Would you marry again?

[Michelle ma Belle]

For those of us who've been married and divorced, would you ever consider marrying again? Why or why not?

[dichotomy]

For those of us who've been married and divorced, would you ever consider marrying again? Why or why not?

 

 

I am in my second marriage - so I did marry again. It took me along time to trust to try again, but I had life goals of a family I wanted to pursue and I guess had notions that I could avoid getting hurt again.

 

But there will not be a third.

[AmyBamy]

No, I won't marry again. I've had one marriage and it was miserable. I can't just chalk it up to he and I, we were good together at some point. I have to admit that some of the issue was simply marriage itself, the way it is set up, the expectations of it all from society, and the difficulty finding the courage to divorce and "fail" in front of everyone you know.

 

I see no reason for it anymore. If I love someone, I will invest everything I have in them and in our relationship, but no, I won't go get a legal piece of paper to lock it in. I don't need it to be locked in to know that it's real and valid and important and to give it the attention it needs. From my experience, few marriages last happily but I've seen many, many couples co-habitate for 20+years and be happy.

[Turtles]

Amy, that is so true... if the love is real why must it be "locked in" with a piece of paper? I was not jaded after my divorce, I took it for granted that I would marry again because it seemed like the natural state to me, but now I am sure I would not marry before a LONG, successful cohabitation - 7 years or more.

 

I do love the idea of marriage, of throwing my fate in with someone else's for better or worse, and I think some couple can make it work, but most people just don't have that kind of dedication, and modern life just has too many distractions.

[Michelle ma Belle]

No, I won't marry again. I've had one marriage and it was miserable. I can't just chalk it up to he and I, we were good together at some point. I have to admit that some of the issue was simply marriage itself, the way it is set up, the expectations of it all from society, and the difficulty finding the courage to divorce and "fail" in front of everyone you know.

 

I see no reason for it anymore. If I love someone, I will invest everything I have in them and in our relationship, but no, I won't go get a legal piece of paper to lock it in. I don't need it to be locked in to know that it's real and valid and important and to give it the attention it needs. From my experience, few marriages last happily but I've seen many, many couples co-habitate for 20+years and be happy.

 

I think we are alike regarding our views on this subject.

 

I did the BIG Italian Catholic white wedding with all the bells and whistle and the white picket fence and children thing and invested 20 years of my life to one man only to come out of it bruised.

 

Thankfully, I'm not completely jaded and still believe in modified happily-ever-afters. As far as remarrying again, personally speaking, I don't think I would go to the trouble the second time around. That's not to say I don't believe in monogamy or commitment or even common-law because I do but to go to the trouble and pageantry of getting remarrying all for a piece of paper is definitely NOT necessary for me.

 

A commitment is a commitment and I don't need a notarized sheet of paper proving anything to anyone.

 

If I've learned anything since my divorce it's that a piece of paper guarantees NOTHING! And if you ever doubt that just take a gander at ALL the infidelity and coping and relationship and break-up threads on here alone

[Mr. Lucky]

For those of us who've been married and divorced, would you ever consider marrying again? Why or why not?

I would, I did and it's one of the best things that ever happened to me. Any statistician will tell you that one is too small a sample on which to base a conclusion. And why would you give your ex the power to have their actions limit your future options?

 

Mr. Lucky

[still_an_Angel]

In my current situation and frame of mind, no. I'm not saying it will be like this forever but it will take a really special person for me to sign a paper like that again.

[LittleTiger]

Absolutely! I loved being married.

 

I loved that feeling of 'I'm here for you, you're here for me and we're in this together'. I lived with my ex for four years before we got married and, although we were committed, I didn't get that special feeling until we were married.

 

My marriage didn't work out but I've never regretted getting married and never felt like a failure. It worked really well...until it didn't. That's how life is. I've learned from it, I'm a better person and I've moved on.

 

I'm now engaged (I didn't get engaged the first time) and, although the sense of commitment and togetherness is strong, it doesn't feel the same as being married - not to me anyway.

