A little about me

[AF.]

So, I'm new to this forum. Having had a look around the internet I just really wanted to find a place where I could explain a few things about me that seemed judgement free. There are a few things in life that feel incomplete and are constantly bugging me.

 

I'm a 21 year old male, from Australia. For the most part, I am a social, outgoing guy with plenty of friends. I go out regularly, not as much as in the past but I'd like to consider myself a sociable and normal guy. I play sports, study at University and work part-time.

 

I'm 6'3 tall and currently weigh in at 106 kilos. I am overweight and always have been. Recently, I lost around 14 kilos through working out plus a little illness in which I stopped eating for about 3 weeks. At my heaviest I was edging onto 120 kilograms (close to 260 pounds). I am currently in my best physical condition I've ever been and have had loads of compliments in the past few months about just how great I am looking. I attend the gym regularly (4 times a week) and plan on making myself look even better. I know this may sound cocky but I don't consider myself an ugly person, and think I am quite good looking. I groom myself, do my hair well and dress stylishly. So I'm not a scruffy person.

 

For my entire life I've shut myself out from women. Only ever really making out with about 6-7 women in my entire life, I am also a virgin. I cop flack from people around me for being 21 and still a virgin, and many people ask me why I am still a virgin. I don't shy away from the fact nor do I lie about it, I don't see the point. One of my friends in particular can't believe it as he says I am an attractive person and I need to just get out there and start talking to women. I have friends that are females, I connect with them just fine and I get along with women extremely well. When I try to take it further I seem to misstep or psyche myself out of it. My friends have noticed this and it is something I've done for my entire life. I seem to end up in the friend category to everybody I meet and has been like this throughout my entire life. One of the reasons I have never pursued a woman is my self confidence - which is pretty **** and has a major part in my weight (which I've worked on) but also the size of my penis. But let's not get into that right now.

 

Never had a girlfriend, never been further with a girl than making out and I've certainly never been in love. I feel it is the one thing missing from my otherwise fine life. I'm a happy dude, always smiling and certainly an optimist I'd like to think. Finding a girl that clicks on my level has always been difficult. I tend to find the negative things in girls (and people in general) and come up with ways in which I can throw it off. I also don't take rejection well - with my confidence as low as it is I am unable to approach women in clubs despite the few times I have actually picked up in a club. Alcohol helped. The girls I really click well with end up being my friends - or I end up in their friendzone.

 

I guess what I want advice on is how do I make myself more accessible? How can I put myself out there more? I've recently started using Tinder and have had no success whatsoever. I've had matches with girls and they have removed me or not replied to me. I know this isn't a good app for self confidence because it is purely based off looks but surely I am not doing something right. How can I get past these self issues of mine that I have been putting forth for as long as I can remember? I've been on 1 date my entire life and I wanted to bail on that (it was only through the girl begging me that I went - and that resulted in my first kiss). I just want to communicate with females more regularly. I don't want to end up a virgin in 5 years time. I want to take action and become more involved.

 

I'm sorry if this post seems really cluttered and disorientated; I am even having a hard time putting this stuff out to a bunch of strangers.

[Snakechammah]

When you are in Uni, there are heaps of fishes in the sea! Join activities, have fun, go to the library, attend classes, check out classmates/lecturemates, and go out with friends.

 

You shouldn't be in a hurry to lose your virginity or find a girlfriend at age 21. Enjoy life and love will find its way to you!

 

All the best!

[learning_slowly]

2 things that may help. Let your gaze linger on girls you fancy, whilst smiling, and see if they return the smile. Then start talking and as soon as possible make it clear you have romantic intentions. That way you will know whether you're wasting your time or not.

 

Otherwise play the numbers game, in the club , try to chat to any girl you fancy until one appears to be interested. Eventually you'll find a girl with the same self esteem level.

 

Finally, most of us think we look better than we do, are you trying to meet girls out of your league?

[AF.]

2 things that may help. Let your gaze linger on girls you fancy, whilst smiling, and see if they return the smile. Then start talking and as soon as possible make it clear you have romantic intentions. That way you will know whether you're wasting your time or not.

 

Otherwise play the numbers game, in the club , try to chat to any girl you fancy until one appears to be interested. Eventually you'll find a girl with the same self esteem level.

 

Finally, most of us think we look better than we do, are you trying to meet girls out of your league?

 

I've had trouble playing the numbers game in the clubs so to speak. I have trouble approaching girls (but no problem making conversation - if that makes sense). I also feel as though my friends aren't up for doing the things that I like to do (go out, try new things etc.) and that has taken its toll on my social life and whatnot.

 

I feel you have made a good point on that last part. I tend to go for the cute looking girls, as I generally don't like large girls (despite being a big guy myself). I've done a lot of work on my appearance and made myself look tonnes better but have still yet to attract attention from females. I am very picky too. I've had friends point this out and say that I need to lower my standards, but that is also something I've found hard to do because of my lack of confidence.

 

When you are in Uni, there are heaps of fishes in the sea! Join activities, have fun, go to the library, attend classes,

check out classmates/lecturemates, and go out with friends.

 

You shouldn't be in a hurry to lose your virginity or find a girlfriend at age 21. Enjoy life and love will find its way to you!

 

All the best!

 

Thanks bud. I'm a pretty sociable guy with plenty friends at Uni and have tried it with a couple girls but to no avail. I guess I will try to make more of an effort when I am at uni and in these social situations.