loveandbeloved Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Hey guys, so I've been dealing with a little dilemma that I'm really struggling on getting it off my mind. My boyfriend and my one year anniversary was 2 months ago, I planned ahead of time to custom order a cross necklace that I engraved for us and he never got me anything or even planned. We were both struggling a bit financially, which is understandable. What hurts is I planned ahead of time so that it didn't get in the way, while he was spending money on other things. He told me he'd get me a gift like next month when he could afford it and I completely understood, no feelings even hurt. It's been two months and we live together, and still I don't think it's even on his mind. The chain he wears everyday could be a constant reminder but I really feel it's no where near in his thoughts. He talks about spending money on things and it just hurts.. i don't want to overreact but I always get him special thoughtful gifts, and whether that may not be his forte', Id be lying if I said this time around didn't seriously disappoint me. I've already brought it up once and I don't want to seem materialistic because I'm not. I always carry my own and help where I can, but the thought of something special for a really special day from him would be nice...it's kinda heart breaking I don't know how to handle this situation, all I know is its crossed my mind almost every day and it hurts. :/ Any advice on this? Thank you so much guys! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 My goodness I don't even remember the date my husband and I first started dating. I didn't know that dating couples celebrated their first year anniversary. I guess this is very important to you but I just don't see a need to celebrate that date if money is short. Couldn't you two just go out to a nice dinner or does it have to be a gift? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I don't think it's even on his mind. The chain he wears everyday could be a constant reminder but I really feel it's no where near in his thoughts. He probably isn't thinking of it and the chain is a reminder to YOU, not to him. I always carry my own and help where I can, but the thought of something special for a really special day from him would be nice...it's kinda heart breaking Did he even acknowledge the day when it happened? For many guys, they don't remember such things. it's kinda heart breaking I don't know how to handle this situation, all I know is its crossed my mind almost every day and it hurts. :/ Any advice on this? He is not a mind-reader and the fact that you are dwelling on it doesn't bode well. You need to tell him that it was important to YOU and that his not remembering hurt you. Honestly, I think you are over-reacting. You planned ahead because it is a big deal to you. You should have said something to him beforehand, but having it fester after-the-fact will only make it a bigger deal in your head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I've never heard of a dating anniversary. I wouldn't take it personally. Most guys don't normally place that much of sentimentality over something like this. It's one thing to remember the day, maybe go out to the restaurant you had your first date at but gift giving? I've never done that before. In any case, this was your expectation, it wasn't his. If you want to buy him gifts and lavish him, then that is on you. If you receive no reciprocation and are affected by it, then maybe you need to find someone that is as generous as you are but you can't make someone buy you gifts because 1) you buy them gifts 2) it is expected. And I don't understand the need for this when money is short. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 You are expecting him to feel the exact same way about anniversaries and gifts as you do. But maybe anniversaries aren't a big deal to him. Maybe getting and giving gifts isn't a big deal to him. It is unfair of you to get upset over him not reading your mind. If gifts are important to you, TELL HIM. It doesn't make you materialistic. That's just one of your love languages. Tell him that gifts make you feel loved, and that it is really important to you to receive a gift on anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc., even if it is something small or handmade. Hopefully he hears you and takes it more seriously for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Let him know that anniversaries are important to you, let him know, nicely, that you were hurt that you didn't receive anything. And to those that never heard of a dating anniversary? Are you serious? At the one year mark I think a celebration of some sort is in order. It needn't be an expensive gift or outing, but something. Especially considering the OP said they are living together. That should signify a higher level of commitment, one I would think merits the recognition of meeting. Honestly, even when I was married, I always remember the day I met my wife and started dating her. I still do remember it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) I'm a huge celebrator too, any excuse I can get! But to me when we'd celebrate the little milestones I would say a few days ahead that "can you believe xxx is in a few days, I'm so excited!" Then he would know to be available that night and we'd go out and do something fun together, the time together was celebrating our relationship so no gifts were necessary. For larger holidays me and ex hub would just outright say what we wanted, he was so thankful for that because he had no clue. Maybe for those things your guy is the same? I will say, there were a few years when we were starting out that there was a lot of layoffs in ex's industry, those years were tight and there was zero gifts exchanged, I would have been EXTREMELY angry if he bought me a gift. I suppose the point is, if you expect something you will only be disappointed. He's not a mind reader so you might have to be more proactive in letting him know the things that are important to you. Edited June 4, 2014 by jbelle6 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) Anniversary's are for marriages not dating. I couldn't ever fathom making a guy feel like he was in a marriage by remembering the day we started dating every year and expecting him to celebrate that on top of chrismas/valentines/birthdays together. I think most guys see anniversary's for what they are a milestone of a marriage. Say you do this then get married annivarsays def will not have as significant meaning. I think only girls desperately want this most of the time and it makes me /faceplam . Edited June 4, 2014 by Omei 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jbelle6 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Some people can't/don't want to marry, they have a right to celebrate their relationship too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Some people can't/don't want to marry, they have a right to celebrate their relationship too. Sure acknowledge it, celebrate it but expecting a present because you've been together successfully dating? Unless it was predicussed in agreement that this is what we shall do every year I wouldn't expect something. If you want to get your significant other a gift that is very thoughtful and kind, but why would you do it with expectations of a present in return that's not why you got him the gift right? