standard-Fare]

I was a little weirded out to get to the point of your story where there's multiple levels of cheating going on and you don't acknowledge this as insane.

 

This woman sounds truly messed up. She invites chaos into her life. However, your behavior (the semi-stalking, the barrage of texts) also sounds scary, and trust me, it's not going to bring you two any closer.

 

A friendship with her is off the table right now. Maybe in a few years if things settle down, and she owns up to the fact that this period was a destructive breakdown, you can restore something. But for now, stay far away.

 

Consider this her husband's problem now. He's the one who's been most disrespected here.

[trailrunner1975]

Your story closely parallels my experience with my 20+ yr best friend that became my MW. I never had concrete evidence she found someone else but concluded that was the case. The sudden cold shoulder sucked but she did me a huge favor. I NC'd her cold turkey with no notice. She tried to fire it back up but I ignored her completely. She even apologized but that made me run away even more. Run run run!

[Clay]

It really amazes me that people think once get involved with someone that is already with someone else that person will be honest and true to them. Its really a joke isn't it. Its like trying to play with a rattle snake and getting upset when you get bitten.

 

Find someone not involved with anyone else. Life is so much better than trying to guess why these people are so screwed up.

 

I personally recommend you walk away and never look back. Get involved with good people and you will have good experiences. Don't be afraid to cut ties with bad people or people with poor character.

 

Clay

[tom670]

It really amazes me that people think once get involved with someone that is already with someone else that person will be honest and true to them. Its really a joke isn't it. Its like trying to play with a rattle snake and getting upset when you get bitten.

 

Find someone not involved with anyone else. Life is so much better than trying to guess why these people are so screwed up.

 

I personally recommend you walk away and never look back. Get involved with good people and you will have good experiences. Don't be afraid to cut ties with bad people or people with poor character.

 

Clay

 

Clay is spot on.

Nothing else to say.

[Raena]

If you've been close friends with this woman for 20 years, I would think that her husband has been aware of that right? So what's he going to think when you just disappear and aren't hanging out with his wife anymore? I'd be prepared from him to question you about it at some point is all I'm saying. He's going to wonder why you two suddenly stopped talking.

 

I agree with the other posters though. Your relationship with her is toxic right now. You can't be friends with her any longer, maybe not ever again.

[Darren Steez]

Ok, so this is my story.. Apologies if this seems a bit long. I've tried to summarise as best as possible.

 

I have a female friend I have known for over 20 years.

 

In all this time she has always had a partner and has infact been married the last 15 years to the same man.

 

I have kept a close relationship with her as I knew her long before her husband did. He has no problem with this and all of us have have hung out many times as friends.

 

At no time have I ever thought of her as anything more than a friend and we have never crossed the friend boundary, nor would I as I have always respected she was married. I've always had pretty strong beliefs against going after an attached woman.

 

However around 18 months ago she moved a lot closer to me and we started hanging out a little more as we both work odd hours and could easily catch up during the week. Again always as friends.

 

But approx 6 months the 2 of us ended up out alone as her husband was away for work. And we got to the stage in the night where we were virtually all over each other, and then at the end of the night we ended up in bed.

 

The next morning we were both very regretful and quite distressed with what we had done. We talked about it and we parted thinking it would never happen again.

 

However it didn't end. We kept in contact again catching up .. behind her husbands back and it slowly developed into a full blown affair.

This didn't sit well with me but I found myself falling completely in love with her.. and she with me.

 

I tried to actually put a stop to it twice, but she was so upset by this I went back.

 

We would see each other virtually every second day and she was telling me how much she loved me, wanted to be with me and missed me when I wasn't with her.

And I was the same, I felt such a strong connection with her. She was my best friend and lover at the same time.

 

I knew this would have to end as she couldn't leave her husband due to kids/finances etc. and I accepted this would 'be inevitable. But we agreed we would never lose our friendship as it was too important to us after 20 years.

 

But then everything changed.

 

2 weeks ago when she was out for a work dinner her demeanour completely changed, normally she would be messaging me throughout the night and wed chat on her way home.

 

But she went completely cold, virtually ignoring my messages, all I got was a message saying "ill chat to you tomorrow" at the end of the night.

 

Over the course of the next few days she was different and when I saw her in person although affectionate towards me, she just wasn't the same, and was suddenly saying she couldn't continue with us anymore.

