I feel so much freer when my husband isn't around!

[Mapper71]

When I am home with my husband I am either in front of the computer or the tv not doing anything because I can never do anything "right" around him. If I do end up doing something and screw it up he almost always has this esp that that is the perfect time to come out and see what is going on. Not when things are going well but when things are going crappy and then he assumes I don't know what I'm doing. However when he is gone for a few hours or a day or a weekends without me I immediately go into power mode. I can't wait to clean, do yard work, go places. When he's home if I clean I get "Why does everything smell like chemicals" so I don't clean. When he's home and I go to get out the mower or weedwacker because the yard is being beyond needing to be mowed he immediately hears me doing so and comes in the garage "Just chill out will you? I'll get to it later. Geez the slightest bit of overgrown grass and you go nuts" Um YOUR version of overgrown and MY version are totally different! You'd let it get nearly a foot high before mowing it! Well I don't even try to do yardwork when he's around now because I know he'll come out and criticize the way I'm doing it. I don't go shopping or just go out and have a nature walk or anything because as soon as I announce that I'm going somewhere he'll immediately come up with things for me to do. He'll want me to drop his shoes off at the cobbler to have them resoled or like last weekend when he was working, wanted me stop at Home Depot and rent that tiller for the garden. I told him I have no idea what kind you want or what to even ask about. He goes "Oh just tell them it's for a 10' x 10' plot and they'll know what to get you". No this is your idea you go do it! Cause I know that there will be other things they ask me I don't know. He had me go buy a tv on my own because he thought it "would be good character building for me for do that alone". He simply didn't want to leave the house and I was stuck on my own trying to get a 42" tv in the truck by myself with no help!

 

I just feel like doing anything on my own is impossible with him around. I enjoy my freedom and it's my house so I should be able to do whatever I damn well want!

[pteromom]

I just feel like doing anything on my own is impossible with him around. I enjoy my freedom and it's my house so I should be able to do whatever I damn well want!

 

The bolded part is the part you can change. You can't change him. You can't just do nothing and resent it. But you can change the way you feel about it.

 

When he's home if I clean I get "Why does everything smell like chemicals" so I don't clean.

 

Clean anyway. If he asks why it smells like chemicals, tell him because you are cleaning. If there are particular cleaning products he prefers, he's welcome to buy them.

 

When he's home and I go to get out the mower or weedwacker because the yard is being beyond needing to be mowed he immediately hears me doing so and comes in the garage "Just chill out will you? I'll get to it later. Geez the slightest bit of overgrown grass and you go nuts"

 

"I'm not criticizing you for not doing it yet. I'm just in the mood to get outside."

 

I don't go shopping or just go out and have a nature walk or anything because as soon as I announce that I'm going somewhere he'll immediately come up with things for me to do.

 

"I'll do that when I get back, or you can do it. I'm going for a walk."

 

He'll want me to drop his shoes off at the cobbler to have them resoled or like last weekend when he was working, wanted me stop at Home Depot and rent that tiller for the garden. I told him I have no idea what kind you want or what to even ask about. He goes "Oh just tell them it's for a 10' x 10' plot and they'll know what to get you". No this is your idea you go do it!

 

So SAY THAT. You don't have to be mean about it; just kind and firm. "I'm not comfortable with picking up the tiller, sorry."

 

He had me go buy a tv on my own because he thought it "would be good character building for me for do that alone". He simply didn't want to leave the house and I was stuck on my own trying to get a 42" tv in the truck by myself with no help!

 

So SAY NO. It's not his job to help build your character. It's his job to accept who you are.

 

The main problem I see here is your lack of ability to stand up for yourself. He's entitled to think you are doing something incorrectly. And if you think you are doing it right, it isn't automatically true that he's right and you are wrong.

 

He's doing all this to you to manipulate you into doing everything his way, and you are an adult and absolutely DO NOT have to agree to that.

 

Be kind. Be calm. Be rational. But speak up. And do what you want to do.

[Eivuwan]

You need to talk to your husband about all these things you keep complaining about.

[SJS]

Why are you married to him?

[Turtles]

The bolded part is the part you can change. You can't change him. You can't just do nothing and resent it. But you can change the way you feel about it.

 

 

 

Clean anyway. If he asks why it smells like chemicals, tell him because you are cleaning. If there are particular cleaning products he prefers, he's welcome to buy them.

 

 

 

"I'm not criticizing you for not doing it yet. I'm just in the mood to get outside."

 

 

 

"I'll do that when I get back, or you can do it. I'm going for a walk."

 

 

 

So SAY THAT. You don't have to be mean about it; just kind and firm. "I'm not comfortable with picking up the tiller, sorry."

 

 

 

So SAY NO. It's not his job to help build your character. It's his job to accept who you are.

 

The main problem I see here is your lack of ability to stand up for yourself. He's entitled to think you are doing something incorrectly. And if you think you are doing it right, it isn't automatically true that he's right and you are wrong.

 

He's doing all this to you to manipulate you into doing everything his way, and you are an adult and absolutely DO NOT have to agree to that.

 

Be kind. Be calm. Be rational. But speak up. And do what you want to do.

 

This is sooo true. Don't be mean, flippant, or upset. He probably has no idea his advice is not needed or wanted and his requests are putting a hardship on you.