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Anniversaries are a woman thing. Men don't out stock, of rather no where NEAR as much, as women do to anniversaries in relationships. Its slightly unfair to expect your partner to care just as much about something as you do. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. It just means he isn't an anniversary person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Hey guys, so I've been dealing with a little dilemma that I'm really struggling on getting it off my mind. My boyfriend and my one year anniversary was 2 months ago, I planned ahead of time to custom order a cross necklace that I engraved for us and he never got me anything or even planned. We were both struggling a bit financially, which is understandable. What hurts is I planned ahead of time so that it didn't get in the way, while he was spending money on other things. He told me he'd get me a gift like next month when he could afford it and I completely understood, no feelings even hurt. It's been two months and we live together, and still I don't think it's even on his mind. The chain he wears everyday could be a constant reminder but I really feel it's no where near in his thoughts. He talks about spending money on things and it just hurts.. i don't want to overreact but I always get him special thoughtful gifts, and whether that may not be his forte', Id be lying if I said this time around didn't seriously disappoint me. I've already brought it up once and I don't want to seem materialistic because I'm not. I always carry my own and help where I can, but the thought of something special for a really special day from him would be nice...it's kinda heart breaking I don't know how to handle this situation, all I know is its crossed my mind almost every day and it hurts. :/ Any advice on this? Thank you so much guys! Did he do something for the anniversary though? I mean, is it absolutely necessary that he buys you something? Maybe he did something-a gesture that 'he' thinks is important for your anniversary and since you never mentioned it again… Also, if you are like the thousands of other girls, when he said he would get you something, you probably answered something along the lines of 'oh, no worries, it's all good, etc' Just sayin' maybe at this point he thinks it's a done deal. Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Wow, what's with all this anti-dating aniversary stuff? I'm certainly not someone who falls in love easily or gets overly mushy (only had a few very serious relationships); but I've always thought that, when you're serious, you do celebrate the anniversary of when you started dating. This is largely because so many younger couples don't think you need marriage to have a commitment. We may get married one day but we want to know it will last so we think it's worth being together for a fair amount of time before we take that step. Many of my friends end up dating their SO's 3-5 years before they decide to tie the knot. If I'm going to be with someone for some time, why wouldn't I want to celebrate our relationship? When I sense a relationship is getting serious, I immediately try to figure out exactly when we started dating. Part of this is because I also want to pace how fast we move. I don't want to say "I love you" until I've been with a person for at least three months (preferably four or five) because I want to make sure my feelings are real. Once I've figured out the date I start counting the months and can't help wanting to do something first at the six month mark and then at every year mark after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I agree that it doesn't mean he loves you any less, and if he told you he was going to get you a present later its really on the knowledge that he knows this is what you want, it wouldn't be out of his own thoughtfulness anymore. If he was an anniversary man he would of had something prepared, you're just going to have to accept hes not as romantical as you try to concentrate on the things he does do for you and you will feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Many women end up disappointed regarding dating anniversaries. Until I started participating in forums like these I never knew such a thing existed. Did you communicate your expectations to your man before the anniversary? Did you talk about budget? Frankly a cross necklace seems over the top for a dating anniversary. I got my husband a book for our 1 year wedding anniversary. Then again the 1st anniversary is traditionally the paper anniversary. Although I understand he didn't get you a gift & your feelings are hurt, did he celebrate the milestone in another way with you? If not, you need to sit him down & you need to talk about your expectations going forward. It's not a deal ender that he didn't meet your expectations but you have to communicate them to him so he knows in the future. If he continues to disappoint you may have to evaluate how much he's demonstrating that you mean to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom888 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Interestingly, this past weekend is my fiancee's and my 1st anniversary. We met a year ago, and we have been serious from the beginning. I did not have any anniversary gift pending, but I wanted to get her something nice. I took her to the jeweler where I bought her engagement ring, and told her she could pick out anything with the following restrictions: 1) Has to be less than $5,000 because I'm kinda running tight with the wedding in 6 weeks. 