 

Basically my gut feeling was telling me she had met someone else on the night she had recently been out. I questioned her on this, she said she had met a guy who had shown her interest but there was nothing in it.

 

This went on for a few days more, I felt now she was just trying to get me out of the way as quick as possible and I was basically convinced she had met someone else. I confronted her at work one afternoon while she was there alone and again she denied it and said she needed some distance between us.

 

I kept pushing it and then she admitted she had been messaging a guy she had met that night but there was nothing in it and definately not physical.

 

Anyway I eventually had to leave as her brother was picking up. However my gut was churning by this stage as I knew she was lying.

 

So I waited outside her work until she had to leave and low and behold a guy turned up who wasn't her brother, she greeted him with a kiss, let him in and locked the door, then they both left approx 30 minutes later and proceeded to a bar nearby together. I was convinced they had just had sex at her work.

 

Holding myself back from confronting her in the street, I sent a barrage of text messages to her letting her know what I just witnessed and exactly what I thought of her. Things which I couldn't repeat on here.

 

I was completely shattered. She was one of my closest friends for over 20 years. And we had been lovers for the past 6 months she telling me how much she loved me and wanted to be with me. But dumped me within hours of meeting another guy and didn't seem to care.

 

If she had been someone Id just met I wouldn't of cared, that's life, but a friend for so long to suddenly be so cold and calculating towards me just blew my mind.

And yet she could do that to her husband..

 

She never responded to my messages and the next day I confronted her in person, she was angry I had stalked her and abused her in such a manner.

She said she was sorry but what was she supposed to do, she 'had had an amazing connection' with this guy she couldn't control.

 

Just like the amazing connection she had with you..

 

She almost made me feel like I was overacting, and that I would get over it in time and we will still be friends.

 

I said NO F*&^ING WAY.. I don't ever want to see her again. We parted and have had no further contact.

 

I feel utterly betrayed by her. And her husband? The most hurtful part is the fact I have lost a dear friend of over 20 years. And she's now cheating with a second person while still being married to her husband of 20 years..

I know this sounds hypocritical as she was a married woman You think?

 

but I cant get her out of my head and I miss her so much.

 

SO, I need someone to put some perspective on this. Am I overreacting?.. should I just completely wipe her from my life? or should I try and mend this friendship at some stage down the track when I get over it.

 

Has anyone experienced anything like this?

 

Any responses would me much appreciated.

 

2x4

 

You talk of her selfishness, her betrayal yet this was the same woman doing all of this to her husband. Understand your hurt and right now the pain is still fresh but you were more than willing to play along and deceive her husband too without taking his feelings into consideration.

 

Sucks to say this but maybe you were a dry run, what she needed to detach from her husband because now it seems like she's playing the field with a vengeance.

 

If she could do this to the man she married why can't she do it to you? It's obvious you'd ignore this whilst in the throes of an affair but this should have been your rationale as soon as this started.

[jimmydee]

Hi Darren, I appreciate exactly what you are saying.

 

My point was not to in anyway justify my actions in this. I get it, what I did is something I am not proud of. I wish I had never laid a finger on her.

 

But I should also mention that she had checked out emotionally from her husband years earlier. They had no passion left, virtually no sex and were virtually living as housemates for the sake of children etc.

 

I know this as she had confided in me a long time before, and I had even tried to suggest counselling ..

 

Again this doesn't justify my actions, nor do I condone it.

 

My hurt was based on the fact she WAS in the throes of passion with ME and then to suddenly switch it off in an instant and lied her teeth off to me. It's not a case of our affair ran its course and was fading out.

 

And her being married didn't soften the blow any more.

 

Yes you might be right, she has realised passion again with me and now won't be able to switch it off.

 

I was just looking for a bit of direction in the aftermath of all this.

 

But the consensus is clearly wipe her completely which was my gut feeling anyway.

 

Thanks again.

[daisydook]

So, it is okay to cheat WITH you, but not on you. Hmmm. Interesting.

 

 

 

 

I know you say she was in the throws of passion with you, but she was also in the throws of being a wife, and mother and being married when she slept with you. She hasn't exactly acted like a stand up human being here.

[jimmydee]

Hi Daisy,

 

No I was not trying to insinuate at all that it was ok to cheat with me but not on me. Neither of us were being stand up human beings.

 

Hence the reason for my post. Again I'm not here to try and justify my actions.