[DKT3]

Sure, why not? Being married didn't make our relationship fail. Misplaced expectations is what failed our marriage. After five years divorced I'm back with her again. Tried to move on but couldn't.

 

I've told her that "WE" would likely never be married again, but really what would it change? Would her cheating again be less painful? Not likely. Does it change the expectations of being in a committed relationship? I don't think so.

 

Maybe its flawed logic, but the idea that we make it and stay together is 100% based on wanting it. Before it took me 14 months to file for divorce, this time it would take 14 minutes to grab my sh*t. It would be 13k cheaper but the pain would be the same married or not.

[LittleTiger]

....but the pain would be the same married or not.

 

I disagree! I think the divorce process itself was an additional pain on top of the pain caused by the break-up of the relationship - and I had a very easy and amicable divorce.

 

I posted the thread below back in 2010 when I was struggling to cope with the idea of my divorce being finalised.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/238670-finalising-my-divorce-shocked-sense-loss

 

This quote explains my feelings in a nutshell and probably explains why I'm so looking forward to being married again:

 

The loss seems to be related to the 'marriage' itself rather than the loss of my husband. I lost him years ago and I've dealt with that loss. The loss of the 'marriage' feels like something else entirely. It's almost as though it was a third person and tomorrow he/she will be dead.

[DKT3]

For me the divorce gave me a sense of calm that I hadn't had since I first clued in to her affair. I just wanted out. She posts here and we're back together, so I won't go any deeper about that.

[iris219]

Some people are marriage minded and really believe in it, regardless of whether or not they've been divorced.

 

My FI is more into getting married this 2nd time. I think it's because the first time was so awful he wants a chance at having his "happily ever after." He's super excited about our wedding and keeps trying to do it sooner than I want to! He made it clear that marriage was necessary if we were going to be together. He said he wouldn't move in with me unless I agreed to be married within 2 years.

 

Divorce seems to scar a lot of people, but for my FI, the divorce was a relief; the marriage was the difficult part (keep in mind he married a woman he barely knew after she got pregnant 4 months after they met when they 20 years old).

[amaysngrace]

I doubt that I will. I'm done having kids and I'm almost done raising them.

 

Any assets that I have I can pass on to them and put in writing how I want to live out my life when I'm closer to dead.

 

And I think I'm going to get my dog a girlfriend so he can get laid for once in his life so I may be busy caring for puppies.

 

So nah, unlikely. I'm too independent.

[central]

I got married again. It wasn't a priority or requirement for either of us, though, and I doubt I'd have done so if she weren't my ideal match and if we hadn't already been living together very happily for 7 years. We did so mainly for pragmatic reasons - without those, we'd have stayed happily unmarried.

 

Nothing changed with marriage - i.e., everything remained as good as it could be.

[Got it]

I enjoy being married, I love my husband, but as my second marriage if this ended I don't have a strong drive to marry again. Would cross that bridge if I came to it but not on my radar.

 

I did find some definite positives to being alone, financially good, nice network of friends and family, etc. So both are enjoyable.

 

But I am happy where I am today.

[SolG]

My xH and I are long-term separated (amicably), not technically legally divorced. However, we are for all intents and purposes literally divorced from one another and regard ourselves as single.

 

Why aren't we divorced? Couldn't be bothered frankly. We believe that commitment, or lack thereof, is determined by action and conduct more than anything else. We got married not because we believe in the institution, but as a concession to our families.

 

If xH ever decides he wants to remarry, I'll happily jointly file. Until then, no real point in wasting the time or money on a divorce!

 

And no, I will never marry again. Been there, done that. Lots of people have great LTRs without it. Similarly to my view on divorce in my case, just don't see the point.

[Silly_Girl]

Loving my second marriage!! I really enjoy being married, have friends in very happy marriages. They don't always work out but that doesn't spoil the concept of marriage for me.

[Woggle]

I said after my first divorce I would rather pour acid down my throat than marry again and here I am happily married to another woman. If I never met her I would probably still be single.

[JamesM]

I am in my first marriage (and assumed only) with no plans for divorce, but if I may respond....