2) She has to love it. She picked out a perfect diamond necklace/pendant, which she will wear at our wedding. She is super happy about the present, and I'm really glad. I am so bad at picking presents.... To tell you the truth, she would have been just as happy if I gave her something from Kevin's Jeweler worth $100, but it was important to me that she got what she really wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 OP and her boyfriend live together so they are a common law couple, that is the same as being married in my eyes. The issue is not that he gave her nothing on their anniversary day but the fact he said he would get her something and he's been procrastinating. If presents and anniversaries aren't important to him he had to speak up and say so instead of promising something he had no intention of getting. OP: Did he come up with something on your birthday and Xmas or he delayed? Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Has to be less than $5,000 because I'm kinda running tight with the wedding in 6 weeks. HOLY CRAP that is a lot of money. Was there much in the store that was actually more than that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Knowing it was an important date to the OP surely the guy coulda managed some flowers, maybe even gone all out and taken her for dinner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) i feel obligated to buy gifts when soemone buys me something fro whatever reason ...i dont think giving gifts should feel like an obligation for any reason......even fi it hurts when you give oen and receive nothing.....its the art of and in giving itself i gift a lot for no reason ill see something and ill buy it for someone i care about a potted plant a necklace, a watch, ill take off somethign i am wearing and give it for no reason other than it felt like i should give .... a shirt whatever......still hunting to set up a store of chocolate bars as big as my head for friends......when they need that chocolate hug...havent found them still on the look out..... i got a sorry yesterday from a friend well i consider him a friend......and it is priceless to me i am keeping it because i beleive it was meant......not a lot of people say sorry anymore and so when i have one meant for real, i know its special......only true friends say sorry all i can say is if a guy never gave me a present said sorry when something was wrong and treated me with respect and love.......the presents even birthdays xmas wherever wouldnt matter.......i am like this ...had a fifteen year relationship where presents weren't on particular days they were always unexpected....they were when we wanted to show thought....not obligation and sorry was a gift given often....... i think you should talk to him and tell him you are hurt dont let it fester.....maybe then you will see sorry has special ways about it.....a lifting of the spirit......so easy......best wishes to you in life love and happiness.....deb Edited June 4, 2014 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 I don't like to hear things like this. I don't like to hear them because there is a lot that isn't being said here. Anniversaries are mainly things that women care about rather than men, to be sure. However, if I may ask, did he acknowledge other holidays like your birthday or Christmas or V Day? If the answer is no for all of them, then you are in trouble. I am not a materialistic person either, but I acknowledge and celebrate holidays. When the man does not acknowledge or celebrate a holiday, he is saying that he doesn't care that much about you. He MAY say that he just doesn't care about holidays, but what he is really saying is that he doesn't care about YOUR happiness during the holidays. I would also like to point out that the type of gift is also important. If he gets you nothing, or if he gets you something that isn't romantic (things which aren't flowers or candy or jewelry oriented) that means he doesn't love you. He might care for you, but he doesn't love you. I have seen this proven to me time and time again with my own and others' experiences with men. As for your situation, I think you must reconsider a lot of things with him. The best thing to do now is (if you haven't already) to back off and not get that cross engraved chain. Also, be just as distant with him. He'll come back around. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 It sounds more like the women who are into this kind of thing want/expect the gift more than what the anniversary actually means, which is the celebration of you two coming together. It's not about gifts, even though some people seem to think it is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 When the man does not acknowledge or celebrate a holiday, he is saying that he doesn't care that much about you. He Msaying is that he doesn't care about YOUR happiness during the holidays. I would also like to point out that the type of gift is alsoAY say that he just doesn't care about holidays, but what he is really important. If he gets you nothing, or if he gets you something that isn't romantic (things which aren't flowers or candy or jewelry oriented) that means he doesn't love you. I'm sorry but this is 100% BS. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 Honestly OP, you're coming off a little bratty. Of course it would have been nice to receive something, presents are always great, but isn't the relationship more important to you than something stupid and material that you'll probably lose or forget about eventually anyway? Yes, it hurts a little bit, and yes, it was rude of him not to get you something when you got him something, but honestly, flowers die, jewelry tarnishes or gets lost, cards rip..in the end all you're left with is a relationship. If that's not enough to survive one missed present opportunity than you should probably rethink the whole thing. And do you really only give gifts in order to receive them in return? Why can't it just be something nice you did for your boyfriend? Doesn't he ever do nice things for you without expecting retribution? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 5, 2014 Share Posted June 5, 2014 By the way, in the quote that I had in my second to last post, She straight up sad if the man doesn't give you jewelry, he doesn't love you. That's the single, most shallow, most materialistic thing I have ever read. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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