 

Was just trying and work out if I should remove her from my life completely or whether that seems harsh considering the fact I was as bad as her to start out with.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

2x4

 

You talk of her selfishness, her betrayal yet this was the same woman doing all of this to her husband. Understand your hurt and right now the pain is still fresh but you were more than willing to play along and deceive her husband too without taking his feelings into consideration.

 

Sucks to say this but maybe you were a dry run, what she needed to detach from her husband because now it seems like she's playing the field with a vengeance.

 

If she could do this to the man she married why can't she do it to you? It's obvious you'd ignore this whilst in the throes of an affair but this should have been your rationale as soon as this started.

 

 

Hi Daisy,

 

No I was not trying to insinuate at all that it was ok to cheat with me but not on me. Neither of us were being stand up human beings.

 

Hence the reason for my post. Again I'm not here to try and justify my actions.

 

Was just trying and work out if I should remove her from my life completely or whether that seems harsh considering the fact I was as bad as her to start out with.

 

 

Regardless of all the naysaying BS's waving the finger of shame at you, it was her that is the one that was cheating on her husband. You were her friend, not married to him. Fine, you should have had me moral gumption to choose more wisely, have more predictive power of what she would have done. But marriages end all of the time and often they end with one person finding a new person and falling in love regardless of Right or wrong. It just happened to not be you. Regardless of what she did to the husband, we are talking about you right now, the husband can take care of himself. It sounds to me as if she is very immature when it comes to having hard conversations and is being wildly destructive and going around falling madly in love with one person after the next. Mid life crisis? Either way, stay away, she needs to burn up and cool down. You deserve better.

Edited June 5, 2014 by ConfusedMarriedOW

[Sub]

The most hurtful part is the fact I have lost a dear friend of over 20 years.

 

I think this is getting lost a little here. I think you know what you did and take responsibility for it. Whether or not you have a right to be ticked she chose someone else over you should be secondary in regards to your own situation. (obviously the larger issue is her M.) It must be disappointing to find out a good friend could be this generally callous. But after having an A with her, not surprising. Goes back to the "you can hope an AP is honest with you, just don't be shocked when they're not" sentiment. I'd try to get beyond her and focus on the other friendships you have. I'm assuming you're single?

[Buckeye2]

The fact that she got over your 6 moth affair so suddenly after just meeting a new guy makes me think she has done this before.

 

She is most likely a serial cheater that craves the excitement of a new guy. You lost your 20 year friendship when you became her “new guy.”

 

If not for that you would probably still be friends. If you could put the affair behind you I bet she would welcome your friendship again. She could keep you posted on her current conquest as the years go by.

[KaliLove]

Regardless of all the naysaying BS's waving the finger of shame at you, it was her that is the one that was cheating on her husband. You were her friend, not married to him. Fine, you should have had me moral gumption to choose more wisely, have more predictive power of what she would have done. But marriages end all of the time and often they end with one person finding a new person and falling in love regardless of Right or wrong. It just happened to not be you. Regardless of what she did to the husband, we are talking about you right now, the husband can take care of himself. It sounds to me as if she is very immature when it comes to having hard conversations and is being wildly destructive and going around falling madly in love with one person after the next. Mid life crisis? Either way, stay away, she needs to burn up and cool down. You deserve better.

 

Not everyone who understands that affairs are bad and that both parties are equally to blame is a BS.

 

Even the OP has already admitted that he knows he was doing something wrong..and he got burned for it, so I'm sure he'll be smart enough not to do it again.

 

As far as love goes, I seriously doubt this woman was ever actually in love with the OP. It sounds like she's a serial cheater who becomes infatuated with men and then ditches them the second a shiny new toy comes along.

 

It does suck that she did this to a man who's been her good platonic friend for 20 years, but c'est la vie. He was game for it too, and he's equally to blame for the pain he's in..not that I'm unsympathetic. I know that had to hurt OP and I'm sorry for your pain and for the loss of your friendship.

 

It would be very kind of the OP to clue her husband in..he'll find out eventually anyway..but obviously he's not obligated to do so.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

"Not everyone understands" is where I lost interest. My friend, you aren't the one with the "wisdom" that I need to "understand"

 

He got burned because this particular woman isn't sincere. Not everyone who cheats is a habitual cheater and NO it isn't his responsibility to control what someone else does in their marriage. He obviously had sense to realize that this could be a problem but took a chance because he is a human with human feelings and how the heck would he know this would be what she does purely Because she was married?