 

I have often thought of this very question. My wife and I have discussed it because her sister married a man who was a widower. If for some reason we divorced (unlikely at this point) or our marriage ended due to her death, then I highly doubt I would get married again.

 

She says she would.

 

I have read that those who have a happy marriage and the spouse dies, are more likely to remarry than those who did not have a happy marriage.

 

While I have a decent marriage, I think because of the issues we have had I would not repeat marriage. (No, I didn't tell my wife that it was because of our issues). She says because she has such a wonderful friendship with me, then she would want to find someone else who could help fill the void...even if it would never be quite the same. (For some reason, this makes me happy and yet jealous as to how she feels. Not sure why.)

 

I tend to be more of one who enjoys my own company. She is one who also enjoys my company. In other words, she likes companionship more than being alone.

 

I may have relationships, but I cannot see myself marrying again.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I got married again. It wasn't a priority or requirement for either of us, though, and I doubt I'd have done so if she weren't my ideal match and if we hadn't already been living together very happily for 7 years. We did so mainly for pragmatic reasons - without those, we'd have stayed happily unmarried.

 

Nothing changed with marriage - i.e., everything remained as good as it could be.

 

Well that is very refreshing to hear

 

I'm not saying I will NEVER get married again but it just isn't my end goal like it once was when I was younger and foolishly in love. I mean who knows, maybe my desire to marry again will depend on the man. I'm not sure what that says about my man now, lol.

 

I'm still a hopeless and hopeful romantic at my core and I'd like to still believe that happily-ever-exists particularly in marriages.

 

Congratulations on beating the odds Central

[janedoe67]

Probably not. Whether I "deserve" it based on my past, I would want a particular type of man. And sadly, that type of man probably would not take a chance on me.

[oldshirt]

I remember having this discussion with some coworkers several years ago. At that time I said if I was ever widowed or divorced that I would like to marry again.

 

 

Fast forward however many years ago that was and I have a completely different answer today.

 

 

I am currently married with no immediate plans of divorce but if I were to find myself single again for whatever reason, I would not seek marriage nor would I go down that road if it were become an option.

 

 

I am 50 years old, have been with my wife 20 years and the kids are still young (9, 12) but I have absolutely ZERO interest in ever having more kids (and less than zero interest in having my vasectomy reversed)

 

 

I would like to date again and I would hope one of them would rise to the top and I would have someone special in my life again but I have no interest and see no reason in remarrying.

 

 

I think age and place in life has a lot to do with it. ten years ago I would have given it serious consideration and 15 years ago I probably would have actively pursued it.

 

 

Now? no way.

[Soxfaninfl]

I'm getting married again next year. I was married for 11 years and divorced since 2011. I feel that my up and coming marriage has a better chance to last because were bother older people and have been married before. My fiance is a widow and was married for 9 years in a good marriage. I'm in my late 30th's and my fiance is in her mid 40's. We also are practicing Christians.

 

I got married too young to be honest. I met my ex-wife when I was 21. I'm older and wiser and should have waited till I was in my 30's to be married. My ex-wife and I grew apart, and I realized we didn't have the same morals and values in our late 20's. I am a extrovert, and my ex-wife is an introvert also. That causes issues in the communication department from my experience.

 

I know that if my up and coming marriage doesn't work out for some reason then I probably won't marry again. My divorce was very painful, and I doubt I would marry a third time.

Edited June 9, 2014 by Soxfaninfl

[Thegameoflife]

My marriage isn't going great and I think divorce is right around the corner. If I find the right woman and marriage is important to her, I'd marry again. Marriage isn't the problem with my marriage.

[Emilia]

I would never get married again. Divorced many years ago and I met men since I loved as much as my husband at least but that was a one off for me. Divorce was too painful, untangling myself took a very long time. I don't want to do that again.

 

I'm happy to commit to one person for the rest of my life, absolutely no question. However, I want to stay together because it's what we both want without legal ties. Those that have never been married don't understand how divorce is different from a break up emotionally. I won't get married again and I'm very clear on this with every man I date.