Retroactive Jealousy solutions

[Himmat]

Mind has a momentum of its own. It conforms to the law of inertia. Negative thoughts attract more negativity and positive thoughts attract more positivity. A lot of us fall victims to negative thinking which results in negative emotions feeding back into negative thinking causing a downward spiral. Retroactive Jealousy is one of the relatively stronger form of negative thinking that can push a man into this downward spiral. Most of us trapped in it will agree that there is an Obesessive Compulsive side to our personality which constantly reminds us that we can only overcome it by thinking about it. However, the truth is too far from it.

 

I have suffered from RJ for more that a year and there were times when I was also losing hope to my constant anxieties. In those moments of despair, we find it difficult to remind ourselves that what we are experiencing is actually necessary to increase consiousness (awareness of presence) in our life. Our mind in general is highly imaginative and has a negative orientation. It's capable of creating a monster on few negative pieces of information while ignoring all positive pieces of information. This monster looks so real that any reasoning takes a back seat. Almost all the time, the reality is extremely far from our minds's imagination.

 

The power of the presence is what is required to dissolve the fake thoughts of the mind. People trapped in RJ worry not about the actual past events but more about their negative perception of that event and an uncertainty of whether they will ever be able to step out of that perception. In other words, when anxiety strikes about past events, its the anxiety that fuels more anxiety and not the event itself. When that anxiety passes, we get horrific thoughts about why this happened to me, is it going to happen again, I hate how that feels etc. One powerful way to get over such anxieties to ride them when they occur and staying aware once they pass recognizing it as normal. Instead of fighting your negative thoughts and anxieties, accept them in your life and recognize that they are a part of you that can't be fought but only accepted. Once you do that, you will start seeing a new level of awareness which is what we call a gap or state of consiousness. These gaps widen over time and you will find that you aren't beating yourself over those thoughts as much as you used to.

 

Few things that have helped me so far is regular meditation (mindful meditation for at least 20 minutes everyday), some form of physical exercises and applying some positive reasonings to my mind's negative thoughts as soon as they start to take me over. In some cases, I try to look at my deepest fears, recognize them and then divert my attention to the positive reasonings again. I hope to take some Tai Chi classes or do some yoga as well. Remember that it's not an overnight change but takes time and patience. Whenever you feel that you are falling back, remember that what you are feeling is necessary to bring more presence and higher level of consiousness in your life.

 

Also, most of us like me tend to find some positive re-enforcement from other experiences but instead end up reading and relating to the negative posts that further our suffering. We like to get sympathies from others in similar situation but that's dangerous as it strengthens our ego i.e. mind's need for negativity. For that reason, I would suggest for this forum that

PLEASE DO NOT POST TO THIS FORUM ONLY YOUR PROBLEMS UNLESS YOU HAVE SOME SOLUTIONS that work for you. I want this chain to be read by people who are looking for solutions and not merely seeking sympathy from others in similar situations.

Edited June 4, 2014 by Himmat

[Mr. Lucky]

I would suggest for this forum that

PLEASE DO NOT POST TO THIS FORUM ONLY YOUR PROBLEMS UNLESS YOU HAVE SOME SOLUTIONS that work for you. I want this chain to be read by people who are looking for solutions and not merely seeking sympathy from others in similar situations.

I don't believe this is the right website for your topic. Loveshack is about relationships, Retroactive Jealousy is just about you...

 

Mr. Lucky