 

Sometimes people are unhappy in marriages and reach out before it is over, right or wrong it is that way. And sometimes they leave and enter happier partnerships. Your feelings about morality doesn't change any of that,

 

Not everyone who understands that affairs are bad and that both parties are equally to blame is a BS.

 

Even the OP has already admitted that he knows he was doing something wrong..and he got burned for it, so I'm sure he'll be smart enough not to do it again.

 

As far as love goes, I seriously doubt this woman was ever actually in love with the OP. It sounds like she's a serial cheater who becomes infatuated with men and then ditches them the second a shiny new toy comes along.

 

It does suck that she did this to a man who's been her good platonic friend for 20 years, but c'est la vie. He was game for it too, and he's equally to blame for the pain he's in..not that I'm unsympathetic. I know that had to hurt OP and I'm sorry for your pain and for the loss of your friendship.

 

It would be very kind of the OP to clue her husband in..he'll find out eventually anyway..but obviously he's not obligated to do so.

[jimmydee]

"Not everyone understands" is where I lost interest. My friend, you aren't the one with the "wisdom" that I need to "understand"

 

He got burned because this particular woman isn't sincere. Not everyone who cheats is a habitual cheater and NO it isn't his responsibility to control what someone else does in their marriage. He obviously had sense to realize that this could be a problem but took a chance because he is a human with human feelings and how the heck would he know this would be what she does purely Because she was married?

 

Sometimes people are unhappy in marriages and reach out before it is over, right or wrong it is that way. And sometimes they leave and enter happier partnerships. Your feelings about morality doesn't change any of that,

 

 

Thanks ConfusedMarriedOW, those are very wise words.

 

And I do not believe she is a serial cheater, and I find it unusual that people can automatically assume she is from what I have written here.

 

This is definitely more a mid life crisis for her, (she is 46) and I think something in her has been triggered by our affair. She has basically had a taste of what has been missing from her marriage. Whether she now becomes a serial cheater because of it is yet to be seen.

 

Thankfully she is currently away overseas on a scheduled trip so its forced no contact anyway, and I am slowly starting to feel a bit better. But I know she will be in touch when she gets back in a week..

[daisydook]

Hi Daisy,

 

No I was not trying to insinuate at all that it was ok to cheat with me but not on me. Neither of us were being stand up human beings.

 

Hence the reason for my post. Again I'm not here to try and justify my actions.

 

Was just trying and work out if I should remove her from my life completely or whether that seems harsh considering the fact I was as bad as her to start out with.

 

Hi Jimmy,

 

Sorry, I came off a little harsh. Yes, you should remove her from your life completely.

 

I just really try to rationalize with people and sometimes, I really just cannot do it. I am certainly trying.

 

I cant imagine holding anyone to such standards, when you KNOW what they are doing, is all. It is a selfish view, you own, and in order to avoid pain, you must move past feeling that way about her. Pedestal, meet the garbage! Bring her down to human level and see her for what she is. She is a human being, who is so emotionally screwed up, she has no idea what she wants, and doesn't care who she hurts to get it. It is sad, really. I am sure she never meant to hurt you in all of this, but right now, what she wants means more to her than anything else. She first proved this to you, by sleeping with you, while married. That was your first clue she would do it to you.

 

IF you want to continue the A, then yes, give her a call, text, email... whatever you want.

 

IF you want to continuously get heartbroken, then yes, give her a call, text, email... whatever you want.

 

IF you want to actually get over the pain, the insult, the BS, the no, you should not have ANY contact with her. Do not speak to her anymore. It isnt appropriate anymore. You both crossed a line you shouldn't have and look at you guys go, with weird feelings and awkward affair BS between you two now. It isn't appropriate anymore, because you crossed a line and jumped WAY over the boundary line. So nope, you should not have her in your life, at all.

 

There is NO question in my mind what you should do, but I am a huge advocate of NC when it's necessary and possible. It is absolutely necessary and absolutely possible here and you should have NC with her. I don't believe she was ever in love either, much like another poster said.

 

Take care, Jimmy. Thank you for opening up and telling your story. I didnt mean to be as harsh as I may have sounded, but I really do feel curious sometimes. I just dont rationalize the same way as some folks, I suppose.

 

Good luck!